Chomp

Chomp

Hero found themselves in quite a precarious position, swinging upside down with their foot caught in a snare.

Now, this wasn’t exactly uncommon for them. Getting caught in a trap was nothing new. Such was the perilous life of a hero after all. What was unusual, though, was the pit of crystal clear water beneath them.

Oh, and the dozen or so sharks swimming around in it.

They were suspended over a pool fit for Olympic swimming. Hero was no marine biologist, but they were pretty sure those sleek grey fish weren’t dolphins.

Coarse rope dug into their ankle, but Hero found they didn’t mind too much. They had the core strength to be able to reach the knot but, unfortunately, untying it would probably send them plummeting into the water, and Hero wasn’t particularly up for such a literal swim with the fishes today.

Deciding to save their strength, Hero hung limp, tucking their shirt into their pants and leaving their arms to flop loosely with gravity.

Soon, the one responsible for their current predicament made themselves known from the ground.

“Welcome, Hero!” The villain’s voice boomed excitedly.

There was no catwalk, nothing covering the top of the tank. That left Villain to stand next to the glass at the bottom and having to yell up the dangling hero.

Before Hero could think to ask what they were doing here, Villain answered unprompted, “I wanted to show you my new collection!”

“Is this…legal?” Hero questioned, the words difficult to form with the blood rushing to their head.

“Absolutely not!” The villain exclaimed.

Right. That was probably the point.

“Are they…ok?”

Hero blinked hard, trying to stay present in the conversation.

“Who? Bruce, Anchor, Chum, Brooklyn, Barbara, Mark, Lori, Robert, Kevin, Lennie, Daymond, Nado, and Krill?

Their processing was gradually slowing down but those names seemed…oddly familiar.

“The…the sharks.”

Hero supposed they didn’t look too unhappy, chilling in their own space, not circling for an impending meal. Hero certainly couldn’t claim animal cruelty with the size of the aquarium. The oversized fish must be well fed to be able to coexist like this, which was…concerning for the hero, to say the least.

Their vision blurred as they watched a pointed fin breach the surface.

They realized belatedly that they were about to pass out.

“And they’re just fine with each other?”

“Oh, you see, that’s where my new invention comes in-“

The sound of Villain’s voice faded out as Hero’s consciousness slipped away.

…

They awoke to the sight of teeth flashing in front of them. They tried to scramble back before their brain could process the several-feet thick wall between them and the apex predator.

“You’ve been quite a rude guest.”

Hero turned to the source of the voice, finding Villain standing over them. The rope that had previously entrapped just one ankle now looped both feet together, as well as connecting both their wrists.

“I’m…sorry?” Hero spoke carefully.

That seemed like a reasonable answer, given their ultimate goal of not ending up as chum.

“You fainted before I could finish my monologue,” Villain pouted, crossing their arms and looking down at the Hero sitting against the wall of the tank.

“That’s…uh, my bad,” Hero answered, preoccupied with wondering when the sharks’ last meal was.

“Please, continue.”

Villain crouched down, looking intently into the Hero’s eyes as they started to explain.

“First, you have to understand the aggression patterns of bull sharks vs those of great whites and tigers…”

And that’s how Hero learned way more about Selachimorpha than they ever wished to know.

Overexertion

(Villain POV)

To say I was impressed may have been an understatement.

I didn’t really realize how many people were in the building when I rigged it to collapse. Now, I was watching a steady stream exit from every available opening. Easily hundreds of people flooded the streets, melding into the crowd that was already gathered outside. I knew that Hero would be able to slow the collapse, but I had no idea she would be able to hold it for this long. The plan was to tire her out so I could initiate a battle with a higher chance of capture. At this rate though, there may not be much left of the hero to capture.

More chunks of granite and marble slid off the sides of the building, luckily avoiding the major crowds and leaving stragglers to successfully dodge the falling debris.

The people exiting the courthouse slowed to a trickle, and then to a stop as the remaining structure began to shake and show clear that collapse was imminent.

Finally.

