Im Scared To Pirate Stuff - Do It Scared!*

“I’m scared to pirate stuff - ” do it scared!*

*with Firefox and Adblock and a VPN and -

If you want a nonspecific, nonexhaustive “where do I even start” guide…

Sail the cyber seas at your own risk!

Streaming - “I want to watch xyz”

This is normally what most people want when they talk about pirating.

Use Firefox with uBlock Origin and additional privacy add-ons such as PrivacyBadger, TrackMeNot, etc.

Free VPNs are out there. Get one - but vet it’s efficacy. My go-tos are Proton VPN, or Windscribe if you plan to do a bit of torrenting.

What is torrenting? How does it work? Here’s a guide!

Back to streaming -

Make sure that a) you’ve got your Mozilla browser with all its adblocking private glory, and b) you’ve got a VPN turned on to hide what you’re doing in that browser from your ISP (internet service provider).

Now you need to actually find a site to stream from. This is the tricky part, because openly sharing these sites will get them taken down if they’re talked about widely enough. (Remember how tiktok idiots got zlibrary taken down?)

You’re going to have to talk to people on forums. You’re going to have to experiment with sites you find yourself. Search for ‘x online free’ and look at the links that come up - is the preview text mangled or clickbaitey? Are there Reddit threads about that website confirming or denying its content? A good rule of thumb is to ignore the top result or two - copycats of good streaming sites will often buy out the top result spot. Eventually, you’ll develop a good gut feeling and understanding of what a good site ‘looks like’ from the results page alone.

However, there are some places that compile good sites that haven’t been nuked by lawyers (yet) - check out r/FMHY! The masterposts are actively curated and updated when a site goes down or is found to have malicious downloads.

Remember - loose lips sink ships. No tweeting (xeeting?) or Facebook statuses about your new favorite piracy website and where you found it. Even posting to tumblr (kind of like this…) isn’t a great idea if you want those websites to stay under the radar and stay accessible. Nobody talks, everybody walks (away with their share of pirate booty)

If you aren’t downloading media, pick pretty much any site and watch away! Adblock and Firefox will keep away pop-ups and other annoying ads, and your VPN means your ISP can’t tell that you’re visiting an unofficial streaming service.

Note: In my experience, I’ve never heard of visiting a site and watching stuff on it infecting or otherwise compromising your computer. That tends to come from misclicks on invisible or overwhelming pop-up ads that redirect you to an automatic download or similarly malicious bullshit. If you’re using Firefox and uBlock, you shouldn’t be in any danger of an accidental redirect.

Downloads - “I want to keep xyz”

This is the realm of pirate archiving - you’re keeping files physically on your hard drive, an external hard drive, or burning a disk.

Adblock + Firefox browser? Check. VPN on? Check.

Go to your streaming site of choice - most if not all have download options. You can download those files or, manually, right click and save the video file from the webpage as an mp4. I honestly don’t know if there’s a difference in quality or more danger in clicking the download buttons, but regardless -

Run that puppy through VirusTotal.com! It’s a reliable browser based virus checker - if the file is too large, use a local virus checking program (your native Windows Defender on Windows computers or, I prefer, Malwarebytes)

Generally mp4 and mp3 files are clean - choose where to save them for the long term, and bam! Free forever media.

Optionally, I also upload mp4 files to a named Google document - this way I can easily share them or make them findable through a ‘xyz Google doc’ search for others :]

Torrents - “I want to keep and share xyz”

I’m not going to go into this subject in depth because, honestly, it’s not something I do regularly.

See the previously linked Torrenting guide for information on how the process works, and check out r/FMHY for recommendations and warnings about different torrenting clients (I’ve personally only used qBittorrent - I’ve heard to stay away from the Pirate Bay and Bittorrent.)

As with streaming, turn on that VPN baby! You’re going to need one that supports peer-to-peer (p2p) connections, so Proton’s free version is a no-go. Windscribe is what I’ve used for torrenting (and it’s a good free VPN on its own - I’m just partial to Proton). You get 10GB every month on Windscribe’s free version, which is more than enough for a few movies/a season or two of your favorite show.

