They Are A Little Breathless As They Speak.

They are a little breathless as they speak.

“Please, don't leave like this.”

Rage simmers in a pot of tears in my lungs.

“Stop!” I mean it to come out commanding but instead, my voice cracks and it comes out a rasp.

They've paused a few feet away from me.

“Stop. okay? Just...do me a favour. Pretend like this never happened. Not tonight, not last night or the night before. You’ll go home and keep living your life the way you did before you came here. And I’ll go home too.” I swallow hard.

“I’ll go home and live my life the way I did before I came here.” I try and fight tears to speak clearly.

“A-and we’ll both keep living as though we never met someone in a kitchen in Paris and--” I'm falling apart at the seams.

“You know we can't do that,” Jun rasps and takes a few small steps forward.

“We both know that can’t happen. I-I can’t go home and forget. Adam--”

“Stop,” I angrily wipe my eyes.

“You don't get to say that.” the tears are spilling out all over again. It seems like I never run out of them.

“You don't get to tell me that you can’t help me and that I have to go back home to them and then that you can’t forget me, you-you-- JUST CAN’T!” I'm sobbing now.

Another few small steps forward as they speak their voice softens a little.

“I never said I couldn't help you, Adam. I just can't help all of them. I can’t. It's not possible, you have to try and understand that. And--and try and understand that I don't know any one of them. But--Adam I know you. And God damn me for saying this but I’d choose you. I’d choose you over all of them. Those hundred men. Overall those women and their political titles. I’d choose you over all of them.”

This only makes me cry harder and yet Jun continues until they're there in front of me, hand brushing the tears away.

“Let me help you.”

Leaving France ~ Excerpt From A Woman’s World

Poetry

Is a good friend

She waits patiently

While I cry

& just when I think

I may drown in this sorrow

She reminds me

Of how to turn ruined mascara

& tears into ink

Holds me long after the inspiration has gone home

& kisses all the broken beautiful

It needed to be said, but just not to you

~A Writer's Paradox

As I watch you leave and in turn, hold my breath as the possibility of something beautiful fades away, I become sure this is what I am truely greiving. Not the loss of this temporary happiness but the more permanent hope it held. And I think, yes, I will miss you but I will also miss the me I could have been with you if you had just waited. Let the tears crystallize and let the lip stick stains set. And I wonder if one day you too will look back on us and your heart will shudder in recognition of everything we could have become. In reverence and longing for all things lovely life might have spun itself into for us. Perhaps, someday, you will look back on everything we were and know what I know now: that we could have been something beautiful if you had just held on a little longer.

~Excuses for missing you~ T.R.

If you let me love you...

If you let me love you

I would love you like how the sun leaves lipstick stains on your skin

Like how the moon trails your shadow and laughter

Like how fireflies emerge from your fallen tear drops

And the wind dances until it makes you blush pink

I would love you like how the rain washes the day clean off your skin so you can breathe again

I would love you the way nature intended you to be loved

The way you have forgotten you deserved to be loved

If you let me love you

Stopped glancing away

And dancing around conversations

And walking past me

If you looked at me

Let me look at you

Let me love you

I would tell you of how when you smile I can trace constellations in the spaces between your teeth

That when you open your eyes I can drown in galaxies that exist there

Pinpoint a pollen sized planet and make home there

Cease existing everytime you blink for a momentary eternity

I will trace the fractured lines of your heart on your soft palms and callused fingertips

If you let me love you

I will love you the right way

Which is to say that if you let me love you

I will let you love me too

Because sometimes the only reason you let someone in

Is so they will do the same for you

~Saturday Afternoon Reflections ~ T.R.