If The Snails Are Evil... How Would We Know?

If the snails are evil... how would we know?

So I had an epiphany when I was trying to sleep two nights ago so here's my essay

Santa Claus is Batman

During this analysis of whatever the fuck I was thinking in my bed two nights ago, I will attempt to explain my realisation that Santa Claus is in fact the fairytale and/or myth answer to Batman in the superhero genre.

Powers

When one thinks of superheroes, something that might quickly come to mind are people and aliens with superpowers such as flying and the ability to perform extraordinary feats through heightened strength, speed and intelligence. It does not take a lot intellect to know that Batman is not one of these individuals. Batman can neither fly or shoot lasers from his palms or eyes. He relies on the power of technology and sometimes the powers of others. Similarly, Santa is commonly considered a normal man, looking away from his abnormal age. He neither flies, but relies on his reindeer, or shoots lasers.

Identity

Being a superhero comes with many dangers. The loved ones of the person or the cover allowing these heroes to live in peace might become endangered if their true identities gets revealed. Batman is not an exception from this. During the day he takes on the role of Bruce Wayne, millionaire playboy. During the night when he is not out fighting crime, he is in his bat-cave, a secret hideout. Santas identity is similarly hidden from the world. Have you ever seen Santas face? Have you seen where he lives? At the North Pole? Sure but have you SEEEEEEN it? Exactly.

Wealth

When one lacks the power to fly and fight with magic, one must acquire the ability to do so through other means. In the case of Batman this means to use his immense wealth to develop and make powerful weaponry, vehicles and armour. Santa Claus is a mystical entity that annually at Christmas Eve delivers probably up to billions of presents. This grand quest is one that would require immeasurable amounts of logistic administration and of course the extreme costs for labour and resources for the production and distribution of the gifts.

In conclusion...

In conclusion, Santa Claus is the fairytale equivalent of Batman. I have collected immense evidence to support this, and it leads me to announce woefully that Santa vs Batman would be a great movie. Thanks for reading my manic essay.

I don't go to work, dingus

My mental image of big brother from 1984 is some guy identical to Scatman John

What the-

What is this place??

Sus? I was sus once! They put me into space, an eternal space! An eternal space with lethal ionising radiation. The lethal ionising radiation made me sus.