Thank You For Mentioning Koi No Yokan, And Taking Your Time To Read It, Very Much Appreciated!

thank you for mentioning koi no yokan, and taking your time to read it, very much appreciated!

June 2021 Reads

Hello! All my June reblogs of JK fics (x f. reader) are listed below. Please note the angst, fluff, and smut descriptions. Much love to the authors (reblog, comment, but please be kind) and to our super duper sexy & lovable bun jk 🐰

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belated love letter - k.nj.

genre: angst (2.5k)

summary: a love letter that he’s been writing only gets delivered, because namjoon has a lot to say even after you’ve broken up.

a/n: i made myself cry with this one.

masterlist

namjoon, a person who seemingly has answers to everything, never got the answer as to why you both drifted off.

did you both grow out of love? no, it was evident in the quivering lips and glassy eyes when you saw each other for the last time that love indeed still persisted between you two.

did you grow out of each other? no, namjoon still strongly believes that you’re the most fascinating person he’s met and he remembers how you found his mind to be the brightest of them all.

maybe the love became too much at some point. maybe love just wasn’t enough.

he’ll never know.

but something went wrong.

and it went wrong very quickly, so quickly that namjoon couldn’t even give you the one thing he promised you he would.

a love letter.

“you know, for a world-renowned lyricist, and as that lyricist’s girlfriend, i’ve never gotten a letter from you” you teased him one rainy day and he remembers the breathless chuckle that left his lips.

“do you want one?” he fiddled with your fingers that were held in his hand.

“a letter from the kim namjoon? there’s nothing else i want more” and even as the sky crackled behind the windows, and rain continuously beat them, you both could only look at each other. you looked at each other like ‘damn the rest of the world, i only have eyes for you’.

and that’s when namjoon decided that he was going to write you a letter alright, he was going to write you the best letter ever.

namjoon stared blankly at the words scribbled on the page, frowning every so often, his words were, to put it in one way, powerful. he didn’t know he was capable of feeling such strong emotions but he did know that you brought out the best in him. and the best of him was spilled on this one page that was still half empty.

namjoon felt just as empty.

he wasn’t near breaking down or crying himself to sleep, but namjoon wasn’t happy, he couldn’t deny this hollowness in his chest that’s been lingering for days now and he doesn’t need anyone else to tell him that it was because of you, he knows it. namjoon knows it all except, like mentioned before, why you both ended it but it was an unwritten realization, that it was for the best.

another thing namjoon doesn’t know is why he grabs his favorite pen, the pen he uses to write his famous lyrics, he got a new one for the album they’re working on now and starts filling in the empty space, almost feeling like he was filling himself with the emotions that he misses so dearly.

namjoon was going to give you that letter.

even if you might not want it anymore.

-

it’s been almost a year since you’ve seen namjoon and it felt like time was cruel enough to make that year feel like an eternity. it both felt like just yesterday that you and namjoon were visiting museums together and also like forever since you’ve both cuddled in whenever the weather got worse.

and you don’t know if it was good or bad that you still remember everything.

you remember how he carefully used to handle things that belonged to you because he knew you cherished them, he still broke a few but it’s the effort that counts, how you used to nap in his studio whenever it got too long and always woke up with a blanket wrapped around you, how you both used to skip around parks and also the time namjoon taught you how to finally ride a bike.

you stupidly remember it all.

you were quite sure namjoon had forgotten about you and moved on because you were just a chapter in his story that still had a long way to go. you didn’t blame him, you were trying to forget him as well, it’s just he was probably successful in forgetting you and you weren’t as successful as you’d like to be.

but to your surprise, you came home to a letter in your mailbox. you never get letters, so this left you more than a little curious as you turned the dainty lilac-colored envelope in your hand to reveal an all too familiar handwriting scribbled on top.

‘from: kim namjoon’

you expected a lot of things from namjoon but none of them came close to the letter that you held in your hand. and you couldn’t help the way your heart seemed to skip a beat only to shatter on the ground a minute later. it dawned on you that it could be a goodbye letter, and you hated goodbyes. but namjoon had never liked loose ends, he liked his endings to make just as sense as the beginnings, so you probably shouldn’t have been too surprised that he sent it.

you slowly set down your belongings and walked into your house, placing the letter on table, staring at it for a little, wondering if opening it will only hurt you more or not.

but did you even care if it will hurt?

all you’ve been this year, is hurt.

all you’ve felt this year, is hurt.

so, what’s one more letter? and he bothered enough to send it all the way to where you’ve moved. so yeah, you will read it. you could feel goosebumps rising on your skin as your fingers lightly grazed the paper, admiring his handwriting, namjoon has always had such beautiful writing.

you hastily tore open the envelope and turned it upside down, a single piece of paper, which was neatly folded fell out on the ground, you sat down next to it and with shaky fingers, you started reading the words of the man you used to love, you still love, so much.

to the love of my life, (you still are)

9/10/19

today, with beaming eyes and a happy smile on your face, you jokingly asked me for a letter and who am i to deny you? even with the breaking sky above us, you managed to make me feel like the lightest cloud floating in it and with that, i start this letter, a bare heart and with a hope that my pen doesn’t run out and also that you won’t find it, this is my little surprise to you. i will write it, day-by-day, on days i especially thank the world for giving me you so i hope as the girlfriend of world-renowned lyricist kim namjoon, that you find this satisfactory.

i love you.

19/10/19

i came back to this paper after promising that i will wait for a bit to finish it but you have me breaking all of the promises i’ve made for myself, one of them being don’t fall in love until you’re ready and i was never ready for you and the stars you’ve aligned for us.

but i’m still in love, and i don’t mind it at all.

you woke me up just in time for me to make it to work and because i was in such a hurry, you took over the one duty that i have, breakfast.

at first, i felt guilty that even if you were rushing to get to work, you still didn’t get mad at me for not waking up earlier, you just gave me a sleepy grin when i thanked you. and then i tried looking at it in a more positive light, you work hard for yourself and me and i’m grateful.

i’m grateful to you, even if it is something as simple as breakfast, i’m grateful. and i will start waking up earlier, i want to do more for you.

i love you.

