Abuse and trauma survivor - these are my stories in no particular order. Content warnings and triggers everywhere. Adult blog; 18+ only.
794 posts
He Told Me His Mother Used To Read Him This Story When He Was A Child. She Told Him That The Moral Of
He told me his mother used to read him this story when he was a child. She told him that the moral of the story was that you shouldn’t be generous with people because they’ll just want more and more from you.
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More Posts from Enoughdonegone
Voicemail received 2:31am
Transcript:
{My name},
I..... apologize for trying to reach you as much as I have. What I wanted to say to you I figured you wanted to hear.... So.... that being said from tonight on I won’t call you anymore. If you get this message and you want to know what it was..... call me....Thank you.
Every day I remind myself that I should mourn for the past I lost to him and not the future I think I’ve lost without him.
Mockery
TW - vague reference to sexual assualt, calling my assailant by what he is, coercion
After my assault my dislike for anal penetration skyrocketed. At the time he didn’t know the reason outside of the physical discomfort. Silly me for thinking “I just don’t want to, I don’t like it” is reason enough to not have to perform a sex act. Not having a “legitimate” reason for not wanting it made it fair game to badger me about it. It wasn’t every day, but he regularly requested it, lamented my aversion, and using emotional blackmail to get it.
Admittedly, I gave in quite a few times, which is how I managed to get to a point where it didn’t physically hurt anymore. However that did not mean that I enjoyed it.
Each time was traumatizing to various degrees. The event itself less so than having to agree to that which was demanded of me by Rapist. Mix in the stress of pending pain and discomfort, getting the prep just right (which included me fasting because I’m paranoid) and the anxiety of something going wrong (have I ever mentioned he was a germaphobe?) and you have the recipe for the most unsexy sexual experiences I’ve ever agreed to.
I thought his attitude would have changed after he found out what had happened to me.
I was very wrong.
I went out on my own tonight to listen to some jazz. I did not go out to pick up or attract attention, but I couldnt help, as i was looking in the mirror getting ready, feeling that I look old and tired.
You stole my 20s from me, you dick.
