The Thing About Loki Is Hes Done Apologizing For What He Is, Even When He Does Things That Warrant An

The thing about Loki is he’s done apologizing for what he is, even when he does things that warrant an apology. He’s aware that his recent actions were immoral, and I believe he feels varying level of remorse for most of them, but he’s not about to seek forgiveness. He will never again subject himself to another’s judgment.

It’s a delicate balance to maintain whilst crafting a redemption arc. I go for an approach somewhat inspired by mythology. In my imagination, Loki intends to fix the messes he had a part in creating (and that continue to threaten or hinder him). By fixing those messes, he redeems himself.

It’s not an “I am sorry. How can I make this better?” approach. It’s an “I’m going to unfuck this up my way because I’m the one who knows this fuck up best,” approach.

Meta: Loki’s Deleted “Coronation” Scene

Time to deconstruct this baby. 

First of all, let’s start with CONTEXT. Context part one: Loki has just been banished to his jail cell for eternity. Odin has just condemned him to a lifetime sentence without visitation rights by friends or family.  He has disowned him and claimed not only that his “birthright was to die”–which Odin during Loki’s childhood repeatedly lied about by omission, and by outright statements such as “both of you were born to rule”–but also that he should be grateful to Odin for taking pity on Loki, a helpless bastard infant (allegedly) outcast by his royal Jotun family, and letting him live.   Context part two: Loki protects himself by using lies and illusions.  He dons masks and personae, and utilizes both physical shape-shifting and mirages of extreme elaborateness, as his arsenal.  Not only as his blade, but as his SHIELD.  So when Loki uses illusions, we know he feels either physically, mentally, or emotionally threatened.

What we see before us is Loki imagining up, and probably casting ornate illusions (to entertain himself in boredom and sorrow, because trust me, mercurial emotions and extreme intellect are a miserable combo in a prison cell) of, the coronation that never was. What do we remember that Loki’s said about inheriting the throne of Asgard? “I never wanted the throne [to Thor]: I only ever wanted to be your equal” (Thor 2011).  However as equality with Thor, in Odin’s eyes, is contingent upon worthiness to inherit the throne, the throne becomes conflated with that equality, and Loki seeks it for the sole, very basic and dare I say very human desire to be accepted unconditionally by his family and culture.   What do we also know? That Frigga once granted Loki the throne during the Odinsleep and Thor’s banishment, LEGITIMATELY, only to be taken away when Thor somewhat miraculously grew a conscience and a better perspective of how to treat his subjects in the Nine with respect.  

What does this deleted scene, therefore, tell us? It tells us that Loki is  –feeling threatened –protecting and entertaining himself –imagining what he longs for and believes he deserves. 

So let’s interpret this “daydream,” and in doing so interpret where Loki’s elusive misconceptions and so-called “delusions” about his family dynamics, and the injustices done him, lie.   Because let’s not forget: EVERY SECOND OF THIS DELETED SCENE IS SPECIFICALLY FROM LOKI’S POV. That makes it a splendid look inside his typically obfuscated psyche. 

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First let’s talk DIMENSIONS: 

This view of the Throne Room is somewhat larger and certainly more densely packed than the view that we see during Thor’s coronation (which, food for thought, Loki surely remembers DISRUPTING by INTRODUCING FROST GIANTS INTO THE VAULT WHICH LED ULTIMATELY TO THOR RUSHING HEADLONG INTO JOTUNHEIM AND LOKI LEARNING HIS TRUE HERITAGE, WHICH WAS THE BEGINNING OF LOKI’S UNDOING–lots and lots of associations with the SHATTERING OF TRUST, SELF-THWARTING, AND THE UNVEILING OF TRAGIC TRUTHS for Loki EMBEDDED IN THE **VERY PHYSICAL AND PHENOMENOLOGICAL SPACE OF THE THRONE ROOM***. Never forget that!).  

Also, note: cinematography is NEVER AN ACCIDENT: what we see, and the sequence of visuals we are presented in tandem with acting and a score, are conscious artistic decisions that feed the narrative for us on an unconscious level. So some filmographer decided that Loki’s perception of a coronation should be DISTANT, REVERENT, IMMENSE, DENSELY PACKED WITH TINY PEOPLE.  Thor’s coronation, on the other hand, is much more focused on a few people closest to the elder and more gregarious sibling.  His triumph is louder and more in your face. Loki’s has almost the religious fervor of a saint’s canonization, SUGGESTING A PATH LONG TRODDEN AND A VICTORY HARD EARNED (rather than a privilege taken for granted). 

Next, let’s talk about WHO IS PRESENT:

People whom Loki claims to “loathe,” who were “only Thor’s friends.” Uh huh.  While it was clear that Thor’s friends The Warrior Three and Lady Sif always tolerated Loki out of love of Thor more than loved or accepted the younger prince, in involving them in his daydream, Loki clearly conveys that he STILL VALUES their opinion of him on some level.  Who betrayed Loki first in Thor 2011?  Sif and the Warriors 3.  Who was Loki’s FIRST EVIDENCE that he’ll never be offered the devoted fealty that Thor is offered? Sif and the Warriors 3. This is both a sentimental detail, then, and ALSO proof that Loki will always CONCEPTUALIZE A FRIEND AND POTENTIAL SUBJECT’S BETRAYAL, WILL SCHEMATIZE THAT TREASONOUS ACT, AS THOR’S CHILDHOOD FRIENDS.   Interest side note: most people agree that Fandral was always the least abrasive toward Loki out of all of Thor’s best friends, so appropriate, isn’t it, to see him singled out in his own cameo? 

Now, how about Loki himself. And this frankly I consider the most heartbreaking component:

Red cloak COVERING UP, rather than loudly boasting (as in Avengers Assemble), his signature green and gold garb? 

