Squeeze My Hand (Three Times)

Squeeze My Hand (Three Times)

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Fluff-uary Prompt - Hand Holding

Prompt - ‘The world doesn't feel quite so bad with your hand entwined with mine.’

The sun beat down uncomfortably as you made your way back up to The Sanctuary. All day it felt like you had been running back and forth, constantly being told you were needed here and there, do this, do that. You were just about ready to fall asleep where you stood, sweat clung to your skin making your skin crawl and you almost groaned in relief as you entered the main room, it was warm but still cooler than it was outside.

You walked through The Sanctuary, easily making your way around and desperately trying to stay as small as possible, moving as close to the walls as you could so that nobody called you for another favour.

It wasn’t long before you found an empty balcony, sitting down and letting your legs dangle over the edge as you rested your face on the railing, looking out onto the walker infested yard. Despite the heat from the sun you were thankful for the moment to yourself. You didn’t mind helping around, hell you were happy to aid in any way you could, but some days the reality of this new world seemed to weigh you down.

You were glad you’d found Negan all those years ago, damn lucky he’d found you. You remembered back then when you had been so frightened, so scared, so alone. By the time you had crossed paths with Negan you had just about given up fighting, not seeing the point in it anymore. If this was what the world was now how could you survive?

Negan had found you, near starved and dehydrated. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d come across another person, yet alone been with a group with supplies. Walkers had surrounded you and despite the fear of what was to come you did little to fight them off. Negan had watched from the sideline for a moment, then two, waiting for you to make a move, waiting for you to fight them but quickly realised you had accepted your fate.

He made quick work of killing the walkers, drawing their attention to him and using his bat to make sure they stayed dead this time, it was a brutal scene but then he had crouched down in front of you, eyes soft as he gave you a reassuring smile before pulling out a bottle of water and handing it over to you.

You hadn’t wanted to go with him at first, not used to people anymore, not sure what his motives were. Everybody had an agenda these days, if they took you in they wanted something and usually it wasn’t good. Negan though had been upfront with you, taking a seat next to you when he realised you weren’t moving and drawing his knees up as he turned his head in your direction. Then he had started talking. He spoke about wanting to build something out of this mess, wanting to build a safe place, a sanctuary.

You listened to his words, much as you hated it a spark of hope ignited in you as you did, wanting to believe that something could be built from this mess. You wanted to believe that there was still a chance for the world.

Eventually you agreed to go with him, agreed to help however you could. From there on you were always by his side, feeling emotions that had long faded as your fight slowly came back.

Negan watched it happen, watched as you smiled more, laughed more, the passion you spoke with now was such a drastic change from the person he had met all that time ago, ready to surrender to the new world. It wasn’t a shock to him when he found himself falling for you, he didn’t even try and deny the feeling to himself, knowing it was futile.

Over time the two of you grew close, a bond that neither of you had felt with another person before. That’s not to say Negan’s love for Lucille ever faded but the apocalypse had a way of creating a different kind of bond, one not a single person had felt before the world went to shit.

It started slow between you and Negan, both of you admitting your feelings to yourselves but not daring to say it to the other. It was easy to skip around as the two of you were in the process of building up The Sanctuary, coming across a building and clearing it out. It was the perfect place, and you were honestly surprised to find nobody had tried to take it over before.

Eventually though you and Negan got settled into this new life, the walls of The Sanctuary felt safer than any place you had ever called home before, whether it was because of the walls keeping the walkers out or because Negan was a constant presence there you wouldn’t say but at some point the two of you realised that you couldn't ignore it anymore.

The constant flirting, the glances when the other wasn’t looking, the need to say how you felt, the desire to be close to each other all the time. There was nobody you trusted more than Negan, even as people were brought into The Sanctuary and trusted by Negan, forming his inner circle, you trusted Negan above anyone else.

Of course just because the two of you knew your feelings that didn’t mean you could just come right out and say it. It took him nearly losing you before he confessed anything. It took what should have just been a simple supply run and ended with you barely avoiding being bit and Negan pushing away a new recruit in order to slam his bat down on the walker's head.

He immediately turned to you, pale faced and worry clear in his eyes. You watched, panting for breath, as he looked you up and down before he wrapped his arms tightly around you causing you to let out a breathy laugh before mirroring him. It was a while before he pulled away, only pulling far enough back so he could look down at you, his hand coming up as his knuckles ran gently along your cheek.

“Don’t you ever do that again.” He warned you, causing you to smile up at him.

And that smile was enough for him, that damn smile that could turn his mood around instantly, that smile that he would never say no to and never failed to calm him down. That was enough for him to lean down and press his lips to yours in a soft but desperate kiss, the kiss conveying his fear of almost losing you, his absolute love for you, his need for you to always be by his side.

You kissed back with the same force, hand resting on his chest as you did, feeling so happy as you finally knew what Negan’s lips felt like against yours. Now that you knew you never wanted to stop learning the feeling of them on yours.

When the two of you pulled away Negan rested his forehead against yours softly smiling down at you.

“You don’t leave my side.” He said, fear slowly creeping away as he held you close.

“Never.” You promised, intending to keep it.

You heard the door behind you open and barely resisted the urge to sigh as you let your eyes fall closed waiting for the next request to come. When nothing came you opened your eyes and looked up, squinting against the light from the sun, and smiled tiredly as you watched Negan take a seat next to you.

“Been looking all over for you, darlin’.” He told you as he let his legs hang over the edge of the balcony, looking from the yard over to you.

“Sorry,” You said, voice quiet, “busy day.”

“Huh,” Negan said, raising an eyebrow at you knowing damn well he hadn’t asked you to do anything around The Sanctuary but then again he knew how willing you were to help out when and where you could, “Doing what?”

“A bit of everything, helped on the supply run, then Frank needed help with the walkers, Lee needed help with food then there was an issue with the newbies,” you told him, the tiredness written across your face as you shifted to lean your head against his shoulder.

“Why the hell are they getting you to do it? Ain’t like there aren't enough people to do that shit, making my girl run around all day long.” Negan grumbled, turning his head slightly to press a lingering kiss to your head.

“You know I don’t mind.” You told him, moving your hand over to his and linking your pinkie fingers together before shifting and letting your hand slip into his, watching as his larger one covered yours, thumb brushing gently across the front of your hand.

You couldn’t help but smile down at your entwined hands, feeling yourself relax with each brush of Negan’s thumb. It was nice to have a moment alone with the man who was usually so busy making sure everything was running smoothly, nobody interrupting constantly.

Just you and him, together.

You tilted your head to look up at him before leaning up slightly to connect your lips. The kiss was slow and lazy, you feeling the last bit of energy draining from you as you relaxed in Negan’s presence.

Negan was the first to pull away, smiling down at you softly as he watched the way you struggled to pry your eyes open.

“Come on, baby girl,” He said, standing up and pulling you up with him, not letting go of your hand “Let’s get you to bed.”

