62 Things The Avengers Are Not Allowed To Do.

62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.

1. Tony is not allowed to replace the entire contents of the cafeteria with pop-tarts just because Thor has declared it the ‘food of the gods.’

2. Natasha is not allowed to interrogate new S.H.I.E.L.D. employees and dispose of the ones she deems unworthy.

3. Clint is not allowed to continue insisting that is the final step of the interview process to terrified new hires.

4. Tony is not allowed to broadcast sing-along songs into the Hulk-cage, no matter amusing he finds teaching Hulk “Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, turn around”

5. Clint is not allowed to put the security feed of the Hulk’s Teddy Bear dance on Youtube.

6. Bruce is not allowed to hack into personnel files to look up blackmail material on Director Fury.

7. Tony is not allowed to insist that he’s already done so and that Fury’s middle name is Rainbow Sprinkles…. Because it isn’t.

8. Thor is not allowed to be naked at Headquarters. Ever.

9. Steve is not allowed to address any female S.H.I.E.L.D. agents as ‘little lady,’ ‘broad,’ or ‘dame.’ It only ends in getting slapped.

10. Agent Coulson’s name isn’t “Mom.”

11. Director Fury should never again be addressed as “Dad”

12. Agent Hill is not the Avenger’s wicked stepmother.

13. Clint is not allowed to lurk in the shadowy rafters spying on people, unless specifically instructed to do so for an official S.H.I.E.L.D. sanctioned mission.

14. ‘Operation Irritate the Fuck Out of Nick Fury’ is not an official mission, no matter what Tony or Natasha say to the contrary.

15. Debriefings should not be preceded by tequila shots.

16. Debriefings should not be followed by tequila shots.

17. There are to be no shots of any kind during debriefings.

18. Thor and Hulk will wait to fight until after the battle is over.

19. Tony Stark is not God’s gift to women.

20. The Avengers do not need matching uniforms.

21. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to have a contest to see who can make a bigger “boom” in the lab.

22. Thor is not allowed to join in and make the biggest boom with his hammer.

23. The Avengers will not be celebrating Steve’s 94th birthday.

24. The laboratory is not Tony and Bruce’s ‘Super Secret Genius Clubhouse.’ They are not allowed to bar entry to employees based on IQ test results.

25. The Avengers are not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.

26. Iron Man is not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.

27. Tony Stark is not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.

28. Thor is not allowed to ‘bring down the wrath of Odinson’ on the person who ate the last package of pop-tarts.

29. Pants are not optional at team meetings.

30. ‘Pepper said it was okay’ is not a good enough reason to defy a director order from command.

31. The words “What’s the worst that could happen?” are never to be uttered on a mission ever again.

32. MC Hammer did not write Thor a theme song.

33. Gumby is not the love child of Bruce Banner and Reed Richards.

34. Natasha and Clint are not allowed to impersonate members of the clergy ever again. Ever.

35. Blasting ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ at top volume into Bruce’s room on loop overnight is not an effective way to suppress the Hulk.

36. Hawkeye is not sitting in the rafters waiting to pick off people playing Galaga on their computer during work hours.

37. Tony is not allowed to bribe Natasha and Clint to physically, emotionally or psychologically torture General Ross for being ‘a great big douchebucket’ and ‘being mean to Brucie-kins.’

38. Steve is ‘Captain America’ not ‘Captain New York and those 49 other, lesser states.’

39. ‘Hulk SMASH!’ is not an effective diplomatic policy.

40. Tony is not allowed to buy the Dodgers and move them back to Brooklyn to apologize for lighting Steve’s hair on fire.

