Are You Still Here?

Are You Still Here?

Derek Hale x Sarah McCall

Timeline: When Sarah and Derek are dating, near the end of season 3A, where she suspects that Derek is cheating on her with Jennifer.

Sarah's POV -

It's cold in here, and dark. Had his loft always been this dark and cold? No, it hasn't. It seems to have grown colder and colder since the last month since the time it feels like Derek has distanced himself from me.

I jolt awake from the merry state between sleep and awakeness, blinking rapidly. I stare at my side, at the cold and empty side which used to be warm, when Derek was here.

Now, I don't know anymore where he is. He comes home at odd hours and leaves almost immediately after, not telling me much about where he has been or where he is going to go. He appears so stressed and worried these days, that I don't bother him by asking too many questions.

But as I lie here, staring at the ceiling in the dark, I think that maybe I should ask questions. I'm his girlfriend, I have the right to know. Or am I? Is he seeing another woman behind my back?

No, he won't do that. He'd never cheat on me.

Still, a trail of doubt tugs at my gut. He has never confessed that he loves me, he has never made any promise to me that he won't leave me and shit.

No, I shouldn't think like that. Even when he has never said those things to me, I've seen the sincerity and affection in his eyes.

They say that the eyes can never lie, but now I wonder, can they? The ceiling stares back at me with no answer, and I groan in frustration. I should talk to Derek, shouldn't make assumptions.

Maybe, he's really busy with all of that stuff with the Alpha Pack and Deucalion. Maybe, I'm being doubtful for no reason, yet hear as I lie down, I keep asking myself, are me and Derek still a thing?

I haven't told Scott about this. The time he found out that I was dating Derek, it was after Derek killed Peter and turned Jackson into a kanima. I had been furious at him but had eventually forgiven him. I cannot stay mad at Derek, maybe those are the effects of falling in love.

Love.

I haven't told him that I have fallen in love with him, and now, I'm even more hesitant. I have always wondered what would happen if he doesn't love me back, and now that possibility scares me even more.

Scott doesn't know anything about Derek's been behaving, and if I do tell him, Scott will drag his ass and throw him at my feet. A chuckle escapes my lips as I imagine that. There has always been tension between Scott and Derek since the two have world views which are polar opposites. After Derek and I had started dating, Scott became even more protective of me. He clearly doesn't trust Derek much, but I cannot forget the conversation we had about my relationship.

I close my eyes and memories flood back.

"You know, CeeCee," Scott says seriously, "I don't trust him. Not a lot, to be honest."

"I know, Scotty," I say, "But he's not that bad. You two have different kinds of thinking and perspectives, but this doesn't make him a bad person."

"I don't think that he's a bad person," Scott says, "I just...don't trust him well, and not with you."

"You know I'm older than you, right?" I raise an eyebrow at him. He chuckles, "I know." But then he turns serious again, but his eyes are loving, "CeeCee, I don't trust him, but I do trust you. And I know that whatever choice you make, it will be good for you."

"Thank you," I say, squeezing his hand.

"But, if he ever causes even a teeny amount of discomfort, I'm dragging his werewolf ass out and shoving him in a sack of wolfsbane."

I laugh, "Thank you, but I don't think that it will ever come to that."

I open my eyes and smile sadly. At least Scotty's there with me. And Stiles too. And Mom, of course. And even Derek-

Scott is going to be so angry if Derek cheats on me.

I will be so angry if Derek cheats on me.

The bed feels suffocating, so I get up and sit on the couch in the living room. I'm staring into darkness when I hear the door creak open.

The breath whooshes out of my lungs as I see Derek stumble in, looking so tired and exhausted that I momentarily forget about everything else. Effects of falling in love.

"Derek?" I say and he looks at me. For a minute, our eyes lock and nothing else in this world matters. He then saunters towards the couch and he collapses down. I sit beside him. He holds my hand and breathes deeply. "Honey," He says, "Why're you still awake?"

That question makes me so angry that I want to hurl something at his head. He's asking me that like he wants me to sleep so that he can carry on with whatever he does without my interruption.

"Why do you ask that?" I seethe, "You wanted me to fall asleep so that you can carry on with whatever top-secret stuff you do?"

