Stars & Spaghetti | R.b.

stars & spaghetti | r.b.

a/n: here i go again, not taking a break 😭 i swear i just needed to write this! thank you @lovemenotts for encouraging me to post it 🫶 i love you lily

tw: eating disorder recovery

Regulus knows where to find you, but he also knows better than to act like he was looking for you with two bowls of food in hand.

“Hey.”

You almost jump at the sound of his voice. You turn around from where you’re sitting on the porch, giving him a small smile. “Hi.”

His heart drops a little when he sees your face, with your sunken eyes and tired expression.

“I didn’t realize you were home already. Did you come through the back?”

He hums an affirmative, sitting down next to you on the steps leading out the house.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watches as you slouch onto the railing on your left, blankly staring out at the road. “How’s your day been?”

Regulus casually twirls his fork into the spaghetti in his bowl before bringing it to his mouth. Maybe he believes he’s being slick, you think, but it’s obvious that he’s got twice his usual serving.

“Today’s been fine, yeah. Just busy. How was work?”

He nods in response, “Good, actually. Mark finally sent me the files I needed to get that huge contract signed, and —” He presses his fork into the pasta again, but this time brings it up to your mouth (hoping you’re too distracted to mind).

His heart drops and how instantly you swerve backwards, almost crashing into the step behind you.

“Reg,” it comes out as a betrayed hiss. You take a shaky exhale before sitting back upright. “I don’t want any; I’ve eaten dinner already.”

“Have you?”

“Yes, I —“

“Then why’s the kitchen completely clean?”

Regulus never takes a harsh tone with you, and he wasn’t going to start now. There’s nothing but quiet, genuine concern in the way he asks. Guilt claws at the back of your throat anyway.

It was one of your worse days; thoughts of excessive calories and not having worked out being all you could think about. You’d stared at yourself in the mirror for what seemed like hours, cursing every flaw of your body and wondering why me.

Without your boyfriend home, it had just felt like there was no reason to fatten yourself.

“Hey,” Regulus mutters, laying his palm facing upwards on your lap. You take it. “You’re getting in your head again.”

“Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, lovely girl.” He reaches out to gently brush a stray hair away from your face. “But do you think you could try to eat something? Please?”

Your heart stops, and it’s like your mind is reeling back into its hiding spot already. No lies on the tip of your tongue.

“It doesn’t have to be a lot, dove, he continues quietly, rubbing your fingers. “Just a few bites. You need fuel, you know.”

Regulus is looking into your eyes with that silent look now, the one which makes you feel like he’d do just about anything to save you from yourself. You don’t think you could ever say no to him.

And it wasn’t like you’d eaten anything today. You were allowed this, for your boyfriend, right?

“Fine.”

He smiles softy and tugs you closer, stamping a kiss to the side of your forehead and picking up the bowl of pasta from beside him. “So, remember that bouquet I bought you last week?”

He starts to make casual conversation as he feeds you, and you do your best to listen. It goes all the way from those flowers were expensive! to maybe we should get a cat — or a new apartment — but NOT a dog.

The food gets lodged in your throat every now and then, but you force yourself to swallow. The ‘full’ feeling starts to creep up on you like your shadow.

Regulus can sense it. “Okay, but why the hell do you like dogs?”

You decide to indulge him and go off on a tangent about the fluffy beasts, which pulls your mind away from its dark corner. The conversation makes the chore of eating easier.

You’re sure he knows what he’s doing, but you’re going to let him anyway.

Before you know it, you’re laughing so hard you don’t even realize the bowl is empty. He stands up to put it away before you get the chance to think too hard about it.

Regulus sits back down next to you. He starts to tell you about the stars, then, and you listen intently. It’s late, but you wouldn’t know what time it is. Time didn’t exist in your little bubble.

At one point you’ve curled into him the furthest you can. Your eyelids are being pulled down by the weight of fatigue, his comforting presence lulling you closer towards sleep.

He thinks you don’t hear it when he murmurs a soft I’m proud of you. You do.

False God

w.c- 4.8k

tw- fight between James and reader

major thank you to @sun-kissy for listening to my anxieties for this fic!!! ily!!

