Part 3 Of What If... Is Up

Part 3 of What If... is up

In which I write fic of my own characters before the actual project they come from is published... Partly because I want to work through some Personal Trans Shit, but partly because I want to write wish fulfilment fantasy about magical HRT and trans enby porn.

From Chapter 3:

Unsure of the etiquette, Dee swept into a low bow. "Lady Eachna, I presume."

"No need for that," she said, rising gracefully from the desk. Eachna gestured toward a pair of chairs in the corner, taking one for herself while Dee awkwardly took the other. "Any friend of Sebastian's is a friend of mine. Now. I understand you're having trouble with options for gender transition that are being compounded by the human world's strict gender binary?"

Dee blinked, surprised to hear their problem so accurately summarized by a stranger. "I mean. Yeah. That's... yeah."

"So. Tell me more about that. What are you looking for, specifically?"

When Dee blushed and looked at their feet, Eachna smiled reassuringly. "I promise, whatever you may think, nothing you say could shock or disgust me. For one, I'm old. Far, far older than I look. Certainly old enough to have seen pretty much everything.

"For another, most fae see gender as a game that you play, not a thing that you are. Not having a binary gender, or having a gender that changes over time is extremely common here, and as a healer, I see those seeking changes that go deeper than mere illusion all the time.

"Lastly, I want to help because I owe your partner a debt. I don't like debts, so helping you is something that benefits both of us. So feel free to be brutally frank about what you need."

Part 1 here

Part 2, with that Good Trans Wish Fulfilment Smut here

Part 4!

The T horniness is hitting and I'm still processing my feelings about the lack of Mr Potato Head genitals, so... Content note for smut (below the cut), bottom dysphoria and magical HRT

It was early afternoon two days later when Barnabus pecked at the window to signal that he had the first of their deliveries. Dee only paused long enough to grab an enormous handful of peanuts before rushing outside.

A small wooden box was waiting for them on the back step, while Barnabus himself was waiting on a nearby post. Dee gratefully spread Barnabus' payment on the back step. "I owe you big time, bud."

"If you're feeling guilty, I wouldn't say no to honey garlic chicken wings," Barnabus replied hopefully.

Dee, who didn't share Corey's hesitation over feeding his familiar bird meat, nodded. "Done. Any idea when Corey will be back?"

"I gave him a heads up that I was going to pick this up, so... Soon, I'd imagine." With that, the crow flapped down to the step and started shelling his first nut.

Dee took the box inside and set it on the counter.

Inside were three small crystal vials, labeled "top", "bottom", and "drink entire contents upon delivery", along with a thick sealed letter. They removed the last 'drink immediately' vial, taking a moment to admire the way the sparkling green liquid shimmered in the sunlight, before pulling out the stopper and downing the contents in one gulp. The liquid was thick and cool, and tasted of autumn breeze and dappled sunlight.

They waited a few moments, shrugged when nothing perceptible happened, and opened the letter, then hastily shut it a moment later after getting an eyeful of the very detailed and highly erotic illustrations accompanying the instructions.

Dee's face was burning right up to their hairline as they messaged Corey to find them upstairs when he got in.

Keep this box somewhere safe - it's contents will replenish with a new dose once per day.

These potions are keyed to your essence and won't have any effect if, say, a partner happens to accidentally ingest some during application.

Drink the green potion in its entirety. This potion will be the slowest to take effect.

The blue potion (labeled "top") can be applied by yourself or a partner in any way you like. (Suggested methods for application have been included as a reference.) Be sure to cover the entire surface area of the breast and nipple, and rub completely into the skin. Reduction of breast size will be observed within two to three days, and full masculinization will occur within approximately two weeks.

Before first applying the red potion (labeled "bottom"), you will need to shave very thoroughly or wax. (Sorry.) This potion will: (1) grow the clitoris into a phallus and (2) (optional) close the vaginal opening, transform the labia into a scrotum and testicles, and cause the development of a prostate.

