Can You Please Elaborate On This Bird Religion? And Is It Open Or Closed To New Converts?

Can you please elaborate on this bird religion? And is it open or closed to new converts?

Look, I appreciate your interest in other cultures and such as like but there are hundreds upon hundreds of different religious schools of thought when it comes to birds. I’ve addressed this before, so if you’re interested in some examples go ahead and look there, but I don’t feel like that’s going to satisfy you because it sounds more like you’re wanting to convert to a specific religion that worships birds rather than a religion that birds adhere to.I get it, really I do. I have a bunch of other people clogging up my inbox peddling some new religion worshiping anything from a specific family of birds all the way up to worshiping the concept of birds themselves, and like that’s fine and all but they should absolutely not be confused with actual factual bird religions. Heck, just the other day somebody tried to sell me on a new Heron-based religion which I’ve been pointedly ignoring because there’s already one that’s been going for several dozen million years. I’m actually going to be talking about that next week (or at least the main god of it) since that’s one of the ones I try and keep right by because it allows unprecedented access to knowledge that is generally kept from allofamilials.If it turns out I’ve got you sussed wrong and you’re really trying to get your foot in the door with an as-practiced-by-birds religion then next week’s going to be something to keep an eye on, as I’ll be profiling the three major gods I pay fealty to. I’ll also list which birds tend to be in their flock so you can go out and make your own contacts, but please understand I am really putting my head on the chopping block here! Don’t show up at your local gathering like you know what you’re talking about if you do try and join up, because I will absolutely catch flak from it. Be respectful, don’t argue, listen carefully, and don’t mess this up for me.

Wait, you are a scientist and you believe in God? How is that possible?

… trivially?Although to be honest this answer’s got shades of Radio Yerevan; I’m not a scientist but rather a science journalist drawing on the vast archives of an obscure research institution which may or may not have been founded as a tax dodge/adventurer’s club back in 1894, and I don’t follow the Abrahamic God but rather a vast pantheon of ancient deities which far precede (and are largely indifferent to) humanity. 

More than I can keep track of, that’s for damn sure. I’ve actually been meaning to write about the major ones with whom I try to keep in good standing but unfortunately the art fund has been embezzled (by me, i was denied fee waivers for getting my identification documents updated) so unless one of the artists I had to withdraw commissions from will accept an IOU it’ll be a bit before I can properly talk about them. I’ll see if I can throw something together for next week but no promises, aye?

Okay you know what? Screw you, buddy. i’m gonna write about bird gods because I am Nikole Elena Ancona and I am the Lead Ornithographist for The Academy of Bird Sciences. Ain’t a single godsdamned person who can tell me how to run this venerable institution except Edith, and I’m pretty sure she skipped town months ago because some police came by with a warrant. So really that makes me the 83rd de facto Administrator of this pillar of cross-species knowledge and I will run it how I see fit. Step off.

The Discarded

generally regarded as a cult

semi-apocalyptic worldview

worship may involve self-harm

usually led by Pigeons

Legends say that thousands upon thousands of generations ago, this god was known as The Desired and kept in luxury by humans, safe from the voracious fastwings and sheltered from storms. As cities grew so did human capacity for disdain; eventually they stopped seeing the god as special, treating it as just another piece of rubbish in their vast civilizations. While it remains furious at the callous abandonment, this feral god can yet see glimpses of goodness in humans and so keeps still the retribution held waiting in wing and beak. Followers are mainly split between those who wish to get back in the good graces of humanity and those who try to hasten the apocalypse; both sides have subsectarians who endanger themselves or otherwise engage in self-harmful practices to ‘test’ the limits of human compassion. Convocations are held every three years, and as long as any follower can report a kind act by a human then all adherents regardless of sect are forbidden from enacting the apocalypse. This is probably the major religion I have most contact with in my personal life; above is a photograph I took while attempting to coax a member of the flock towards me so I could try and remove the strings that were binding their feet. Unfortunately another human sprinted between me and the bird, spooking it away and no doubt bringing the end of the world one step closer :/

Intensely territorial, Marmots rival Killdeer in terrifyingly murderous defense of their homes. Luckily for most humans these savage Sciurids tend to live in mountains, so lethal encounters are quite rare. That said if you are ever hiking you should avoid rocky areas as they are prime real estate for Marmot dens.

This post was sponsored by intensely kind tumblr user @naked-bee in return for feeding me several times when I was in New York. If you are interested in diverting the focus of research here at The Academy of Bird Sciences for paltry sums of money, become a patron on Patreon!

@giroux-s replied to your text post

It's not much comfort, but... "A charge of first-degree murder has been filed against a man accused of running down Tamara Dominguez, who reportedly came to the United States to escape discrimination against transgender people." http://www.kansascity.com/news/local/crime/article84922117.html

This actually is a comfort, because finally her murderer (age 29) is no longer on the loose. I’ve been googling for news every few months but it seems that report got lost in the waves of other trans women being murdered or assaulted. So, thank you, for this bit of closure.

TDOR

November 20 is the Transgender Day of Remembrance, so here are the four murdered trans women I carry with me. I have to keep breathing, to keep fighting, because they no longer can.

Tamara Dominguez, 17 August 2015

Tamara Dominguez was murdered a couple of days before I came out to my mother, though I didn’t find out until the day after. She had left Mexico to try and live as herself without harassment in the United States, but ended up run over multiple times in a church parking lot in Kansas City, Missouri. It has been over a year and her murderer has not been found.

Zella Ziona, 15 October 2015

Twenty-three hours and fifty minutes after my first dose of hormone replacement therapy Zella Ziona was shot in the head, eighteen miles from my doorstep. Her murderer (age 20) was arrested and charged, though from what I can tell a year later there has been no trial.

Keyonna Blakeney, 16 April 2016

Six months after Zella’s murder, Keyonna Blakeney was found beaten and stabbed to death in a hotel room. Two miles away from where Zella was murdered, sixteen miles from my doorstep. Her murderers (ages 21 and 17) were arrested, though as with Zella’s killer they have yet to see trial.

Deeniquia ‘Dee Dee’ Dodds, 14 July 2016

Dee Dee was shot on 4 July, but it took ten days for her to die. A mere six miles from my doorstep this time, it took two full months for police to charge a suspect (age 22) with her murder. Again, he has yet to see trial.

I mention the ages of their murderers because there’s a tendency to try and believe that young people aren’t as bigoted or violent as the older generations. Three quarters of the women I carry were murdered by Millennials. These aren’t cases of old bigots committing violence, they are people who are only barely legally adults murdering us.

What is the best, overall, species of bird to be devoured by? Which one is the worst?

How have I wronged you? What grave offense slip’d from my hands to cause such retaliation? This is obscenity pure and simple and I have had enough of this punishment, Bird Vore Anon, there is no inadvertent insult which warrants such simply vile villainry as these questions you cast upon me like so much rotted produce.That said, there is no such thing as a good bird devourment, They are all heinous in equally horrifying ways. For an example, please watch this clip from the 1963 smash-hit docudrama The Birds:

Even though nobody is consumed on-camera, you can get a small sense of the visceral panic that comes from an all-out attack and I can assure you when they get down to feeding the fear will be no less palpable be the bird a Gull or a Kiwifruit Bird or an Eagle of some sort. The only difference is how many of the species will be required to effect your demise and you can consider it a guarantee that one large and furious Emu and thirteen thousand irate Hummingbirds will inspire the same terror.