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The infamous James Potter, everyone who knew him loved him. And all the girls who saw him fawned over him. There was just no way that anyone saw him and wouldn’t be slightly enamoured by him. He was a gorgeous boy and was a beautiful sight to see. Naturally, his dating life was on public records. James didn’t have a problem with it. He loved to be able to love publicly and loudly. He never cared that people would look at his girl, he never saw it as a problem. Until it came to you. When it came to you it was as if a switch had been flipped in James’ head. Suddenly he didn’t want anyone to see you. He wanted you all to himself. He wanted to adore you, no, no it was worse he wanted to worship you.

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You had been idly following the words of the textbook that explained the difference between the usage of aconite and asphodel. Focusing on the list you hadn’t acknowledged that James had sat directly in front of you. It wasn’t until he cleared his throat that you’d become aware of his presence. At least make him aware that you knew of his presence. If you were being honest you knew he was there when he entered the library. But you’d never tell him that. Not out here at least.

“Oh, hi James.” You murmur as you continue writing the differences and why you needed to use aconite instead of asphodel for certain potions and why they aren’t substitutes.

”Hi, Y/n what are you studying?” He peered over to see if he could see your notes and when he saw he couldn’t he just opted for asking you about it.

“Potions.” You answer. He didn’t like your answer, he didn’t like that you were so closed off with him in public, he just wanted to be with you but he knew better. He knew that your brother would kill the both of you.

“Can I help?” He really hoped that you would say yes, he just wanted you to say yes. He wanted to stay and be able to be around you under the guises that he was helping you. You were also aware of this and you couldn’t lie, you wanted him to stay too. So you nod and let him stay, you let him help. After all it is James ‘potion master’ Potter. He beamed at you and moved to sit next to you still in the guise that he was only helping you.

“Okay, so you’re looking at the aconite and asphodel? So, the aconite means,”he scans the library and once he asserts that there is no one here that knows your brother he turns his attention back to you and leans in to peck your lips. “that I missed you.” He says after the peck. You squirm and squeal out a James! In a serious tone. He sits there and gives you a smug smirk. You shove him in a slight teasing way and proceed to try and study.

”James, please just help.” He rolls his eyes and nods with you and proceeds to actually help and explains the difference.

“Aconite, what do you know about it?” You smile at his question. Considering your brother was considerably smart, he had taught you about this not to mention the countless summers you had spent talking to Mr. Potter, you had learned about aconite and its magical properties. It wasn’t that you were bad at potions far from it, you just wanted an excuse to study with James.

“It’s a magical plant that is also known as monkshood or wolfsbane. It is only found in wild places and its flowers are used for potion making but its leaves are incredibly toxic. It’s most commonly used and known for the ingredient in the Wolfsbane potion.” James smiled at you and how you answered correctly. He knew that you didn’t need the help but he also knew that the two of you knew why you both pretended that you needed this help. As if your thinking had summoned him, within seconds your brother walked in and sat in front of you and James.

“Prongs.” He nods and looks at you with a smile, “Hey care bear.” You pout at the fact that he continued to call you that. It was one, one time that you said you wanted to be a care bear as a kid and he ran with it.

“Hi, Rem.” He smiles at you as he begins taking out the items that he needed for his own studying. He took out his History of Magic and began writing his notes. Wordlessly you glance at James looking back at your notes.

“And, asphodel? What were the differences I can’t remember.” Remus glanced up when you first mentioned asphodel, he much like you and James knew that you were skilled with potions so he was at first confused. But once you said that you didn’t remember he assumed it was because you no longer had been practicing with Mr. Potter.

“Uh, asphodel is used as a mix in with wormwood, and is only the powdered root.” He said he knew that you knew all of this. He especially knew that you knew what asphodel was used for because you often made the Draught of Living Death to help you fall asleep and so he proceeded to ask you the same thing just with a different format.

“If I were to add powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood what would I get?” You didn’t need to think of the answer you knew, you knew that you would get Draught of the Living Death. You had known that since that was what Fleamont taught you when you were twelve. He had shown you how to make it. But you had to pretend that you didn’t know what you were talking about.

“Um, you’d get the Draught of the Living Death.” You spoke with a certain uncertainty that it made it believable that you were unsure. Remus once more looked at you confused but brushed it off because he didn't want to assume anything. He believed that your newfound confusion was the cause of over studying a new subject. You were a year below him and it wasn’t uncommon for the students in your year to overwork themselves. So, he assumed that was the reason for your new confusion and recent memory loss. He knew that he often had the same happen if you were also overwhelmed with course work.