To apply: (1) apply half of the potion to the clitoris and clitoral hood, and rub in completely then (2) apply remaining potion vaginally - which can be accomplished via a partner's penis, analogous penetrating organ, or sex toy if desired. Alternately, you may apply to the clitoris only until you have a phallus that you are happy with, then re-assess your desires. (Some patients do decide to retain the vaginal opening.)

---

Dee had shaved in the shower and was toweling off when Corey tapped on the bathroom door. "Is that you in there, Dee?"

"Give me a second and I'll meet you in the bedroom," they called back. "And. Uh. You can read the letter on the bed."

A minute later, Dee slipped into their bedroom in just their towel and found Corey sitting on the edge of the bed. His expression was almost comically serious as he studied the pornographic instructional illustrations with his typical intensity.

"So." Dee felt acutely self-conscious as they sat next to him.

Corey looked up at them with his eyebrows raised. "Two questions, I guess. First, do you want to do both of these, uh, bottom application options? Or do you want to start with the first and see how you feel about the second?"

Dee chewed self-consciously on their lip. "Can we... I mean, this is stupid maybe but can we have this conversation while we're both naked? This feels weirdly unbalanced when you're..." they trailed off as they gestured to their partner's heavy autumn clothing.

"Not weird at all," Corey said, his eyes twinkled with good humor as he leaned forward to give them a slow, lingering kiss that set their nerves aflame.

Dee stood to let their towel fall to the floor, then watched with lascivious interest as Corey stripped, revealing the muscular frame of someone who had been seriously lifting for many years. When he was finished undressing, he resumed his place on the edge of the bed, then reached out to pull Dee into sitting sideways on his lap.

They were predictably distracted by a sudden wave of arousal. "Sorry. I'm afraid you'll need to remind me what that first question was."

Corey smiled smugly at the effect he always had on them. "Do you want both bottom applications? Or do you just want to do the first?"

"Would you... I mean... How would you feel about fucking me, if..." Dee had to stop, gather their composure, and try again. "Anal sex can take. Like. More preparation? And we've never talked about it, so is that something you could be... in to?"

"You shouldn't make decisions about your transition based on what I would or wouldn't like," Corey said slowly. "But... I've been attracted to men before, even if I've never been with a cis man. And it really doesn't make a difference to me. I'd still be more than happy to fuck you anally."

Dee decided to move off his lap and onto the bed so that they could think without the distracting influence of his nudity, and Corey stretched out next to them to wait patiently while they interrogated their feelings. Which, thankfully, were much clearer than they had expected.

"I think... I like knowing that it's an option, that there are people who choose not to do both, because it feels better knowing that there was more than one option, and that I'm not just choosing a binary option because I have to. But. I want to do both."

Corey's answering smile was gentle, tender, and so, so soft. "Okay. Now." His smile took on a mischievous edge as he nodded at the papers still lying at the end of the bed. "Do you want to be clinical about this? Or do you want the horny option?"

Dee grinned. "You know me. I'll always choose horny if that's an option. But however we do it, I don't think I could handle my clit being fingered."

"Fair." Corey sat up to retrieve the instructions. He pulled out the second page and turned it toward them, revealing a set of luridly detailed illustrations that accompanied the instructions for 'administration via a partner's penis or analogous penetrating organ'. "We could try this?"

Dee couldn't help but blush as they scanned through that section. "I mean. Looks good to me."

Corey retrieved both vials and handed the red one to Dee, keeping the blue one for himself. "Do you want me lying down or sitting up?"

"Sitting up."

With a nod, Corey piled some pillows against the headboard, then scooted back until he was sitting with his back supported. He invoked the bond as Dee moved to straddle him, then removed the stopper on the blue vial. After studying it for a moment, he poured its contents onto his hands, then rubbed them together before covering their small breasts with his large hands. The potion felt warm and oily against their skin as Corey slowly massaged it in, paying more attention to their nipples than was strictly necessary.

