Despite Not Actually Being Members Of Family Corvidae, Grackles Will (when Asked) Claim Both Ravens And

Despite not actually being members of family Corvidae, Grackles will (when asked) claim both Ravens and Crows as their older and younger siblings respectively. Curiously, this delusion seems so ingrained in these prevaricators that they often exhibit signs of ‘middle child syndrome’ and will awkwardly stand off to the side during ‘family’ gatherings or dye their feathers unusual colours in an attempt to garner scraps of attention. Despite this atypical mindset, Grackles are otherwise generally well-adjusted and The Academy of Bird Sciences recommends birders without doctorates in applied avian psychology not pry overmuch into their lineage.

As their name implies, Stellar Jays are just fantastically perfect birds. Novice birders may confuse these nigh-platonic exemplars of the Jay bodyform with the much less inspiring and all-around garbage Steller’s Jay, but these true Jays can be differentiated by a sense of serene wonderment filling the viewer as this incredible creature goes about its daily business. It is advised to set several alarms when watching Stellar Jays, as their magnificence has been known to transfix birders well past suppertime. 

After decades of painstaking and often lethal breeding experiments, the Harper Government has successfully weaponised the Canada Goose. Formerly docile and agreeable, these newly-vicious terrors are capable of skeletonising an adult cow in under three minutes. While some may question the wisdom of unleashing migratory bioweapons upon an unsuspecting planet, everyone can agree that Canada can no longer be ignored on the world stage.

Monopodal due to poor diabetes care, American Robins are one of the most iconic birds of the United States. Tipping the scales at three times the weight of their European counterparts, these birds can be found feasting on a wide variety of insects, seeds, and fast-food dumpster overflow. Don’t be fooled by their sub-par healthcare outcomes and generally unapologetic dietary habits however, as these birds are highly aggressive and will attack any birder that makes public note of their many and glaring flaws.

Do birds have their own religion?

This is actually a fascinating question so I apologise in advance for breaking format today! In short, yes birds do but that is such an incredible reduction as to be nearly meaningless.

To turn it around a bit, consider the question: Do humans have their own religion? Birds are equally complex in their religiosity. Migratory birds tend to have different belief structures as compared to nonmigrants, seed-eaters have different rituals from insectivores, and even on the intraspecies level there exist fascinating rifts, allegiances, schisms, and reformations.

By way of a ‘for instance’, European Starlings were introduced to the Americas in an incredibly misguided effort to bring all birds mentioned by Shakespeare to the New World. In a great fit of cosmic irony, these birds loathe his writing and self-segregate into religious orders that each focus on different works to abhor. While some may argue that hatred cannot be the basis of a religion, I would like to point out the Westboro Baptist Church exists and is recognised as a religious institution.

What’s more intriguing though are how human religions and bird religions intersect, influence, and mirror each other. For an example on the last one, whereas many human religions share diluvian themes, bird religions often feature celestial objects falling from the sky and lighting the world aflame. One hypothesis is that they’re both expressing fears of easy habitats being destroyed but personally I think birds are retelling the K-T extinction event.

One intersection of bird and human mythology comes from the Lenni-Lenape. They’ve passed down a story about the Sun coming far too close to earth, and only through the heroic efforts of the Turkey Vulture was it returned to its rightful place. This story is lifted directly from the bird’s own mythology, hence the great pains taken to emphasize how beautiful and strong and glorious they were before pushing the sun back into the sky burned off all the feathers on their head while charring most everywhere else.

All that said I’m not a comparative theographologist and so I may be a bit fuzzy on the details but yes absolutely birds do have almost as many religions as there are birds. If anyone has other examples please feel free to share!

Snitches of the shorebird world, Wandering Tattlers live gregariously with gangs of Redshanks or Curlews in order to gain acceptance before relaying incriminating information to law enforcement officers. Often the target of vicious peckings once uncovered as a ‘mole’, these birds use their masterful agility on algae-beslimed rocks to make good their escape. Above, a Tattler leaps from rock to rock after another successful sting operation.