11/11/19

today, we went to pottery together!

and we didn’t manage to make anything and it wasn’t a surprise to either of us because our pots broke even before they could get toasted in the oven. it was just us, a private class in the middle of a forest and there was a mild drizzle of rain from the sky. and now as i write this, i realize whenever it rains, i fall more in love with you, the idea of you and everything about you.

i decided to write again today because it was a wonderful day, we laughed a lot and we smeared a lot of clay on our face and you had the nerve to call my pot a masterpiece.

y/n, as much as i appreciate your kind soul, my pot literally looked like shit.

and you laughing right after you said that it was a masterpiece, kind of gave away the fact that you didn’t mean it.

but i’ll let it go because you looked cute. you always look cute.

and oh look, you’re calling me for dinner, i will come back to this again.

i love you.

22/1/20

you weren’t yourself today but that’s okay, we all have our days, it did hurt when you didn’t let me hug you but again, i understand. you had a difficult day and i wish i could take all your pain away, all your troubles, i wish i could burn them to the ground and not even let the ashes remain.

but i can’t do that.

i can only watch you lie to me that you aren’t crying, that you are okay.

i hope you know that you don’t have to lie, never to me.

i can see the tears on your face, i’m sorry i’m not strong enough to come and wipe them away, i’m scared that you’ll only go further away from me. and to me, you’re lost today. i hope you find your way back to me. i will wait with open arms.

i love you.

22/2/20

love is as deep as a sea, i remember reading that in a book. and i didn’t fully realize the meaning till i met you.

everything has made sense since i’ve met you. and it’s true, love is like a sea, i keep discovering new things about it every day, i keep discovering all these habits of yours, i’ve started speaking in the way you do and even the members have noticed, they haven’t stopped teasing me since this afternoon, even right now, they’re hovering around me and trying to read this letter but don’t worry, i have it out of their view, this is only our little secret.

you came to the studio, you brought all of us food and drinks with that grin on your face that i love so much, the members immediately bounced to you and that is when i saw how perfectly fit in my life, from my view, you, and the members, are my family. and my family is so lovely.

what did i ever do in my life to have all of you in it?

okay jungkook’s getting nosy, let me stop here.

i love you.

16/4/21

so, it really is over.

i don’t have it in me to say it’s okay or it’s all right.

because it’s not.

i’ve never been a good liar, i couldn’t hide about how i felt about you then and i can’t do it now.

y/n, i’m exhausted, your face used to be the first thing i saw every day when i woke up and somehow, even on the worst days, that was enough for me to pull through because i could fall asleep next to it.

i can’t do that anymore, and even if it’s been a year, it’s just sinking in for me now.

but i’m dealing. i feel empty but i am not totally miserable. the members don’t say it but they miss you too, they keep looking at me sadly but they’re also cheering me up, don’t worry about them or me too much.

i’m sending you this because i couldn’t keep a promise even if i tried when we were together so i want to make up for it, i’m keeping this one promise, i hope it’s worth it.

sad to say this, but my pen did run out, this is a new pen, it’s a little gritty but it works, and i don’t know why i’m telling you this but the pen i started the letter with lasted just as long as we did, so now, i see that as our hourglass, i just wish it hadn’t run out so quickly. i hope i got to say i love you to you one last time before it ran out. it’s all useless now anyway.

but even if it hurts, even if i haven’t moved on, i’m happy.

i’m happy i got to know someone with a mind as beautiful as yours.

i’m happy i spent my days loving you. because loving you is bigger than any award i’ll hold.

i hope you look back at us with fondness and not regret.

and i hope you move on and someone else loves you, maybe love you better than i did because you deserve it, you deserve all the good in the world. i’m sorry i couldn’t give it to you.

but remember me, yeah?

i love you. i will always love you.

the end,

from your world-renowned-lyricist kim namjoon.

the letter has smudged ink near the end, from both his and your tears and you desperately re-read the letter again, like you were grasping to any pieces that were left of you two. it slightly crumbles from how tight your grip was on it.

and this isn’t the story in which you run after him to get back with him after you read this, you don’t go knocking on his door waiting for him to answer and then finally fall into his arms to end your pain and his.

no, this is the story in which you clutch the cream-colored paper to your heart and silently cry your eyes out because the worst realization of reaching the end of it was, both that it was the last words that you’ll ever hear from namjoon and also that no one would love you like he did.

he will remain as that one beautiful chapter in your story that you’ll go back to visit every now and then, only to cry at the ending.

and you feel a bitter gratefulness that you got to experience a part of your life with him so you don’t mind that it hurts, you’ll kiss this chapter a sweet goodbye.

but you have your own loose ends; you have your own feelings that need to be spilled. you feel like you will explode if you don’t close this chapter in your story. you might just never finish moving on to the next one if you don’t. you too, have a lot to say even if you two are over.

so, you grab a pen, hover over your desk with a faint dangling light above you, a small smile dances on your lips and you start writing to him,

a belated love letter.

fools - k.sj.

genre: angst, fluff (6.7k)

summary: only fools fall for you. (fools!universe)

masterlist     series masterlist

the first time you saw jin, it was at 4 am in the ‘24/7’ library you liked to go to. he was sitting all alone at a circular table, staring intensely at the books in front of him, his eyebrows had scrunched up and his lips were caught in between his teeth in concentration. he only strayed his eyes away from them to see you enter the room. blinking owlishly, he gives you a one over, curiously but then returns back to studying, seemingly not paying anymore mind to you.

