Abuse and trauma survivor - these are my stories in no particular order. Content warnings and triggers everywhere. Adult blog; 18+ only.
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My Response To The Event I Described In My Last Post. After This Event I Sent Him A Whole Bunch Of Ignored
My response to the event I described in my last post. After this event I sent him a whole bunch of ignored texts like" hey can I help you today?" And " i miss you" and loads of other humiliating stuff. It's not terribly interesting and there's plenty other humiliating things to come so we'll jump forward to his response two days later:
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Read through the correction.
Note to my ex.
Today my professor told me every cell in our entire body is destroyed and replaced every seven years. How comforting it is to know that one day I will have a body that you will have never touched.
Late Night Realization
I didn’t want to buy a house yet, and he was so angry. He threatened to leave me. He told me that I was keeping him down, and that I loved watching him suffer.
My reluctance was my subconscious throwing up warning signs: Get out! Don’t invest financially in this this too!
His threats won, my subconscious lost, and he and I started “living the dream.”
After my indiscretions came to light, he told me that he pursued other options when I showed resistance and had been carrying on periodic dalliances online since then. Though nothing as serious as what I did, of course as he wasn’t that sick. They provided emotional ‘support’ when I was ‘hurting’ him.
He never met up with any of them, so he says, despite having plenty of opportunities. Realistically it doesn’t matter now, and I don’t care if he did.
What stings is that I allowed him to hold me under his thumb and torture me as punishment for my own infidelity. And he was out there likely doing the same thing, or something in the same vein at the very least .
It doesn’t justify what I did, but it does render his disdain and condemnation illegitimate.
This has all just sunk in tonight. If I had any guilt or shame left for what I’ve done, it’s fucking gone now.
In unrelated news:
Not to be That Person(TM) posting remarks about weather on your dash but there’s been a surge of climate change posts on mine. And not to trivialize the seriousness of those with my anecdotal shitpost but goddamit it’s October and I live in CANADA:
Behold. My empire of scraps.
I can scrape a life together from ashes and crumbs.
Christine Blasey Ford is a fucking Warrior Queen!