A heavy rumble and a chorus of shouts and screams erupted in front of me as I smiled. The commotion made for a great cover.

The second the dust settled I was scanning the crowd for where Hero had escaped to. I expected to see her ferrying wounded or checking on the children with first responders, maybe administering first aid or helping to reunite families. She was nowhere to be seen though, leaving those jobs to the police, medical professionals, and a few helpful civilians.

I turned back towards the collapsed building. The rubble was all greys and whites and reds, no sign of the conspicuous violet I sought. She wouldn’t have left the scene, not before everyone was taken care of and she was absolutely sure no one else needed to be rescued. But looking at the remains of the county building, I couldn’t imagine there being many survivors left inside.

She couldn’t have died, right?

I located the closest hole in the rubble and dashed in to explore. This wasn’t my first demolition and I was fairly certain there would be minimal shifting for at least a few minutes and what remained of the building was fairly structurally sound, but still, I needed to be quick.

It had been almost five minutes when I finally spotted a metallic purple jacket. For a second I feared that I would find Hero’s body pinned under a pillar or a large part of the ceiling with her chest caved in or something equally mission-ending, but I was relieved to find her lying in a small but completely open space, no debris but a thick layer of dust touching her form. I had been prepared to fight, but there was no need. Hero was definitely unconscious.

I approached quickly but quietly, sticking two fingers on her pulse point to detect a slow but steady heart beat. I immediately recognized her state as exhaustion. After all, there was no way she should have been able to hold up the entire building for as long as she did. Luckily, it seems she had been able to push long enough to protect herself with a small shield when the building did come down, with her still in it.

I had to work fast, before the site was deemed safe for rescue crews to enter and Hero was discovered before I could take her.

I wanted to leave unnoticed, partly due to the heavy police presence outside that I did not feel like dealing with today, so I had dressed rather inconspicuously. Jeans and black t-shirt. Hero, however, was in full dress so I stripped off the recognizable jacket and replaced her hood with a beanie. Her thick black leggings were passable, as long as no one looked too closely at what was sewn into the pockets. I rolled her into a hoodie I had wrapped around my waist, shoving her iconic jacket into my bag then picking her up and retracing my steps out into the crowded streets.

We were both covered in dust, looking inconspicuously like any two victims who had resolved to get themselves to the hospital instead of dealing with an expensive ambulance and backlogged roads. Unfortunately for Hero, the hospital was not our real destination.

Too busy with their eyes glued to the news or their phones to check on family members, nobody noticed me carry Hero back to my base on the other side of town.

She graciously stayed asleep for the walk, and would probably continue that for at least another day or two. All the more convenient for me.

I laid her down on a table in my receiving room, finally resting my sore arms from the trek across the city. As much as I would have loved to fireman carry her out of there, a bridal carry was much less suspicious on the streets of City, especially between a man and a woman.

I was just glad she wasn’t awake to question me about it. Gentleness and chivalry were not exactly on brand for me, and I liked it to stay that way.

I pulled her jacket out of my bag first and rifled through the pockets for anything of any importance. I came across an accordion folded card with a front that was caution-orange and stopped to read the text printed on the front. It read:

Yes I know my limits, I just choose to ignore them.

If found, pls read (or not lmao I’m probably too dead or unconscious to care)

I knew that some people carried emergency cards on their person with important information, but it was always a trade off because you ran the risk of it being found and revealing information in a situation in which you would rather it not. I wondered if Hero would want me to read this in this particular situation or not, had she been conscious. Either way, I entertained myself by unfolding the paper. It did say please, after all.

It continued:

So obviously I did something either super heroic (I hope) or really stupid (probable). Maybe even both.

Anyway if you’re trying to keep me alive, good luck.

It then listed key medical information such as blood type and medications, complete with a large print ‘please skip to here if actively dying’ label.