Derek immediately understands the issue. He looks at me with soft eyes and says, "Honey, I'm really sorry that I haven't been talking to you lately. I'm sorry that I haven't told you about anything that I'm doing. I'm just so sorry." He looks down in shame.

"Tell me now," I say, "Tell me Derek, what is keeping you so busy these days? What has driven you so much that you can't even find the time to spend with me? You're so absent, so...not there." I bite my lip, my heart hurting. Tears pool in my eyes, and I try not to cry.

"Honey I-" He tries to speak but I stop him.

"What is happening, Derek?" I say desperately, "What is happening to you? To us? We don't even talk to each other anymore! Whenever I have tried to reach out to you, you have swatted me away!" My voice is raised now, but I don't care.

"Do you not like me anymore?" I say, my chest heaving and tears pouring down my eyes, "Are you bored of me? Do you now like someone else? Is it Jennifer? Whatever it is, tell me! Talk to me! I'm right here! But the main question is, are you still here?"

I fall back on the couch and sniff. I needed this release.

Derek looks at me for a few minutes, and then says, "Since my family was burnt alive, I died too. Just not physically. I was a lone wolf, surviving on my own. I didn't have a pack, I didn't have an alpha, I was just a lonely beta with no good to this world. I thought that my entire life was going to be like this. I mean, why wouldn't it be?"

I listen quietly.

"And then there comes this girl trudging in the woods, all determined to find her brother's inhaler." He smiles. I have to admit, his smiles are the most beautiful thing in the world. "I recognise her, from the days I was in school. She thought that I wouldn't, but I did. I cannot believe it. The biology nerd from school has become such a beautiful woman."

I pout at him, but at least I'm not crying anymore.

"As I spend more time with her, I realise that she hasn't become beautiful suddenly, she always has been. I was just too blind to see it." He says, looking into my eyes, "She's beautiful from the inside out, and no one can ever be compared to her."

I now want to cry again.

"After I get to know her better, she helps me get to know myself better. Being in her presence, I realise that I am not dead, not really. I was just dull, dry, like a tree which hasn't been watered in years." He then takes a deep breath. "And you know what she is like? Rain."

He doesn't have to elaborate for me to understand. But if he thinks that he can butter me up with beautiful words to make me forget my anger, then he is wrong.

"I've never said these words to you," Derek says, and keeps my hand over his heart, "So now I'm going to say them."

I inhale sharply.

"I love you, Sarah McCall."

I am speechless. All the times I've imagined him saying that this had not crossed my mind.

"I love you, Sarah." He repeats, now smiling gently, "I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. Not even Paige."

"Derek I-" I pause and say, "I love you too."

We kiss and he mutters, "I'll never even think of cheating on you Sarah, ever. I love you." A few tears slide down my cheeks as I say softly, "I love you too."

EDWINA SHARMA Bridgerton 2.03 "A Bee in Your Bonnet"

Gone but not forgotten🙏🫡🥹

Rest in Peace, Andre Braugher.

The Big Sister

Derek Hale x Sarah McCall

Timeline: In S4, when Scott bites Liam Dunbar. Scott doesn't know how to calm Liam down and explain to him what just happened, so he takes him to the calmest and most sane person he knows. His sister.

Sarah's POV -

The hospital's rarely so quiet and calm at this hour. I don't remember a day where there was no crowd at 5 pm, which falls between the visiting hours. Yes, I joined as a nurse at the hospital because Stiles, while being possessed by the nogitsune, burned down my pharmacy.

He insists on paying for it, but they're already in a lot of debt. So I refused. But I do want to get it back up someday. When I have enough money. And enough time.

Surprisingly, I like it at the hospital. There's something soothing and enriching about helping someone heal and get better, though the medicines usually ruin a different part of your body than what they are supposed to fix.

Sipping coffee, I turn to the next page of the book I'm reading. Who knew I'd like to read about elves and wizards? But this book is good. Maybe I'll ask Derek to read it too.

I'm so engrossed in my book that I don't realise when someone stands in front of me at the reception. I don't look up, Mom will handle it.

"What are you doing here?" Mom asks from beside me and that makes me look up.

My brother, Stiles, Derek and a boy I don't recognise stand in front of me. They're not looking at Mom, they're looking at me. The boy looks agitated and angry. He looks like he can break something.