You didn’t argue with him, couldn’t if you wanted to, just let him lead you through The Sanctuary, him glaring at anyone who dared to make a move in your direction. As you were being pulled along you squeezed Negan’s hand in yours three times, a long-standing tradition between the two of you, one squeeze meant focus on me, it was mainly used when Negan’s temper began to slip and he needed a something to focus on, two squeeze was a discrete signal that something was wrong, and three squeezes meant ‘I love you’.

You watched as Negan looked down at your hands before his gaze shifted up to you, a smile on his face that was always reserved for you and only you. His eyes softened as he squeezed your hand back.

No words were spoken as he gently pushed you down onto the bed, pulling the blanket around you causing you to smile up at him through half closed eyes. Negan allowed himself one more minute to sit with you, gently resting on the bed next to you as he brushed a stray piece of hair out of your face, watching as you sleepily leaned into the touch.

“Stay,” You mumbled, reaching your hand up to thread your fingers together again.

And who was Negan to deny that request?

He nodded at you, lifting the blanket up so he could slide into bed next to you, pulling you into his arms. You happily rested your head against his chest, the steady beat of his heart a comforting sound to lull you to sleep.

“I love you,” You heard him whisper, placing a soft kiss on your head.

“Love you too,” You whispered, bringing his knuckles up to your lips and planting a kiss to them before you fell asleep in Negan’s hold.

_________

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Only You

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Febuwhump Prompt - failed rescue attempt

Prompt - ‘I hate to make everything about me but what am I supposed to do without you?’

You were still half asleep as you stumbled onto the jet, flopping down into the seat next to Hotch, letting your head rest upon his shoulder. Hotch looked down at you, face softening as he watched you close your eyes. By the time the rest of the team had trailed onto the jet you were fast asleep against Hotch.

The plane ride was only a short one so by the time you were in the air Hotch was gently shaking you awake, you groaning as you turned your face further into his shoulder before pulling away and rubbing at your eyes.

“Morning princess.” Derek grinned, way too energetically for four in the morning. You glared at him as Hotch nudged you and pressed the tablet into your hands, information already loaded up for you just as Garcia’s voice filled the jet.

“Police just responded to the scene of another body, same markings on the victim.” She told you all, causing you to look down at your notes to see the markings she spoke of.

You raised an eyebrow as you saw each woman had three crosses carved into their skin, one large one on their chests and then small ones on each inner arm. As well as that there was a diagonally cut along their face starting from the temple right down to their jaws.

“The crosses seem to be done post mortem, they’re too clean and haven’t scabbed over whereas the cut to the faces seem to be done whilst the victims are alive if the jaggedness and blood pattern is anything to go by.” Spencer informed everyone as you continued to skim through the information.

So far three bodies had been found, four now including the latest victim, all found spread out in public places. You looked up just in time to see Rossi and Hotch glance at you before sharing a look with each other but when you raised a questioning eyebrow at Hotch he just shook his head.

“Tell them to leave the body as it is, Garcia, we’ll be there soon.” With that Garcia disconnected the video call leaving you all to look through the notes and talk about potential unsubs.

“Y/N I want you with me at the latest crime scene. JJ, Dave head down to the station and see what they have, Reid go with them and see if you can narrow down the geographical profile. Morgan, Prentiss go to the lab and see if they have anything for us yet.” Hotch instructed as the jet landed and you all headed your separate ways.

As you and Hotch walked the crime scene, trying to figure out how somebody could plant and position a body without being caught even considering the early hour, you felt uneasy. Your head whipped around as you surveyed the scene but other than the press and officers nobody was there.

“You ok?” Hotch asked as he watched you look around.

“Huh?” You questioned, turning back to him with a shake of your head, “Yeah, I’m fine.” You told him, forcing a smile on your face as he nodded and turned back to the body.

You glanced around once more before doing the same.

It wasn’t long before you were all at the station, nothing coming up from your walk at the crime scene, Morgan and Prentiss hadn’t found out much from the ME. The only person who had had some luck was Spencer who was gesturing to different places on the map and rambling on about the most likely places the unsub could be.

You felt bad for zoning it out but geographical profiles had never been your forte. Instead you turned your attention to Hotch who was listening to Spencer whilst rubbing his temple, trying to push away an oncoming headache.

You stood up and headed out of the room, Hotch turning to you as you did but you weren’t gone long, heading out to the kitchen area to pour yourself and Hotch a drink. Hotch shot you an appreciative smile as he brought the cup to his lips.

“So all we know is that the unsub is somewhere in that area and is consistent in victimology and that only gets us so far, short of looking the same these girls are as different as you could get.” Derek said as he threw his folder onto the table.

“He’s right, they never went to school together, never shopped at the same stores, hell I doubt these girls had anything connecting them.” Emily said.

“There’s something we’re missing, get Garcia to keep looking into them.” Hotch ordered as he stood up to take a call.

“Reid, are you able to pinpoint anything about where he’s finding these girls?” Rossi asked, leaning back in his chair and fiddling with a pen.

It was only hours later that you were informed of another body. You, Spencer, Derek and Hotch headed to the scene to see if you could find anything useful. It was more than obvious that the unsub was devolving, two bodies in one day. The crosses on the latest victim were clearly done when she was alive, all of them jagged and messy.

As Spencer and Hotch examined the body and Morgan interviewed the woman who had found the body you looked around and noticed an alleyway not too far from the body, it seemed like the only place that an unsub would have half a chance at not being caught from.

You glanced back to the others and saw they were still busy so shrugged and headed over, with the way this case was going it was probably just another deadend. But yet when you headed into the alleyway you got the same feeling you did at the last crime scene, you felt uneasy as the hairs on your neck stood up, a shiver running down your spine as you looked around but nothing was there.

As you turned to leave you came face to face with a man much taller than you and before you had the chance to scream or pull your gun he immediately smothered your face with a rag. You tried not to breathe in but were forced to and it wasn’t long before you slumped against the man who wore a sleazy grin.

“What do you mean she's gone?” Hotch snapped as Derek informed him you were nowhere to be found.

“I don’t know man, she’s not here.” He watched as Hotch stepped away, pulling his phone out and listening for a ringtone to sound from somewhere around him but it never came. The car was still here and there weren’t many places you could go.

“Get Garcia to track her location,” Hotch said to Derek, “Now.”

The tone of Hotch’s voice had Derek obeying the order instantly, no flirting with Garcia as he snapped at her to do what he asked.

“It’s off.” Garcia told him with fear running through her veins.

“What?” Hotch snapped into the phone that was now on speaker.

“It’s not on, I can’t track it.” Garcia repeated, her thoughts spiralling.

Hotch bit back a series of curses as his team and the officers looked to him for guidance and he hated that he didn’t have an answer.

They somehow ended up at the station, each of them trying to create a profile that would lead them to you. Hotch paced up and down an empty interview room, hair messed up as he continued to run his fingers through it cursing himself for letting you come along to the crime scene in the first place.

“You need to calm down.” Rossi told him as he entered the room.

“Calm down?” Hotch questioned with a look of disbelief, “Calm down?! It’s my fault she got taken and you want me to calm down?”