41. The phrase ‘Trust me, I’m a doctor’ never leads anywhere good.

42. It is not funny to dare Bruce to drink three quarts of green food coloring before a urine test.

43. Steve is not to be introduced as ‘Captain Tightpants’ or ‘The All-American Virgin.’

44. The Avengers do not ‘charge into battle, naked like the Celts.’ Except for The Hulk. Sometimes.

45. Natasha’s glare is not in fact fatal. Tony is not allowed to continue implying that it is.

46. Tony is not allowed to convince Bruce to help him make death ray goggles so that it will be.

47. The Avengers are not allowed to overthrow the American government, just because they didn’t like the results from the last election.

48. The Avengers are not allowed to overthrow any government, without checking in with S.H.I.E.L.D. first.

49. Clint is not allowed to sell Thor any ‘magic beans.’

50. Natasha and Clint are not allowed to try to sell Tony to another planet, even if they are promised really cool new weapons in exchange.

51. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to go to any science conferences without a chaperone.

52. A robot Tony built does not count as a chaperone.

53. Nikola Tesla is not a vampire being held in the bowels of S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.

54. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to go searching for him in the name of Science!

55. Clint’s super-power is not ‘being super-annoying.’

56. The following words and phrases are never to be uttered over communication devices during an active mission ever again: “Exploring sexuality,” “Necrophilia,” “It’s getting hot in herr, so take off all your clothes,” “I hate everyone on this mission and I wish they’d die in a fire,” “Nick Fury can go suck on a big bag of sausages,” references to Bruce’s giant stash of weed, mention of anyone’s erection, or “Shawarma.”

57. If it makes Tony giggle for more than 30 seconds, it isn’t allowed.

58. If it makes Natasha crack a smile, it’s probably illegal.

59. Thor taking Jane to see Asgard does not count as an alien abduction. Clint should stop referring to it as such.

60. Just because Bruce agreed to work in Tony’s lab, does not mean he needs to get a “Property of Stark Industries” tattoo.

61. Tony is not allowed to design a robot to draw said tattoo on Bruce when he falls asleep in the lab.

62. Post-mission reports to Director Fury should not start out ‘So let me explain…’

Spencer Reid | Criminal Minds | Requested | Not my gif

“Y’N, I want you to head over to the second victim’s home. Talk to the roommate, see if there was anything unusual going on before her death,” says Hotch. You nod and begin to grab your jacket off a chair when you are stopped from doing so.

Spencer’s hand tugs your jacket to him and looking at Hotch says, “ Umm, I think Y/N should stay here.” The team stops what they are doing and looks at him oddly. “I’ve been re-examining all of the victims files and they all seem to have the same thing in common. Their hair color, eye color, height and they are all female. Y/N shares these qualities also.” 

Hotch looks at him oddly and says, “ I’m sure she’ll be fine. There will be other agents there. There’s no chance the unsub will be anywhere near the victims’ home.” Hotch sighs and looks to you and Spencer and says, “ I thought you said you two dating wouldn’t intervene with your work.”

“It won’t,” you reassure him. Stepping towards Spencer, you place your hand around his arm and say quietly, “ Don’t worry Spencer. I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself.”

He frowns at you and says not so quietly, “ I know you can but you’re not only taking care of yourself, remember. I can’t protect you both if i’m not around if something happens.”

Derek, who couldn’t help but overhear, says, “ Woah, what? Who else are you trying to protect?” Spencer looks to him and then looks to you and then looks to your stomach, hinting to Derek as to who this other being is. Derek’s eyes widened and a smile comes to his lips, “ No freaking way, pretty boy!”

Everyone’s attention seems to be on you two now. Penelope, who was watching the whole conversation, lets out a screech and places her hands on her cheeks, “ You’re having a baby!!”

It seems that your secret wasn’t a secret for long.

Requests are OPEN!

Jon Snow | Game of Thrones | Not my gif | Requested

Y/H/N = your house name

He watched as the wheelhouse entered trough the gates of Castle Black, a dozen or so guards surrounding it, protecting the only lady of House Y/H/N. Standing next to Samwell Tarly and Eddison Tollet, Jon’s heart seemed to have skipped a beat when your personal guard took a hold of your hand and you stepped out of the wheelhouse. It had been many moons since he had last seen you, you were all only children the last time. Robb had still been alive and Westeros had not seen war since the Greyjoy Rebellion.

