Thank You For Writing This Heart Wrenching Piece Of Beauty /srs

thank you for writing this heart wrenching piece of beauty😭 /srs

“My stomach’s all in knots

You got the one thing that I want”

—

Leo was used to jealousy.

For so much of Leo’s life, he dealt with jealousy. During the quest of the seven, he could recall feeling jealous of every single member. He was jealous of Percy’s perfection, Annabeth’s intelligence, Frank’s skill, Hazel’s kindness, Piper’s relationship with Jason, and Jason’s everything. When you feel inadequate in every way, it’s only common to look at those around you and wish you could pick them for parts. He wanted to scrap their very being and use those bits of them for himself. He wanted to take out his faulty qualities and replace them. He wanted what they had.

So, he knew and understood jealousy very well. He and the feeling were old friends. Well, maybe friends wasn’t the right word. He didn’t like jealousy so he didn’t think friends was the best comparison. Jealous was like his toxic ex-boyfriend. That sounded better. He was so used to jealousy and it kept coming back, even when he didn’t want it to.

Leo knew about jealousy, but he wasn’t used to it feeling like this.

He stared from afar at the two figures. They were pressed together, talking and laughing with each other. He watched them and felt the sour, burning feeling eat him away.

He watched a hand play with dark strands of hair. He watched a blond head of hair lean against the other. He watched blue and brown eyes meet each other. He watched two teens laugh, their worries being eased away.

It was strange how Leo was invulnerable to the heat and damage from fire but that didn’t stop the burning in his gut.

He realized that the feeling wasn’t quite jealous. It was more like… envy.

It was a mix of the two.

It was sadly comical how two people could have such striking similarities but end up in completely different places. The Fates must have loved making demigods that reflected each other and then seeing how differently they could affect their futures.

Leo tried to do the right thing. He thought he could save someone and save himself at the same time. The only thing that he managed to do was fuck everything up. He messed with fate and realized he wasn’t as loved as he thought. He returned and was met with punches and kicks instead of the hugs he wanted - the affection he needed.

He wondered how this was fair. He wondered if he deserved what he got.

He watched the two demigods, bitterness and envy clawing at his heart.

How was any of this fair? They both suffered in their life, so why did Leo get left behind? Why did all his actions come back to bite him? Why did he act to go through so much only to wind up with nothing?

Why did Nico get to end up happy when all Leo got was suffering? Why did he get a good partner? Why did he get a community of people who loved him? Why did he finally get to be happy and heal? Why?

Why did he get to end up with the blond-haired, blue-eyed boy of his dreams? Why did he get a loving, supportive boyfriend when all Leo got was survivor’s guilt?

He wasn’t sure. Maybe there was some greater reason, some karmic debt he had to pay off. Maybe he was simply the new punching bag of The Fates. Maybe he was just unlucky.

He didn’t know. He didn’t know and he didn’t want to find out.

He watched the boys and wished, not for the first time, that he could have what they did. He wished Jason and he could’ve had the fate they did.