Yesterday: THREE WEEKS ON T WHY NO SHOULDER GROWTH????

Yesterday: THREE WEEKS ON T WHY NO SHOULDER GROWTH????

Today: (puts on shirt, sleeves are borderline too tight) ....huh

One of my two trans BFFs, Phoenix (a fellow trans masc) has said for years that he doesn't understand how anyone could misgender me as female. I love feeling seen, but always found this a bit baffling as 95% of people clock me as AFAB within seconds of seeing me, despite being YEARS into my transition. Last night I finally heard the whole story. Apparently a few years ago, Phoenix forgot I was coming over and did mushrooms. And then we watched Bros, and Phoenix was so struck by my similarities to the main character that he was just like 'wow, Ash is an angry gay man'. And that perception of me stuck so hard that it left no room for literally any other interpretation of me in his brain. So yeah. My friend did shrooms about my gender so hard that he can't remember that there are people who don't perceive me? Which is pretty fucking hilarious.

when i forget to log into ao3 and i have to click proceed to see an adult fic, i actually get a kick out of it. like i am an old timey queen and my bard is apologetic: “gentle lady, dicks doth touch in this next ballad. would you prefer another?” and i give him a gesture of command like, “nay, you may proceed, minstrel. bring forth the tale of dicks”

Part 3 of What If... is up

In which I write fic of my own characters before the actual project they come from is published... Partly because I want to work through some Personal Trans Shit, but partly because I want to write wish fulfilment fantasy about magical HRT and trans enby porn.

From Chapter 3:

Unsure of the etiquette, Dee swept into a low bow. "Lady Eachna, I presume."

"No need for that," she said, rising gracefully from the desk. Eachna gestured toward a pair of chairs in the corner, taking one for herself while Dee awkwardly took the other. "Any friend of Sebastian's is a friend of mine. Now. I understand you're having trouble with options for gender transition that are being compounded by the human world's strict gender binary?"

Dee blinked, surprised to hear their problem so accurately summarized by a stranger. "I mean. Yeah. That's... yeah."

"So. Tell me more about that. What are you looking for, specifically?"

When Dee blushed and looked at their feet, Eachna smiled reassuringly. "I promise, whatever you may think, nothing you say could shock or disgust me. For one, I'm old. Far, far older than I look. Certainly old enough to have seen pretty much everything.

"For another, most fae see gender as a game that you play, not a thing that you are. Not having a binary gender, or having a gender that changes over time is extremely common here, and as a healer, I see those seeking changes that go deeper than mere illusion all the time.

"Lastly, I want to help because I owe your partner a debt. I don't like debts, so helping you is something that benefits both of us. So feel free to be brutally frank about what you need."

Part 1 here

Part 2, with that Good Trans Wish Fulfilment Smut here

How I explained G'raha Tia to a friend the other day

"His backstory is. ...convoluted.

Like. Imagine if Kingdom Hearts made sense.

That level of convoluted.

It's all like. Very logical given the established lore and how shit works. But the place you get to is "my boyfriend has super trauma because he put himself into stasis, woke up in the apocalypse timeline, merged his essence with a magic supercomputer, traveled to an alternate dimension 100 years in the past, and became an immortal but benevolent king so he could prevent the timeline where I died'

Primary side effect of merging his essence with the magic super computer that is made of crystal? He's fucking turning into crystal. And then he sacrifices himself and FULLY CRYSTALIZES.

So then you do some soul magic, go back to your world where he's still in stasis because the apocalypse that woke him up hasn't happened yet, and are like - here have this other version of your soul where you were half crystal and lived a hundred years and experienced the end of the world twice.

And he's like whoa okay. That's fucked up. Not super sure who I am anymore, this is kinda wild. But you don't find out that's what he's thinking until subsequently when you travel to the literal edge of existence and he TRANSFORMS HIMSELF INTO CRYSTAL AGAIN TO SAVE YOU.

And it's just like. G'raha. My guy. I get that you're having a hard time but fucking stop it.

AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT god dammit he's just the fucking most wholesome nerd. Like "I got too excited about books and forgot to eat or sleep for 3 days" nerd.

And there's this WHOLE SPEECH he does when he's still the Crystal Exarch right at the end of Shadowbringers where he's like, what are you going to do when this is all over? And I'm like rest lol. (Yeah right) And he's like - so I've got this friend, and I'm keeping secrets from [insert your pronoun here], but they're fucking rad and I'm hoping sempai will notice me and maybe we could go on an adventure together? And it's SO FUCKING OBVIOUS he's talking ABOUT YOU in an "all right, keep your secrets" kind of way.

EXCEPT THEN YOU FIND OUT THAT HIS BIG MASTER PLAN WAS: get the WoL to kill all the Lightwardens and absorb their light which will save both worlds, but no one person can hold that much light and live, so I'm going to take it from them and then teleport myself INTO THE RIFT BETWEEN WORLDS AND DIE.

And the only reason he doesn't succeed is because HE GETS FUCKING SHOT

So. [ahem] Yes. I think it says a lot about me that I am like. Yes. The nerdy twunk with super trauma who is OBSESSED WITH ME is my boyfriend.

I took GREAT SATISFACTION in dying for him for a hot minute at the end of Endwalker.

Me: Hitting refresh every so often on my FFXIV fic about Age Difference Discourse by way of wanting to suck dick, trying to get a screenshot of 69 views

DAMMITTTTTTTT