I'm So Done.

i'm so done.

Me fr.

Like what am I doing wrong? I genuinely can't tell if I'm just conversating wrong or if they're the problem or a secret third thing. It's really frustrating. I don't know what to do.

I am starting to feel really isolated from people. I can sit and listen to all the Pokemon garbage in the world (I personally don't like Pokemon, no judgement if you do) but the moment I want to talk about something I'm interested in I'm ignored and told "that's nice" in that way that means the conversation is over. I I don't know what it means. Maybe I'm talking about things wrong. Maybe I'm using the wrong words. Maybe I just need to tell them to other people. I don't know.

I completely understand and agree and have thought about this before. I wonder though if anyone thought this way before computers. Cause for most people today, our computers don't exclusively hold all of our info cause of cloud services. If your computer and your phone and all your tech fell into a wood chipper, you could still go out and get another and all your info would be there. People should be like that I think.

If I was suffocated with a pillow, my loved ones should be able to make a homunculus and put my soul in it.

The fact that humans can be killed through physical means is so ridiculous to me

Ok but it's always The Bends by Radiohead. I'm not even a big Radiohead fan. Like their other stuff is really good, but it doesn't hit for me personally. But The Bends man... Every time I'm getting depressed I feel an uncontrollable urge to listen to this album all the way through and I always feel better afterwards. A couple days ago I was starting to spiral cause my best friend and roommate is moving out in three weeks and I carnally needed to listen to this album and draw him. Like I had other shit to do and I didn't want to listen to it and I didn't want to draw. But I had to. So I did.

Problem was, I felt done with the drawing before the album had finished. I forced myself to put down the headphones and move on with my day. Here I am today, gently dipping into another spiral about the same damn thing and "Bullet Proof ...I Wish I Was" gets stuck in my head and it's just that one part that's like "bullet proooOOOOOOOOOoooOOOOOoOOOOOOOoOooooofffff" over and over and over in my head. Well, I open up my laptop and want do I fucking see??? That was the track I stopped on and I stopped right after that part of the song. It's like my body knew I wasn't done with those emotions and forced me to get back into it so I could finish properly.

Thank you, Radiohead for this one album that consistently gets me through it. And thank you unnamed high school art teacher for introducing me to this album.

When I'm listening to The Bends album that's a red flag tbh. It's a good album for when you can't feel and no other circumstances imo.

I did not know that this was part of a larger series of green comics about being trans. But, ya know, that makes sense now. Glad all the green people get to be green! 💚

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Me too, little doggies. Me too.