Erik: Who Wants To Make Five Dollars?

Erik: Who wants to make five dollars?

Jean: How?

Erik: I need someone to take the fall.

Charles: *distantly* Oh my god!

Lorna: What did you do?!

Erik: I can’t tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked.

Wanda: Why can’t you–

Charles: OH MY GOD!!

Pietro: Make it ten.

Erik: Done!

Charles: OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!

Erik: You’re a good son.

Erik: *dragging Pietro out by the ear* I GOT HIM, DARLING! DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT!

Erik: I sleep with a knife under my pillow.

Moira: Weak. I sleep with a gun under mine.

Peter: You’re both pathetic.

Moira: What do YOU sleep with Mr. Hotshot?

Peter: *sipping his coffee* Scott.

Scott: I think that–

Lorna: Scott, stop! This discussion is family only!

Pietro: Scott is family!

Vision: She’s just saying–

Pietro: This doesn’t concern you, Toaster!

Jean: Yeah, none of this concerns you, Vision!

Wanda: Woah woah woah! So, Scott’s family but Viz isn’t?

Jean: Yeah, they’re married!

Lorna: THEY’RE WHAT?!

Alex: Y’know, there’s a lotta handsome fish in the sea.

Scott: Yeah, thanks, but I’m . . .

Hank: I thought you had such a good time with that Maximoff boy?

Scott: Yeah, uh, right now I’m looking for just female fishes exclusively. Pietro was just a–

Ororo: So you’re bi?

Scott: No, no, ‘Ro. I’m not, I’m definitely not. I’m not bi, Hank.

Hank: That’s okay.

Scott: I’m not.

Hank: I love you.

Scott: Can we just move on from this conversation?

Alex: I love my bi son.

Peter: Everything’s fine, Scott. | Scott: Peter- baby, Sweetheart, I know your relationship with the english language is uhh, strictly casual, but you- I- *deep inhale* ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU WHAT’S NOT FINE.

Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond, anon! This describes them in a nutshell, no matter what version of them it is, no matter what universe it is. Peter absolutely does not know when the appropriate time to panic is and Scott panics way too fast.

Pietro: Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! What the fuck are we going to do!?!

Lorna: Calm down! The X-Men like us, right?! They’ll understand a small mishap with the president, right?!?

Pietro: My dick is good, but it is not that good, Lorna.

Wanda: How many of them–