Me: *is Home Alone, Calls Friend*

Me: *is home alone, calls friend*

Me: “Coast is clear, bring the ‘special powder.’”

Friend: *pulls into my driveway with screeching tires* “Here it is, I bought it just this week.”

Me: “Excellent.”

Both of us: *begin to dump unholy amounts of 100% grated Parmesan cheese onto pasta*

Courfeyrac: “You, my friend, have what I like to call ‘an Eeyore complex.’”

Grantaire: “Yeah, it’s a result of what I like to call ‘my crippling depression.’”

How to tell how screwed someone is for a test:

Watching review videos on normal speed: they’ll be fine

Watching at 1.5 speed: they might have to work at it but they’ll pass

Watching at twice the speed: they’re screwed. Did they even attend class?

Petition to rename all Nike products in Australia to Crikey by request of my brother

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade to down your antidepressants with

If I were in Merlin’s place and had to run as far as he does in order save people, all of Camelot would be dead within weeks.