Dee took a moment to enjoy the sensation, then followed suit by uncorking their own vial and applying the glittering, ruby-red contents to Corey's now fully hard cock. Then, before they could get distracted by his feelings, they gingerly spread their lips and began to grind their labia against his now slickened length.

Having to hold themself spread open made it impossible to lose themself in what Corey was feeling. But feeling Corey's length slide against them this way was a new sensation without any unpleasant gendered associations, and it helped that Corey was clearly deriving great pleasure from it.

"If you like rubbing our dicks together, it'll only get easier when yours gets bigger," he said unexpectedly, already breathless with desire.

For a moment, Dee felt as if their world tilted sideways, as Corey's words helped them make the leap from rubbing their clit against his dick, to frotting their dicks together, and the corresponding jolt of arousal felt like getting hit by lightning. "Oh my god," they moaned, grinding against his cock even harder.

"Imagine when you're big enough to fit in my hand," Corey continued huskily. "When I can wrap my hand around both our dicks. And you can rub against me while you fuck into my hand."

"Oh my god, yes." Dee had to make a concerted effort to stop. They could have come from the frotting alone, but since a medicinal fuck was still required...

The pleasure Corey felt as they engulfed him was warm and intense, but the strangeness of the situation made it too difficult to lose themself in his feelings.

Corey, attuned to them as ever, leaned forward. "Just stay like this a minute," he murmured against their lips before he drawing them into a deep lingering kiss.

They moaned as he sucked their tongue into his mouth even as he continued working the blue potion into their breasts. A minute later, he broke the kiss, and they both looked down to see that it had vanished completely.

Dee blinked. "Huh."

"I've got an idea for how to help your dysphoria here." Corey nodded at the bedside table. "Get me the lube?"

Dee obliged, and Corey squeezed a bit onto the pad of his thumb. "I won't finger you," he said reassuringly as he positioned his thumb against their... against the head of their dick. "But. I thought, if you can rub your dick against me while you're fucking me..."

Dee blinked, then nodded and started to ride him slowly. It took a minute for Corey to find the best angle for his thumb, but when he did pleasure exploded through every nerve in their body.

"God yes," they hissed as they picked up the pace, feeling fully grounded in themself and their own body for the first time in a long time as they slammed themself down onto his cock. "Tell me..." Dee gasped, unable to find the words to complete the sentence.

Corey spoke, his voice low and urgent as he trembled on the brink and still made the effort to verbalize what they needed to hear. "Fuck my hand with your dick, baby."

Dee nearly shrieked with the force of their orgasm, frantically grinding their dick against Corey's thumb as he clutched at their hip and pounded up into them with his own release.

Then, when the storm had passed, they pulled off of him and collapsed forward to sob in his arms.

(Read from the beginning on AO3)

Pretty sure the definition of hell is re-writing a time skip scene.

Me: Hitting refresh every so often on my FFXIV fic about Age Difference Discourse by way of wanting to suck dick, trying to get a screenshot of 69 views

DAMMITTTTTTTT

How I explained G'raha Tia to a friend the other day

"His backstory is. ...convoluted.

Like. Imagine if Kingdom Hearts made sense.

That level of convoluted.

It's all like. Very logical given the established lore and how shit works. But the place you get to is "my boyfriend has super trauma because he put himself into stasis, woke up in the apocalypse timeline, merged his essence with a magic supercomputer, traveled to an alternate dimension 100 years in the past, and became an immortal but benevolent king so he could prevent the timeline where I died'

Primary side effect of merging his essence with the magic super computer that is made of crystal? He's fucking turning into crystal. And then he sacrifices himself and FULLY CRYSTALIZES.

So then you do some soul magic, go back to your world where he's still in stasis because the apocalypse that woke him up hasn't happened yet, and are like - here have this other version of your soul where you were half crystal and lived a hundred years and experienced the end of the world twice.

And he's like whoa okay. That's fucked up. Not super sure who I am anymore, this is kinda wild. But you don't find out that's what he's thinking until subsequently when you travel to the literal edge of existence and he TRANSFORMS HIMSELF INTO CRYSTAL AGAIN TO SAVE YOU.