you set your books in a table far away from his, and sat down in a huff. you don’t like being around people and even if this man is pretty, prettier than you’d like to admit, he still was no exception and you snort when you see all the sticky notes and highlighters he has out on the table.

what a dork.

you don’t give him too much thought either, instead opening up your books and getting lost in them, immediately taking down notes and groaning in frustration every now and then.

you were so lost in finishing your assignment that you don’t notice his gaze linger on you after he deemed it was safe to do so without getting caught by you. and he continues to do so because you don’t bother to lift your head to look at anyone and jin tilts his head as he plays with one of his highlighters while still looking at you.

did you have different textbooks?

because what could be so interesting that you haven’t looked up for the past hour?

jin shakes his head at himself when he realizes he’s been staring at a stranger like a creep for an hour now. he’s got his own papers to finish so he pats his cheeks roughly, mumbling an apology when the clapping sound makes people look at him with an annoyed expression and starts working again.

he feels slightly bashful because he broke one of the rules of midnight libraries which was no sound, absolutely no sound, not even your steps should make a sound. if libraries are quiet in the morning, they should be as quiet as a graveyard at night.

and the next time he looks up from his books, you aren’t there anymore.

this happens a couple of times throughout the days he sees you, he will see you walk in and settle with your books and even he’s checking every ten minutes to see if you’re there or not, you still manage to vanish into thin air when he doesn’t notice.

jin thinks you’re a ghost.

because he can’t understand how you move so quickly and quietly, even when he sees you in the library the next week, he’s startled because one minute he’s happily using his lime-colored highlighter on text that doesn’t need highlighting only to casually look up and seeing you in your usual spot.

and jin is so surprised that he almost falls out of his chair when you give him a side glance. he’s almost tempted to touch your cardigan to see if you’re even real or not because no one else acknowledges you except him. like literally everyone acts like you’re invisible or you actually are invisible and he just doesn’t know.

there’s a reason why no one acknowledges you but jin doesn’t know that.

you see, jin doesn’t think a lot before doing something and now the mystery of whether he’s discovered a ghost or not is greater than any future embarrassment he might feel.

he strides over to you and slightly pulls on your cardigan, and yes, he feels the fabric, you look pretty normal up close, you don’t have full black eyes or whatever shit ghosts have going on, and he heaves in relief.

“so, you’re real, thank god” it’s only after he mumbles those words, he realizes his blunder because insinuating that you thought someone (someone you’re attracted to) was a ghost wasn’t the greatest way to flirt and he definitely knows his answer if he decides to ask you out because you’re glaring at him so hard, he wants to run away.

yep, his answer would be a big fat no.

before he can apologize or explain why he thought you were a ghost or why he pulled on your cardigan, you shove past him with your books held tightly against your chest and leave but not without whispering curses at him the entire time.

jin fucked up, he knows he did and he couldn’t help but think how stupid he was to just randomly walk up to you, still a complete stranger and pull on your cardigan, jin also couldn’t help that you felt familiar to him, in a way he couldn’t explain.

so, the next time you walked into the library, he was about to come up to you and apologize but then he sees how you roll your eyes as soon as you spot him and even when he stands up to try and talk to you, you brush right past him with a scowl on your face.

jin doesn’t know what to do.

he doesn’t want to risk pissing you off even more but he knows that he has to apologize, but you do look like you are going to kill him if he comes near you. and his life is kind of precious to him.

nevertheless, with fumbling fingers and twitching lips, jin slowly walks to where you are and before he even opens his mouth to speak, you’re cutting him off.

“what, are you going to pull my cardigan again?” you snap at him and he quickly shakes his head, eyes shutting because he cannot believe he got himself into this situation.

“you aren’t wearing a cardigan today” he mumbled and winced immediately when you cocked an eyebrow at him.

what is the fucking deal with him when he is around you?

where is his ‘be respectful, not an asshole’ filter?

“don’t get smart with me” you practically growled, irritation sinking deeper into your skin and jin shamefully nodded.

he had that one coming.

“i just wanted to apologize, i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, i’m pretty sure it looked strange but my intention wasn’t that because the reason i even did it was- “he takes a deep sigh when he notices you sitting up straight, curious enough to want to know why he even pulled your cardigan instead of you know, saying hello like a normal person would.

“it was because i thought you were a ghost” he whispered, feeling the embarrassment settling deep in him as he explained and he snaps his eyes open to look at you when he hears your loud laugh. it gathers the attention of everyone else in the library but you don’t look like you care because you’re laughing so hard that your eyes have gathered tears.

jin doesn’t know why but he feels a certain warmth spread in his chest when he sees you looking so happy, even if it is because he embarrassed himself.

“why didn’t you just talk to me?” you said slightly breathlessly as you leaned back in your seat, a wide grin still on your face and jin felt himself smiling back at you.

“what if you were a ghost?” he retorted and you giggled again, jin was loving every minute of it. there’s nothing more ego boosting than someone you like finding you funny.

“strong point, can’t argue with that.” you lifted your hands in surrender and when you saw him laugh with his ears and cheeks all red, you knew you didn’t deserve whatever this handsome man had to offer.

you couldn’t get attached.

you didn’t deserve to be attached with anyone, especially not this guy who’s been making you laugh and forget about everything, even if it was for five minutes.

“okay, apology accepted, you can leave now.” you curtly nodded, voice devoid of any and all emotion and turned to open your books and jin was baffled because you looked so full of life not even a minute ago.