"Hey CeeCee," Scott gives me a smile, "Got a moment?"

"Allow me to brace myself," I say and close the book. "What do you want?" I ask after standing in front of him.

"Not here, Angel." Derek whispers in my ear after wrapping his arm around my waist, "Somewhere private."

I look at him curiously. "Der, what is it?"

Derek doesn't reply, just looks around suspiciously and gives me a wry look.

Right. Privacy.

I lead them to an empty supply room and lock the door behind me. The boys stand behind me, looking at the stranger.

"Right. What's going on?" I ask my brother.

"CeeCee, this is Liam Dunbar," Scott says, pointing to the stranger. I give him a nod and reach out my hand for him to shake. "Sarah McCall, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too." He replies politely, shaking my hand.

"You might wanna maintain distance." Stiles whispers in my ear, "He's explosive." I give him a confused look and step back.

Derek wraps a protective arm around my waist and pulls me towards him. He's not being subtle. Derek is always protective over me, but he's just a teenage boy. I can feel his claws on my shirt. I look at Liam curiously, and then it dawns on me. He must be a werewolf.

"So, Sarah." Scott begins, and Liam glares at him ferociously. That's when I know something is wrong. Scott avoids calling me by my real name, he always calls me CeeCee.

"There was a Wendigo attack-"

"Scott bit Liam."

My mouth hangs open as Stiles interrupts my brother. "What?" I look at my brother, shocked, "Why?"

"I'll explain," Scott says, scowling at Stiles, who closes his mouth. "There was a Wendigo attack here, right? Liam was at the hospital at that time."

"Oh, yes," I murmur. I've never seen Liam before, but Mom had mentioned a boy who had broken his arm or something. "What about that?"

"So the Wendigo grabbed Liam and took him on the roof. Luckily, I reached there and tried to fight him. But the Wendigo threw Liam over the edge. Liam held on just by his fingertips and I couldn't go help him because the Wendigo was holding me back. So I er..I had to use the only option I had. I had to bite him." Scott explains and sighs.

I blink, trying to digest the information. I gulp and turn to Liam. "Oh. Hi."

"Yeah, hi." He says wearily.

"So, why is he here?" I ask Scott, who replies, "We..er...we haven't...he doesn't..."

"He's an explosive grenade, and doesn't know what has happened to him, and what is going to happen to him because of what had happened to him and he also..kind of hates us." Stiles jumps in, "It'd be better if you talk to him, CeeCee."

"Er..sure." I say and whisper in his ear, "Why me?"

"You're nice, and calm and kind. He can do with kind." Scott says.

"Especially after you kidnapped me." Liam shoots at him.

I look at Scott, alarmed. "You kidnapped him?"

"To keep him safe." He says hastily. I'm about to retort but Derek says, "Point is, Angel, we need you to talk to him. Explain things to him before he wrecks the town on the next full moon."

"Let me guess, did you give him the 'we're brothers now' talk?" I turn to Scott, suppressing a giggle. Scott blushes and I look at Derek, "I remember the time you tried to tell that to Scotty, and it did not go well."

"I didn't have you at the time, now I do." He says lovingly.

I kiss him softly and then turn to Liam. "Alright kid. Let's talk."

I ask Mom for permission to use an empty room, and she grants it immediately, knowing the severity of the situation. Mom is great at picking up hints.

I lock the door behind me and turn to look at Liam, who sits awkwardly on the bed. I pull up a chair to sit in front of him. "Make yourself comfortable. Trust me, I'm not gonna do anything to you."

"It's difficult to trust you since it was your brother who bit me." Liam snaps, and I look at him with mild shock. "Hmm, now I see why Stiles called you a grenade. Tell me, Dunbar. What else is it? How do you get so angry easily?"

"What are you? A doctor?" He questions, ignoring what I said.

"No." I say, "Do I look like one?"

"Then what are you?" He bends forward, glaring at me threateningly.

"Kid," I say with a raised eyebrow, "Don't try to threaten me. My brother and my boyfriend are standing right outside and they can hear every word of our conversation. If Derek catches even a whiff of you trying to hurt me, you won't be alive to see the next full moon. And I don't want you to die. So I suggest we do this calmly."