Villain scanned through information before moving to the back of the comically long card with comically tiny print and reading:

If I’m dead (and you’re taking requests) I would like to be cremated and have my ashes mixed with a tree. (And preferably planted somewhere I won’t be cut down or die within a year lol)

Have a great day :) (or, if you’re a villain: I hope both sides of your pillow are warm every night and you jump every time you hear a toaster go off.)

P.S. don’t feel bad about any of this, I knew what I was doing (unless, once again, you are a villain, in which case go fuck your self, feel bad all you want, dirtbag)

I allowed myself a small chuckle. She wasn’t consciously around to hear it anyway.

A broken com, some cash, and miscellaneous tools were all there was to find in the rest of the clothing I searched.

My next order of business was checking Hero for any injuries, a process which I will admit is a lot easier and less awkward when your subject is conscious. Still, I didn’t need the hero bleeding out or dying from some unseen wound while incapacitated in my care.

Rolling her back out of the hoodie, I crumpled and tucked the fabric under her head and neck to separate them from the hard surface.

A cursory inspection revealed no clear cuts in the fabric of her tank top or visible skin of the front, nor any bloodstains in the lighter sections of her leggings. I lifted and turned over both of Hero’s bare arms, finding nothing of concern anywhere I could see. The same was true for her lower legs and abdomen.

Resolved to simply deal with any other possible hidden wounds if the issue later arose, I retreated deeper into my lair to further prepare for my guest.

An empty cell awaited, and Hero would not stir on the cot for some time.

Pinned

(Mild blood/injury description)

The hero had put up a good chase, but not good enough.

And so Villain sat, pinning them to the forest floor. The face of the hero beneath them was scrunched up and they were breathing heavy, both probably after effects of the pursuit and subsequent collision with the ground.

“That little chase certainly wore you out,” the villain taunted as they watched the rapid rise and fall of the hero’s chest.

The hero did not waste precious oxygen replying the villain, instead training their eyes on the lush canopy above them.

The villain opened their mouth to continue their mocking of the defeated hero, but something stopped them.

They felt a touch of dampness, and looked down to see blood seeping from under the hero’s clothes into the villain’s pant legs.

Well that was interesting.

“Where’d you get that?”

“It’s not a good fucking day for this,” the hero groaned, throwing their head back and disturbing a collection of dead pine needles in the process.

“Hm. Too bad.”

The villain focused their gaze on the blood-soaked waistband directly beneath them. Their calculating eyes scanned the stains to look for slashes that might indicate where exactly the blood was coming from. This was made difficult as the hero continued to struggle and wince beneath their weight.

“You’re gonna make it worse,” the villain pointed out in a neutral tone, their grip tightening in a silent warning.

The hero seemed to finally accept this, letting their head fall back into the dirt, resignation etched into their face as they pointedly avoided looking at the villain atop them.

Once the villain was convinced they had truly stopped struggling, they lifted their hips to sit a few inches further back towards the hero’s legs, taking pressure off the wound.

The hero let out a sigh of relief, but otherwise didn’t acknowledge the move.

When reinforcements finally arrived, the villain took the time to properly inspect the hero’s wound. Held between two henchmen and hauled to their feet, the hero glared defiantly at the villain as they approached.

The villain paid the scowl no mind as they lifted up the fabric of the hero’s shirt to reveal a significant stab wound in their lower abdomen. The bleeding had already slowed, and it appeared from the layer of crust and dried crimson mixing with a fresher red that it had been at least a few hours since the injury was acquired.

The villain knew they certainly were not responsible, as you typically don’t sustain a clean stab wound from twigs and rocks in the forest.

They didn’t bother to question the hero about it again, knowing their response would be something along the lines of ‘go to hell.’

It didn’t matter, the villain would find out who had laid hands on their hero one way or another.

No thoughts, only Hero teaching Villain the HOT TO GO dance

Hero and Villain Go Tubing

They got an early start, arriving at the water mid-morning bright-eyed and eager.

Well, at least one of them was.

“Remind me again why you made this a stipulation of our neutrality deal,” Hero groaned.

They stood upon a rock overlooking a semi-shallow green river with their ecstatic nemesis by their side.