“Yes. Now I’m sorry my darling Lupins but I have to go to practice. I'll see you around!” James waved and left without saying anything else. It was odd enough to have him ‘teach’ you potions but it was even worse wanting to kiss you with your brother there. So he chose to leave and head to practice early. It wasn’t like it would make much of a difference.

“Why is James tutoring you?” Remus asked. You hummed as you continue to write more potions and their key ingredients.

“Because he offered.” You shrug continuing your studying, Remus made a noise of disagreement and shook his head before looking at you.

”No, why is he tutoring you for potions? You were really good at it last year. What happened?” Remus questioned. You knew that he didn’t buy the fact that he had simply just offered. But you also knew that he would believe to a certain extent.

“What happened is that I don’t want to fall behind so if I have James tutoring me it helps me continue to be the best at potions. Is that wrong?” You challenge. Remus tilts his head from side to side ruling out that no, it wasn’t the worst idea. It actually made sense to him, since he did the same. He would continue to study the subject he wanted to stay on top of even if he was good at the subject he would study it some more.

“I see, sorry for pressing. But I have to go. I promised Sirius I would watch his practice. Best of luck, care bear.” Remus got up and pressed a kiss to your head. He walked away and you sat staring at your notes, feeling guilty for lying to your brother and even worse that you couldn’t go watch James. You felt terribly guilty for all of it but you might just get away with it.

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It was about two hours that you had last seen James and you were just itching to go and see him. You wanted to tell him that you finished studying and got everything right in your practice test. You just wanted to tell him everything and wanted to share about what happened. It was exciting to you to be able to share this with him, he was your boyfriend after all. You waited in the Room of Requirement and couldn’t wait to see him, you and James knew that this was the only way that you could be with one another without it showing on the map. Despite James’ knowledge of the room so you both knew it was a safe bet in order to be together here. You laid on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. The room was warm and held a chair, blankets and pillows. You had brought muffins and some food that you managed to swipe away during dinner. And you were anxiously waiting for James. He told you he’d be there once dinner was over and he talked to the boys about a new prank. So there you sat waiting for the moment you’d see your boyfriend walk in.

“Baby?” James’ voice rang in the room and you shot up. You were so excited to see him that it showed in the way you sprang up from your bed. You couldn’t wait to hold him. It felt like heaven when he touched you, and when he didn’t it felt like hell. You ran to him as he opened his arms welcoming you into his embrace.

“Hi Jamie.” You say before pressing your lips to his. His lips move ceremoniously with yours. It felt amazing and initiated a buzzing feeling all over your skin. It felt heavenly, you didn’t want to do anything else but be here with him. This is what you wanted. This is what you wanted to do for the rest of time was just be with James. In his hold you pull away just enough to be able to say something to each other and you couldn’t wait.

“Baby how was the rest of your day? Did you finish your studying baby?” James asked slightly, heaving as he walked you to the bed in the center of the room. The two you laid down smiling at one another in each other's embrace. It felt nice being able to hold one another and be comfortable comforting one another. Even if it wasn’t a bad day it was just so nice to be there with him. You’d give anything to be there with him.

“It was really good, but good god did I miss you, and I did finish studying but it wasn’t the same without your kisses. I missed you so much Jamie.” James pecked your nose and smiled as he pulled away. You smile back at him and couldn’t wait to spend the summer with him. James couldn’t either. But he wanted to ask you something and was slightly concerned about how you’d answer. But James really wanted to know what you would say so he was ready to ask you, hopefully it was what you wanted as well.

“Baby?” The nerves in his tone made you worried. James was worried that you would say no or that you’d get mad at him so he nearly wanted to retract the name entirely.

“Yes?” You respond in a soft tone. You didn’t know what was wrong and you wanted to talk in a softer tone in case something was wrong, you didn’t want to add to the stress.

“Are you ready to tell everyone about us?” Your blood ran cold, you didn’t think this is what he was going to ask you. Out of all the things that you would have assumed that he would ask you this was one of those that you wouldn’t even begin to think about him asking you. So you laid there stunned. You knew what he meant but you also knew why you couldn’t bring this relationship out to the public.

“James.”

