Nightmares...

nightmares...

Wtf is wrong with me? I kept having series of bad dreams lately. Its so scary and it is usually abt me dying or talking to a soul/dead person… This is scaring the shit out of me coz i usually dont get nightmares… I only experience it when i get a fever. And now, i kept having them. Is it coz i am stressed over something? Or is it because i sleep too much and my bed, pillows and blankets are shoving me away? Or is it because it might be a warning that something bad will happen to me?? Oh God! I wish this will stop asap. I wish i have someone to talk to that i can share what i am experiencing rn. Its scaring me srsly. I tried shaking it off my thoughts but now that im abt to sleep, i cant help but wonder why i keep having these bad dreams… Please let me have a good night sleep from now on. I pray to all the fairies in charge when im sleeping to let me have a peaceful and meaningful dreams instead… I dont need another issue in my life. I’ve got a bunch already and i am sick of it. Let me have a good sleep coz thats were i can only get the chill i need to survive in this very challenging life i have rn. Please…

The GOOD MEMORIES

I had this beautiful dream again... Wait is the word 'beautiful' acceptable to define it? Err... somehow i think yeah. Ok. Let me start this story... I was in my high school uniform acting just like the good-old-noisy-annoying high school student that i was before with my friends. It seems like the dream took place in our campus tho there were some unfamiliar places too like those trails going to a forest or somewhere... I saw several familiar faces i knew since i was in PI while some where people i knew but havent seen/met in real life. The freakin mood was just like before. Noisy yet just the way i wanted it to be. Friends chatting, boys teasing, a teacher discussing in front of the class. I felt i traveled back the time in this dream. It made me feel like a high school student again. Laughing with my friends, teasing my classmates, arguing with them, bickering with the dude i used to like a lot before. I was having such a great time. I even saw DEO sitting at the very back row with his friends. He was in the middle, more like hiding, and i bet people in front will not be able to see this little guy at the back. I was with my bestfriends too. We were at the very back as well but we were sittig near the windows. I often throw him some glances... prolly making sure he is still there. Idk. Flirting maybe? Lol am i really gonna call it like that?! Lol And then i went somewhere. When i got back to where my friends were sitting, they moved towards the front of the class. I only found my other two classmates there, they looked like a couple. I got embarassed and shocked to see them together so i hurried to where my friends are. I then looked outside our room ad saw some students passing by, i think N. ethridge was part of that group.lol so random right? Then suddenly i started singing 'Harana' while i think it was Ronald who accompanied me by playing a guitar. I was singing and looking to where DEO was sitting. I feel like i dedicate that sog for him. He was just there sitting, looking at me too. And then suddenly, someone yelled that the teacher was coming back again. I panicked! I stopped singing and kept on looking only to DEO's reaction... Then KABOOOM! it ended. I woke up. That was it. I didn't get to know why i had that dream. What's the meaning behind it? Why did DEO appeared? It made me think abt him again and my unrequited one-sided love for him since we were in grade2... It is so random! But i woke up and felt like today is going to be a great day. The good memories from before made me remember again that i used to be loved and i used to love other people before. I was happy. Now, i miss my highschool friends again... Can i travel back in time? I wanna spend time again with them!

Snape's one true love.

Yeah you can tell that i just watched the final part of the Harry Potter series. And this for me is one ofthe best movies i saw. This part of the series is what i liked the most. It was on the part where Snape’s flashback of his ‘love story’ that caught my attention the most. I wonder if that kind of love does exist?… Where can i find a selfless man like Snape in this lifetime? Do they even exist? Gawd i cant help it but feel sorry for him... but i am also very grateful to him for being such a kind man. He showed what love is. He protected the son of the only woman he loved. That for me is true love. for a man like him, who sacrificed and became selfless even though he doesnt have to. I salute Professor Snape with all my heart. How i wish there are other people like him in this world. I bet our world will have a better future if people like him exists.

Bakit sa panaginip lang?

I woke up from a dream because the phone was ringing. It was awful coz i wanted to see what happens next in my dream... I tried so hard to sleep again and hoping that the dream will continue it's story... but it didn't... Here's what happen in my dream. I was sitting in a sidewalk watching a flower parade... like the one's in Pasadena. I remember i was with my high school friends and we were all wearing our school uniform. We were asked to move from our seats and up into the stadium. From there, everything seems a blur except for the scene that i am smiling brightly to Jellyeiz. People around me were so noisy and they were teasing me. I was laughing so hard until i noticed BKM. he was just a few seats down from my row. Idk why but my friend and i started talking abt Bill and i was like denying that i like him. I kept mentioning his name until i felt like someone moved next to me. I opened my eyes and saw BKM sitting next to me. I felt like my heart jumped out of my chest... It feels so real. Just like how i want it to happen in real life... I was gonna ask him something but unfortunately the phone started ringing and that is how the dream ended.... I wonder why those two suddenly appeared in my dream again... Is it my subconcious mind reminding me that i kinda missed them? Or was it just the fact that i kept seeing and hearing their names and tho i try my best to forget abt them and stop associating them with everything around me, i just can't?

will it ever happen to me?

he asked me how i was doing. I told him i am going crazy and asked how he is doing too. he told me he is fine still single. i told him we're both on the same boat. he laughed... he then said, "it is going to happen at the right time with the right person..." i laughed. i was thinking how long am i going to be like this. i was asking myself why are we even discussing this topic... Then he said maybe there's someone waiting for me too & prolly still don't have the courage to confess... i told him, "hopefully this person will have the courage to tell me asap & not make me wait longer because i might change my mind and become a nun instead..." he laughed and said, "i guess i am going to be a priest then, if i don't get a gf soon..." ***** what is this conversation all about? i don't understand him? i don't get why i was suddenly feeling sad after our convo ended... and again, my mind is full of thoughts about my social life and why i am still single. poor me :(

LOVE.

What's up with me? I've been like this for awhile now... It's scary yet exciting. It is new to me but I can't help but to always look forward to the day it will happen :) I'll be careful... really careful. But is that even possible when the only thing on my mind right now is LOVE... how to give LOVE... how to express LOVE... and to whom am i going to give my LOVE... Crazy isn't it?? But i guess that is just how it should be. No matter how hard i try to set it aside, it always come back to my senses. It always put me off guard. It is embarassing but it is the truth. LOVE, you confuse me! You bother me a lot. Let me have more time to think about this and be fully prepared...i want this to be special