A toothy grin spread across the villain’s face in response.

“It’ll be fun!”

For Hero, that was yet to be determined.

The hero’s swim trucks were adorned with cartoon flamingos. When questioned, Hero had asserted that they were a gift, and they didn’t go swimming often enough to own a second pair. Villain was dressed in more ‘tasteful’ swimwear, a dark blue rash guard and green shorts.

Hero sighed, “You brought the tubes, right?”

“They come with the tickets, we just give them back when we get out,” Villain explained.

“Tickets?” Hero questioned, “We’re paying for this?”

“Of course not!” Villain assured, then corrected, “You’re paying for this.”

Obviously, Hero had not bothered to read the fine print on the contract they signed.

They begrudgingly made their way to the ticket building across the street, mumbling something about ‘touristicification’ and good-old-fashion private waterways. Hero returned with a tube on each arm. One a cool blue, the other a neon pink.

Villain reached for the blue, but was swatted away by Hero not-so-gently flinging the pink tube at him.

Villain scowled, but inwardly he may have smiled.

Hero didn’t need to know that, though.

They took a step towards the water access before Hero’s voice interrupted them.

“We’re not leaving until you put on sunscreen.”

“I didn’t bring any-

“I did!”

Villain was interrupted by the taste of banana boat entering his open mouth as Hero sprayed him down with SPF.

Villain spit, gagging from the bitter aerosol assault.

Thouroghly protected from the sun, courtesy of the now-smiling Hero, Villain and Hero began their trek towards the put-in point. Halfway there, Villain stopped, searching for something he didn’t seem to find in Hero’s hands.

“Where’s the stick?” He asked, and Hero rolled their eyes.

“I was not paying five dollars for a stick. We can scavenge for one if it’s that important.”

Villain begrudgingly continued on. They made their way down to the water, wading out across the rocky river bed to an acceptable distance before falling gracefully boarding the tubes.

Just like that, they were off.

Their inter-tubes had been linked together by a nylon strap, so they floated in tandem. At first it was leisurely, feet hanging in the water and heads tilted back to gaze up at the tree canopy. That was, until, a sudden jerk had them stuck in place.

Their first obstacle.

A rock.

“You’re stuck!” Hero yelped, looking over at Villain, affronted at him for ruining the peaceful moment.

“No you’re stuck!”

Hero scoffed. They both looked around into the water, trying to locate the source of their sudden loss of momentum. Hero rocked to no avail, legitimizing their claim that this debacle was not their fault. Villain refused to move, so the hero grabbed the connecting strap.

Hero yanked hard, and the tubes spun free of the rock and caught the current again.

“I told you we needed sticks.”

“You didn’t even help!”

Hero leaned back, staring at the clear sky once again. Until Villain saw fit to once again ruin the moment.

“I think this journey is deserving of a soundtrack,” he spoke.

They pulled out a speaker from who-knows-where. In true villainous fashion, they pressed play at the highest volume, subjecting the entire river to their playlist.

“~I know, you wanted me to stay~”

“What is this?” Hero asked.

Villain gasped.

“You’ve never heard Pink Pony Club?!”

“Never heard what now?”

The villain didn’t answer, letting the singer answer for herself.

“~I’m gonna keep on dancing at the Pink Pony Club~”

“Is that the kind of club I think it is?! This is not appropriate-“

“If you want to hear not appropriate…” the villain cursed, and the Hero’s jaw dropped open, but he wasn’t looking at them.

“Villain!”

Villain snapped his mouth shut as he caught Hero’s gaze and saw the child floating by. He blushed at the glare shot to him by the kid’s guardian, who paddled them both by as quickly as possible.

“I see why you needed someone obligated to come with you. Clearly no one would do this willingly,” Hero stated, much to the chagrin of their tethered partner.

“Oh come on, its not that bad,”

“It’s not, you are.”

Ice cold water cascaded in drops over the Hero. They froze, then turned slowly to face the grinning villain.

He just splashed them. Like a toddler.

