I Mostly Only Ever Joke About It, But Im Like Not Comfortable At All With Some Of My Moms Fixations And

I mostly only ever joke about it, but I’m like not comfortable at all with some of my mom’s fixations and dialogue. It just legitimately makes me uncomfortable in a way no one else manages and I wish she’d stop. It’s giving repressed bisexuality but considering how many of those comments I’m the focus of- whoa boy. This is just another one of those things that I don’t think about and only just realized.

The Mlp au that has me in a chokehold

(@bigfatbreak)

Lir said I will fuck that horse

Been feeling really weird about the r word lately.

Whenever I hear it recently (which is a lot because I’ve been getting into more dated media), I immediately get sucked into my head about it. The situation is, my parents used to throw the word around ALL the time to describe me and my actions (which had the fucked up side effect of me thinking it just meant dumb well into my teens-) and through all my recent unmasking and non-avoidance healing bs, I’ve been thinking about how they definitely did not mean it in the way I thought they did. They probably meant all the implications behind. So how exactly was I coming across that they were saying that shit so frequently.

So that’s been the source of most of my anxiety lately. That people are just kind of looking at me while I’m finally comfortable in my own skin and happy and shit, going: man they’re too stupid to be a person, and shouldn’t be in school or outside or whatever. And that typically makes me wanna kill myself, which is good now actually, because I don’t wanna do that, so it’s a rather bracing point of anxiety where I stop giving as much of a shit about other people.

Point is seeing people use slurs in general, knowing the context behind them, and fully intending to carry across those harmful implications is just. Really uncomfortable. And keeps making me think about my parents which I don’t wanna do ever so that sucks.

Loving the takes I’m seeing on Valentine’s Day. Like yes: today is for romantic love, for sexual love, for platonic love, for Queerplatonic love, for self love. It’s for you to appreciate those around you. It’s for you to appreciate those close to you. It’s for you to appreciate yourself. It’s for you to be a little shit because you are not obligated to like this holiday. It’s for you to think about a guy being tortured and decapitated. It’s for you to not give a flying fuck about a holiday with such artificial value placed on it.

God I suck at money