What Is The Best, Overall, Species Of Bird To Be Devoured By? Which One Is The Worst?

What is the best, overall, species of bird to be devoured by? Which one is the worst?

How have I wronged you? What grave offense slip’d from my hands to cause such retaliation? This is obscenity pure and simple and I have had enough of this punishment, Bird Vore Anon, there is no inadvertent insult which warrants such simply vile villainry as these questions you cast upon me like so much rotted produce.That said, there is no such thing as a good bird devourment, They are all heinous in equally horrifying ways. For an example, please watch this clip from the 1963 smash-hit docudrama The Birds:

Even though nobody is consumed on-camera, you can get a small sense of the visceral panic that comes from an all-out attack and I can assure you when they get down to feeding the fear will be no less palpable be the bird a Gull or a Kiwifruit Bird or an Eagle of some sort. The only difference is how many of the species will be required to effect your demise and you can consider it a guarantee that one large and furious Emu and thirteen thousand irate Hummingbirds will inspire the same terror.

Can you please elaborate on this bird religion? And is it open or closed to new converts?

Look, I appreciate your interest in other cultures and such as like but there are hundreds upon hundreds of different religious schools of thought when it comes to birds. I’ve addressed this before, so if you’re interested in some examples go ahead and look there, but I don’t feel like that’s going to satisfy you because it sounds more like you’re wanting to convert to a specific religion that worships birds rather than a religion that birds adhere to.I get it, really I do. I have a bunch of other people clogging up my inbox peddling some new religion worshiping anything from a specific family of birds all the way up to worshiping the concept of birds themselves, and like that’s fine and all but they should absolutely not be confused with actual factual bird religions. Heck, just the other day somebody tried to sell me on a new Heron-based religion which I’ve been pointedly ignoring because there’s already one that’s been going for several dozen million years. I’m actually going to be talking about that next week (or at least the main god of it) since that’s one of the ones I try and keep right by because it allows unprecedented access to knowledge that is generally kept from allofamilials.If it turns out I’ve got you sussed wrong and you’re really trying to get your foot in the door with an as-practiced-by-birds religion then next week’s going to be something to keep an eye on, as I’ll be profiling the three major gods I pay fealty to. I’ll also list which birds tend to be in their flock so you can go out and make your own contacts, but please understand I am really putting my head on the chopping block here! Don’t show up at your local gathering like you know what you’re talking about if you do try and join up, because I will absolutely catch flak from it. Be respectful, don’t argue, listen carefully, and don’t mess this up for me.

First revealed as a hoax perpetrated by Carl Linnaeus in 1758, Great Bitterns continue to be reported by novice birdwatchers an astonishing two and a half centuries later. This peculiar endurance is in large part due to veteran birders building replicas out of feathers, discarded beaks, and particularly hostile rocks to fool credulous newbies. Unfortunately for prank-hearted birding mentors, this practice is dying out as the newest generation of birdwatchers can trivially fact-check their existence through the use of internet-connected pocket telephones.

This entry was sponsored by a Patreon supporter! If you would like to help direct research here at The Academy of Bird Sciences, become a patron!

Crows do occasionally mourn and hold funerals, but the mechanism for it is incredibly convoluted. Much like the Victorian Crowned Pigeon, Crows are often vessels for reincarnation. Unlike VCPIs, individual crows hold one complete soul rather than a fragment spread across the entire species. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be too much of an issue as a soul loses most of it’s knowledge when it enters a new body for the next round of corporeal existence. However, a quirk of evolution has made the being of Crow largely compatible with the essence of a human. There are of course some ‘translation errors’ but by and large the general personality of the Ātman remains intact when going from Human 🡢 Crow. In rare cases this can include learned rituals and basic knowledge of the world gained in their previous incarnation. So, when the right essence with the right experience (e.g. a funeral director) slots into a particularly compatible crow, knowledge of funerary customs and a general familiarity with the Kübler-Ross model can in fact be retained. When this particularly unusual reincarnation integrates with the local aggravated assault of crows, this knowledge can be shared and thus comes the phenomenon of crow funerals.

The Discarded

generally regarded as a cult

semi-apocalyptic worldview

worship may involve self-harm

usually led by Pigeons

Legends say that thousands upon thousands of generations ago, this god was known as The Desired and kept in luxury by humans, safe from the voracious fastwings and sheltered from storms. As cities grew so did human capacity for disdain; eventually they stopped seeing the god as special, treating it as just another piece of rubbish in their vast civilizations. While it remains furious at the callous abandonment, this feral god can yet see glimpses of goodness in humans and so keeps still the retribution held waiting in wing and beak. Followers are mainly split between those who wish to get back in the good graces of humanity and those who try to hasten the apocalypse; both sides have subsectarians who endanger themselves or otherwise engage in self-harmful practices to ‘test’ the limits of human compassion. Convocations are held every three years, and as long as any follower can report a kind act by a human then all adherents regardless of sect are forbidden from enacting the apocalypse. This is probably the major religion I have most contact with in my personal life; above is a photograph I took while attempting to coax a member of the flock towards me so I could try and remove the strings that were binding their feet. Unfortunately another human sprinted between me and the bird, spooking it away and no doubt bringing the end of the world one step closer :/

Owl Pre-Launch Checklist:

✔ Wing, minim two (2) ✔ Foots, minim one (1) ✔ Orb ✘ Neck ✔ Face

all systems within acceptable parameters

ＦＬＩＧＨＴ  ＭＯＤＥ  ＡＣＴＩＶＡＴＥＤ