“It’s not your fault.” Rossi told him, voice even despite the worry he felt for you. Somebody had to keep a level head and it clearly wasn’t going to be Hotch.

“Not my fault? Dave, she matched the unsub’s victimology, I knew that and I still let her come to both crime scenes, I never shou-” Here Hotch cut himself off as he remembered something.

“What is it?” Rossi asked, following Hotch out of the room as he stormed over to the one the team had been given.

“Get Garcia on the phone.” He demanded and his order was fulfilled in seconds, Garcia’s worried voice filling the room.

“What can I do?” She asked.

“I need you to pull up video footage from the McAdams crime scene,” He told her, mind racing.

“On it, what am I looking for?” The sound of typing filled the room as Hotch thought back to the look on your face.

“The unsub was at the crime scene. Y/N knew it, she knew he was there.” Hotch told them.

“She knew the unsub was there?” JJ asked.

“She didn’t know who it was but she knew something wasn’t right. The look on her face-” Hotch trailed off as Rossi led him to an empty seat.

Nothing any of them said would stop the man blaming himself, not until he had Y/N back.

The team sat in silence as Garcia flipped through footage after footage desperately looking for anything that would help lead the team to you, trying not to think about what the man was doing to you right now.

It took near on forty minutes of scrolling through video feeds before Garcia found something. It wasn’t the clearest footage but the guy definitely gave her the creeps.

“Sir, I think I found him.” Garcia said, causing Hotch to sit straighter in seat as he stared at the phone waiting for her to continue. “If you’ll direct your attention to your tablets,” she said as she sent the blurry images to all of them. “I’m working on making it clearer and getting a face ID as we speak.”

“Fast as you can, Garcia.” Hotch ordered.

“Yes sir, I’ll let you know when I’ve got something.” Because she would get something, no way was she letting anything bad happen to you.

Hotch was a mess as he paced around the small room, setting everybody's nerves even further on edge, if it were possible. They hadn’t seen Hotch this worried for as long as they could remember. The only thing running through everyone’s mind was that they had to find you.

Everybody’s attention turned to Hotch as his phone pinged.

“Aaron?” Rossi asked, standing up as he watched his friend pale drastically. “Hey, whoa, take a seat.” He said, watching as the man’s legs turned to jelly and pushed him into a chair.

As he took the phone from Hotch he saw exactly what had caused the reaction, there you were, strapped to a chair with a cross carved onto your chest, blood pouring from the wound as tears fell down your cheeks.

“We have to find her.” Hotch said quietly, his own eyes filled with tears as the image of you burnt into his mind.

“We will.” Rossi told him before turning to the team, “Call Garcia, tell her to track the phone.”

With some luck Garcia managed to get a location on you before the phone was switched off again. The unsub was hiding away in an abandoned warehouse thirty minutes away from them.

Hotch drove like a mad man, with the way the unsub was going he wasn’t sure if you had thirty minutes. He pushed that thought out of his head as he blinked back tears and tightened his grip on the wheel.

He couldn’t think like that. He couldn’t because then he’d have to think about everything he would regret, the number one thing on that list would be not telling you how he felt about you. How you were one of the few good things in his life and how he never wanted to be without you. He’d regret not taking the risk, not crashing his lips into yours.

He thought back to all the dinners the two of you had together or the times you spent the night at his place, nothing ever happening but sometimes cases got too much for you and you needed somebody safe. You had told him he was your safe place and he still hadn’t bit the bullet and kissed you. He should have told you then and there he was in love with you, how every time he pictured his future you were always there with him, at his side.

He swore to himself he’d tell you now.

He’d tell you now.

They arrived at the warehouse, blue and red lights lighting the place up as everybody stepped out of their cars, guns drawn as they split up and entered. Hotch had done plenty of rescue missions before but this one was different, this one was you.

They weren’t prepared for the size of the place, more rooms than they could count and you could be in any one of them. Hotch felt himself going crazy as they opened door after door only to find nothing.

“Hotch,” Derek’s voice sounded in his ear, “You need to get here quick,” He was told the room number and that was it.

Hotch practically sprinted across the warehouse, fear flooding through him as Derek refused to tell him whether you were ok or not. He pushed through the door, Spencer and JJ right behind him, before freezing, the other two barely stopping themselves from crashing into him.

Because there you were on the floor, medics surrounded you as they performed CPR in a desperate attempt to get any sign of life from you.

Hotch staggered backwards, knees giving out as he fell to the floor. Derek made his way over but what could he do? They all watched on as the medics continued working on you, the blood loss was way too much though.

One medic shook their head causing Hotch to let out a sob as two other medics brushed past the group and it wasn’t long before you were being carried out to the ambulance.

“I’m going with her.” Hotch said as he tried to climb into the ambulance but was pushed away by one of the medics.

“I’m sorry sir but you can’t.” She said with a sympathetic look.

“I’m going with her.” He repeated harshly, Derek placing a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down but he shook it off.

“Agent, I’m going to be honest with you she might not even survive the ride to the hospital, the only people in that ambulance are going to be her and the people who might be able to save her life, you wanna stand here and continue this conversation or can I go and save your girlfriends life?” She asked bluntly, she felt sorry for the man but there wasn’t time for this argument. “Meet us at the hospital.” Were the last words said before the ambulance doors closed and the sirens sounded.

“She has to be ok.” Hotch said to himself.

“It’s Y/N, she’s gonna be fine.” Derek told him but all that blood had him doubting his own words.

It wasn’t long before they arrived at the hospital, forced into a private waiting room and offered no information. Hotch couldn’t sit still and instead opted to pace the length of the waiting room praying to anybody that would listen that you would be ok, you had to be because he didn’t know what he was supposed to do if you weren’t.

Four hours later a nurse finally came out to see the group of anxious agents. Hotch immediately turned towards him begging for some good news but the look on his face had Hotch’s blood turning cold.

“I’m sorry,” he started and Hotch just about felt his world end, “She’s still in surgery. Her heart stopped three times but we managed to get a heartbeat. It’s still weak and unsteady but it’s there. I can’t make any promises to you but for the moment she’s stable and we’re doing all we can to help her pull through.”

Hotch didn’t know how to react and felt himself collapse into a plastic chair, the nurse giving him a sympathetic look before leaving.

“She’s doing well, Aaron.” Rossi said, taking a seat next to him.

“She died, three times. They don’t know if she’s going to make it.” Hotch said, his voice breaking as tears fell down his face because saying it outloud made it real. “I can’t lose her Dave.”

“She’s a strong kid, she’ll pull through.” Was all Rossi said before the waiting room fell silent again.

“Hey baby girl.” Derek said as he stood up to hug Garcia, both of them needing it right now,

“How is she?” She asked anxiously, sniffing slightly.

“No news yet.” Spencer said quietly from his seat.

“How’s he?” She asked just as quietly gesturing over to Hotch who sat alone in the corner of the room.

“He’s not doing so well.” Emily said, smiling sadly at her boss.