Taking the high road, they decided not to strike back, lest they be reduced to the low, low level of their criminal companion.

When Villain failed to get the reaction he wanted, he did it again, this time drenching the entirety of Hero’s lap.

Hero’s mouth gaped.

“Ugh, could it get more hot out?” Villain complained.

“Need I remind you this was your idea?”

“I’m melting, Hero.”

Hero saw the opportunity and took it. They wedged their feet under his tube and lifted up, flipping the inflatable with Villain still inside it. They never saw it coming, and thus were successfully dumped into the pocket of deeper water.

When Villain surfaced, they cut Hero a deadly glare.

“That wasn’t very heroic of you,” they said, pushing back their now-soaked hair.

Hero shrugged.

“You said you were hot. I just saved you from a heat stroke.”

Unfortunately for Hero, some retaliation was in order.

Another large(and several small) splashes later, and they were both overboard.

Both looking like seals trying to scale an iceberg, they eventually managed to climb back into their floatation devices.

All was calm, for all of five seconds.

A crescendo of a rushing sound alerted the pair that they were approaching a rapid.

Ahead, an outcropping of rocks bifurcated their path. On either side, a small cascade prevented smooth travel forward. Hero gestured to the widest side, and his companion nodded.

“I’m going down first,” Villain asserted, aggressively paddling one handed towards the right side of the river.

Hero startled as the angle of the tubes shifted as they were pulled towards the miniature waterfall.

“I don’t wanna go backwards!” They screeched.

In a panic, Hero unbuckled the tether between them.

No longer connected, Hero’s tube passed Villain’s by, following their chosen path smoothly.

Hero looked back to find Villain farther behind them than they should have been.

Unmoving.

They were stuck.

“Wiggle!” Hero called.

The villain managed a vague side to side movement.

“That’s not wiggling!” Hero yelled, exasperated. They were quickly approaching a bend, and they had to crane their neck back to catch sight of the villain.

“This IS wiggling!” They defended.

“THEN WIGGLE HARDER!”

Soon the Hero was out of sight, and Villain had to make the ego-crushing decision to leave his tube to try and displace it off the rock.

Hero only knew he had fallen flat on his face instead when the neon pink tube floated by, its occupant conspicuously absent.

A ridiculously long time later:

The two enemies crawled out of the river, collapsing side by side onto the bank.

One package of bandaids and several towels later, they spoke,

“We should do this again sometime.”

“Never.”

Hey, ok? You're probably not ok if you got bad news but are you getting by? Do you want to vent or want us to ask about it? Sometimes that helps I think

One step at a time, one day at a time, ok?

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

This is so sweet, thank you.

I am indeed getting by.

I usually try not to share too many personal details online, but since I’m struggling a bit with this, I figure yelling into the void (tumblr lol) might help.

Below is some discussion of medical issues (absolutely no obligation for anyone to continue reading, especially if the topic makes you uncomfortable. Please don’t forget to take care of yourselves too <3)

Yesterday, I visited a new specialist who did some testing due to a recent autoimmune diagnosis of mine. I have been dismissed a lot in the past, so I usually go in expecting test results to be normal. This time, I was wrong.

Apparently, I have moderate pulmonary obstruction, that I’ve just…never noticed?? I guess between disabling POTS and the tendency to convince myself symptoms are all in my head, shortness of breath must not have concerned me.

(Yeah, that’s about as concerning as it sounds)

So, yay, more testing.

Best case scenario, I have asthma (never thought I’d be hoping to have asthma lol). Worst case scenario, there is disease activity in my lungs, courtesy of my wonderful immune system. There is also a possibility of vocal cord dysfunction, but I don’t know much about that.

I already live with a plethora of health issues, but this one just caught me off guard. It hits harder when you’re not expecting it, and quite frankly it’s a little scary.

Whatever I find out, though, I will continue to get by. Not my first rodeo, and definitely not my last.

Either way, at least I always have Hero and Villain to project onto if I get overwhelmed LMAO.

I think this helped, thank you anon for checking in on me.