Loki equates royalty with THOR (who, ironically, later says to Loki-as-Odin, “I’d rather be a good man than a great king (Thor: The Dark World)).”  What does Loki say when Frigga interrupts, and asks what he’s doing?   “I’m giving the people WHAT THEY WANT.”

“The people,” AKA Asgard, Loki is saying–and FULLY CONCEDING/SURRENDERING TO–they want THOR.  Not just THOR THE PERSON, but also ***THE CULTURAL ARCHETYPE THAT THOR EMBODIES.***

The ERASURE of Loki’s own identity, and the ASSUMPTION of Thor’s–

–COMPLETE WITH MJOLNIR–are Loki’s ONE WAY OF RECONCILING HIS HOPE OF EQUALITY WITH HIS “BETTER” BROTHER TO REALITY.  

“I remember a shadow. Living in the shade of your greatness.” (Avengers Assemble).  

***From Loki’s POV, being accepted and loved and SAFE are contingent upon either standing in Thor’s shadow, OR BECOMING THOR.***  

There is no way to be LOKI, and succeed, Loki believes, at this point in the game, exiled to a prison cell for th rest of his natural life, alone, and condemned for behaviors that Odin himself–and Thor, before Thor reformed!!!!–exhibited.   To be Odin and Thor is both INEVITABLE and, because Loki is LOKI, and NOT Odin or Thor, DOOM.  It’s a paradox in which Loki can’t win.  

That Loki longs to erase himself and become Thor, but also full well knows he cannot, is evinced in what he says when Frigga tells him that creating too many illusions means getting lost in them. 

What does he say? And in such a way that you MUST watch the video to get the full gut-punch tragic force of it: 

“Precisely.” With all the sorrow and resignation in the cosmos. “Precisely.”  I want to get lost in the impossible fantasy of being as unilaterally loved as my big brother.  I want to possess all the traits that make a person an Odinson, and therefore, worthy.  But green is not red, it’s red’s complement. 

 Cloaking myself in red will not make me Thor. I’m here in Asgard’s dungeons to prove it.   ****************** 

A note, too, on Loki’s DEMEANOR ONCE CAUGHT: 

First, we feign absolute mad glee. We pretend we don’t give a flying fuck anymore about how others perceive us (taken vastly to the task by the daydream itself).  We rebuff the concerned query of the only person who MIGHT be capable of understanding us (Frigga) with another weapon: humor. 

Then, as it always does with Frigga, who is both compassionate and perceptive, it falls flat.

And that is when we get defensive. That is when all hope is lost.  

I think the reason I feel particularly betrayed and embittered by Marvel is because when the MCU first began, there was just so much potential. 

And I’m not just speaking from a Loki fan’s POV (though it’s mostly from that side), but the way Marvel movies handled every aspect of storytelling, all of their characters were finely written and fleshed out, even the seemingly minor side characters (Agent Coulson, anyone?). The plot was interesting and not too convoluted (*side eyes IW and Endgame*), they made room for both serious drama and witty, intelligent humor (which then died completely with Ragnarok). Everyone had someone they could root for, which brings me around to being a Loki fan. 

When Loki was introduced, and in the following years and movies after, he became an idol for anyone who has been shit on repeatedly by society just for being who they are, and who then refused to take it anymore and began to punch back. 

I mean there’s a reason why the vast majority of Loki fans belong to the LGBTQA+ community, as well as being neurodivergent in some way. And the reason that Loki’s story touched us particularly instead of any other character, was because: 

A. We got to see his fall from grace, and we recognized it as something many of us have gone through in the past. We recognize the little pushes and steps that eventually leads someone down a self-destructive and dark path. And the only reason many of us aren’t still down that path is because we have resources and support systems that, unfortunately, Loki didn’t have access too. But that isolation in and of itself was also extremely relatable, because it’s something we all experienced before we found people who helped us back into the light.  

B. Loki’s struggles and feelings of betrayal and ostricization actually brought out the darker aspects of what that can do to a person. We live in this fucked up society that expects people who are abused and bullied and marginalized to remain Good and Kind and Pure, when in reality (and I am speaking from experience) when you are constantly being victimized and targeted, often for reasons you don’t entirely understand, that causes you to lash out. It causes you to become angry, even violent (even if you’re only daydreaming about causing harm to people). People will back you into a corner and then act surprised when you bite back at them. And then once you do all of that, once you start fighting back, society suddenly decides that you are a Villain/Criminal, and that you deserve the punishment you give. But they don’t even think about punishing the people who made you that way. 

So yeah. The fact that we were actually getting to explore what causes so many villains to become villains, and why so many marginalized people identify with villains, was exciting. It was exciting for me, at least, who saw the same kind of anger I harbored towards the world in Loki. 

We were finally going to get our story told but then…. 

Then…. 

Then Infinity War happened. And Gagnarok. And Endgame…. 

And we found ourselves, once again, pushed into the shadows. 

All of the heroes that comply to what society dictates is a hero get their moment in the sun, and we are once again told that all we’ll ever be are just villains and criminals, unworthy (I fucking hate that word) of redemption or love or a chance to prove ourselves. 

Marvel was supposed to be different. Marvel was supposed to be the thing that gave every single person a chance in the spotlight. But Marvel just… let us down. 

….So fuck you, Marvel. 

“You do not belong.”

“The use of other as a verb is rooted in sociology: to other a certain individual is to treat that individual as fundamentally different from another class of individuals, often by emphasizing their apartness in traits that differ from one’s own.” 

~Reasons as to why Loki is relatable.

thor 2 is basically about everyone threatening loki not to betray thor and loki just not taking any of their shit for serious

A little ironic meta. I hated this scene in TR too.

same bullshit energy