Dontmindme-justpassingby - Everything, Everything - Tumblr Blog

“Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tiptoe if you must, but take a step.”

— Unknown

some underappreciated vines i haven’t seen in any vine compilation yet i that found way deep in my vines tag

How did you recognize the omega symbol though?

well you see the greek alphabet wasnt invented for the purpose of people writing about supernatural actors fucking each other.

A rant.

I can’t stop feeling like a fucked up burden. Not only on my family or friends, but on the whole fucking world. I can’t shake this nagging feeling that said world would be better off without me. That it would flourish and more people would be joyful without me in it. Without me making my surroundings so miserable, without me fighting every thought that crosses my brain just to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay.

I don’t feel safe anymore.

Not in my room, not in my house, not with my family, not alone, not in this society, not in this world.

I’ve been in a fight or flight or freeze mode for almost a year now and I can’t remember how I snapped out of my last episode of it.

I want to let go. To punch something. To hurt something. To hurt myself.

Life is getting to be too much.

My existence is getting to be too much.

Too much to bear, too little to fight for, not enough to hold on to.

I’m numb.

I haven’t shed a comforting tear in days, weeks, months and I’m terrified of the outburst I’m inevitable to go through but I can’t even force the tears out. Not even for an acting scene.

Part of my brain wishes to remain frozen in place whilst the other one craves the rush of jumping off a roof but I know one would provide temporary relief in a closeted prison which called disassociation when the other one would, theoretically, provide end to one suffering and start of another, more potent kind of suffering.

I can barely remember yesterday and only flashes of this week are all that’s left in my memory. Flashes from minutes, hours and days.

Just like I can’t remember much of last year and only flashes of my whole life are the only proof that I was actually “alive” and wasn’t merely put on this earth right now. That I had a childhood that I lived through things and saw things and took part of things which I have no recollection of.

I feel alienated. I feel wrong, out of place, as if I don’t belong here. I feel as though I should be somewhere else. In another reality because the one I’m living is so shitty not even a fly would wanna sniff it, let alone eat from it.

I could be more. I should be more is the mantra echoing itself from a distant, lightly dimed room in my brain. But the room is windowless and door-less and the only light source is a flickering candle for the oxygen is running out and even it can’t live on in such a tight space.

It wants out, needs out but the voice needs it so it chooses to kill itself, to suffer in silence, holding on to dear life just to illuminate the room still, until it no longer can. Until time comes for the both them for time always catches up.

But I guess being taken out as a pair is better than being singled out.

Right?

I hope so.

Or I might just finally manage to shed a tear for a missed life, thinking the candle deserved better.

Pooled have the tears but shed themselves they never did.

Perhaps they worry. Perhaps they refuse to drop in fear of extinguishing the still fighting-for-a-breath candle and so they hold back. Hoping an opportunity might still present itself for the gasping beauty and a wall would come crashing down, giving the candle a new breath to draw from so that the light might shine again and the voice wouldn’t despair. So it knows to get up, pick up the candle and go somewhere better. Away from the debris, away from the darkness, away from the loneliness of the closed off space so the tears might finally shed themselves with not fear but with pride.

I am alone. In my thoughts, in my room, in my house, in my society, in my life.

I am lonely. And I can’t remember how to enjoy it.

I reminisce on lost time, on lost opportunity, on lost friendships, on lost relationships, on lost energy and on lost thoughts. I reminisce on what could have been and on what I doubt has to come. I reminisce on clarity, on purpose, on worthiness and carelessness. I reminisce on freedom and acceptance and I reminisce a lost me.

So long my friend.

the media: “but the palestinians were holed up inside the mosque-“

girl it’s called ITIKAF what is wrong with you people

b plot of all fucking time.

folding paper airplane by 嘉骐手工

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"