Avengers: Infinity War Official Trailer

Avengers: Infinity War Official Trailer

hello I am here to tell you about Worst Time Traveller Han Solo, possibly post-TFA, grumpily rolling through the Clone Wars and accidentally earning a Reputation for knowing, strangely, exactly where to invest his money and what to do when confronted with Completely Unexpected Events. also, for some reason, he keeps running into baby-Vader a lot. STOP SHOOTING AT ME, yells Anakin, possibly just before they find themselves in another hot mess. sorry, force of habit, says Han.

also, at least once, somebody’s like “ok dude you’re a bit TOO accurate with your blaster shots as Anakin keeps complaining, lemme take your midichlorian count” “midi WHAT NOW” “I mean, you’re clearly Force-sensitive” “NO I’M NOT IT’S LUCK.”

Oh Peter... such a bumbling kitten.

Reasons why Peter Parker is a Disaster™ with secret identities:

Makes his spiderwebs in school, during class, with 20+ students and teachers present.

Talks vocally about how he stole Cap’s shield and then got beaten up. In a fucking silent gym hall where sound BOUNCES DON’T U KNOW THAT PETER UR SUPPOSED TO BE A NERD-

Anyway

Blatantly just fuckin. Jumps over 13 ft. fences bc he feels like it. Is Incapable of just Walking Normally like Normal Humans. Beneath him.

“Time to go on my daily patrol!” “hm. Where should I go to change out of my everyday clothes and turn into the mystery hero?” “oh, I know!” A FUCKING ALLEY IN PLAIN VIEW OF EVERYONE COME ON PETER

Seems to just regularly wear his suit under his clothes? Because there are no ways that could go wrong. At all.

Takes his fucking mask off and sits on a roof to brood over his crush whilst she stands under a HUGE ASS WINDOW WHERE ANYONE WHO JUST. VAGUELY TILTED THEIR HEAD UPWARD COULD CLEARLY SEE HIM.

PETER WHAT THE FUCK

For some reason decides it is a Good Idea to take his school bag with him on missions? And wears his school jacket over the suit? Do you….,.,. sweetie are you trying to get caught here?

TAKES HIS FUCKING MASK OFF LIKE. ALL THE FUCKING TIME JESUS CHRIST PARKER

Leaves both his suit+his web fluid in The Most Top Secret of places,,,, the impenetrable fortress that is,,,.,..,.underneath a school locker.

Is Generally A Bumbling Fool 

Tony u need to teach ur kid some fucking superhero etiquette what on Earth is this

I have to get off this planet.

I wish that ao3 had an option to filter warnings (and tbh certain authors) out like I will never ever want to read it and just seeing it puts me off so much that often I end up closing my browser because that content upsets me so much lmao

Valhalla, I am coming.