As children, Jon always thought you were the prettiest girl he had ever seen and he would be lying if he said he never had a crush on you. Robb and Theon would often tease him about it and he would blush madly when you came to his defense, claiming that you would hope he liked you if he were to be your husband someday. Of course, he knew that could never be possible considering he was a bastard but he could never find the will to correct you. He liked to dream that maybe one day you would both run away to Dorne where you could marry and have children that won’t be labeled as bastards.

Needless to say, that dream was ruined when your father caught you both kissing in the stables. After that your yearly trips to Winterfell stopped and he had not seen you since. You exchanged letters as often as you could but they too slowly stopped coming. He had not thought of you for quite sometime until a letter, addressed to him, arrived to Castle Black. 

He had recognized the house sigil immediately and could not contain his smile at your writing. In the letter you explained how your father had forbidden you from ever seeing him again and would intercept any letter you tried to send. You spoke of how your father had passed 9 moons ago and your brother was now the Head of House Y/H/N. And you confessed that you had never truly forgotten him, he was after all your first love. After much convincing, you brother allowed you to go and visit Castle Black. 

When your eyes landed on him, he couldn’t help but feel like the same child that fell in love with you so long ago. Stepping towards him, you couldn’t contain your smile and neither could he. It was two long lost lovers uniting at last. He knew in that moment that his love for you had never truly went away. He would fight every white walker, every wildling, and every man in order to keep you next to him for the rest of his life.

Requests are OPEN!

A/N: This did not come out how I expected it too but considering I haven’t posted anything in so long, I thought this would suffice.

Matt Murdock | Marvel | Not my gif | Requested

The sun was shining through the window, lighting up the room. Though Matt could not see it for himself, he could feel the heat of the sun warming up the bedroom. He knew that it would soon wake you and you would start running around the apartment getting ready for work. Next to you he laid, listening to everything around him.

There was the occasional honk of a car from the slowly growing Hell’s Kitchen traffic. The voices of bystanders on their way to various locations. A birds chirp here and there. The slight hum of a downstairs neighbor vaccum. The soft heartbeat of his girlfriend next to him. And right below hers’ was the soft heartbeat of his unborn child.

ba bump, ba bump, ba bump

This is not the first time he has heard it, the first being when you both went to your first check-up. You had cried and to be honest, so did he. Since then he likes to lay awake and listen to its’ heartbeat. It calms him in a way, he can’t believe that someone like him who has done so much bad, can make something so pure and innocent.

ba bump, ba bump, ba bump

It seems that he was so focused on the baby’s heartbeat that he had not noticed you were awake. Sleeping on your back is now a daily occurence, so when you opened your eyes Matt was the first thing you saw. You smiled as you noticed the concentrated look on his face and knew he was listening to the little one’s heartbeat. Raising your hand to his face, you softly caressed his cheek which snapped him out of his focused state.

He smiled and grabbed hold of your hand, kissing the side of it. “Did the sun finally wake you?”

You huff out a laugh, “Sadly, yes. I should really get some curtains soon.” Matt chuckles, you’ve been saying that for the past couple weeks. You sit up next to him, leaning back against the headboard. “ How’s the heartbeat?,” you ask him.

Matt grins as he quickly listens in, differentiating between your heart beat and the baby’s. ba bump, ba bump, ba bump. “Still as strong and healthy as always. Just like yours.” You smile and lean in, kissing his cheek as his hand lands on your pregnant belly and softly caresses it. “I have to admit something... When I first met you, I knew that it was a day I would never forget. The first time you told me you loved me, i’ll admit I was scared. Everything I do is dangerous and I could never forgive myself if something were to happen to you because of me. But you stayed, after everything and now you are giving me one of life’s greatest joys. This is the happiest I’ve ever been in a long time and i’m glad you’re the reason for it.”