Liam sits back and huffs. "Fine. Now will you tell me what's going on?"

"I will." I say, "After you tell me what's going on with you. You're aggressive, get angry easily. Why? What do you have?"

"IED." He says dejectedly.

Oh. Oh. Out of everyone my brother had to choose as a beta, he chose one with who had frequent anger outbursts.

I start to feel bad for Liam Dunbar. The whole werewolf ordeal is going to be tougher for him since he's much more prone to anger and aggression.

"I see," I say. My voice is even, I don't want him to know that I feel bad for him. I'm not sure if he'll appreciate pity. Best to not assume. Besides, he'll feel safe enough to open up if I talk to him with a neutral tone and perspective.

I brace myself. "You need to be calm for what I'm about to tell you."

Liam looks at me wordlessly. I can't put a word on how he's feeling or what he's thinking, so I continue. "Liam, you're a werewolf."

His eyes go wide for a second, shock covering his face. Then, he bursts out laughing. "Are you serious?" He chokes out, "Out of everything, I hadn't expected this. A werewolf? Seriously, Miss McCall? What do you think I am? A nutjob?"

"Liam, I'm not kidding." I say seriously. "Did you not see Scott's face when he bit you?"

He stops laughing. His face turns grim suddenly, all humour fading. He doesn't say anything, but by the look in his eyes, I know he remembers.

"Liam, I know this sounds ridiculous, believe me it was to me as well but - this is all real." I say softly, "My brother's a werewolf, and so are you now."

He panics, and though I'm not a werewolf, I can see that his heart rate has picked up. Looking at me frantically, "Wait...what?" He sputters, "What? You can't be serious!"

"I'm sorry," I say, not letting my voice waver. I look at him kindly, "But I am."

"Well then, what do I do?" He exclaims, "How can I turn back into a normal person? How can I undo it?"

"You can't," I say, bracing myself. I feel too bad for him. For a second, I don't see Liam. I see Scott. Scott, when he had been bitten and was learning how to control. Scott, when he was so frustrated at everything. Scott, couldn't be with the girl he loved and was failing in class because of something he didn't do.

"What do you - what do you mean by that?" He asks. His voice is shaking, he's trying his best to not get angry. But his efforts are unsuccessful.

"Liam, you can't go back to being a human again. You are a werewolf, and there's nothing you can do about that. I'm sorry." I say, and wish it didn't sound heartless. God, I sound like a manipulative bitch here.

"THE HELL I CAN'T!" He snarls, standing up. My heartbeat quickens, but I try to stay calm. "Don't get in here." I whisper, hoping that Derek and Scott outside can hear. "I'll handle it."

"YOUR BROTHER DID THIS TO ME!" He thundered, "I'M AN ANIMAL! A FUCKING ABOMINATION BECAUSE OF HIM!"

"Liam, if Scott hadn't bit you, you would've been dead," I say, looking into his glowing yellow eyes. "Would you rather prefer death over being a werewolf?"

"That's the thing!" He snaps and starts prowling around the room. "I don't even know what being a 'werewolf' means. How am I supposed to live this?"

"That's why I'm here." I say with a small smile, "To help you."

He sits in front of me again, "Are you a werewolf too?"

"No."

"What are you?"

"Human."

"Then why are you talking to me?" He asks, "Why are you risking it?"

I sigh. "Because you remind me of someone, and I wasn't able to help him a lot. He suffered, and I don't want you to follow in his footsteps. That's why I'm 'risking it'."

"Alright. I'm not gonna ask you to elaborate." He states and I smirk, "Good, because I'm not going to elaborate either."

"So tell me." He leans back and looks at my grugdingly. "What does it mean to be a werewolf? Even when you don't have first-hand experience."

"As you might know from fairytales and fantasy stories," I begin, "You're half wolf, half human. This ensures that you have heightened senses, like you can hear my heartbeat and you can also smell all of the sanitisers in this hospital. You also have the strength and speed of a wolf, you're much stronger than a normal human being. Faster, too."

He looks at me curiously. "Go on."

"You'll heal fast. Like, very fast. If I were to stab you right now, you'd magically heal and your wound will disappear within seconds, depending on how deep it is." I add, and he looks at me in wonder. Yeah, he's liking this.

