Just Realised That The British Currency Does This. Mind. Blown.

Just realised that the British currency does this.  Mind. Blown.

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

REBLOG IF ITS OKAY IF I PUT SOMETHING FUCKING WEIRD AS FUCK IN YOUR INBOX

A monument at the Institute of Cytology and Genetics to all lab rats used for DNA research (via)

Totally True Tales of Etymology: "Where the sun don't shine", an Origin Story

A friend who was sun-bathing nude

Had thought I kept clothed 'cause I'm prude.

He knew not that I meant

I stayed clothed to prevent

The awkward sunburn which ensued.

~

(Thanks to pretentiouslimericks for the prompt)

Birthday poem

a birthday poem from me to a friend *to be read by geoffrey rush*

one foine, chilly morn, in the twilighted gloom a joyous young mother, ensconced in her room was awaiting a doctor as labor did loom

well they pumped her with drugs, so she shant feel her face, nor her nethers, nor nickers, nor any old place as she pushed out her troll babe, at devilish pace

the mother and father took one look at the kid and tried to sell him for fifty pence or a quid but no one bought the baby, already beard-ed

so they took him home, and left him to the cats and his new feline mothers bottle-fed him on rats and he slept on a bed made of thrush woven mats

now the boy has grown up, to his twenty first year and all of his friends gave a thunderous cheer. and silently wondered if he’d buy them beer.

so go forth young greggers, go wrestle with bears go shit out a lightning storm, dont burn any hairs on your finely maned body, all silky and lean with a top hat or bowler, and debonair glean you will ride towards the future on the back of a whale with a trollop on each arm to blow wind in your sail and if ever you should want a written biography just remember to look no further than me.