“Y/n please, I just want to be able to love you, I want to show everyone that you’re mine and how much I love you.” James had agreed to be in this secret relationship with you. He wanted to be with you and you wanted to be with him. But there were terms and conditions to your relationship. This relationship was forced to be undercover because of Remus. Remus was your brother, dad and your mother all in one. When your parents died Remus made sure to watch over you and take care of you. So he often was overbearing and often made you feel like you were too young to make your own decisions so this is why you told James that you’d have to keep this relationship between the two of you. And while it killed you it also was nice to know that no one knew. It never occurred how much James was suffering though.

“James, you know we can’t.” James had been fed up with this, you both had talked about his and understood that this was the only safe way to approach this relationship. That if you were involved with one another it was better to keep it a secret rather than blast it to the rest of the students here. But his practice had been a tough one, he had been hit one by one of the girls who was watching and he wanted nothing more than to just be able to tell her that he had a girlfriend. But he couldn’t so he was excited to see you and be able to be with you in public and show that he cared about you to others.

“Can’t or won't?” Your face contorted into one of perplexity. How could James think that you wouldn’t want a relationship with him? That is all you wanted for three years now, to be his. He knew that, why did he think that you wouldn’t want that? Anger began to build inside you and you now sat up looking at him angry at how he chose to regard your relationship.

“Can’t James you know that. You know that if we were to go out in public Remus would go absolutely mental! James, why are you even pressing this? You knew that you wouldn’t want to push this? Hm, why on earth would you even bring it up?” Anger began to seep into your voice and James began to feel the same sense of hurt and anger that you had, why couldn’t you just understand that he just wanted to be able to love you in the way that you deserved and in a way that you were supposed to be. He just wanted to show everyone else that he worshiped you. Why couldn’t you understand?

“Y/n why can’t we just try? Please.” James pleaded and you shook your head. It hurt to fight with him it really did but you weren’t ready and you knew that you couldn’t not while Remus was still in school. Not when he still had that control. James also knew that but he wasn’t being rational. He was speaking off of pure emotion, so there was no rationality when he was talking to you.

“You know why we can't. I have to go.” Getting up you quickly left the room and had tears flowing out of your tears. You went straight to your room nothing really stopping or prompting you otherwise. Everything felt like it was going to crap because of that fight. You didn’t want to feel like this. You wanted to love him the same way that he loved you

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It was hell having fought with James. The nice heavenly moment seemed to be short lived as you now stood anxiously at the front of your dorm. You didn’t want to enter it, you didn’t want to show your dorm mates that you had been crying. And much less did you want to tell them why. So you stood outside the dorm and you had probably stood there for a good ten minutes. One of the girls from a few years below you walked by.

“Y/n?” She asked, looking at you. Concern evident, she didn’t know why you were outside of your dorm.

“Oh hi! Sorry I must’ve zoned out. I’m fine honey, go ahead and make it to your dorm!” You watch as she gives you a small smile as you take in a breath and walk into your dorm. Thankfully none of your dorm mates were in your dorm. They must’ve been around the castle. So, then you threw yourself onto your bed. You moved your pillow and searched for the teddy bear that you had. It was a light brown bear with a soft embroidered nose, it smelled like chocolate and you clung to it tightly. Tears flowed freely as you cried into your bear. It hurt you to lie to Remus and it hurt you to have to deny James. Clinging to your bear you continue to cry. You must’ve fallen asleep while crying because you awoke to a knocking noise at your door. Confusion filled your body and you got up disoriented from having been disturbed from your sleep. Your eyes hurt and so did your body. Everything felt like a chore. You weren’t sure how long you had been asleep, your dorm mates weren’t here and there was a soft grey outside leading you to believe that it was already afternoon. You reached the door and opened it. There stood James, his head was hung low and eyes were tinted red. He had been crying. The guilt returned and your stomach felt sick. Your heart was racing and you couldn’t believe that you had hurt him, much less have caused this much hurt in both of your lives.

“I’m sorry, my love I am so so sorry. I know we can’t afford to come out to everyone and I know that you didn’t want to go public, I’m sorry I pushed and I’m sorry I implied that you didn’t want to I just wanted to show everyone how you deserve to be worshiped. Baby please forgive me.” He dropped to his knees and stared up at you, tears brimming in his water line. His beautiful eyes stared up at you welling with tears. Your heart shattered at the sight. You bent down and got to your knees and gently cupped his face in your hands. James looked at you with the saddest eyes ever with a pout and you gave him a smile that had tears streaming down your face.