(Bigger torrents like video games are easily 30+ GB, so be prepared to either pay for a no-limit premium account or spend a few months downloading your files in chunks.)

VPN on? Double check.

Boot up your torrenting client - I use a slightly out of date version of qBittorent, but there are other options. The Reddit thread and previously linked torrenting guide have a few dos and donts of selecting a client, so be thorough before you download your client of choice.

This is getting into the logistics of torrenting a bit, so forgive me if this is vague or incorrect, but now you need a torrent seed. These will be .tor files found through pirating websites or archives - these are rarely malicious, but it’s good to run any piracy related download through something like VirusTotal.com or scan it with a local program like Malwarebytes.

You open your seed file in your client and wait. A ‘healthy’ seed tends to have lots of seeders and few leeches, but sometimes you’re stuck with an obscure seed you just have to wait for.

Your torrented files have fully downloaded! Now what? a) keep your client open and seed those files for others as long as you want to - sharing is caring! and b) run those files through a security program like Malwarebytes (not sponsored it’s just the only program I’m familiar with).

Be wary of what gets flagged - sometimes the files seem important, but are just trojans, and likewise sometimes they seem malicious, but are just cracked software getting flagged by your system. It’s good to check and see if others have had a problem with this particular torrent before - Reddit threads from 2008 are your long dead friends.

And that’s about it. Feel free to correct me if anything I’ve recommended is malicious or outright wrong. I’ve been doing this for years and haven’t had an active problem to my knowledge, so if there is something fishy with how I do things, I am a statistical outlier and should not be counted.

I wish you smooth sailing and strong winds in your ventures me hearties!

Obligatory ‘don’t pirate small author’s or artist’s works what the fuck dude’ statement.

This is what I'm being recommended rn. It's a festering spawn pool for porn bots. If you wanna get rid of them get rid of their nest.

Write why Tumblr should delete Tumblr Live asap.

Hello, i'm actually new to this blog, and was wondering if i could request something for either War or Death from Darksiders? i honestly don't mind wether it ends up sfw or nsfw! Anyways, would love some headcanons for War or Death (i'll leave the choice of which of them to you!) with a chubby and short female S/O for what a relationship would be like? Again, can be sfw or nsfw, or both X3

Hope you have a awesome day/night! 😁

Author's Note: Hello, and welcome to the madhouse, we cook self indulgence here. I was originally just going to do Death, but I had too many ideas and decided to just do both of them. Also as a 158cm girl, I feel this prompt in my soul.

Relationships: Death/Fem!Reader, War/Fem!Reader (Reader is implied to be shorter than average and also a lil chubby)

Warnings: Some NSFW (not explicit just a little lewd implication) content along the SFW stuff, Not really much of note

✦ War ✦

SFW

War has always known Humans to be some of the smaller of the Realms inhabitants, but when he'd first met you, he never realized that a full grown human could be this, teeny.

Your relationship makes him realize just how tall he really is; Sure he was the tallest of his fellow Horsemen despite being the youngest, but you can barely reach his chest. It was the main thing that had grabbed his attention at first and had him thinking about you.

He often picks you up with one arm so you're sitting on his forearm, and you wrap one arm around his shoulder while his hand cups the side of your thigh. It's not as if he thinks you're incapable of doing anything, it's just that War has trouble making his gait slow enough in order for you to keep up with much smaller legs. This is just easier, and you don't seem to mind.

Secretly thinks it's the cutest thing when you try and hold his hand- especially with his gauntlets on.

Your small and soft nature absolutely triggers some sort of instinctive, protective feeling in him. He tries to hide it and remain stoic, but he's always in your shadow.

While he isn’t apposed to getting on one knee and giving you a kiss on the lips (War doesn’t ignore the power you have that you can get a Horsemen of the Apocalypse to kneel before you) he most often leans down to give you a kiss on the top of the head. War finds initiating affection daunting as he's quite unfamiliar with it, and as such you’ll usually have to do so. A kiss on the head is one of the rare things he’ll do unprompted.