Everybody knew how Hotch felt about you, it wasn’t the best kept secret. Hell, even you knew how he felt and they all knew you felt the same. The only reason you hadn’t acted on it was because you didn’t know if he would be willing to start a relationship with you as his subordinate. As far as the rest of the team was concerned the two of you had been dating for years, you had dinners together, you slept at his place more than your own at this point and on rare days off you still spent your time with each other.

Everybody knew both of you were crazy for each other and watching Hotch not know if he was going to have the chance to tell you how he felt himself was breaking their hearts.

Fourteen hours later a tired doctor stepped through the doors of the waiting room. Everybody turned their attention to him as they waited anxiously to hear anything about you.

“She’s stable,” He told them, smiling softly at the collective sigh of relief that spread throughout the room. “You were told she flatlined three times, correct? Unfortunately she crashed once more but we were able to get a heartbeat. I can’t make promises but as of right now she’s looking good. Obviously we’re going to keep her for at least a week, though that could be longer if things go downhill but I’ll make sure you’re all kept up to date.”

“Thank you so much, doc.” Derek said and everybody else echoed the sentiment.

“Can we see her?” Hotch asked and the doctor gave him a sympathetic look, the man looked like he’d been through hell.

“One of you can,” He agreed, really nobody should but the man looked like he needed to see her and hear a heart machine confirm she was alive, “For five minutes.”

The rest of the team nodded at Hotch who mouthed a thank you to them before he followed the doctor out of the room and over to you.

When the doctor pushed the door open Hotch froze as he saw all the different tubes and wires attached to you, helping you stay alive. His eyes filled with tears as he made his way into the room and sat down in the chair next to you, carefully taking your hand in his and bringing his mouth down to press a kiss to your knuckles.

“You’re going to be ok, Y/N/N,” He told you, eyes on the heart monitor that showed a weak but beating heart rate. “You have to be ok because I have so much to tell you but the most important thing you have to know is that I love you,” He told you, tears falling down his cheeks, “I love you so much, baby. You’ve got to get better so I can tell you that.”

He looked up when he heard a knock at the door, the doctor giving him a sympathetic look. Hotch nodded at him before standing and taking one last look at you, gently leaning over and placing a barely there kiss on your forehead.

“I love you.” And with that he made his way back to the waiting room.

It was four days before there was any movement from you and then they wished they never heard anything. Alarms sounded and the team watched as a flock of doctors and nurses made their way into your room but despite the open door they couldn’t see what was happening.

“Chest compression now, she’s going into cardiac arrest!”

Those words sent a sliver of ice down everybody’s spine, Hotch staring wide eyed at the door, not daring to take his eyes off it like that would somehow help you.

“Defibrillator!” Another doctor called and then he was counting before they shocked you, “Nothing, again!” “Clear!” “Again!”

The words merged into each other as Hotch leaned against the wall for support, his own heart beating out of his chest as he heard them continue to shout how there was nothing.

“We have a pulse!” One doctor finally called and Hotch sobbed, Rossi barely catching him as his knees gave out and pulled him into a tight hug.

“She’s being transferred into the ICU,” the doctor informed them after several hours had passed, “we’ve put her into an induced coma to allow the body to heal but she should be awake in the next two days.”

Those two days seemed to drag, there was no news about you but at this point no news was good news. Everybody else left and came back to the hospital but Hotch had yet to leave once, refusing to leave you alone here even if you weren’t aware of where you were or his presence.

He barely slept and was on edge the whole time you were in the coma, dreading every time a nurse or doctor came close to the waiting room.

“Agent Hotchner,” the doctor greeted as he stepped in, it was still early and the others were back at the hotel.

“Doctor Smith, how is she?” He asked, dread filling his stomach but then the doctor smiled and he felt a weight fall of his shoulders at the words -

“She’s awake.”

Hotch just about kept himself upright as he was led to your room, letting out a sob as he saw you awake through the window.

“Before you go in there’s some things I have to tell you,” the doctor said, Hotch nodding as he did, “she’s going to be extremely weak and tired for a while, her body has been through a lot of trauma in a short space of time. Give her time. I can’t promise you she’s out of the woods yet but we’re doing everything we can. The only advice I can give you is spend as much time with her as you can.”

And with those comforting words the doctor patted Hotch’s shoulder and walked away.

Hotch took a deep breath before he stepped forward and entered your room, smiling at you as your eyes flickered over to him. He made his way around to the chair next to your bed, taking your hand gently in his, careful of the needle.

“It’s so good to see you awake.” He said, leaning down to kiss your hand.

He watched as you gave him a weak smile and a barely there squeeze of the hand. It was the best thing he’d seen in his life, he thought as he choked back a sob.

“I’m so proud of you,” He told you, “You’re doing so well.”

You felt your lip quiver as you took in his words, your body was aching despite all the drugs in your system. Everything hurt but Hotch was here, Hotch made everything better.

You slowly managed to squeeze his hand again, watching as he smiled down at your joined hands.

“You’re going to be out of here before you know it, yeah?” He asked, watching as you blinked tiredly at him. “We can go to that new restaurant that just opened and then maybe see if there are any good movies on?”

You tried to smile but you’re pretty sure all that happened was a brief purse of your lips but you watched Hotch’s face light up anyway.

Hotch continued to talk about all the things the two of you could do once you got better and you couldn’t think of a better way to fall asleep.

It was a while before you were finally discharged from the hospital, the rest of the team had been forced back to Quantico but Hotch took every bit of holiday time he had and used it to stay with you. Thankfully since your cardiac arrest you had been doing better though you still felt drained more often than not and had a few problems with dizzy spells but the doctors had explained how that was normal after both the cardiac arrest and blood loss.

You and Hotch had to stay in a hotel for three extra weeks as you weren’t cleared to fly until then. In the meantime Hotch and you shared a room, it was easier that way for him to check on you and honestly you didn’t want to be alone right now and Hotch was the only person you wanted to be with.

The two of you lay on the bed, his arms wrapped around you, holding you close as you rested your head on his chest. It was only early, around five pm, and despite the nap before you could still barely keep your eyes open.

“I’m so glad you’re ok.” Hotch murmured suddenly into the silence causing you to look up at him. “There were so many times I thought that was it, that you were gone and I just- I couldn’t-” He cut himself off, blinking back tears as he tightened his hold on you slightly.

“I’m ok.” You reminded him softly.

“You’re ok,” He repeated, “I can’t lose you, Y/N and this isn’t exactly how I wanted to tell you but I think we’ve waited long enough,” He told you with a chuckle, causing you to smile up at him softly. “I love you, Y/N, so much. I can’t picture my life with anybody else and honestly, I don’t want to, I just want you.”

Your smile widened as you listened to his words.

“I love you too, Aaron. I don’t want to picture my life with anybody else either.” You told him softly, shifting slightly so you were looking up at him and Aaron took that as all the permission needed to lean down and softly brush your lips together.

It was a kiss long overdue but neither of you rushed it, both content to show how you felt for each other in soft, slow movements, Hotch’s hands cupping your face as you smiled into the kiss.