“James I’m so sorry I didn’t even bother considering how you were feeling. I didn’t even think to actually communicate how we were feeling about this. James I feel like the biggest jerk because of this. James I am so sorry. James please know that I love you and always have loved you. I will never stop loving you. James, you are my everything. I love you so much you don’t understand. I am so sorry for hurting you James. Forgive me?” James looked at you like you just gave him the sun and the moon. You were his everything, so it wasn’t odd for you to think of him as such. So you were initially confused by his look. But it was quickly forgotten when he placed a kiss on your lips. The kiss was teary and soft. Almost like he was scared to put any more stress or pressure on you. But you melted into the kiss, kissing him back with the same tenderness that he had with you. You pull away slowly looking at his sad eyes.

“Of course I forgive you, do you forgive me?” The softness in his voice hurts your heart.

“Jamie I will always forgive you, fighting with you is a hell I don’t ever want to experience.” James relaxed at your words and moved to hug you. You didn’t move for a while just staying in each other's embrace as you both were aware that despite how hard it was, you were there for one another. Finally you both got up and looked at one another.

“I love you.” He said to you as he grabbed your hand and pulled you into himself. He held you lightly but firm. You returned it and gave him a tight squeeze. He wanted to stay in that moment forever. This was your heaven, and as much as it was yours it was also his.

“I love you more.” James chuckles and shakes his head knowing that neither one of you could actually win this argument and that was more than okay with him. As long as you both knew that you were loved. You both walked into your dorm and laid together. Neither one of you cares about the chance of people seeing. Right now you both needed to know that you were there for each other. It didn’t matter that people could see or that Remus would find out, what mattered is that he was there and you were here. So you both sat there and just stayed in each other's embrace before you both agreed to go to the black lake to spend more time alone.

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One week was left before James was set to graduate and he was beyond excited. He had gotten a job to work as an auror right after graduation and he couldn’t wait to start that chapter. But the dreadful feeling of having to leave you here was beginning to wear him down. He wanted to tell Remus, he really did. But he couldn't, he wouldn't do that to you. He obviously couldn’t tell Sirius, because that was just a safety hazard of telling him who would most definitely tell his boyfriend. So here he stood with Peter next to him. He had to tell him. He was his best friend after all. Which is how Peter was now following James confused as to why he pulled him away from the others. Truthfully it wasn’t uncommon for James and Peter to hang out while Remus and Sirius were together but James didn’t give any insight as to where they were going. But Peter would follow and just assume James had something important to tell him.

“James where the fuck are you taking me?” James turned around, eyes sparkling and bouncing excitedly.

“Here! Okay are you ready to know my biggest secret?” Peter quirked a brow and then spoke,

“What? That you're a stag?” James rolled his eyes and gave a fake laugh to the blonde.

“Haha Pete, so funny. No, it's serious!” Peter straightened and then provided another smirk.

“Oh, so you brought me here to tell me you’re with Y/n?” James' eyes widened. He didn’t think Peter knew. But if Peter knew that means,

“Remus doesn’t know! Nor does Sirius, I only know because you became different and I may have seen where you two were once or twice.” James visibly calms down at Peter debunking his fears. Peter just stared at James with a small smile. Peter of course knew your relationship was a secret which is why he didn’t tell anyone when he’d figured it out. Remus assumed he’d found a girl, Sirius did too but neither of them realised it had been you. And thank your lucky stars for that. If they’d find out you were with James, it would be as if your parents were resurrected and telling you how terrible it was. So Peter kept his mouth shut and silently cheered your relationship. He was excited that James had finally confessed it meant that he felt comfortable with you, so it was great to finally be able to support you guys. Even if it was only you three who knew.

“Great, thank you Petey.” James smiled and pulled his friend in for a hug. Peter returned it and hugged him tightly ensuring that he was equally as happy. The pair walked back to the castle and

began to walk to their common room when they ran into you. James smiled and immediately pulled you into a hug. You didn’t bother to think that Peter was there. You reacted like always, you hugged him back. James pulls closer to your ear and murmurs,

“He knows.” A gasp leaves your lips at the confession.You hadn’t expected to have anyone know you were dating James until next year. But you look at Peter and he gives you the biggest smile paired with two thumbs up. He was so excited to be able to support you two that you weren’t worried about Remus or Sirius finding out.

