Kinda Evil And Messed Up Rambling, Tags Have TWs

Kinda evil and messed up rambling, tags have TWs

I finally got the courage to cut again, nothing as deep as before, I really scared the shit out of myself last time so new rule, no cutting during disassociation or depersonalization episodes, way to fuckin reckless

That sounds goofy as fuck "no cutting while in a bad episode, gotta do that shit in a good mental state" honestly at this point it's a sleep aid am I even actually mentally ill? I'm probably just an attention seeking whore you know? honestly I should just stop. gauze is expensive and I shouldn't be wasting money just for attention. If I want attention so bad I'm sure there are plenty of men who will have their way with me I'm not even worth any money I'm too gross. I'm a disgusting awful thing, not even a person that title is too good for me.

And to think I'm actually "needed"? I should just kill myself shouldn't I? Get it done and over if I left all my money too him at least ide be worth something

But if that's the case why not live? Spend every waking moment working, being something useful to him, get as much money as possible all for him that's why I can't kill myself, he deserves a good life and the second I can't help with that he might as well kill me.

Found a pretty little blank space on my arm<3

Fuck it bled through my gauze that can't be good, it'll be fine in the morning right?? Right???

It will it will

I think I hit beans

Oops fuck

I forgot that scars are tougher to cut through, I've been cutting on the same arm almost every night for the past month and that bitch tough as shit

I was ventureing into a new spot and gave it the same push as before

Oh fuck

I can't tell if it's beans or not holy shit

It looks a lil different than my regular styros, and feels different too I can feel it in my hand Wich is weird

Fuck me Man I hope it's just a deep styro

I just looked again, it's bulging out a bit. Fuck did I just hit baby beans

She's still bleeding a bit wow

I'm gonna clean up and pass out

This makes my brain happy, it probably shouldn't but like I woke up today saw this and now I have wheel time in the mornings:3 like yay wheel go spinny/⁠ᐠ⁠｡⁠ꞈ⁠｡⁠ᐟ⁠\

celestial being ༘⋆₊ ⊹★🔭๋࣭ ⭑⋆

★(request) you're not from here, are you?

—★

guidelines:

🔭 - where you're from, everything is so different. the food, the culture, the clothes. its difficult to fit in here.

🔭 - its a touch and go of what foods you can eat. your body can handle some things some days, and nothing at all on other days. this environment makes your systems unpredictable

🔭 - every morning, spin this wheel: (link) up to three times. whatever it lands on is forbidden for the day. add or remove anything you'd like, or make your own wheel if needed!

—★

spo:

—★

meals:

🔭 - following the wheel, plan an easy to digest meal for yourself. try to include strange or conflicting flavors, as you don't know what goes well together. and in the end if you dislike something, just throw it out!

—★

credits: photos from 📌

I think I'm funny<3

Oh god I fucked it

I hit beans again. I don't know what's wrong with me I feel like I'm loosing it, slowly bleeding every bit of me out

I did two styros and almost removed the piece of skin in-between them when bandaging

God I'm loosing it I can't even kill myself to get out of this god damn state.

I'm needed no matter what I say. I have someone relying on me and wanting to die while having that feels like hell.