“you’re not even going to tell me your name?” and you don’t answer, instead staring down at your book even if your mind wasn’t grasping anything so jin shrugged to himself and left you alone even if he really wanted to stay and talk, or make you laugh more because you didn’t always look this happy, at least not in the times he’s seen you.

from then, jin didn’t bother you, of course he still looked your way whenever he could but he never went up to talk to you again and you couldn’t help but feel disappointed even if you were the one who pushed him away. a small solace for you was that you didn’t have to worry about getting attached anymore.

but jin is well, he’s jin and he’s hard to ignore.

so this time, you’re the one who looks up constantly with your pen caught in between your lips, you look up to see the handsome stranger across the room from you (you still don’t know his name) he doesn’t look too far from your age and you could only guess that you both went to the same university, you lean a little and squint your eyes to see any identification and sure enough he had a hoodie draped over the chair next to him and it had your university’s name on it.

how come you have never seen him around?

maybe he didn’t hang out near your block but you move around a lot so it’s puzzling that you have never noticed him before.

maybe he just had a tight circle of friends.

the next time you looked up, you saw him snoozing away with his book open in front of him. his precious highlighters are scattered around his head, he looked cute with his full lips and slightly flushed cheeks. absentmindedly, you gathered your books and sat down in the same table, still maintaining a good distance, not wanting to but looking over to see him every once in a while.

you giggled when his alarm rang and broke the silence in the very quiet, very empty library, so empty that it was only you and him, and a couple at the other end of the library but you were pretty sure they didn’t come here to study. jin snapped his eyes and hastily looked around to make sure no one caught him looking like a fool, only to meet your amused eyes.

and even if you didn’t want to, you started speaking.

“no loud noises in the library, don’t you know that?” you mused and pointed to the huge sign over your head which had the rule written on it in huge letters, a cheeky grin on your face only to laugh once more when he hurriedly bowed to you in apology.

he was still cute. and he was still making it really hard to not like him.

“it’s okay, just try not to sleep here, i can’t imagine the position being any comfortable” you chastised, you know this because once you fell asleep and woke up with such a cramped neck that you couldn’t move it for two days. you watched as his eyes danced over your face, pausing for a second or two and then lifting his eyebrow in a cocky way.

“thanks for the concern” jin smirked your way and you rolled your eyes, of course with a face like that, he was confident and that also made him attractive, it’s been a while since you’ve openly admitted to yourself that someone was attractive.

but it hasn’t been too long since you made the biggest blunder in your life.

you sighed, closing your books and thinking that this was enough studying for you today, not failing to catch jin’s panicked eyes looking at you.

you got up to leave, flinging your bag over your shoulder, and walking away, silently wishing for jin to say something and he didn’t disappoint. he wasn’t going to talk to you but you initiated the conversation this time so he took that as a green light to talk to you.

“wait, what’s your name? i’m jin!” he called after you, now standing in his seat. even from where you stood, his voice was clear as day so he must have been yelling.

“well jin, still no loud noises in the library, remember?” you smirked at him and laughed to yourself when you heard him groan and slump his shoulders.

just like that, you were gone. again.

jin doesn’t remember the last time he’s chased after someone but you looked like you were worth the chase so he brought out the big guns. he put a dent in his weekly budget and bought two expensive coffee infused drinks from the café in front of the library. all while he cursed capitalism, the café itself and even god because why the fuck did he have to pay 30$ for decent coffee?

that day, he kept close watch to the entrance of the library to catch you walk in and you did, looking even better than he remembers. as soon as you sit down in your usual seat, he walks over to you after gathering every bit of confidence left in him and you paused from writing your notes when you saw a shadow on them, looking up to see jin standing there with a nervous smile and two cups in his hands.

and dare you say, your heart fluttered.

“what are you doing jin?” you mused and he hated how much he liked his name rolling off your tongue. he hasn’t liked his name this much before, you just made it sound more beautiful.

“what does it look like? i’m trying to get your name.” and with that, he set a cup in front of you, and you see, it was very tempting to just sit here and get lost in a conversation with jin who seemed more than eager about it but it wasn’t so tempting when you remember your mistakes, you have hurt someone else too much to chat over coffee like this.

“i don’t like coffee.” but you can’t say no to jin.

jin sighs and just as he’s about to grab the cup and leave you, swearing to himself that he won’t return and also convincing himself to just drink the two expensive drinks himself, your voice stutters his movement to a halt.

“but there’s nothing wrong with trying it again, i guess” you sheepishly grab the cup and start sipping, not missing the relieved smile that settles on his lips and you smile back.

one conversation won’t hurt anyone.

-

turns out, jin is a lot more charming when he isn’t picking on your cardigan, and even more handsome up close. you almost choked on your breath when he leaned over the table to wipe an eyelash from your cheek. the coffee was good but you almost forgot to drink it because you were trying to find some, really any flaws in jin’s face, you didn’t find any. you tried to see flaws in his personality, you didn’t see any, or you just painted too pretty of a picture of him in your head but he really hasn’t given you any reason to paint an ugly one.

it was all too cliché. even now, bundled in your sheets, your hand unconsciously strokes where he touched you and warm butterflies fill your chest.

but you shouldn’t feel like this. last time you felt like this, you hurt someone and even if it’s been a few years since that, you don’t have it in you to forgive yourself because you really do think you don’t deserve to be with anyone.

and as much as you like jin, you know that’s it’s only a matter of time before he finds out about what you did and you’re terrified.

jin is the only person who has treated you like you deserved niceness in all these years and in your heart, you know you have to push him away, or either of you will get too comfortable to go.

and the idea of pushing him away only seemed to get harder the more days you spent with him later on, it was like whatever you two had was magnetic. you never told him your name though, masking your fear of him finding about you by just simply teasing him more. you would walk into the library and the first thing you saw was jin’s large grin and two coffee cups in front of him, and just like that, your heart felt lighter and you felt like letting your regrets go.

but regrets don’t just go, they cling to you, and they clung to you even when you dreamed of jin, they also clung to you when you wondered about what he was dreaming of, if it was you like you dreamed of him.

