Okay, This Is Pretty Funny. Also Monty Python's The Holy Grail Is Goated!

Okay, this is pretty funny. Also Monty Python's the Holy Grail is goated!

I was going to post this when the second half of this was closer to being completed, but I've been busy elsewhere, and haven't had time, and I wanted to share this.

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Things that will make your computer meaningfully faster:

Replacing a HDD with an SSD

Adding RAM

Graphics cards if you're nasty

Uninstalling resource hogs like Norton or McAfee (if you're using Windows then the built-in Windows Security is perfectly fine; if you're using a mac consider bitdefender as a free antivirus or eset as a less resource intensive paid option)

Customizing what runs on startup for your computer

Things that are likely to make internet browsing specifically meaningfully faster:

Installing firefox and setting it up with ublock origin

adding the Auto Tab Discard extension to firefox to sleep unused tabs so that they aren't constantly reloading

Closing some fucking tabs bud I'm sorry I know it hurts I'm guilty of this too

Things that will make your computer faster if you are actually having a problem:

Running malwarebytes and shutting down any malicious programs it finds.

Correcting disk utilization errors

Things that will make your computer superficially faster and may slightly improve your user experience temporarily:

Clearing cache and cookies on your browser

Restarting the computer

Changing your screen resolution

Uninstalling unused browser extensions

Things that do not actually make your computer faster:

Deleting files

Registry cleaners

Defragging your drive

Passively wishing that your computer was faster instead of actually just adding more fucking RAM.

This post is brought to you by the lady with the 7-year-old laptop that she refuses to leave overnight for us to run scans on or take apart so that we can put RAM in it and who insists on coming by for 30-minute visits hoping we can make her computer faster.

The deal with New Age, in a nutshell

New Age, neopaganism, and witchcraft are neither synonymous nor mutually inclusive. Anyone who says they are either hasn’t done their research, or is lying to you.

New Age comes from Theosophy, a movement started by Helena Blavatsky, a white woman whose mission was ostensibly to seek out the perennial philosophy in the world’s religions. However, plenty of evidence points to Blavatsky being less than honest.

Helena Blavatsky was racist as fuck. She presumed to know what the traditions of non-white people were about better than they did themselves. She also wasn’t shy about referring to POC as s*v*ges. Some of her fans claim that she wasn’t actually racist because she had positive things to say about some POC, but she was basically painting them as pure and uncorrupted by civilization, so… still racist.

She was also into that gender essentialism that TERFs love oh so much - for example, she claimed that the goats of Thor’s chariot represented male power, while the reins that held them in place represented the female principle. Because, you know, women are passive yet restrain men from running absolutely wild.

Seriously if you have any doubt that this woman’s mind was full of rancid garbage, just flip through Isis Unveiled and The Secret Doctrine for yourself; they’re literally free online.

The term “New Age” refers to what Helena Blavatsky called the Fifth Round (supposedly, we’re currently in the Fourth Round). Basically she believed that humanity is on a path of spiritual evolution, and that we’re about to enter a new phase in our evolution. This right here is the core tenet of New Age belief.

Entering the Fifth Round basically entails most of humanity dying off, leaving behind those enlightened (particularly by Blavatsky’s teachings) enough to become the fifth root race; IE, the progenitors of the next wave of humanity.

This is literally spiritual eugenics.

Helena Blavatsky didn’t invent Nazism but boy howdy did Nazis love her ideas, which should tell you a lot about what she peddled.

Like any other religious movement, New Age has evolved over time and not all members believe the exact same things. However, they pretty much all believe that getting on the spiritual evolution train means following their practices and subscribing to their beliefs.

Modern New Agers still perpetuate colonialism by presuming to understand what other people’s religious traditions are about better than they do.

Modern New Agers are huge fans of the ancient aliens hypothesis, which has always been racist bullshit.

So yeah, it’s still spiritual eugenics, and it’s still racist as hell.

They are constantly spiritualizing health conditions. Like being tired and sad all the time is supposedly an “ascension symptom.” Tinnitus is supposedly the universe trying to communicate with you. Symptoms of autism and ADHD supposedly mean you’re a starseed, indigo child, crystal child, or whatever else.

Starseeds, supposedly, are alien beings who have incarnated into human bodies in order to help Earth ascend by spreading New Age teachings. Basically, they’re missionaries from space.

New Agers claim starseeds were attested in many ancient traditions (especially Egyptian and Mesoamerican), but not a single one of them can produce a single scrap of evidence to substantiate this. (Literally the oldest text I’ve ever been able to locate that contains anything resembling a starseed is The Martian, an 1898 fiction novel.)

See how the racism just keeps compounding?

New Age is deeply tied into right wing conspiracy theories. The New Age to alt right pipeline is well-documented phenomena.

New Agers push spiritual bypassing and toxic positivity like whoa nelly. Some of them are worse about it than others, but it’s an extremely common thing.

A lot of them believe in what’s in The Emerald Tablets of Thoth the Atlantean (not to be confused with The Emerald Tablet), a text that popped up in the early 20th century and claims a guy from Atlantis took over Egypt and taught them Atlantean spirituality. (This is very much in contradiction to what Plato said about Atlantis and Egypt, btw.)

New Agers are deeply into the Law of Attraction, which derives from New Thought, which is basically what happens when a bunch of rich fucks who don’t understand economics decide to spiritualize wealth.

And of course, there are the SCAMS. New Age is absolutely rife with scams, from people selling chunks of glass as powerful crystals for hundreds of dollars (the so-called “Andara crystals”), to people claiming to have “ancient wisdom” or “Native wisdom” they just made up, to all kinds of medical scams.

So yeah, no, there’s no good reason to respect New Age beliefs, because they are rancid.

"Now that is what I wanna see!"

-Soldier from Team Fortress 2.

https://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/a/a6/Soldier_autocappedcontrolpoint01.wav