And it's just like. G'raha. My guy. I get that you're having a hard time but fucking stop it.

AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT god dammit he's just the fucking most wholesome nerd. Like "I got too excited about books and forgot to eat or sleep for 3 days" nerd.

And there's this WHOLE SPEECH he does when he's still the Crystal Exarch right at the end of Shadowbringers where he's like, what are you going to do when this is all over? And I'm like rest lol. (Yeah right) And he's like - so I've got this friend, and I'm keeping secrets from [insert your pronoun here], but they're fucking rad and I'm hoping sempai will notice me and maybe we could go on an adventure together? And it's SO FUCKING OBVIOUS he's talking ABOUT YOU in an "all right, keep your secrets" kind of way.

EXCEPT THEN YOU FIND OUT THAT HIS BIG MASTER PLAN WAS: get the WoL to kill all the Lightwardens and absorb their light which will save both worlds, but no one person can hold that much light and live, so I'm going to take it from them and then teleport myself INTO THE RIFT BETWEEN WORLDS AND DIE.

And the only reason he doesn't succeed is because HE GETS FUCKING SHOT

So. [ahem] Yes. I think it says a lot about me that I am like. Yes. The nerdy twunk with super trauma who is OBSESSED WITH ME is my boyfriend.

I took GREAT SATISFACTION in dying for him for a hot minute at the end of Endwalker.

New FFXIV fic: Shut Up And Let Me Suck Your Dick Already

This started as a short fic about the humor of Alisaie having to browbeat my WoL into letting her suck their dick despite their age difference.

(I am aware the devs claim that everything since 2.0 has happened in less than a year. That is a filthy lie.)

And then somewhere along the way, it morphed into a 4.5K word fic that reflects on the inherent tension between "power imbalances are created by large age gaps in ways that are usually pretty gross " and "saying that 'it is not okay to have large age differences in relationships even when both people are adults' infantalizes people and denies their agency"...

...while still being a fic about wanting to suck dick.

- - -

"Alisaie..." I began, placing a hand on her shoulder. When she didn't shake it off, I drew her into a hug, thinking only to offer comfort.

However, instead of resisting, Alisaie threw her arms around my neck and hauled me into a deep kiss.

It felt like being struck by lightning. I gasped as her lips moved on mine, parted them reflexively when she licked into my mouth. She pulled herself tightly against me and kissed me like I was the only thing keeping her from drowning, and everything fell away but the feeling of her soft lips and our tongues sliding against one another.

I may have moaned in her mouth.

Which may, had it happened, have emboldened her. Or it may have simply been her own initiative that led to her grab my butt.

With a groan, I broke the kiss and held her at arm's length. "We can't do this," I said sternly, even as the sight of her kiss-swollen lips made me want to kiss her more.

Alisaie took this as well as expected, which is to say not well. "Why not?" she demanded, her expression thunderous.

"You're a child." I'd meant to sound implacable. Unyielding. But my voice came out thin and pleading.

"I'm not a child," she shot back heatedly. "For the love of Thaliak, I'll be twenty in a few weeks!"

"That doesn't make it right," I growled. My face was on fire, which I can't imagine helped my argument much. "You're so much younger than me."

Alisaie gave ground - it definitely wasn't a retreat - crossed her arms, and glared at me. "Oh and that makes me too impressionable, does it?" she scoffed. "Do you seriously think you could make me do anything I didn't want to do?"

No. I didn't. But I wasn't going to tell her that.

Alisaie's eyes narrowed. "Tell me you don't want me, and I'll drop it," she said in glacial tones.

Shit. Fuck. Shit. There was no point in denying it - she'd know I was lying. She always knew. "Tesleen is waiting," I finally said helplessly.

Alisaie snorted in satisfaction as she shouldered the bag with our purchases, roundly ignoring my attempt to take the bag myself. "We are not done talking about this," she said, jabbing me in the sternum. Hard.

Read the whole thing on AO3!