-

“so yeah, i cried to myself at midnight while watching coco instead of finishing my assignment and now, i’m doomed” jin, along with hoseok and jungkook, laughed at taehyung who was furiously typing away on his laptop.

“glad to know you can find joy in my misery.” taehyung clenched his teeth in mock anger and proceeded to anxiously check the time once again. from what he told them, this assignment was 20% of his grade and he was given a month to finish it. taehyung is starting it now.

taehyung is doomed.

magnificently doomed.

“just finish your essay man” jungkook snickered when hoseok shook his head disappointedly at taehyung’s situation. and jungkook also noticed how jin kept looking around the cafeteria instead of laughing with him, his own eyes travelled to where jin was looking and he didn’t know jin found fading posters on their bulletin board interesting but here they were, staring at a particularly moldy piece of paper hanging on for dear life on that board.

“if you want to join knitting club, we won’t judge hyung” hoseok burst into laughter at jungkook’s words, almost spitting his drink out and jin shook off his haze, turning to playfully shove his younger friend off the table. and after flapping hands at each other for a minute and bickering until one of them backed out, jungkook looked a little concerned for jin because jin was never one to zone out or think too much.

“but no, what are you even thinking about?” jin hesitated to speak about you, he really didn’t know a lot about you, he just knew enough to know that he definitely liked you and you spent a lot of time together but you haven’t even told him your name.

and just as he’s thinking about you, he swears that it’s the ghost of you that comes into the cafeteria and you don’t spare a single glance at anyone, walking straight to the vending machine, a couple of eyes turn to look at you and jin misses the way hushed whispers are exchanged as soon as you’re in the room.

jin doesn’t have it in him to walk up to you today, you make him weak in the best way possible and he hasn’t prepared himself to see you in campus. and jungkook notices how jin’s eyes stray towards you, also noticing how he doesn’t look away until you leave the cafeteria.

jungkook knows what’s got his hyung all wind up.

“so, y/n?” jungkook muses, a teasing tone settled in his voice and jin chokes on thin air, he didn’t expect jungkook to know you, let alone know your name.

“you know her name?” he turns to jungkook with wide eyes and jungkook almost laughs at his comical expression, but his humility dies down the second he sees how serious jin looks, he sits up straight and clears his throat. he’s only seen jin serious a handful of times, and he didn’t enjoy any of those incidents.

“of course, i do, everyone does” jungkook shrugs and jin turns to hoseok and taehyung for confirmation. and sure enough, they both nod as well and jin almost lets out a screech at how everyone around him knows you but him.

seeing jin’s panicked expression, a realization dawns on his roommate, hoseok who smirks at his friend proudly after figuring out where exactly he had been disappearing off to these past few nights.

“is she the reason why you have been going to the library every day?”

“nonsense, i just want to get my grades up.” jin nervously utters out as his ears tinge red, he’s never been a good liar and his friends know and they enjoy watching him miserably struggle with his words.

“you haven’t turned in your assignments for two weeks now” hoseok pointed out with a broad, knowing smile on his face.

“are you stalking me?” jin narrows his eyes at his roommate, but his cheeks were definitely red with all the attention of the conversation turned to him.

“hyung, do you really not know anything about her? she literally was all people talked about when i was a freshman” taehyung said, looking up from his laptop for the first time since the past 10 minutes.

“don’t you have an assignment to finish?” jin questioned, raising his eyebrows at taehyung who didn’t seem to care at all.

“i’m failing anyway, i’ve come to terms with it.” taehyung had apparently decided that his luck wouldn’t save him this time and he was just too invested in the conversation they’re having right now to care about the assignment.

“seriously though, i’m still a junior and i know about her, how do you not?” jungkook piped up, looking at jin incredulously and jin sighed, there was no winning for him here.

“fine, she’s the reason i’m going to the library and i do like her a little but she never told me her name so i would very much appreciate it if you told me.” taehyung, jungkook and hoseok looked at each other for a second, silently debating on whether they should tell what they know or not. all while, jin’s eyes danced over the three of them as they continued to stare at each other and after coming to an unspoken agreement that jin indeed needs to know, taehyung finally breaks eye contact with them and looks at jin.

“y/n, she cheated on her boyfriend in her second year.”

jin didn’t know to react.

he imagined a lot of things about you but you didn’t look like a cheater, and he felt betrayed even if he wasn’t involved with you fully. it just felt like everything he knew about you became a blurry mess that he wasn’t sure of anymore.

how many other things have you been hiding from him?

and jin has never been the judgmental kind but cheating, to him, was pretty serious.

“her boyfriend was devasted and he apparently pulled this sympathy card, got everyone to feel bad for him and that made everyone hate her for a while, he was the campus go-lucky guy so when he got all sad, people got defensive and shit, it was a whole thing. from what i know, she lost a lot of friends after that and her now, ex-boyfriend continues to mop around about it, he’s like the typical good guy who got his heart broken so yeah, no one bothers to talk to her anymore.”

so that is why you’re always alone in the library.

-

you didn’t see jin in the library for a while and it confused you, even hurt you a little bit because even if you know you didn’t deserve his presence, he made you feel alive. you missed that feeling of not being an empty void which spoke two words at the most. he actually pulled sentences, paragraphs even from your mouth with little effort. you missed being around people in general but you understood why no one would talk to you.

because you were a cheater.

you broke someone’s heart.

and you knew you fucked up. you knew you fucked up the minute you woke up in someone else’s bed.

you knew you fucked up when you saw the disappointment, anger and then sadness fill your then boyfriends eyes as you told him what happened.

and it didn’t help that he was actually a kind but difficult person to deal with, it didn’t help that you stopped loving him a long time ago, you even doubted if you ever loved him at all.

but those were excuses to anyone who would hear them.

excuses from a cheater.

because cheaters and liars have all the excuses in the world.

