Masterful Storytellers, Blue-eyed Shags Are Sought Out The World Over For Their Creativity And Narrative

Masterful storytellers, Blue-eyed Shags are sought out the world over for their creativity and narrative sensibility. While very few of their tales have ever been traditionally published, their most resonant stories are often adapted by other species into culturally-appropriate versions. Unfortunately, these poet-inclined Phalacrocoracidae are rarely monetarily compensated for their creative effort or editing expertise; instead they offered vague assurances that the exposure will be “like, totally worth the same as cash”.

Above: a Shag parent tells the ancient morality play of the Three Little Shags and the Big Bad Skua, which is at it’s core an allegorical lesson about the legal protections and enforceability offered by verbal agreements, napkin-backed contracts, and notarized terms and conditions.

The line goes quiet.

You pull the phone away from your head to make sure it didn’t disconnect, which causes you to miss the first part of the Oriole’s response.

“-want me to do with this information. It doesn’t really change anything, does it?”

“I mean, not really,” you hesitate, “I just... I think maybe I was hoping you would have an opinion on it, that you would tell me you suspected or it surprised you or something. Does that make sense?” The note of pleading in your voice betrays how uncertain you are about the entire situation.

“I guess...” the voice on the other end responds, painfully unconvinced. “But you have to remember I never got to meet Jules, so I have no idea how you two got along. And you’ve posted what, half a dozen times on facebook since I left for school? Maybe if you were less of a shut-in recluse I might have been able to offer something worthy of consideration, here.”

You say nothing, the age-old accusation from your closest friend made all the more pointed in the years since they accepted a full-ride scholarship from out-of-state and left, immediately after going to ████████ without you. A fear grips your heart, that you are ossifying into a relic of the past, remembered fondly but not often thought of. This feeling is only strengthened as the Oriole continues:

“Look, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you were looking for but I gotta go, I’ve got stuff that needs checking on at the lab. Talk later!” she promises, but you know both that she will forget and you won’t work up the courage to call again.

“Goodbye.” you respond.

You hang up.

“Did you see that thing I posted on Faceboook?” the Robin asks, while counting out the change from the transaction.

“I... what?” you respond, wholly unprepared for non-grocery related questions.

“The thing about the history of ████████! I think I tagged you in it. You went, right? I remember you talked about how important it was to you at the reunion a couple months back. How did it go?”

The additional context brings your mental lenses into clarity, and you can feel the heat creep into your cheeks from embarrassment. You were so spaced-out during the entire idle conversation that you completely missed the cashier is one of your second cousins. Thankfully he doesn’t seem to have noticed your lack of recognition but he looks at you expectantly, waiting for an answer.

“Ah, yeah, no, I- I didn’t make it out,” you fumble for an excuse that isn’t exactly a lie: “I had some car trouble.”

“Ah that’s a shame,” the Robin says, handing over your bags, “I hope you do get to go soon, it sounds like it’s right up your alley. Have a good one!” he finishes, not waiting for a response before turning away to greet the next customer. You stuff the change in your pocket and the receipt in a bag.

You leave.

Friendly and inquisitive birds, Carolina Parakeets are star members of various zoological outreach programs in the Southeast region of Turtle Island. Their generally gregarious attitude during such demonstrations combines well with their now-ubiquitous nature, allowing children of all ages to connect on a raw emotional level to the natural world around them through positive memories. This connection in turn helps influence attitudes towards habitat conservation, which is monumentally critical as these birds were once nearly wiped out by aggressive encroachment of colonizing Europeans.

A relic from a bygone era, Polish Chickens were specially bred for their large and fluffy feathers. Adept at collecting dirt and dust while gently wiping away smudges, these birds would often be used to clean and ‘put a shine on’ a large variety of objects. While they have largely been replaced by synthetic feather dusters in the modern era, they can still be found in the employ of people who truly appreciate vintage biotechnology.

A common sight at birdfeeders and city parks, Eastern Gray Squirrels are flightless cousins to the more familiar Rock Pigeon, as attested by their soft, downy feathers and remarkably expressive eyes. Introduced to large cities across the country in an attempt to teach urban children to be kind to all birds no matter their handicap, these wingless avians have thrived upon the inherent generosity and kindness of citydwellers. Next time you swing through a city park, remember to bring some fresh green beans or apple slices to share!