24/he/they/ this blog is mostly for my friends and I to log our silly little moments/ and ofc for me to read unholy things
51 posts
Dad, High While Sitting In His Chair: Yeah Not A Fan Of Saliva-
Dad, high while sitting in his chair: “…yeah not a fan of saliva-“
Me: [licks finger to poke him with]
Dad: “Everen I will kick you in the dick you wish you had,”
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CPII, during a sleep deprived game of scrabble: “I hope you choke on [partner’s] uvula”
Me, loopy af at 5am, thinking about it: “how the FUCK do I do that?”
CPII: “You THOUGHT ABOUT IT?”
“It’s not my fault you sleep all fucking day, I didn’t know you were asleep. A text would have been nice, you know. You slept for 12 hours straight. In what world do you need that much sleep?”
You’re right, let me just [sleep texts you I won’t be awake until 3 pm]
I sleep because if I’m not awake I’m dreaming of a kinder place without having to hurt anyone.
CPII: “. . .liquid cum”
Me: “as opposed to fucking powdered???? Gel??? WHATS THE CONTEXT??”
Me: [walks out of the bathroom, noting a void of smoke]
> smells it like a goddamn idiot
> "who's vape cloud? It’s so thick-"
> realizes it's not a regular vape
"that's not a vape it's WEED"
Reblogging so I don’t lose it and bc I think it’s a cool concept
When most people say their partner is their everything, they mean it metaphorically. You don’t. Your spouse is a near limitless shapeshifter who can turn into anything from household objects to immaterial concepts. You’ve had some pretty unique dates.