that night became a catalyst for the end of your relationship and there was nothing else you needed more, but it felt like you stepped out of a cage only to fall into a hole.

your ex didn’t take the news too well, and word spread around so quick that even your teaching assistants knew about what happened and they shamed you, for your actions, for your underwhelming reactions to any provoking done by anyone because honestly, you felt numb.

you thought college was going to be this fun period in your life that you would enjoy to the fullest, which is why you even moved from home, you were excited to start this new chapter with an open mind and it all crashed down on you before you could embrace it. it all fell apart right in front of you and you couldn’t do anything but watch as your reputation crumbled into fine sand.

and you deserved it. nothing could excuse cheating, not even the shell you called a relationship, not your boyfriend who was actually a good person and didn’t deserve what you gave him, nothing could change that you were exactly what they called you, a cheater.

it took everything in you to not roll your eyes when he went around campus crying to everyone about how you betrayed him and absolutely broke him, and you felt like a horrible person because you were the reason he was hurt. but you didn’t feel anything. you still don’t feel anything.

but there was one emotion that filled you to the brim and tumbled over. one you won’t admit you feel.

regret.

regret filled your every inch with dangerous opacity, regret that you couldn’t love someone as nice as him, regret that you had to hurt someone to move forward, regret that that one night absolutely destroyed everything for you, regret that you’ll only ever be known as a cheater and nothing else in all your college life.

it’s painful to experience the end of something even if you’ve been anticipating it.

you didn’t love your ex-boyfriend but still the end of whatever you were, it killed you just as much as it killed him. there were still nights that you would dream of tracing his features with your hands in the dark while he softly hummed his favorite song to you, there were still days you missed going to the cafeteria with him and just being all wrapped up with him in front of all your friends, there were still days you missed what you were even if it weren’t good for you.

regret rots you from the inside out, slowly kills you but you act like nothing affects you but every whisper, every stare that lasts too long on you, it halts your movements and makes you close your eyes in pure anguish.

“i get that it’s 4 am and no one is actually okay at this time but why do you look like you’re trying to hold in a fart?” jin’s voice broke your daze, your eyes bouncing around to find where he was, only to see him standing to the side of you while holding two cups, and jin thought he was kidding himself when he saw your face momentarily give him a relieved smile.

“just thinking” you replied, voice a little shaky and nervous. and you straightened your posture when you saw jin looking at you with more seriousness in his eyes, none of his usual playfulness or mischief found, his face was blank and not lit up in a smile like it usually was.

did he find out?

the possibility of him finding out about what you did unnerved you a little. and the tension lingered in the air, with both his sour mood and your overactive mind.

“you know, you don’t have to get me this every time, i know these are expensive as fuck” you cheekily said when he slid one of the cups over to you and jin swore, he could’ve kissed you for being so understanding of his thin wallet.

“thank you, i will no longer be getting us drinks from that place, it’s like every time i go there, they increase the prices.” jin complained loudly, an angry pout on his face as he threw his hands around to exaggerate his frustration. and you bit your lip to stop yourself from laughing out loud at his red face. but you felt relieved that he didn’t seem as rigid as he looked when he came in.

“that’s true, they switch up their prices almost weekly besides, we have a coffee machine here in the library, why did you go till there?” jin’s mouth dropped as you said this.

this library had a what now?

“what do you mean, there’s a coffee machine here?”

“yeah, it’s right there, we have three of them actually” you pointed to the opposite side of the room and jin almost cried out in frustration when he saw the brand spanking new coffee machines, all shiny and ready to be used.

“it even makes caramel latte” you added in, just to humor his expression a little more. and his jaw drops further.

so, he almost blew his month’s allowance to get you coffee when there was a perfectly (and free!!) working coffee machine right here?

“great” he pushed his tongue into his cheek to try and conceal the frustration bubbling in him and it took everything in you to not snicker.

“why haven’t you been coming in these days? grades got too good?” you gave him a small smile, only to see that all the tension that dissipated had built back up when his eyes flashed with realization as to why he came here and he straightened himself back to same posture he had when he walked in-rigid and stern.

“i actually wanted to talk you about something” you knew exactly what he was going to ask you about but you settled to hear it from him first, you could already feel your stomach sinking, and you were foolishly hoping he would ask you about the coffee machines again.

“oh yeah? what is it?” you asked with pursed lips while your fingers nervously fiddled with the lid of the coffee cup and jin took a deep breath, contemplating whether to ask you or not but ever the forward person he was, he did.

“i heard a lot about you, just recently actually, i’m pretty sure you know what i’m talking about. but i don’t know how much of it i can believe so i want you to be honest with me and tell me what happened. before we go any further with whatever this is, i want to hear it from you, y/n.”

“so, you got my name?” you delayed answering his question by taking notice of him saying your name for the first time. your name falling out of his mouth made you shiver a little, you swore that no one else could say your name like he did, you ached to hear it from him again and again.

“it was surprising that everyone around me knew but i didn’t.” he shrugged, taking his coffee cup and peering at you from the top, waiting for you to talk.

you see, jin actually thought of never talking to you again, because your situation just felt too messy and he didn’t know if he wanted to get involved.

but then he also felt he was being unfair by not knowing both sides of what happened so what better way to solve his confusion than ask the person who is directly involved?

besides, jin has blown too much money on coffee just to keep talking to you to give up now. and he doesn’t even like coffee.

“you need to be honest with me, i’m not here to intimidate you into talking or whatever, i’m here to listen to your side” and something about the way his eyes softened when he saw your hands shake a little, and then taking your quivering hands in his made you want to tell him.

you wanted to tell him everything with just the pure openness in his eyes and his willingness to hear you out before he concluded something about the situation, it warmed your heart that at least one person wanted to see how you felt instead of calling you names behind your back.

even if you might never see him because he could be disgusted with what you did and what you felt, you told him. you told him what happened, you told him the feeling that pooled in you after that fateful night, the same feeling you wouldn’t even admit to yourself. you even told him how you wouldn’t change anything except someone getting their heart broken because your relationship ended even before you cheated on him.

you told him everything you wouldn’t even whisper into the night.

jin listened to all of it with utmost attention and you even searched his eyes for any signs of judgment but all you saw was kindness.

kindness you didn’t feel like you deserved.

