
I write about Fyodor a lot.Then I sprinkle my posts with Osamu or Nikolai. Both combos taste fine.
47 posts
Sssarrrra - A Void That Eats Stars Dreams About Becoming One
๐๐ผ๐๐๐ผ๐ฒ๐๐๐ธ๐ ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ผ๐ท๐ฒ๐ฐ๐๐ ๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ฒ๐บ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐ ๐ผ๐ป๐๐ผ ๐๐ผ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฝ ๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ณ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฒ๐บ๐ฝ๐๐

Dostoevsky hates having feelings. They remind Fyodor about his own humanity. So how does he cope? He projects his feelings onto God.
Every time he experiences an emotion, either positive or negative, he pretends that it's some kind of โGod's messageโ.
Fyodor believes that all of his emotions belong to God or come from him. Demon assumes: all that he feels is reflection of God's will.
โMy ability hurt me and made me feel wrong. Of course, God wants to remove all the abilities in the world!โ โ something like that.
Dostoevsky can't allow himself to be angry, sad, bitter, or jealous. He sees emotions as excessive and would never acknowledge the simple fact that he has them.
But what If something upsets God? Then, Fyodor has to act. It's not for him, it's not selfish, it's for the sake of Creator.
And coincidentally, almost magically, everything that Fyodor hates, displeases God too. Everything that causes Fyodor pain, well, God wants it gone as well.
And every person who Fyodor likes, hates or simply can't save? God welcomes them in Heaven. In his Godly rehabilitation center.
Pretty convenient, yes?
You can see how Fyodor's faith isn't meant to restrict him. It's a system of beliefs he uses to enable and redirect everything he can't accept in himself. Every feeling, thought and compulsion Dostoevsky doesn't want to take responsibility for โ they all come from God.
All Fyodor's love is for God.
All of his anger is for God's sake.
All his sins are God's responsibility, already predestined and included in God's plan.
This way Demon can't be held accountable for his actions or emotions. Because all Dostoevsky's feelings aren't his. They belong to God.
It's His will speaking through Fyodor's heart strings.
Since Dostoevsky can't have human emotions. Even all of his impulses are controlled by God and Him alone.
If likes or hates someone, it's not his personal preferences. It's Higher power sending him a signal.
Therefore Fyodor doesn't have to see or evaluate himself as an individual, but only as a continuation of God's will.
This way no shame, anger, or guilt can ever apply to him.
This what Dostoevsky tells himself.
People don't hate Fyodor โ they hate God's will. Therefore, they are sinners. And will be treated accordingly. None of their words ever apply to Fyodor as a person.
So he'll do his best not to care at all.
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More Posts from Sssarrrra
๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐๐จ๐ฌ๐ญ๐จ๐๐ฏ๐ฌ๐ค๐ฒ ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐ข๐ฉ๐ก๐๐ซ: ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฒ'๐ซ๐ ๐๐จ๐ญ๐ก ๐ฅ๐จ๐ง๐๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง ๐๐๐ง๐ข๐๐ฅ
Bill Cipher, โthe Book of Billโ:
"... I don't need anyone, I NEVER HAVE, and I DON'T MISS ANY OF THEM! I'M FINE!".

Fyodor Dostoevsky, โCharacter card letterโ:
โI'm always alone. And this is fine by me. Has been, and always will beโ.

Yes, they're both โfineโ. Only Bill screams into the void, and Fyodor becomes one.
So what do we have here? Two infinity-old almost-immortal demons, who destroy themselves just to prove they can be alone forever.
Spoiler alert: they can't. And they despise the vulnerability that's still left inside of them.
Well, at least Bill's in therapy. But he is also at the point of breaking. Fyodor is still holding on, I guess? But barely.
Do you know that I love to draw?

I do. And this is how my art looks like. But I haven't been able to create it for a while because of a terrible toothache. My teeth hurt so much I want to pull them out.
This GIF is replaying in my head over and over again. Can you do this to me too, Bill?

Right now, it feels like bees are trapped inside my teeth ๐ When my dentist opened the first one, she saw a dark puddle of a decayed filth. Turned out I needed a root channel. And I've got 3 more to go. My teeth are literally rotting. And it hurts.
Please, help me get a root channel for 3 of my teeth.
I need $700 in total, but I'll be grateful for any amount of your good will:
https://boosty.to/sssarrrra
(I've posted more of my drawings here.
You can take a pick if you wish ๐)
The whole story so far:
It took so long to diagnose because my cavities are covered by the old fillings. From the outside they look fine, but once fillings are removed, you can see an aching dark caves.
Three dentists couldn't see a problem, despite my complaints. One of them even called me a โwhinny babyโ for feeling pain. But I live in a 3rd world country, so any kind of good health care services are super rare.
When I finally found a decent dentist turned out that I needed three root channels. She already started doing one, so for now, I have a temporary filling. And I'm still in a lot of pain.
If you're interested, I can send you any proof I can gather, including receipts and a document from a dentist.
I kinda wish Tooth Fairy could appear and take my teeth and all the pain away ๐ฆท๐ฆท๐ฆท
I wish I could just turn it off.
The nerve pain in the pulp is the worst one I've ever felt.
I need $700 for 3 root channels.
So if you can, please check out this link for my donation page:

Nikolai's favourite medicine

Gogol: It hurts, it hurts so much! Ahaha!
Sigma: What the... What's so funny?
Gogol: My brain converts pain into laughter. It's the best medicine and it's free.
Sigma: You've been stabbed! Repeatedly.
Gogol: Hahahaha...
Sigma: I'm calling the ambulance. Now.
Gogol: I know another good medicine. Show me your beautiful smile...
Sigma: Stop flirting with me, you're dying!
Hello <3 hope u r having a good day. Just wanted to say i love how your posts about Fyodor. I'm now trying to write part 2 for my ex-husband Fyodor. Can i tag u to my post hope u don't mind of course ๐ luv u muah ๐
Thanks a lot! Of course, you can tag me โจ I'd love to find out what happens between you and Fyodor ๐ This man is a menace. But I'm always curious to read how people portray him in relationships!
New leaks for the chapter 117 look wild!

But I'm glad to see the whole ADA gang together again! Seems even some mafia members joined them. The reunion turns out to be epic!

Can't wait for the entire chapter.
(What if everyone will become bubbles,
And then go pop! Will they be able to recover? I need to know now)