The Ultimate.

The ultimate.

He didn't think the way I masturbated was the right way to do it. He expected me to change my methods.

Shadows

Sometime in the last year I forgot myself and flashed him a defiant eye. He smacked me across my face. Not enough to leave a shiner, but hard enough for the sting to linger.

Blamed for my bruises

Every time he left a mark he became distraught. I would have to invest so much energy into consoling him - telling him it would be alright, I'd wear a turtleneck. No one would know.

He told me that he made calculated decisions about how hard to throw, squeeze, or hit and I was just too fragile.

Marks just showed up on my skin far too easy.

“A feminist would never do what you have done.  You have turned your back on that which you claim is so important to you.  How would other feminists react if they heard how you degraded yourself?  How would they feel if they knew that you make shitty money at a shitty job?  Aren’t you supposed to be an independent woman?   Then why are you in a position where you couldn’t make it on your own?  Why are you such a fuck up?"

I need a breather

I was composing a post regarding him sending me snippits of an article ( generous term, since I seem to recall it being a reddit gem) entitled ”How to Know You’re Dating a Slut.”  It’s as charming as it sounds from what I remember but details will have to wait for another post. 

You see, I made a horrible, horrible mistake: I tried to search for the article.  Like, by typing the title above into Google.  

You should try it.  Actually don’t; it’s horrible. The results you get are just.... ludicrous.  I’m barely keeping myself from drowning in my own guilt and self loathing, and it was too much.

So that project above is on indefinite hiatus.  The internet is an awful place.  Who knew.

e)

“I keep hearing about those towels from my mom.”

“…you got…. everything.”

“I know.”

The xmas immediately before we separated his mother bought us towels ($100.00).  We had grey and white - he used the white, I used the grey.  So I took the grey ones with me when I left  he kicked me out.  He is stating that she’s lamenting the $40 of her xmas gift that I took with me. 

When I say that he got everything, I mean he got everything:  I walked away from the house that I contributed 50% to financially,  all of our furniture, dishes, kitchen utensils, soap dishes, bed sheets, groceries and our joint account.  He got all of it. 

And he’s saying this as though I should be writing a cheque to keep the peace between he and his mother - as if I owe him that.