“you know, you keep saying he was hurt but from what you said, you were hurt just as much.” jin was right. but you didn’t reply because you were scared of admitting that if it broke his heart, it had broken you all over.

you were just as hurt over what happened as your ex-boyfriend but you felt like you didn’t deserve to feel pain when you inflicted it. but pain is a two-edged sword, you felt the same pain just in a different way. it was still pain, it was still you crying every night because you had no one to wish you good night except your parents, it was still you avoiding going into the cafeteria just to avoid the way everyone looked at you, your pain was still pain.

and no one but jin understood that.

“do you regret it?” he finally asked, pushing his cup away and looking at you pointedly.

“i regret cheating on him, not the breakup” you replied honestly, gulping a little and he hummed.

there was a tense pause in the air as you warily eyed him for any reaction but he didn’t give you any, keeping a stoic face and you felt like you couldn’t breath with how silent everything got, thankfully he gave your heart a break by speaking again.

“that’s fair enough. next time, let’s just get the coffee here.” he ended his sentence with a gentle smile which almost made you cry out of happiness because he didn’t run away.

he listened to the worst of you and stayed.

and you clung to his words ‘next time’ more than you thought you would.

-

jin meant what he said, he understood you were having a hard time too and he assumed alienation at college would be pretty harsh considering almost everyone knows everyone on campus. it must have been hard for you when everyone knew about your worst mistake and talked about it like it was teatime gossip.

but jin’s met tons of people in their worst moments, he’s learned to appreciate and admire the strength that individuals have to overcome shit instead of judging them for it.

he met jungkook when he seemingly had no aim and was just a lost young boy who was temperamental or sometimes too shy, he met hoseok when he was going through a rough breakup and was still trying to find himself, he found taehyung when he was a lot sterner and lacked understanding of others. and all his friends have been through their own shit, jin’s been through his fair share of shit too, he’s seen all of them and himself grow into who they are today and he’s proud of them and him too.

but jin knows you’ve already grown through the experience, now you just need to heal and be accepted again, and if no one else does that, he will. not because he was a hero or something, he just felt he couldn’t miss out on knowing someone like you just because you made one mistake.

jin didn’t give a shit about hushed whispers or the weird you would sometimes get when you held his hand, he could hear them calling him a fool for being with you but again, jin was determined to give you a chance for yourself and he wasn’t going to back down.

his unshaking faith in you made you believe in yourself too, he introduced you to his friends who were just as welcoming as he was. he felt his heart warm when you held his hand tighter each time someone would start a conversation with you, like you still needed him even with all those people around, jin felt like he could die a happy man, it didn’t take you long before you got comfortable around people again. 

jin couldn’t be prouder.

even right now, the library is still your favorite place, even after several days of spending time with each other, jin couldn’t deny how much more lively and confident you looked as you sat in front of him. this time with coffee made from the library machines near your hands and jin almost leaps from his seat when you look like you're going to knock them over, you don’t even notice how his hands reach out and hold the cup still, instead just going back to write on your brightly colored flash cards (you have taken a liking to bright stationery because of him, you’ve even gone on dates to stationery stores just for the heck of it.)

jin feels endeared and lets out a light chuckle, because you look very cute with your eyebrows scrunched, lips in a slight pout as you furiously jot down points, your hair ever so slightly falls on your face, you just seem so into your own world and like you’ve tuned out everyone else.

but he also frowns at the realization that you’ve probably gotten used to not having anyone around and tuning out everyone was the easiest way you could deal with being alone. he knows that feeling creeps back in you even if you are doing better now.

so, he picks up his books and bag in a hurry making you look up at him with widened eyes, and just as you are about to ask him where he’s going, he seats himself right beside you.

he’s determined to never make you feel lonely again.

he’s also determined to prove to you that it's okay too feel everything you do, be it pain, be it happiness.

he feels like he’s in love? he feels exactly like what they’ve been calling him, a fool.

a fool in love to be more specific, a fool because just by sitting there, you make him want to fight the world for you.

and jin is okay with being a fool. he’s okay with being a fool for you.

thank you for recommending and reading koi no yokan, means a lot to me🤍

Jungkook One Shots (IX)

*s - contains smut

The Philosophy of Good Luck by @kidguk s wc~7k / tattoo artist!JK, roommate au Summary: “you told me i looked good and that you needed to get a tattoo of my face” is not the explanation you wanted to hear from the tattoo artist that permanently etched the dumbest drunken request of your life onto your skin.

Stay with Me by @svenotes s wc~6k / established relationship Summary: maybe staying another night at your boyfriend’s isn’t such a bad idea

Koi No Yokan by @namfinessed wc~6k / strangers to lovers Summary: koi no yokan; a japanese phrase which doesn’t mean love at first sight, it roughly translates to love at second sight, it’s described as the feeling when you meet someone that you’re going to fall in love with them. maybe you don’t love them right away, but it’s inevitable that you will. and jungkook thinks its the best way to describe how he feels about you.

Neighbour by @imagniation s wc~4k / neighbor au Summary: ‘you think I can afford a plumber?’ your endearing neighbour jeongguk has magic hands that fix toilets and make you orgasm.

