Tw: Sh

tw: sh

oh shit that was deeper than expected. Well at least I’m getting further than baby styros now. I think I kinda feel more valid? ( which is stupid because all sh no matter how “bad” it is is valid)

Although I was in the school bathroom when I did it and in a stall which I quickly discovered had no toilet paper left in it. There was a lot of blood. My leg hurts

why does my mum care so much about how I look? Short hair? ITS MY CHOICE! “Boys only” shoes? ITS MY CHOICE! heaven forbid your child turn out looking like a person with a real fucking personality- no no we can’t have that now can we. In her eyes I need to be a conforming clone that she deems socially acceptable. Let me be me. Why do you care so much about how I look? Why does it matter to you?

why won’t you listen to me?

Tw: sh

uggghhhh I’m so tired of light styros. Why am I so fucking weak. I just want deep-medium styros. Enough to feel valid but not enough to give me a scare. But at the same time I wanna get better. Also I don’t want stitches.

plus I’m running out of space. Ughh fuvk guess imma have to move back to my stomach temporarily.

update: haha nvm imma just make space

why can’t I have the pretty kind of depression. Why do I have the, ugly, bloody, no energy to get up or shower or do basic hygiene kind of depression, the fazing in and out of reality, feeling meaningless and useless, kind of depression. Why the fuck can’t I at least be normal. Why can’t I be normal. What is so wrong with me that I can’t be a moderately happy, skinny cishet person

guys I ordered a binder! I cannot wait for it to arrive. Imma have to hide it from my parents but I have experience hiding shit from them so that won’t be hard.

artrtrrhfgfgf I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!

I hate having an iron deficiency