When Hotch pulled away he didn’t go far, leaning his forehead against yours.

“I love you so much, sweetheart.”

“I love you too.” You smiled before leaning up to capture his lips again.

As far as rescue missions go, it wasn’t the greatest but the ending was pretty great.

___________

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Again and Again

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Febuwhump Prompt - head wound

Prompt - ‘No matter what I'll be there to patch you up time and time again.'

A loud thud had you blinking awake in confusion. You lay still for a moment, not moving and silent as you listened, waiting for another sign of movement. When none came you groaned softly and scrunched your eyes together, blindly reaching your hand out for your phone and squinting against the bright light before letting out another groan at the early morning hour.

As you threw your phone onto the bed you reached a hand out to the other side, frowning as it was still as empty as it was when you had fallen asleep - Matt wasn’t home then.

Another thud had you sitting up, looking from the empty side of the bed and then back towards the door leading out into the living room. Since finding out about Daredevil you were used to Matt sneaking in at odd hours but he was usually silent, hardly ever waking you as he changed out of his suit and climbed into bed with you.

This was the first time you’d woken up to quiet bangs echoing through the apartment.

Reluctantly, you let the silk sheets fall from your body, wincing as your bare feet touched the cold floor. You blinked harshly against the neon lights that flooded the living room before your eyes fell on Matt who sat sprawled out on the foot of the stairs.

“Hey,” You called softly, making your way over to him and crouching down so you were face to face. “What happened?”

Matt didn’t reply. You watched as his head titled before letting it fall back against the bannister with a soft thud causing you to frown.

You reached forward, hands running gently along the mask before you made quick but careful work of pulling it off, wincing as a trail of blood became visible to you.

“Shit Matt.” You said quietly, more to yourself than him, unsure of what to do.

He was obviously concussed, the way he was swaying slightly and the way his eyes kept falling closed told you as much. The blood, you paused as you looked at it, there was a lot of it, too much. You hadn’t seen Matt hurt before, nothing more than some bruises here or there, the occasional stitches that were already taken care of by the time you saw him.

You watched as Matt shifted, trying to pull something out of his pocket but you quickly stopped him, not wanting him to make any other injuries worse.

“Claire.” He slurred out, sounding drunk.

“Claire.” You repeated in relief, fishing the burner phone out of his pocket yourself.

You listened as the phone continued to ring, praying that she would answer and almost sobbed in relief as you had the unfamiliar woman’s voice.

“Please don’t tell me you’re dying when I’m out of town.” Now you could have sobbed in disbelief, she wasn’t in Hell’s Kitchen and Matt was bleeding, badly.

“Matt?” Claire said into the phone when she received no reply, her stomach filling with dread as the seconds passed by.

“He’s bleeding.” You managed to say after taking a deep breath.

“Who is thi-” Claire began but cut herself off, “Y/N?” She asked instead.

“Yes,” You said quietly, not taking your eyes off Matt. “He’s bleeding and I don’t know what to do.” You told her again.

“Okay, where’s he bleeding?” Claire asked, her voice firm but gentle. How often had she heard Matt talk about you like you were something the world had never seen before? She knew he tried to keep you out of Daredevil business as much as he could, patching himself up at her place rather than doing it where you could see. She knew you must be panicking right now and she was not looking forward to trying to talk you through how to patch the man up.

“His head, I don’t know if he’s bleeding anywhere else.” You couldn’t see any damage to the suit and you just prayed that this was the worst of it.

Matt let his eyes fall close and as his breathing slowed down you felt yourself slip further into a panic.

“Hey, hey,” You said, shaking him, “Don’t you dare go to sleep.”

Matt managed a weak nod and you listened as Claire spoke again.

“Ok, you’re doing a great job not letting him sleep. Now listen, I need you to grab his med kit and tell me what he has, okay?”

Claire listened as you rummaged around before pulling out the first aid kit and making your way back over to him, giving him a panicked shake as you saw his eyes closed.

“M’okay baby.” He slurred out, giving you a reassuring smile that did little to calm your fears.

You listed all the things in the kit off to Claire who nodded and began to walk you through it.

“Ok, I need you to put some gloves on and get some cool water in a bowl,” You didn’t want to leave Matt alone for even a second but you knew you had to listen to Claire so put her on speaker before going to do as she said, one eye on Matt the whole time.

“I have it.” You told her softly, brushing your gloved fingers along Matt’s knuckles as you did.

Matt managed a weak smile in your direction.

“Okay, good. Now you have to clean the cut and as much of the blood as you can.” She told you, causing you to frown but you listened to the woman at the other end of the phone and brought a clean, wet cloth up to the cut.

Matt winced, you mirroring the movement as he did.

“I’m sorry,” You whispered as you tried to clean the cut as gently as possible. It took a few minutes until you managed to clean most of the blood, though some still pooled around the wound.

“It’s clean.” You said in the direction of the phone that rested on the ground next to the first aid kit.

“You’re doing great, Y/N.” Claire told you, “Is it still bleeding?” She really hoped it wasn’t because then she’d have to talk you through how to stitch him up with a needle and she really didn’t think you could handle that.

“Yeah, a little bit.” A little bit, Claire could work with that…hopefully.

“I need you to apply pressure to it, alright? Just for a few minutes to see if we can stop the bleeding.”

Your eyes widened in sympathy as Matt let out a hiss of pain, using your free hand to take one of his in yours and giving him a gentle squeeze.

“You’re okay,” You told him, hoping you were right but you knew Matt trusted Claire and so all you had to do was trust him. “I’ve got you.”

You continued to whisper comforting words, not sure if they were for Matt or yourself at that point as you pressed the cloth against the wound.

“Is it still bleeding?” Claire asked after five minutes had passed, letting out a sigh of relief as you told her it wasn’t. “Good, that’s really good.”

Claire directed you to the butterfly stitches and you made quick work of finding and unpackaging them, feeling uneasy as you looked from them to Matt.

“Pay attention now, ok? You need to push the two sides of the wound together, close as you can.” You did as she told you, apologising as Matt let out a pained breath, “Good, now you have to put the stitches on…”

You listened carefully as Claire walked you through it, watching as Matt winced in pain causing you to frown but you carried on like Claire said.

“That’s it, you’re done,” Claire said, causing you to deflate in relief. “You did good, Y/N.”

“Thank you,” You said, pausing to take a shaky breath, “Thank you for helping him.”

“It’s what I do,” Claire smiled, “He should be good to go to bed now, just keep a close eye on him and call me if you need anything.”

“Thank you again, Claire.” You said, glad that Matt had her in his life.

“You’re welcome.” She said before hanging up and leaving you to deal with a concussed Matt.

It took more than a few tries to get him upright before you practically dragged him into the bedroom. Getting the suit off him was a struggle but eventually you managed to pull it off, smiling in relief as you saw nothing but a few bruises on his torso.

“Let’s get you to bed.” You said as you guided him onto his side and pulled the sheets around him before heading back to your side.

