mercurialmink - Secrets I Keep
Secrets I Keep

Letting the feelings fly

46 posts

It Is Better To Be Alone Than To Be With Someone Who Cant See Who You Are.

“It is better to be alone than to be with someone who can’t see who you are.”

— E. Lockhart

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More Posts from Mercurialmink

3 years ago

They say I dodged a bullet, but why can't I believe it?


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3 years ago

It was you. It was always you.

You were always the one I would've chosen.

And you chose someone else.


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2 years ago

Happy Birthday

Dear big bro,

Today is your birthday. Today you would've been 30 years old, and I would've rubbed my youth in your face just to be cheeky. It's your birthday, yet it's the 5th one you haven't been alive to celebrate. Obviously, I wish you were here. I wish you had made it past 25.

If you were here today, I would watch a movie with you--any movie you would've wanted to watch. I would buy you an ice cream cake and sing happy birthday like every other year. I would even smoke a black & mild with you outside because I know how much that would've meant to you.

I would tell you how proud of you I was then--and still am now--for getting up each day and trying again even though it wasn't easy (it was excruciatingly painful). I would tell you I forgive you for the pain you caused when you were in the throes of your battle with addiction. I would tell you I love you--that I always did even when I was hurt and angry--and that I always will.

And I would also apologize for not being there for you when you needed support most. I would tell you I'm sorry that I closed myself off in my pain instead of trying to understand you.

And of course, I would thank you for being my big brother--for being such an important and beautiful part of my life.

Happy birthday, Zach.

I love you and I miss you (always).


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2 years ago

At a certain point, I realized I couldn't try to make us work anymore. I realized I couldn't, and even more, I realized I didn't want to be the only one fighting for us any longer.

I realized I want so much more than to keep myself stuck feeling how I've felt my whole life--lonely.

So I let you go.


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3 years ago

Can we just

Pretend we never met

And start all over?


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