There were tears running down your cheeks as Matt placed his hands on the side of your face and kissed you.

ba bump, ba bump, ba bump

Requests are OPEN!

Logan/ James Howlett | Marvel | Not my gif | Requested

Walking into the bar, he didn't expect to see someone like you. 

You were the bartender but yet you weren't. The way that you carried yourself among the drunk men and overexcited sports fans, you would think you were a part of the crowd.

You were his complete opposite, that he could see. You smiled, a lot. But it was an amazing smile. It was the kind of smile that you would do anything just to see it again and again.

And that laugh. It was the most contagious thing he had ever heard. He knew in that moment that he wanted to be the one who always made you laugh. 

Your eyes were something he knew he would always love. They held a light that he had lost long ago. There was a certain amount of innocence that he could see but there was also a hint of mischief. And that mischief made him want you more.

You reeled him in without even saying a word. 

He was fascinated.

And he was glad Charles sent him to look for you.

Requests are OPEN!

Winn Schott | DC Comics | Not my gif | Requested

Stepping out of the elevator, Winn just managed to dodge out of the way from a very angry looking reporter who shouted at the phone in her hand. ‘Good thing I don’t work here anymore,’ he thought as he walked towards your office. Being a photographer for CatCo Worldwide Media meant you didn’t have too much free time, so when you texted Winn about having lunch, he eagerly accepted. 

Stepping into your office, Winn takes notice that you aren’t there. Pursing his lips he glances down to his watch, making sure that he got there at the correct time, when he notices a note on your desk.

Winn, ran out of storage space on  my memory card. Headed down to my car to fetch another. ~ Y/N

He chuckles, looking down briefly to throw away the note in your small trash bin when something catches his attention. Pausing, he looks down at the trash bin, noticing some slightly charred papers in there. He hesitates whether to look through you trash or just forget about ever seeing it. His curiosity gets the best of him and he bends down, picking up what he now sees are burnt photos.

There were three photos in total. The first was of the building he was currently in, the CatCo building. There were pieces on the side that were burnt off. The other two were the most ruined. He couldn’t quite make out what these photos once were and it caused him to be concerned. 

“Hey, Winn! Sorry for making you wait, I couldn’t-,” Stepping into your office, you expected to find Winn sitting on your desk chair playing some game on his phone but your life just couldn’t be that easy. At the sound of your voice he turned around, holding the photos that would change your life forever. 

Stepping towards you, Winn held up the burnt photos and asked, “Did you really hate these photos so much you burned them?” He saw how you avoided his eyes and looked down at your glove covered hands. You took a seat on your small couch and still said nothing.That caused Winn to be even more concerned, you weren’t one to stay quiet for long. “Is everything alright Y/N? Why are these all burnt up?”

With a shaky breath, you looked up at him and said, “I’ve been hiding something from you. Something pretty important.” Worry filling Winn’s eyes, he takes a seat on your small coffee table waiting for you to continue. “I have powers,” you stop Winn before he could say anything, “please don’t interrupt… Last month when Supergirl fought that other alien, I was there, taking photos. When she defeated him and he exploded into some kind of energy, I think it affected me. Ever since that day, I’ve been lighting things on fire. Those photos are not the only thing. Last week, I woke up from a nightmare and my bed was on fire! I have no idea how to control it, that’s why I’ve been wearing these stupid gloves that make my hands all sweaty.”

Before you started to hyperventilate, Winn placed his hands on your shoulders and made you look at him. “Hey! Y/N! It’s okay. Don’t freak out on me.” You look him in the eyes and nod, breathing shakily. “I can help you. I know some people that specialize in super powered individuals and they would be glad to help you. I promise.” Looking at him, very confused, you nod and smile slightly. Winn grins and cautiously grabs a hold of your hands. “But first, there is a lot I have to tell you. Kara is-”

Requests are OPEN!