Here Comes the Bride, All Dressed in Pride by @hansolmates wc~17.3k / fake dating Summary: You and your cousin Doyeon have had beef with each other since the sandbox. When she plucks the last straw, you decide to end your long-simmering fight by claiming that you and her ex—Jeon Jungkook, are now boyfriend and girlfriend

Team by @imagniation wc~5k / friends to lovers Summary: jungkook has been the friend that you’ve always had in life. when he tries to take it to the next step, you find yourself rejecting him. fear not, a trip gone wrong fixes the day.

Space by @jeonsweetheart wc~4.8.k / established relationship Summary: all boyfriend!jeongguk wants is to be by your side, but honeslty? you just need some space.

Sugarplum Elegy by @bymoonchild s wc~17.9k / college au, FWB Summary: You know no bounds nor depth with Jungkook. While your fuck buddy loves sleeping in your bed and doing laundry for you with his favourite fabric softener, you are in love with a mysterious honeyed, velvety voice on Soundcloud. All’s fine, until you find out that the voice that metaphors your heart to a sweet sugarplum melody actually belongs to the boy who has been taking up a special spot in your bed and in your heart, strumming at your heartstrings all this while.Or, Jungkook has one braincell, but it’s heart-shaped.

Set on You by @bymoonchild s wc~18.1k / college au, setter Jungkook x manager reader Summary: Sports has never been your thing, so when you find yourself in a sports hall that reeks of perspiration and cologne and in front of a group of volleyball players whom you’re supposed to be managing (heck, you can’t even manage your own life), you know that you’re in Deep Shit™. Especially when Jeon Jungkook, the golden setter of the team aka the boy who holds stars in his eyes, starts to occupy your reveries, slowly becoming both the quiet and pandemonium of your heart.

The Proposal by @hansolmates wc~20.1k / fake marriage Summary: Jeon’s the editor-in-chief for Big Hit Publishings, a closet romantic with a penchant for antagonizing his assistant on the reg. When his work visa is in the process of being renewed and he takes a trip to Norway, his eligibility to stay in America is on the line. However Jeon Jungkook doesn’t go without a fight, and in order to save his job he offers you a proposal you can’t refuse.

fools universe ! (series masterlist)

a universe set in a world with the boys and their own stories about loving, forgiving, and growing.

the stories are loosely connected and can be read individually, it would make more sense when read together.

status - completed!

fools - k.sj. (strangers!au)

do you deserve all he wants to give you?

koi no yokan - j.jk. (strangers!au)

you make loving feel so easy for him because maybe he’s been in love with you, without even knowing you.

hell in heaven - j.hs. (heartbreak!au)

heartbreak is never easy, especially when poison feels like honey.

paper hearts - p.jm. (friends to lovers!au) - 

your heart belongs to him, his heart belongs to everyone else.

a lil bad - m.yg. (enemies to lovers!au)

you and yoongi would kill each other if you could and maybe that isn’t a good thing when he has a drilling needle, ready to tattoo you, in his hands.

i believe - k.nj. (strangers!au)

you find love in the quiet man who rides his blue bicycle around han river.

could you (kiss it better)? - k.th. (crush!au) 

your crush on taehyung is huge and embarrassing but you really wouldn’t have it another way.

thank you for reading fools, im very glad you liked it !

Seokjin One Shots (III)

*s - contains smut

Royally Fucked by @couture-kookie s wc~14.8k / hybrid, royal au Summary: Kim Seokjin is a royal asshole. Literally. As the only heir to the throne of Cirenth he’s used to getting what he wants when he wants it. The only obstacle in his way is you, his rigidly moral assistant. He outranks you on both the social and hybrid hierarchies yet a shiver of fear runs down his spine whenever your claws come out. One rude interruption too many is the straw that breaks the camel’s back and he decides he must rid himself of you once and for all.

What We Left Behind by @suhdays wc~9k / exes to lovers Summary: two years was supposedly enough time for you to move on from your breakup. the memory of seokjin became faint but his impact on your life did not. from the way you acted and habits you picked up along the way, all of them mirrored him exactly. the remnants of your relationship still existed. so what better way to deal with it than by traveling to a different country? it would have been ideal were it not for the fact that the world was far smaller than you realized. so small that you happened to bump into the one man you attempted to forget.

Fall Into Your Blu by @ksjshoulders wc~7.1k / friends to lovers Summary: “You don’t have to look like Beyoncé for me to be attracted to you.”

Like This? by @jeongi s wc~3.3k / neighbors au, PWP Summary: your neighbour, seokjin, teaches you exactly how he likes to be touched.

Fools by @namfinessed wc~6.7k / college au Summary: Only fools fall for you.

Saccharine by @gyukult wc~2.3k / coffee shop au Summary: seokjin doesn’t believe in love at first sight. so… what’s this feeling that’s churning in the pit of his stomach when he meets you for the first time?

Endgame by @jjkthclub s wc~20.8k / friends to lovers Summary: When your high school holds a reunion, you think there’s no point in going. But your best friend Jin begs to disagree. When he finally convinces you in going, he hopes that you’ll finally be able to see how he really feels about you. And what better way to do that than by going back to the place where it all began?

Secrets by @itskimtaehyung s wc~10.1k / college au Summary: Sneaking around and keeping secrets is nothing new to you. When Jin asks you to keep your relationship under wraps because he doesn’t want his frat brothers to make a big deal out of it, you have no problem agreeing. But as time goes on you start to think that maybe he isn’t trying to keep a secret from them, but rather keep a secret from you.

Apples in February by @kimtaehyunq s wc~13.5k / werewolf au Summary: Jin was the type to make you feel good, to show you all your worth. Nothing felt wrong with how domesticated your life became with a werewolf boyfriend, his affection and gestures captivated you to no ends. Always understanding of another, you accepted the fate of being Jin’s mate.

Perpetual Bliss by @justasparkwritings wc~2.1k Summary: Seokjin and you have been seeing each other for a few weeks, but neither have you have crossed the line from casually dating to lust and desire… will tonight finally be that night?