Red-sided Snakes Are One Of The Most Ostentatious Ophidians Found In California. Often Spotted At Open

Red-sided snakes are one of the most ostentatious ophidians found in California. Often spotted at open auditions and waiting tables, these unusually accented slitherers will divulge a rich personal history when asked about themselves. While they have yet to see their big break, they remain confident in a bright future.

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The White-crested Antbird is unequivocally the bird most capable of saving the world. These unassuming birds live primarily in South America, where they psychically dominate ant colonies for use as ‘beaters’, ordering a massive column to sweep through the undergrowth flushing out more substantial prey. How these birds can re-task the fearless formicans to save the world will be explored in the next entry, which will also answer a very related question.

White-crested Antbirds have already psychically dominated most ant colonies in South America. If they are ever able to make contact with the global megacolony, these birds would have the antpower necessary to drive humans out of their homes while destroying productive cropland, which in turn would cause a massive depopulation crisis. This catastrophic loss of human life just may be enough to slow or even stop anthropogenic climate change and end the looming specter of nuclear war.

Saving the world is a monkey-paw wish, because humanity is not the world. If you are human then you need to make sure the world is cleaned by you, or else it’s going to be cleansed of you.

Garrulous Blue Herons are masters of ambush chats and long-term conversational tactics. Capable of holding one-sided conversations for an astonishing eight hours or more, these horribly dull herons never quite seem to realise how restless or uninterested their conversational partner is. Experts in the field of Ornithobehaviourology believe this may be a holdover from their ancestors, who are thought to have hunted by literally boring their prey to death.

Where is the little Facebook button on your posts so I can share your words of wisdom with the aviary masses??

If you are reading on Birdscience.org instead of through the Tumblr dashboard, you should see three dots at the bottom of every entry. Click on them, and it should show a bunch of ways to share the post across a variety of platforms. Here, have an informative .gif specially made just for you!

Bird brain giveaway!

(image source)

Well, not exactly. 

Someone who isn’t me happens to have a surplus of Western Scrub Jay brain sections (40um), and is looking for a person or persons who could make use of them. They are leftovers from completely legitimate research testing how they reacted to dead conspecifics, predators, and alarm calls. Some are male, some are female, some were parasitized (body cavity worms) others were clean, some were aggressive, some were not; there is a good variety is what I assume my friend is saying. Caveats: the tissue samples have been floating in cryoprotectant for the past five years at -20C, so they may not even be viable and need testing to see if they can be stained. My friend (who I must reiterate is not me) is unable to afford such testing so think of this as a blind box situation where you might not get what you want. If the samples do end up useful then coauthorship is expected. Also, to further drive home the point that I am just relaying this information and do not personally have an astonishing variety of preserved neural tissue in my freezer, the samples are in Australia. So if you are an actual scientist who could make use of such a thing please contact me at [email protected] with the subject line of “i assure you i am not a bird zombie” and I will pass along your information. If you aren’t an actual scientist but do have scientist friends, please help out this completely separate person from myself and reblog this post.

Serious inquiries ONLY.