Any tiredness you had felt when you had first woken up was gone as fear and adrenaline ran through your veins, determined to stay up all night to make sure Matt’s breathing stayed steady.

You watched as Matt turned his head toward you, his eyes fighting to stay open, as he reached for your hand before bringing it up to his lips.

“Thank you,” He whispered against your knuckles, causing you to smile.

“Go to sleep Matt.” You said, voice as quiet as his.

“You shouldn’t have had to do that.” He told you, clearly struggling to speak clearly but somehow managing to.

You let yourself smile at him, smile at the fact that he was the one bleeding out not even ten minutes again, the one who was clearly involved in something terrible before, the one who was risking his life to make his city safer and the one who was more concerned for your wellbeing than his own.

Matt Murdock really was an idiot, but he was your idiot.

“I’d do it again and again.” You told him honestly, not even surprised by how much you meant those words. Sure when you first started dating Matt you hardly expected all this to come with it but even now you wouldn’t give him or Daredevil up for the world.

“Too good for me.” Matt mumbled as he shifted, pulling you closer to him so your head rested on his chest.

“Sleep.” You commanded with a soft laugh.

“Love you.” Matt murmured against your hair before pressing a lingering kiss there.

As you listened to his breathing even out you couldn’t help the soft laugh that left your lips, feeling safe in the comfort of his arms, glad that he was safe.

“I love you too.” You whispered into the darkness, ready to spend the night making sure he was okay.

You didn’t remember falling asleep but you woke up in the morning to fingers gently brushing up and down your arm, the room lit up softly as the morning sun shone through the window.

A smile spread across your face as you stretched, shifting so you were looking up at Matt who smiled down at you.

“Good morning.” Matt said quietly, looking better than he had last night.

“How’re you feeling?” You asked, voice thick with sleep causing Matt’s smile to widen as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Better, thanks to you.” He said honestly, “You shouldn’t have had to do that.” Matt told you again, feeling guilty for letting you see him like that, for forcing you to be the one to patch him up.

“Oh yeah, you’re totally right,” You told him with an eye roll, “I should've just left you to bleed out on the staircase.”

“Come on,” Matt chuckled, “I’m being serious.”

“So am I,” You told him, leaning up to kiss his jaw, “I meant what I said last night, Matt, I’d patch you up a thousand times, though I won’t be mad if you’d rather go to Claire.”

“I don’t know you’re a pretty cute nurse.” Matt murmured, leaning down and softly connecting his lips to yours.

Matt shifted so that he was hovering over you, keeping the kiss soft and slow. He felt you smile into the kiss and felt himself fall further in love with you, something he didn't think was possible.

“I love you so much,” He whispered against your lips, pulling back enough to do so, smiling as you giggled.

“I love you too,” you told him, leaning up to capture his lips against yours again, content to spend the day in bed with Matt and if he pouted and whined dramatically to gain some sympathy from you then neither of you were complaining.

________

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Catch Me

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Fluff-uary Prompt - Trust

Prompt - ‘Keep your eyes on me and everything will be just fine, trust me.’

The sound of screaming from six blocks away had Peter launching himself from the roof he was currently perched upon, his pulse racing as the cries of children, screams of adults, panic from everybody continued to reach his ears. He could already see the smoke rising up into the air, thick and black as he swung closer, dread reaching his stomach as he entered the neighbourhood and silently, selfishly, begging it wasn’t your apartment.

Those pleas went unheard though as Spider-Man swung around the corner, freezing momentarily against a building as he watched flames engulf your apartment building. He swallowed against the lump in throat as he swung into action, entering the building through a window that had smashed from the heat pressure.

He made quick work of searching the lower floors where the flames were at their worst, helped four children, one teenager, two adults and dog out onto the street before he re-entered the building, panic running through his veins as he took in just how many scared people were trapped up here.

“C’mon, I gotchu,” He said as he scooped two children up into his arms, gently instructing them to hold on as he made quick but careful work of getting them outside. He went door to door helping everyone he came across but no matter how many people he helped his thoughts kept going back to you.

It wasn’t like he could run up to your apartment to check you weren’t home, not with the flames spreading higher and higher like it was nothing. There were still six more floors for him to clear and he could practically feel the fire under his feet.

Quickly he managed to clear the next five floors before he was finally able to get to yours. The flames had spread up to the floor below him and he still had six rooms to check.

He knocked on each of the doors as he made his way to your apartment, thankful that they were all empty with the exception of one where an elderly woman stood in fear. He quickly made his way to her, glancing at your door but knowing he had to make sure everybody was safe.

Peter began to web his way back up the apartment building, his heart stopping as the floors finally began to cave in on themselves. He watched frozen in horror as different parts of the building fell to the grounded and pleaded desperately, begging that you weren’t home.

Please don’t be home.

Peter couldn’t get up to your apartment, there was nowhere for him to web to, no place for him to get his footing. He managed to land on one of the lower floors, the fire dancing dangerously close to the suit, sweat beading under the mask as his view was obscured with the thick layer of smoke.

But then he heard a nose that turned his blood cold.

He heard your cry, heard you beg for help.

Peter turned his head upwards, quickly spotting you as you clung to the window sill, the only wall still standing, though for how long Peter wasn’t sure. He looked around, desperate for a way to get to you but there wasn’t one, either it was covered by flames or quickly crumbling to the ground.

“Oh my God.” He heard you gasp, choking on sobs and smoke as you looked down.

“Hey,” Peter called, trying to figure out a plan. He didn’t have long.

He watched you look around wildly before finding him through the smoke, sobbing in relief as you realised Spider-Man was there.

“You’re gonna be ok,” He told you, darting past the flames so he was directly underneath you.

“I can’t,” You tried to tell him but the smoke had you coughing and Peter felt his heart stop as the building shook, watched as you slipped down, barely managing to catch yourself on the window sill with a scared scream.

“You have to let go,” He yelled up to you, watching as you looked down at him with wide, scared eyes.

“What!?” You shouted back, looking past Spider-Man and down at the drop before shaking your head widely and clinging further onto the ledge. “I can’t!”

“I’ll catch you,” He promised, “I’m gonna catch you.”

He watched as you continued to shake your head, tears that filled your eyes finally made their way over the edge and down your cheeks as you sobbed, curling further into the wall in a desperate attempt to hold on but you could feel your fingers slipping, could feel the flames getting closer.

Peter watched them get closer, getting too close to you. He needed to get to you now but he couldn’t, the only way he could save you was for you to let go.

“Y/N, I’m going to catch you,” He swore but you just continued to look past him, look down at the drop.

Peter sobbed himself, he couldn’t lose you.

“Hey, look at me, look at me Y/N/N,” He called, watching as your eyes flickered from the ground to him before looking past him again, “That’s it, eyes on me,” Finally your eyes settled on him, watching him with fear clear in them.

“Attagirl,” He said, making sure your attention was solely on him as he reached up and ripped the mask off.

“Peter!” You gasped, choking out a sob as you looked down at him.

“Y/N, baby, you gotta trust me right now,” He called up to you, watching as you stared at him in shock before you took a deep breath.

