Sometimes I Think About Mdzs Existing With These Adhd/autistic Coded (by Author Intentionally Or Just

sometimes I think about mdzs existing with these adhd/autistic coded (by author intentionally or just claimed by fandom, idc), mutually traumatized, consensual nonconsent loving weirdo4weirdo gifted freaks who are also gorgeous and down so bad for each other like uhaul lesbians and

like who made this gift for me wow, bless, life IS worth living

ty for the food

I have had mxtx content so deeply embedded in my thoughts, the brainrot is so fierce. I love the narratives in her books, these themes that I haven't ever felt in a story before. Just some rambling about them that's bubbled up over the last few months:

SVSSS: even with a sense of authority on where the story will go, changes both small and large can surprise or underwhelm you. there are always stories hidden behind characters and characters lost to hidden stories. the narrative we tell about ourselves affects everything about how we interpret the meaning of what we experience. often we are blind to the meanings we emphasize or suppress, confident in the authority of a narrative we insist is true, cohesive, consistent, or normative.

MDZS: everyone has their own version of events, often not in service to truth or justice, but power and image. yes, where you come from and what you endure can be limiting or enabling. yes, it can explain why you do what you do. yes, you still always, always have a choice to do what is right. only you can decide what that is. in some cases, everyone will have an opinion. in others, no one will know or care. you choose whether that influence what you do. it is never too late, it is never over, and every choice is a new opportunity. you can't change choices made in the past, but you can learn from them to inform your choices in the future and influence the options available to those who follow.

TGCF: sometimes you can change the story with brute strength and charisma, sometimes all you can do is endure and regulate your own response to it. you can reinvent yourself over and over, run from your past selves, suppress the parts of you that are shamed, but you will always be with you and only you. all that happens, within and around, bad and good, your actions or others', makes you you. the greatest and worst versions of yourself were all required to make this you -- it's not the state of you that matters, but the essence of you. integrate, rebuild, evolve, rebirth, morph, refine, transform, regress -- the story always progresses and characters always develop, the only story that defines you is the one you iterate.

And for all of them... sometimes, the happy ending isn't sweeping change in the world, awe inspiring redemption, or cathartic revenge. Sometimes it's allowing yourself to have a simple life with the ones you love, staying authentic to your values and desires, and understanding the revolution that is inherent to thriving in the body you live in, all its scars and memories included. You can never control the story of the world, no matter your knowledge, skills, or abilities, nor should you try. Horrid experiences and events can't be eradicated, but neither can beauty, awe, and grace. Unfortunately, these are not often equitably distributed. Fortunately, we can never know which will be in the next moment, which will be the last, if there will be better or worse than we have already felt. Such is living.

thinking about the way Wei Wuxian sees the cracks in Lan Wangji's fascade, that calm and cold exterior, with joy and goes "you're human, you're human, you're human" to the point that it breaks Lan Wangji down completely. that's a feeling you can never forget.

thinking about the way Lan Wangji sees the steel in Wei Wuxian's flippancy, that irreverent and silly mask, with sincerity and goes "you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy" to the point that it breaks Wei Wuxian open completely. that's a feeling that can keep you alive.

they are so much more than complimentary or foils for each other. they act as each other's key to a part of themselves that is usually locked away, shining light on each other's shadows without even realizing the lifetime of experience they're contradicting.

hi tumblr I'm back, it's been a while

considering posting something that is such a tone shift that I may give myself whiplash

it is one of my most unhinged terminally online moments