PFFT HAHA Could You Do Some Headcanons About Alex Being A Cockblock And A Total Dick To Peter (right

PFFT HAHA 😂 could you do some headcanons about Alex being a cockblock and a total dick to Peter (right sorry for even asking this it’s a stupid idea like me I am stupid I’m so sooorrrrrrryyyyyyy)

I’m sure you’re not stupid, and I would love to.  -Alex had been on a mission with Hank when Scott and Peter decided to share a room. Because of this, he doesn’t know about their relationship for around two months.

-All hell breaks lose on the warm summer day when Alex bursts in without knocking and finds his baby brother spooning with Peter. Alex claims Peter is forcing himself on Scott, Scott’s response is “He’s literally the little spoon, Alex!”

-Alex refuses to talk to Peter or Scott for the rest of the day, muttering variations of “He’s still a baby!” or “How did the boy I helped raise decide dating a twink was a good idea?!” or “Pedophilia.”

-Peter and Scott are confused, “Your brother does know you’re twenty six, right?” “I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m still ten.”

-The next week Alex apologizes to both of them. “Sorry, guys. I guess I’m just protective of Scott because I helped raise him, y’know?” 

-All is fine until Alex starts making sure he’s always with Peter.

-Peter and Scott are going to watch a movie? Alex is there. Scott and Peter are sitting together on a couch? Alex is wedging himself between them. Scott and Peter think they’re safe because Alex is on a mission? He sends Hank, who is terribly sorry but he isn’t going to start an argument with his boyfriend about this.

-The thing is, Scott accepts it. “It’s not like he tries to sleep in our room.”

-”Miláčik, have you seen the way he looks at me? I’m pretty sure he’s getting ready to jump me!” Scott laughs it off, thinking Peter is overreacting.

-Peter’s family is divided. Jean, Wanda, Erik, and Nina think he’s telling the truth, Charles thinks Alex has the right to be overprotective, Lorna and David aren’t around enough to care. 

-Alex is sneaky, always has been, always will be. He knows how to hide something from his brother, and that knowledge is helping him be the best cockblock ever.

-He knows Scott is oblivious. Hell, it had been obvious that Peter had seen Scott as more than a friend for a few years, and Scott had only realized that recently. But there was a difference between someone liking his brother, and his brother dating that person. 

-Ororo and Jubilee just watch the drama from the sidelines, usually with snacks. 

Kurt: In French, you don’t say “I miss you” you say “tu me manques” which means “you are missing from me” and I think that’s beautiful.

Rogue: Here, you don’t say “you all” you say “y’all” which means you all, unless there’s more people, then you say “all y’all” which means “all you all” and I think that’s beautiful.

Kurt: How the hell are we related?!

Charles: I’m sorry, are you friends with this criminal?

Scott: No, not really.

Peter: Absolutely, best friends.

Scott: It’s a layered relationship.

Peter: Best friends!

Alex: So, you’re gay?

Scott: I’m not gay, obviously.

Ororo: You’re having a romantic relationship with Pietro.

Scott: You’ve got me there!

Villain: We have your Mom.

Kurt: Which one?

Villain: ...what?

Kurt: You heard me.

Villain: Blue skin, yellow eyes, a weird skull thing on her head?

Kurt: Oh, you mean my ren! Yeah, no, you don’t have them. They have you.

Scott: *in a hospital bed* What is it, Doctor?

Doctor: Well, the appendix was most likely burst due to pressure during sex.

Alex: SEX!?!

Scott: I can explain-

Alex: Who? It better not be that asshole speedster because I swear to god I will murder him!

Scott: ...

Alex: Peter?! Your roommate, Peter?! You could do so much better than him!

Scott: He’s not that bad!

Alex: *gags* Oh god, now I’m imagining it!