honestlymassivetrash - Fortuna Favet Audaci
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When I Was 20, I Moved Out At Night With My Stuff In Trash Bags As My Mother Wept On The Floor Begging

When I was 20, I moved out at night with my stuff in trash bags as my mother wept on the floor begging me to stay, asking me how she was supposed to mother the other children in her care. When I was 20, as I loaded everything i could fit into my car my mother dug her nails so deep into my skin that I still have the scars today. When I was 20, and I was holding myself together by threads I watched my mother fall apart and shrivel before me. I left my mother to save myself. I left my siblings to save myself. I was scared and tired and put myself first and now ill never see them again.

  • pretty-not-so-skinny
    pretty-not-so-skinny liked this · 3 years ago

More Posts from Honestlymassivetrash

For someone who's never played dnd and has watched hundreds of hours of critical role...

I sure do have a startling amount of oc's sitting in my notes app.

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For Someone Who's Never Played Dnd And Has Watched Hundreds Of Hours Of Critical Role...

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3 years ago

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4 years ago

I want to have a baby, but I can't.

Every month I hope that maybe this time it'll be different. I have spent so much money on tests that will never be positive, but everytime I'm holding my breath for another line to appear.

It never does.

Luckily I'm with a man who doesn't want kids. He says they're too expensive, to loud, and unnecessary hassle. He doesn't understand. Its not a conscious choice I make, wanting a child. It's something primal, deep in the fabric of my very being.

I was made to be a mother....I AM a mother. But to whom? The only baby I ever had was stolen away from me by Deaths kiss, ripped out of my body while I sobbed alone. I was only 19. But that baby is probably the only one my body will ever grow.

And I know, adoption is a beautiful thing. I love my adopted siblings as if they were my own blood.

But growing a baby inside my body? Thats something I'll never experience again so let me mourn it. It's a loss that no one around me understands.