War absolutely adores how soft you are. As the largest and strongest of the Horsemen he’s used to being a ruthless battering ram, so touching such soft things is something incredibly foreign to him. You’ll have to convince him you aren’t that fragile, but once you do he loves to hold your body close and maybe even fall asleep. Sometimes you'll catch his hand on your thigh or hip just gently holding onto you.

NSFW-ish

You have eyes way too big for your stomach.

And it’s not any more apparent then when you’re with War alone and he’s stripped of all his armor, and you realize just how massive he still is. It wasn't as if you thought he wasn't big per say, it's just, you assumed his armor was more of his mass than... This. He's still gargantuan.

It's even more so obvious to him; As when he puts his hands on your body, he realizes how much they swallow you and how soft you feel.

He worries enough during the day about accidentally hurting you, but this just dials it up to eleven.

War has, trouble containing his more aggressive emotions at times, and he’s worried in his fervor and passion he’ll wound you. If he did, he’d never forgive himself.

As such it takes him a decent while to be able to do anything you would consider somewhat rough or doesn't involve him holding back to quite a degree. It's hard for him to believe you aren't actually that fragile.

Sometimes you find him almost getting distracted by how soft you are, his hands squeezing your sides or thighs. It's like he's lost in thought.

He loves it when you sit on his lap. Be it in any scenario. Doing so is one of the easiest ways to make sure he is very much paying attention to you.

✦ Death ✦

SFW

Death may be shorter than War, but that doesn't say he's short by any means, at least according to a human metric. As such you're often times cocking your head up quite far to look him in the eyes; Which often times bear down on you so intensely you shrink.

He jokes about your height quite a bit, but it's in his usual wry, humorless wit. Things like asking if you need help getting up stairs or getting onto Despair with an amused strain to his voice.

Dust loves you. He usually sleeps on the headboard of your bed, but if Death isn't around he'll often times hop down and lay down on your belly or back, at least until Death returns. The Reaper sometimes leaves his crow with you to keep an eye (and give you some company) on you, and he'll often return to his giant curmudgeon of a bird on your thighs. He likes how soft they are and how much real estate he has to fluff up.

Secretly enjoys putting his chin on your head and resting it there. It makes you upset which he finds amusing, but there's a closeness to it that he likes. He enjoys the feeling of you being happy in his personal space.

He is ceaselessly overprotective at times. A lot of the time. You're so much smaller and softer than most of the denizens of the realms he's used to, whenever you get close to them he's instantly thinking of the worst possible outcomes. He tries to hold it in most of the time, but there's been more than a few times you've felt him looming right behind you just emanating hatred, or grabbing your shoulder to pull you back away from something or someone.

He'll try and play the 'ugh affection' card quite a bit, but he loves when you pull him down to give him a kiss on his cheek or mask. As long as you're not too overbearing he'll generally let it slide. But he, doesn't feel deserving of it- of you, though he enjoys it none the less.

NSFW-ish

Death hasn't felt like this about anyone for long enough that he struggles to remember. He just knows he cannot fuck this up.

To have someone care about him this way and to be so vulnerable, whenever he thinks about it he nearly doesn't know how to act.

It's like the Creator himself made you in such a way that it drives him up a wall. The first time you undressed in front of him he actually froze for a moment, to the point you thought you did something wrong.

It's actually quite easy to tease him, but not in the way you think. Lewd comments get next to no reaction, he's been there done that. Things like gently holding onto his arm, telling him you missed him; Those are the things that work.

Unlike War, Death is far more capable of holding in his strength, so he doesn't have as much of the same fear regarding hurting you. It's still there just, not as overt.

Loves the feeling of your hands on his bare skin. They're so soft, sometimes he can barely feel them.

Since you are so short, it's so easy for him to trap your body underneath him. Sometimes it surprises him how pliable you are to it, to him (not many would want Death itself to loom over them, especially in this way) but he'll still greedily indulge. He loves the way you look up at him.

Light may be fast, but fan artists are faster.

Dagath

You know how War has this weird black body suit over his torso? What if it was charred skin? They took his nipples.😱

Unbelievable, they took his nipnops.

I officially wish you good luck.

Just entered my first art competition, wish me luck!