"You'll never fall sick, your immunity is just too strong for that." I say, "And you'll also look better."

He grins and I smile. "It is true."

"You're not immortal. You're gonna age, but very slowly." I say, "And now let me dissolve a myth, which I also believed before my brother was turned into a werewolf."

"The thing is, you're not gonna turn into an actual wolf on full moon nights." I say carefully, "But your claws - which you have by the way - will come out, there'll be hair on your face - don't ask me why - your face will change...sorta. And you will be rabid. You will get angry, you will become a wild animal, basically. And you can kill someone."

Liam stares at me, open-mouthed. I gulp, this was not the best way to explain things to him. I let out a string of curses in my mind. This shouldn't have played out the way it did.

"Unless you learn how to control." I say quickly, before guilt overwhelms him.

"How do I learn how to control?" He asks, his eyes glassy. My heart clenches.

"You've to find an anchor." I say and keep a hand on his wrist. He's looking down, and a tear falls onto my hand. "Liam," I say, "Look at me."

He looks up slowly, "Am I going to kill someone?"

"Not if you learn how to control." I say. "To control yourself, to not shift into that primal, animal part of you, you need to have an anchor. Someone who will bind you to your human side. Or something, it'll do too."

He looks confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that-" I click my tongue, "See, an anchor is something - or someone - for whom or for which you will want to be human. An anchor pulls you towards your human side."

"Who's Scott's anchor?" He asks and I say shortly. "Himself." I don't want to spill the details of his and Allison's rollercoaster of a romance.

"Who's Derek's anchor?" He asks and I try not to blush. "Me."

Liam looks away, embarassed. "Sorry. Shouldn't have asked."

"It's okay." I say, clearing my throat.

"So...I need to get a girlfriend?" He asks, clearly confused.

I lean backwards and look at the ceiling. "No. It doesn't have to be a girlfriend." I say thoughtfully. An idea pops into my head and I look at him, "Imagine it this way. When you shift - that is, when you have claws and facial hair and all - you're gonna feel very powerful, very strong and very angry. You're gonna be fearless, and disoriented. You won't have a care in the world. So, would you like to come back to your human side after that?"

"I don't wanna kill anyone." He says uneasily and my heart softens. He's more like Scott than what I had imagined.

"That's great." I say, "So, an anchor needs to be someone who you think of - someone for whom you will abandon being that creature because you know you will hurt them, someone whose thoughts can help you shift back to your human side. It doesn't have to be a girlfriend, can be a parent, or a friend or whatever."

"So that's it? Find an anchor and you'll be fine?" He asks hopefully. I nod, "You should be. But it's not gonna be easy. Sometimes, you chase your anchor. Go towards them, because they're the only one who make you feel better. But you can harm them. Instead, you should go away from them."

"Okay, okay, wait-" He says, "So...how do I not kill someone on the next full moon?"

"You're gonna have to be tied up," I say matter-of-factly.

"TIED UP?" He yells, astonished.

"So that when you turn, you won't roam around rampant trying to kill someone." I say, "Look, Liam, it happens to everybody. You'll learn to control yourself, but it will take time."

"How much time?"

"Depends on how well you control yourself."

"What do you mean by controlling myself?" He asks thoughtfully, "Like..not going rabid?"

"Yep." I reply, liking the fact that he's finally getting it. "Controlling yourself means controlling how much you let the primal instinct inside you affect you. It means controlling how much your own anger, rage and animalistic character affects you. Basically, it means that you have to try your best to remain as calm as possible. And that can be done with the help of an anchor."

Liam falls silent. He's trying to register everything, to understand it all. I give him that time. He deserves it.

After a while, he says. "Thank you."

I smile, "For what?" Though I already know the answer.

"For explaining everything to me. And for...you know...dealing with my anger." He says uncomfortably. I lean forward and keep my hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. "It's fine. You're new to all of this. I get it."

He nods and I ask, "So are you ready to go outside?" He nods again and we get up. But before we can leave, Liam keeps a hand on my elbow and says, "And thank you, once again, for being like my big sister."

Masterlist

His kindness and politeness is simply soo heartwarming and beautiful❤️

Much as I adore hippos, this is undeniably just. (via @persian-slipper)