I Still Think About Him Basically Every Time I Get A Quiet Moment: In A Fitting Room, At A Red Light,

I still think about him basically every time I get a quiet moment: in a fitting room, at a red light, in my office, in the shower.

Recovery is a bitch.

Happy New Year

Last year as I entered 2018 broken and scared, I made the decision that, whatever happened, 2018 was not going to look like the Hell that was 2017.

My 2018 in Summary:

1. I cut him off and stuck to it without caving.

2. I took my fitness seriously again and (despite some self inflicted set backs) became stronger than I have ever been.

3. I went back to theatre after a forced 3 year hiatus.

4. I started digging in therapy and made it about me again.

5. I came out.

6. I started dating.

I don't give myself credit often, but I think I kept my promise to myself in a big way.

The romanticized, yet ellusive, idea of happiness isn't real to me, but 2019 feels like it's ripe with potential and possibilities.

It has been a long, long time since I have felt that way.

“What would make someone want to stay in a relationship like that?”

It’s been two years tonight, as of this very moment. Two years since the first time I hated him for a minute. 

It took the worst thing that ever happened to me to get me to even consider leaving.  And it still took me a year.  

Fresh perspectives

hi! im a survivor of domestic abuse also, and i just wanted to say thank you. one of your posts showed up in my recommended and i clicked on ur blog, and i just. im so happy? ive been in a downward spiral lately and your posts about recovery really gave me hope. (especially the one about pierogi!). so anyways, i just wanted to thank you. ok bye ^w^

Hi there!  

I’m sorry you have gone through this hell.  Downward spirals are, regrettably, all a part of the healing process.  There’s some horrendous moments, and some horrendous weeks.  I know that hearing that doesn’t help you feel better in that moment, but it does get easier to manage.  Hopefully knowing that This Too Shall Pass helps?And you really are so strong.  

Hope, validation and the love of my friends kept me from succumbing to the dark.  I’m glad I could give you a little of that. Lean on your people, if you got ‘em.  If you don’t, keep reaching out.    Wishing you the best.

“I am sorry someone loved you badly, and that they made you feel like you take up more space than you deserve. I am sorry they abandoned you when you need them the most and it has made you believe that love is an awful thing that hurts.”

—

Nikita Gill