“Surprise.” You giggle from James’ grasp. The three of you were too wrapped up in the sweet moment that none of you had become aware of Remus’ or Sirius’ presence, until they let out a shriek.

“Get away from her!”

“That’s my sister!”

“You bastard.”

“Pete you knew!? The betrayal!”

In a matter of moments your head whipped behind you finding Remus and Sirius beelining to you. They had all but ran to you two and stopped just two steps away from you two. Nobody said anything for a solid two minutes. Until Remus spoke up. His voice was uncomfortably calm.

“How long?” You and Peter exchange an awkward glance and James squeezed your hand in comfort. Peter shuffled to the side trying to separate himself from you.

“A year and a half.” Remus glares at James and Sirius’ eyes widen and lock on you. You had gotten away with this for a year and a half. You had gotten away with everything saying you’d die for him, saying how much you loved him. Everything you’d say was strictly for him. So in that year and a half, you had grown to be completely comfortable in the relationship that was your own.

“A year and a half! You lied to my face for a year and half?” Sirius looked at Remus and he felt bad. He felt bad because he knew what it was like, for you and James. He and Remus had hid their relationship for two years. So he understood what it felt like to have to hide because you felt like people wouldn’t accept, and he knew that Remus understood. He knew that.

“Remus.” Sirius spoke in a tone that didn’t require any sort of explanation Remus knew what Sirius was saying. And the initial response he had about you and James lying to him was calmed. He understood, he understood your hesitation and understood why you didn’t want to speak up about it.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry care bear. James Jm glad that you and Y/n are happy. And I’m sorry if I made you two feel like you couldn’t tell me.” He said then turned his attention to James,

“If you hurt her in any way I promise you I will personally come after you.” James nodded and you decided to share.

“Rem? In the past year and a half James has done nothing but show me how incredibly amazing it is to be moved and how amazing it is to be loved and worshiped by him. He hasn’t ever made me feel as if I wasn’t important. James showed me what it is to be loved. Remus I promise I’m in a good place with him.” Remus’ eyes springed with tears. He couldn’t believe that his baby sister was growing up. But what gave him peace of mind was that you were in a good place with his best friend. He was happy to hear that.

“Take care of her James.” James nodded and smiled at him and at you. The five of you exchanged embraces and all walked to the dining hall prepared to enjoy a final meal together before the boys were set to graduate. And neither you nor James could have ever imagined how wonderful it felt to be able to love this loudly and proudly. It felt so great and you relished every second.

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loves if you enjoyed this please reblog it means the world to me!! thank you my loves and i hope enjoyed!!

love,

lily

thank you shay and @amiableness for the tag!! 🫶

favourite colour: beige/brown! also soft blues and greens are cute

currently reading: before the coffee gets cold by toshikazu kawaguchi!!

currently watching: gilmore girls (s6 omg almost at the end 💪)

currently craving: honestly im thinking of subway double choco chip cookies rn

coffee or tea: tea! in love with chamomile these days

npt🏷️: @foodiegoogie @g1rld1ary @hunterswithcell-phones @msmk11

​༉‧₊˚.​ get to know me better !! ♡

— 𝜗𝜚 thank u @cosmiiwrites nd @queenofmistresses for the tags, my lovies <3 i love u both

favorite color? pink!! i love pink!! you know the colour of hello kitty’s bow? pink!! my melo? pink!! my socks rn? pink!! did i mention my favourite colour is pink?

last song? someday - from the zombies soundtrack (banger)

currently reading? i finished the hurricane wars by thea guanzon a few days ago so im using this as an excuse to tell you to read it n i loved it so much but im currently starting (only a chapter in) a feather so black by lyra selene

currently watching? i don’t think i am watching anything… i last watched the zombies movies though… (im not obsessed you are)

currently craving? NOODS ugh i could demolish some noodles rn

coffee or tea? yes.

@nebulacrumbs @blooming-crimson-flower @hellsgreatestslut @lilsleepybear1029 @ustulia tag you’re it <3

Hey lovely completely disregard this if you don’t take requests. But I love your work!

