This.

this.

when it hits that i don't have to compulsorily write anything or that I don't have to pressurise myself into posting something that feels mediocre to me, it already feels so much better and helps me look forward to any new ideas that I may have.

still reaching that phase where I allow myself to take breaks, and relax and not worry about not having posted.

please take time to feel better <33

heyyyyyyy 👉👈

yeah i'm just gonna go ahead and start off by apologizing for going m.i.a. again unannounced </3

i once again (surprise, surprise) got into a mood where everything i wrote just felt blah, i was pressuring myself with deadlines, sucked the joy out of writing all together and, in the end, decided to delete tumblr and give myself the time to reset. i think i've discovered writing truly comes to me in waves, and that's perfectly okay !! but i need to be gentle with myself when i'm in these slumps instead of spiraling over how i must be disappointing everyone by not pumping out fics. like girl! it's just fanfic! it's not that serious! calm down you're not even getting paid!!

writing is meant to be for my enjoyment and slowly, i've been unlearning all the stress i've put into it to reclaim that joy! so, with a (tentative?) return, just wanted to stop in and give an update that hopefully, fingers crossed, i will be slowly getting back into the groove of things.

i've got a lot to catch up on, but for now, i will be active (:

for those still here, loving and supproting my works, thank you as always 🫶

💌send this to the twelve nicest people you know or who seem to have a good heart and if you get five back you must be pretty awesome.💌

you're so awesome and lovely

YOU'RE SO LOVELY BESTIE I COULD CRY

now also tell me where i'm gonna find someone like them.

svt when you tell them "it's getting late, i should probably go home":

seungcheol: "oh, okay. let me drive you home, then 🥰" and expects you to invite him in because he doesn't want to let go.

jeonghan: "do you have any plans for tomorrow?" - if you do, then he's ordering you an uber; if you don't, then he's asking you to stay a bit longer.

joshua: "do you want me to walk you home?" and will insist on doing so, even if you say it's not needed - please, let him spend more time with you!!

junhui: "oh... ☹️" but doesn't say anything to try to make you stay because he doesn't wanna be clingy.

soonyoung: "nooo, let's talk some more, please?" and it's crazy how a tiger can master such pretty puppy eyes so you have no choice but to stay.

wonwoo: he mumbles a tiny "yeah, okay" and then guides you to his car. "what are you doing?" "taking you home, isn't it obvious? 🤨".

jihoon: hates when you say that, starts longing for you as soon as he orders you an uber and then write a song about it.

dokyeom: "for real? 🥺", and then says he'll walk you home. you can try and say he doesn't need to, but it's the only way to make him smile again so you let him.

mingyu: wraps his hands around your arm and pulls you closer. he just keeps walking so you think he ignored you, but then you realize he's starting to walk into your neighborhood. really smooth.

minghao: doesn't fight you, cause you know what's better for yourself. he offers himself to drive you home, shutting you off when you say he doesn't need to. "i want to" - and that leaves you speeches.

seungkwan: "but it's early yet~". he tries to argue with you, pouting when he loses. will definitely walk you home, jokingly picking on you to make you laugh. please kiss him goodbye at the door.

vernon: "you sure?" and if you say yes, he will take the subway with you or wait until you're in an uber; if you look even the slightest hesitant, he will just laugh it off and keep the conversation going.

dino: he's bold, so he will say "you wanna head to my place?" (but also his cheeks are burning, that's why he's not looking at you when you say it). if you decline, he'll order an uber for you and be like "text me when you home".

WOOZI ☏ CALL CALL CALL!

i see you've reached my first post, i hope the journey was a pleasant one😊

BUT I LOVE COOKIES AND CREAM TOO (cockies too- maybe idk wodnekdjdj)

BUT IM GLAD I MADE YOU BLUSH HEHEEH i take it as a privilege😌

[11:18 pm]

the whole room is dark, except for the faint glow of your phone. you lay in your bed, scrolling through absolutely random trivia reels. cheol's laying beside you, one arm thrown across your waist as he cuddles into the heat of your body. he should have been sound asleep by now. but he's only halfway through there, being pulled back to wake by your questions.

"cheol?"

he hums back, voice thickly layered with sleep.

"what color do you think i am?"

the room turns silent. you wait for a moment.

"cheo-"

"blue. you seem like blue to me."

"why blue?"

"cause, to me, blue means calm, peace, and secure. like i dont have to worry about anything. like i can let down all my thoughts to rest for a while. and you feel like all those things to me."

you just hum back in response, the next question thats displayed on your screen preventing you from thinking over his words.

a minute passes before you ask again, "cheol?"

"...yes, love?"

"what icecream flavour am i?"

a beat passes before he replies, "you're cookies-n-cream. because you're soft and sweet, with a little crunch at times."

you hum yet again, registering his answer.

"plus, its your favourite," he adds, which brings a soft smile to your face.

you turn your attention back to your phone, searching for the next question.

"cheol...?"

"love.... how about we go to sleep now, and i'll answer all your questions tomorrow?" he asks, looking at you with eyes drooping with sleep.

you just smile and nod, turning off your phone and keeping it aside before you get back into bed. as soon as you lay down, seungcheol's quick to snuggle into your side, his face nuzzled into your neck, his breaths tickling you. you take a look at the sleepy man with you before closing your eyes.

.

.

"cheol!"

"yes, my love?

"...i love you."

he doesnt respond immediately, but you feel him smiling into your skin, his breath hitching for the slightest of moments before returning to normal as he mumbles back.

"i love you too, dear."

UGHHHHHH (me as a touch-deprived hoe)

Minghao is type of boyfriend who enjoys the quiet moments. No talks, no words, just the two of you being around each other in your own stuff. From time to time, you look away from your laptop to find him staring at you, not even pretending he wasn't. That's like a secret code, his silent way to say I love you, and you can't help but leaving what you're doing to just cuddle on his cozy embrace. You can't resist being too far from each other, that's the only truth.