“I trust you,” You told him, more tears making their way down your face.

“That’s my girl,” He smiled, watching as you nodded, psyching yourself up to do as he instructed. “You just gotta let go baby, I’ll catch you.”

“Promise?” You asked, voice too soft for a normal person to hear but Peter picked it up as clearly as if you’d shouted it at him.

“I promise baby, I promise.” He assured you, blinking back his own tears not wanting to scare you even more, he needed you to trust him right now.

“Let go,” He told you, watching as you scrunched your eyes close and, just as the flames came closer to you, the heat almost painful, you let go off the ledge and felt yourself fall.

It seemed to last for far too long, fear flooded you as you realised Peter wasn’t going to catch you. And then you felt your body stop suddenly in the air, the force of it ripping the breath out of your lungs but then you opened your eyes and saw Peter above you. You let out a choked sob as you looked from him to the floor, seeing that you were safe.

Peter had saved you.

Peter pulled on the web that had attached to you, pulled it until you were within arms reach of him before he pulled you up into his arms. You wrapped your arms around his neck, your face nestling into his chest as you soaked his suit with tears.

Peter held you tightly, one hand resting on the back of your head and keeping it against his chest as he lowered the two of you to the ground before he carried you away from the flames and pieces of falling building, his mask firmly back in place before he stepped out onto the street.

People cheered around the two of you as Peter set you down on the floor but you refused to let go of him, you couldn’t if you wanted to.

“Are you ok if I swing us to my house?” He asked you, voice soft and gentle.

He smiled sadly as you nodded into his chest before he shot a web and started in the direction of his house as carefully as he could, you clinging to him tightly the whole time.

It wasn’t long before the two of you arrived, thankfully Aunt May was working the night shift so it was only the two of you home. Peter hadn’t let you go though, instead he carried you up to his bedroom and over to his bed.

He held you close for what felt like hours, neither of you saying anything as you came to terms with the fact that you were safe.

Peter had saved you.

Spider-Man had saved you.

“You saved me.” You mumbled against his chest, voice thick from crying and the smoke.

“I’ll always save you,” He promised as he placed a kiss to the top of your head. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Spider-Man.”

“I don’t care, I’m just glad you’re him. I wouldn’t, couldn’t have trusted anyone else like that.” You told him honestly, trusting a man in a mask seemed ridiculous, trust Peter Parker though, that came as easily as breathing.

“I’ve never been so scared in my life.” He told you, causing you to let out a slightly hysterical laugh.

“You and me both.”

“Thank you for trusting me,” He said softly after a few moments of silence in which you had let your eyes close and slowly began to fall asleep.

“Thank you for catching me.” You replied equally as quiet as you shifted closer to him, not wanting to let him go.

Eventually you drifted off to sleep but Peter remained awake as he listened to the sound of your breathing, the steady beat of your heart…the reminders that you were ok, you were alive, he had saved you.

The thought of losing you, the thought of him not catching you sent a pain through his heart that he couldn’t have explained if he tried. It left him feeling cold and empty, the thought of not being quick enough and seeing your lifeless body…

Peter took a deep, steadying breath, watching as you cuddled closer to him and pushed those thoughts away because you were here and you were ok.

He had caught you.

He let himself lay with you for an hour or so before he untangled himself from you, smiling as you grumpily mumbled in your sleep before curling into his pillow. He hated to do it but he had to get the Spider-Man suit off before Aunt May came home.

He made quick work of stripping out of it, slipping into a soft pair of pyjama pants before he turned to you and gently started pulling your jeans off, pausing twice as you shifted. It wasn’t long before he pulled a pair of his own pyjama bottoms onto you and climbed back into bed, pulling you into his arms again.

He placed a lingering kiss to the top of your head before closing his eyes, focusing on your heartbeat that let him know you were alive.

“I love you so much, baby.” He told your sleeping figure before he finally drifted off to sleep himself.

____________

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I love your matt murdock fic 👏🏻👏🏻🥺

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He Was A Hero

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Febuwhump Prompt - I dreamt you were alive

Prompt - ‘He's a hero and one day it's going to kill him because his heart is too big, and he carries it in his hands, and no one can hold up the sky forever.’

No day was ever easy, not one day passed when you didn’t mourn those you’d lost, those who had been snapped away. Today was a bad day, today the weight of Peter being gone was weighing down painfully on you, it made it harder to breathe and all you wanted to do was stay in bed and hide away.

You dad stood in the doorway, arms crossed as he bit his lip. Tony knew just how you were feeling, that day on Titan replayed in his head every single day, watching as Peter turned to dust in his arms…no words could describe that feeling. Then he’d gotten home, barely, and the knot in his chest loosened, only slightly, as he saw you alive. He bundled you up in his arms and listened to you sob about how you thought he had died.

Then he had to tell you about Peter.

He watched as your eyes widened in disbelief as you let out a huff of laughter, shaking your head as you did. You told him Peter wasn’t dead, told him he wasn’t funny but Tony just looked at you sadly and you froze, tears running down your cheeks as you continued to shake your head, refusing to believe it but the sobs left your lips and you all but collapsed into his arms. The silence was the worst for him though, watching as you became a shell of yourself.

Eventually everybody settled into the new world but that didn’t mean the pain lessened, it just became a part of them.

“Hey baby,” Tony said from his spot against the door frame, he watched as you sniffed and shifted towards him, smiling shakily at him. “Come on, let’s go for a walk, just us.” He said, watching you nod before he gave you a minute to get up.

You watched as your dad left and despite the heavy weight that rested on your heart you couldn’t help but be relieved that he was alive, your dad was safe.

It wasn’t long before you were shrugging a coat on to ward against the autumn chill and heading downstairs, watching as your dad stood up and shot you a warm smile. It helped more than he knew, seeing him here, seeing him alive and happy even if Peter wasn’t here to see it.

“C’mon,” He said, leading you out of the cabin before he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you close.

The walk was nice, your cheeks flushed from the cold but it was exactly what you needed. No words were spoken between you and your dad, not at first but eventually he began talking and you were content to just listen.

“You know when I first found out about you I was terrified,” He told you with a laugh and you couldn’t help but smile over at him, “I was so scared and then I held you, this little girl, the whole world, my whole world in the palm of my hands. I knew I couldn’t let you down then, god you were barely an hour old and had me wrapped around your little finger.” He laughed, looking over at you and hardly believing you were that same little girl.

He squeezed you gently in his arms, pressing you further against him so he could press a kiss against your head.

“It’s hard without him, I know it is kid, but you’ve gotta be brave. You’ve got to know he loved you so much, he thought the world of you, as he should’ve.” Tony chuckled coming to a halt when he saw tears falling down your cheeks and he cupped your face letting his thumbs gently brush them away. “He’d be so proud to see you now, Y/N/N.”

You couldn’t stop the tears falling down your face at your dad's words, stepping closer to him so you could bury your head in his chest as he wrapped his arms around you. You clung to him, feeling like if you let go of him everything would slip away. It was like he was your only grip on reality and that thought had you tightening your grip on him.