But I was wondering if you could do one with Remus and the reader where she is a professor too and things get as spicy as you’d likeee. (:

hi my love! i do take requests, but i’d just like to address this, because i’ve been receiving a few requests like these. please correct me if i’m assuming wrongly, but i believe you’re asking for something smutty? i don’t write smut, and don’t plan to any time soon :) do check my guidelines before requesting!

thank you for asking so nicely though, and feel free to request for anything else <3

That's a wrap!

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still here | r.l.

summary: it's your birthday :(

a/n: this is the first time i’ve ever really cried when writing something, it’s got a home in my heart now and i hope you like it!! 🫶 (also listen to our lovely girl billie while reading for added heartbreak)

tw: past suicide attempt

You lean back on the couch from where you’re bending over the table. Remus wastes no time in wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you into his side. He gently presses his lips to your forehead. “Happy birthday, lovely girl.”

“Thank you,” you mumble half-heartedly, grateful but too overwhelmed to show it. 

There’s a cut-up chocolate cake in front of you, which Remus had insisted upon baking. He’d honoured your wishes not to throw a big bash, and of not wanting an actual present. He didn’t exactly understand why — but he loved you too much to not do what you wanted him to; birthday or not.

Guilt weighs heavily on your heart; Remus has been kinder than you deserve. You decide to help him understand.

“You know,” you start softly, tilting your head to lay it on his shoulder. He hums in acknowledgement, fingertips grazing your sleeve as he starts to rub your arm. “I didn’t think I would last this long.”

The shakiness in your voice surprises even you. You feel Remus’ hand still on your arm. 

“What?” he murmurs. You can’t decipher if the slight lilt to his voice is because of sadness or confusion.

“I didn’t think I would last this long,” you repeat quietly, just to be safe, and you feel his hand coasting across your back as he gently grabs your shoulders. He turns you towards him, and you don’t wait for him to ask before you start to explain. “When I was 13, I couldn’t imagine ever making it this far. I tried to kill myself.”

Remus’ eyes widen the slightest bit as he takes in your sudden admission. His grip on your shoulders doesn’t falter; and it’s like you both know he’s the only thing holding you upright. 

When he doesn’t respond, your gaze immediately drops to the couch, shame clouding your eyes.

“I… I didn’t know that.”

The crack in his voice makes you look back up, meeting his gaze. His features are softer, sadder; somehow. There’s the slightest bit of grief in the way he’s regarding you. “Are you glad you made it this far?”

You rub your lips together, taking a shaky breath to make sure your voice comes out evenly. “Yeah,” you exhale softly. “Yeah, I am. I got to meet you.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“No,” you reply honestly. “I love my work. My friends, I really like hanging out with them. And I’d say our apartment is pretty sweet.”

The concern in Remus’ expression is still evident, his brows pinched together almost painfully. His hands bunch up the fabric on your shoulders, tugging you towards him. You’re certain the action is subconscious – he looks lost in thought, like he’s deliberating wrapping you up in his arms and never letting you go.

“Would you like more reasons?” you ask quietly, feeling your vision start to blur. You shouldn’t be surprised that he cares this much, but you are.

When he nods, your heart melts – the magma seems to be pooling in your stomach, and you feel the kind of warmth you’ve only ever been able to feel since you met him.

“Okay,” you decide to indulge him. “I like coffee when I wake up, especially when you make it. Feeding the stray dogs on the side of the road every morning. And my guitar, I like to make music on it. I think music is nice.”

You feel your throat start to clog up, the image of Remus distorting into a blurry swirl in your eyes. “It’s lovely when it rains, especially when we’re both at home, cuddling. And –”

Your voice comes out wobbly, the tears coming hard and fast now. You want to stop, but push on for his sake.

“And I really like our apartment. Did I mention that? Also, your hugs – I love the way you hug. It’s like you really love me, and —”

“I do love you,” Remus interrupts in a shaky exhale, words barely audible from the way his voice is trembling. “I love you, okay? I love you a whole lot. And I’m so glad you’re still with me.”

He doesn’t give you a chance to respond, gently pulling you even closer towards him. You meet him in the middle, arms instinctively wrapping around his waist as he brings his hands up to encircle your shoulders.

Remus squeezes you like it’s his job to hold you together, and you hear a soft sniffle as he buries his face in your hair. 

“I’m so glad you’re still here,” he says again. Your heart clenches in your chest, in all the best ways.

“I love you,” you respond, because you both know it’s synonymous with Thank you for giving me a reason to be here.