Once Driven To Near-extinction By Cordwainers, Shoebills Have Made A Considerable Comeback And Are Now

Once driven to near-extinction by cordwainers, Shoebills have made a considerable comeback and are now listed as Vulnerable. Hunted for the upper portion of their beaks, these birds can credit their remarkable recovery to the adoption of HDPE as the material of choice for lasts. While they are still occasionally hunted by bespoke shoe artisans, this practice is now rare enough to have a negligible impact on population levels.

In light of recent events,

The Academy of Bird Sciences is shifting priorities away from outreach and edutainment and will instead focus on making sure our Lead Ornithographist (Nikole) keeps breathing. What this means going forward is a loosening of the expected update schedule and an uptick in content ancillary to her continued existence. In non-technical terms, this means there will be fewer birds and more shitposts and personal posts so as to maintain acceptable levels of mental health. If you are a Patreon subscriber your content should continue to be delivered as normal. We apologize for the inconvenience and offer a video of the bird whose research was interrupted by the late unpleasantness.

Of great interest to scientists studying quantum phenomena, Horses are one of eight known multidimensional “keystone” species extant across the explored multiverse. Unlike most fauna whose multiplanar existences branch as they age, Horses begin their lives simultaneously existing across nearly infinite timelines which gradually collapse into a single life-line or “trunk”. Early research suggests this ‘backwards’ tree-of-life to be an evolutionary counter to their otherwise astonishing fragility; by starting at a massive existence advantage these quantum-entangled Equidae are better able to weather their nearly constant murder on the extradimensional level. Unfortunately, this has the knock-on effect of every Horse having total awareness of their thousand daily deaths. This is why a Horse may suddenly startle at a discarded shopping bag or refuse to enter a trailer for transport; in a close worldline that Horse was consumed by a carnivorous Land-jellyfish or maliciously led into the maw of a Deathslug worshiped by the local human-analogue.

What is the best, overall, species of bird to be devoured by? Which one is the worst?

How have I wronged you? What grave offense slip’d from my hands to cause such retaliation? This is obscenity pure and simple and I have had enough of this punishment, Bird Vore Anon, there is no inadvertent insult which warrants such simply vile villainry as these questions you cast upon me like so much rotted produce.That said, there is no such thing as a good bird devourment, They are all heinous in equally horrifying ways. For an example, please watch this clip from the 1963 smash-hit docudrama The Birds:

Even though nobody is consumed on-camera, you can get a small sense of the visceral panic that comes from an all-out attack and I can assure you when they get down to feeding the fear will be no less palpable be the bird a Gull or a Kiwifruit Bird or an Eagle of some sort. The only difference is how many of the species will be required to effect your demise and you can consider it a guarantee that one large and furious Emu and thirteen thousand irate Hummingbirds will inspire the same terror.

Intruders from an elseworld where all fish look like that, Mola Mola can barely cope in our oceans. Unaccustomed to a vast and boundless ocean full of jerks, these aesthetically anomalous fish are the targets of relentless bullying by practically everything else that dwells in the sea. To date efforts to curb this hurtful behaviour from the more pugnacious pelagics have been met with failure, and Mola Mola continue to be harassed.

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Easy to spot in the field by their long limbs and generally self-conscious demeanour, Gangly Blue Herons tower over their multitudinous cousins. Exploited by other ornithoids for their remarkable reach, these elongated birds are often consumed by body image issues as their daily lives rarely bring them into regular contact with other birds of similar stature. This lack of representation engrains a warped standard of beauty, making it much more difficult for these birds to love their own bodies.