“I’m so proud of you, baby.” He whispered against your hair causing you to take a sharp, deep breath in as you choked on more tears. “You’re so strong, Y/N/N, so brave.”

Tony continued his words of praise until you were gasping for breath, the world around you feeling like it was going to fall from out below your feet at any second.

“I love you so much, baby.” Tony told you, pulling away and cupping your cheeks in his hands again, looking you right in the eyes.

“I love you too,” You managed to choke out, feeling like you were going to drown in your tears.

You let out another choked sob as you felt the world actually shift, felt it shake around you and your eyes locked onto your dad’s, your hands clinging to him as you looked at him, fear in your eyes.

“It’s ok, baby, you’re gonna be ok.” He told you before you were plunged into darkness and only seconds later your eyes flew up as you sat up violently, gasping as you tried to catch your breath.

“Hey, hey, you’re ok,” You heard a voice say softly, a hand running comfortingly up and down your back but you couldn’t make out who it was, your head felt dizzy as you sat there trying to find your breath. “You’re ok, I’ve got you, just breathe, that’s it, deep breath in, that’s it, that’s it.”

Finally it felt like you could finally breathe again, the dizziness finally going as the world around you steadied.

“You’re ok,” the voice said again, causing you to stiffen before your head shot around to see Peter sitting up on the bed, eyes still heavy with sleep as he focused his attention on you.

“Peter?” You gasped, feeling your eyes widen as you struggled to grasp a hold of reality.

You watched Peter’s face turn sympathetic, a sad smile spreading across his lips as he continued to rub your back.

“Yeah, it’s me, it’s Peter.” He told you, keeping his voice soft and low as he spoke.

He watched as you went through a range of emotions before your face crumbled and you started to sob. He gently shifted the two of you so he was resting against the top of the bed and you were laying against his chest, tears soaking his shirt.

Peter continued to talk softly, not saying anything in particular just keeping up a steady stream of words that you could cling to to help ground you back to reality and away from whatever you were dreaming about, Peter having a pretty good guess that it was about the blip.

It felt like hours before you stopped crying, sniffing against Peter’s shirt before you pulled away from him and sat with your legs crossed on the bed, hand darting forward to hold Peter’s.

He smiled at you as best he could with the worry running through him, giving it a squeeze.

“You ok?” He asked quietly.

“I’m sorry,” You told him shakily, sniffing as you blinked back more tears.

“Don’t apologise, you’re fine.” Peter assured you as he brought your hand up to his lips, pressing a lingering kiss to it.

“It was so real, you were gone but,” Here you paused to blink harshly, “my dad was back, Pete, I had my dad back.”

The pain in your chest came back ten times worse as you recalled the dream, recalled the words your dad had said to you.

“I’m so sorry,” Peter said to you as he squeezed your hand again.

You just shook your head, not daring to open your mouth again, knowing that if you did you’d just start crying again. You looked at Peter, a shaky smile making its way onto your face, thanking god he was alive.

It seemed like you couldn’t win, when Peter had died you still had your dad but now you had Peter back and your dad was dead.

Eventually you managed to fully get your breathing under control, managed to blink away all the tears. You felt exhausted now that you had finally calmed down, felt dizzy as the dream felt so real, real enough that it messed with your whole reality.

“Go back to sleep,” you told Peter, watching as he frowned at you. “I’m just gonna head outside for some air.” Peter’s face shifted into understanding as he nodded at you, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“If you need me,” he began but you cut him off with a nod.

“Thank you.” You whispered and quietly made your way out of your bedroom. Once you stepped foot downstairs you paused, your dream leaking back into reality as you remembered seeing your dad standing, waiting for you.

You blinked hard before you grabbed a coat and left the cabin, shivering against the cold air but found it helped. You walked the same trail you had in your dream, feeling empty as you continued to look to the side, expecting to see your dad there smiling over at you.

Your heart ached as you ended up at the lake.

You sat down on the dock, letting your legs dangle over the edge as you looked out into the water. How many times had you sat here with your dad after the blip, just the two of you sitting together in silence and now you sat alone, nothing but his memories keeping you company.

“I dreamt you were alive,” you said quietly, eyes locked onto the water, “it felt so real, you know? Peter was gone and you were alive and I was so crushed, I didn’t think I could ever feel worse than I did when Pete died,” you told the water with a sad chuckle, “and then you just had to be the hero and prove that I could feel ten times worse.”

The silence around you sounded so painfully loud.

“I hate that you did that.” You said through gritted teeth, “I hate that I wasn’t even surprised you did it, hate that you left me here. I got Peter back and I am always going to be grateful for that, everyday of my life, but I need you too.” You sobbed.

“I need you, the world, it doesn’t seem right without you here. I just really miss you, dad. I really hate that Steve used the last of the serum because if I could I’d go back in time and change that day…I’d do anything to change that day.”

It felt nice to talk, even if nobody was listening. It felt like you could lean your head down and it would land on your dad’s shoulder even though you knew it never would again. It had been so long since you’d spoken to him but doing it felt, it felt as right as it could when he couldn't be here with you.

You didn’t know how long you sat outside for but you knew it was long enough for the sky to change from inky blue to golden yellows and soft pinks as the sun rose.

“Here you go,” A voice said, startling you out of your thoughts.

You looked up as Peter sat next to you, holding two mugs in his hands and offering one of them to you. You shot him a grateful smile as you took the hot drink from him and took a small sip.

“How you feeling?” Peter asked softly after a few minutes of silence.

You didn’t have an answer for him, not a good one anyway because there really were no words that could sum up just how bad losing your dad felt.

“I really miss him.” You told him instead because that was the truest thing you could say.

“I miss him too,” Peter told you, “I’m really sorry.”

“He was always going to die saving the world, I always knew that. He was a hero,” You told Peter with a wet laugh, a smile spreading across your face, “He was a hero.”

“Yeah he was.” Peter said quietly, looking out at the water as you lowered your head onto his shoulder. Peter smiled down at you, pressing a soft kiss to your hair as he wrapped an arm around your waist.

“I’m glad you’re alive.” You told him, voice so soft he barely caught it but the words had him huffing out a laugh.

“Me too, Y/N/N, and I have Mr Stark to thank for that.” Peter had sworn long ago to do anything and everything he could to make Tony proud but since coming back he did everything he could to keep that promise, including keeping you safe.

The two of you sat outside for a long time, heavy hearts as memories played in your heads but you weren’t alone and you knew you couldn’t lose Peter, not again, because not having your dad around was, words couldn’t describe how devastating that was, but losing them both, you didn’t think you’d survive it.

“I love you,” You told him, breaking the silence that had settled between the two of you.

“I love you too, Y/N/N,” Peter whispered back, his hand taking your chin and guiding you up to his lips where he pressed a soft kiss upon yours, “so much.”

No, you knew you wouldn’t survive losing Peter again and you vowed to do everything you could so that you never had to live in a world where you didn’t have Peter Parker in your life.

___________

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