When I Was 20, I Moved Out At Night With My Stuff In Trash Bags As My Mother Wept On The Floor Begging

When I was 20, I moved out at night with my stuff in trash bags as my mother wept on the floor begging me to stay, asking me how she was supposed to mother the other children in her care. When I was 20, as I loaded everything i could fit into my car my mother dug her nails so deep into my skin that I still have the scars today. When I was 20, and I was holding myself together by threads I watched my mother fall apart and shrivel before me. I left my mother to save myself. I left my siblings to save myself. I was scared and tired and put myself first and now ill never see them again.

Wake me up (scream at me to let me know) when September ends (when ao3 is back up)

"The female tarantula hawk wasp stings a tarantula between the legs, paralyzes it, then drags the it to a burrow, where a single egg is laid on the spider's abdomen, and the burrow entrance is covered. When the wasp larve hatches, it creates a small hole in the spider's abdomen, then enters and feeds voraciously, avoiding vital organs  for as long as possible to keep the spider alive. After several weeks, the larva pupates. Finally, the wasp becomes an adult and emerges from the spider's abdomen to continue the life cycle."

I feel like the tarantula, paralyzed while life eats away at my body until one day my body can't support life anymore and life crawls out and leaves my emptied out shell to rot.

Just randomly remembered when I lost my virginity his nose started running and he didn't sniff it or wipe it he just let it drip and bc I'm a people pleasing coward I said nothing and then it DRIPPED INTO MY MOUTH and I still said nothing and now I'm cringing about it 6 years after the fact.

I'm infertile.

And I watch while my cousins have babies and my friends have babies

But I know that my belly won't ever grow round while my body builds a little human

I'll never know the pain of childbirth

I'll never know the joy of holding my newborn as the endorphins flood my body making me feel like I'm floating

It feels so unfair, thats all I've wanted since I was a child. I wanted to grow up and be a mommy. But I won't ever be one.