Crookedcomputerchaos - Tumblr Blog
Let’s be real, the only reason the league doesn’t know Captain Marvel is a kid is bc his villains don’t want anyone to know that they get the shit kicked out them by someone who hasn’t even gone through puberty yet. They keep that shit on lock down, any ‘outsider’ villain who tries to look for it gets the whole monster society on their doorstep, Batman steps foot in Fawcett once and almost gets mauled by every criminal in the city at once. When word got out the “world’s greatest detective” was on the look out for Marvels secret identity they all mutually decided that they had to find him and chase him out the city before he found billy. This leads to Marvel himself having to show up and put a stop to it
Unfortunately for Marvel this means the JL is very curious to know why his villains are so unusually protective of him, Billy genuinely has no clue and assumes he’s grown on them in some weird way but he just gives them a shrug, saying maybe they’re just territorial
“I don’t understand why you’re so adamant on asking me this, Hal. I just mentioned to Barry that I talked with the head Easter Bunny once and now everyone keeps asking me if I think the Easter Bunny is real! Why do people keep asking me? I’ve met them. I don’t understand why I have to ‘believe’ in the Easter Bunny for them to be real! They exist!”
Hal put his hands up and stepped back, clearly not expecting the frustrated and somewhat hostile response of Billy who slumped back into his seat, which was slightly less satisfying in his bulkier body, and began running his hands through his hair.
The repetition of being interrogated over a simple comment was not only bewildering but had gotten increasingly more annoying to answer as somehow the members of The Justice League, the literal most powerful group of people on earth, didn’t seem to understand a piece of basic knowledge.
Billy was not only very tired of being asked the same thing but even more-so he wanted the laughing at his ordinary response to stop.
He paused and looked Hal dead in the eyes then began to speak in the most dead tone Hal had ever heard from the usually cheerful man.
“Hal, I know the Easter Bunnies are real because I had to spend two, very long weeks personally overseeing the creation of their union that made sure they no longer routinely experience unsafe working conditions and helped establish 8 hour working days so they no longer get overworked or are required to do 80 hour weeks prepping for Easter and get punished for doing less or don’t get paid”,
Billy’s previously slow, blank tone grew more rushed and frustrated as he went on,
“I mean, I didn’t even do much other than sit there and look intimidating by throwing around lightning sometimes and make sure the Easter chicks didn’t do any funny business or tamper with the legal process!
It was in all the papers in Fawcett! I had my picture taken with them and everything. But Hal. I can guarantee you that the Easter Bunny exists. Please. Please stop fucking asking me.” Finally done, Billy slumped onto the table with a loud clunk.
Hal stood there shocked for a moment. “Marvel, did you just imply there’s multiple easter bunnies and they established a form of government?!”
Billy, with seemingly tremendous emotional effort, lifted his head from the table by a few inches and looked Hal in the eyes with a pleading tone, “If I just say no, will you please stop asking me?”
“Absolutely not, now I have even more questions”
Billy let his head fall back onto the table with an even louder clunk and groaned.
Honestly, if Billy Batson made himself the Justice League cryptid, no one would even blink if/when his identity was revealed. Like "yeah, that's just Marvel. He's like that sometimes".
Like he just puts out such strange pieces of information that literally anything could be possible. He shows up to a League meeting one day soaked in Lazarus pit waters, and the only thing he says about it is an earnest apology for being late. His clothes audibly squelch when he sits down. The League is struggling to translate some old text because the language has literally been lost to time, and somehow Marvel not only knows it, but also other information that implies that he was alive at the time (he was not. Solomon is just very, very thorough). He casually mentions talking to gods like it's just another Tuesday. He eats weird shit. The way he uses magic gives the other magic users a huge migraine. He has very specific knowledge about not only being homeless in the 21st century, but also about being a homeless kid in the 21st century (he's very touchy about the foster care system). Sometimes things just see him and flee the other way. None of his villains take him seriously. He's friends with a magical tiger that sometimes talks. An ally refers to him as the "Incarnation of Magic" and the League takes that very literally. If you try and track him in his off hours or hunt him down literally at all it's like he just stopped existing. He's somehow very in touch with the modern world and also gets confused by the simplest things. Sometimes he talks about the Rock of Eternity like he was born there, died there, or like it's the place to take the ultimate power nap. Someone asks how he knows some forgotten dead language and he implies time travel. Diana thinks its continuous rebirth. Half the league has their money on immortal eldritch being. Was he created? Born? Is he even alive? The world may never know.
What if villains keep throwing enough kryptonite and other very interesting rocks and stuff at Captain Marvel, because they think he is a kryptonian like Superman, that Billy is becoming responsible for the creation of a black market of such things in Fawcett.
Not that he is aware of it. He just know that he can get useful things if he trade the pretty rocks he keep finding around the sites of his fights as Captain Marvel.
The people he trade with think he is a fae of some kind because he doesn't ask for money (doesn't have the accounts for what they offert and walking around with that many bills just doesn't feel safe) and use glamours (from spells and/or objects).
Mercury is having a blast with this Champion.
Fawcett end up with more kryptonite in circulation than Metropolis, because there is no Lex Luthor there to outbid everyone else, and people like Dr Sivana never shared that magic was the way to go with Captain Marvel.
So the new hopeful villains of the week buy kryptonite from Billy, who keep his stock in that neat looking lead box he was given by a kind old lady, try to use it on Captain Marvel, get arrested, and then the cycle start all over again because Billy is more often than not there before the police can get the chance to secure the scene.
Batman and Superman try to talk to Captain Marvel about it, only to get asked (thanks Solomon) why he would put a stop to something that not only keep kryptonite contained in an area where neither Superman or Lex Luthor are likely to go, but also reduce the risk of first time villains stumbling on something that actually work against him or researching magic for nefarious purposes.
Personally I always like to think of Billy Batson's hometown Fawcett City, is magically cursed. It's stuck sometime between 1947 and 1953. By which I mean everyone is aware it's 2023, and they still get news from the outside and they can leave, but everyone dresses, and talks like it's 70 years ago. If you move to Fawcett City your clothes will slowly transform themselves into 1950s versions of themselves, by the end of the month big ticket things like your car will have transformed, your TV will become a radio, your computer and cell phone just gone. Now everyone is magicked to just not mind and indeed think this is all very normal in fact the whole world is magicked to not think Fawcett is anything other than "a little odd" so people move there or away etc. Though people from Fawcett (like say Billy Batson) sometimes struggle with the oddest of our modern world. Also no one can explain how emails still manage to get in and out of Fawcett even though there are no computers (or texts for that matter) but again everyone is magicked to not question it too much
Superman (and by extension the rest of the League) find out about the whole Captain Marvel is a homeless ten year old thing. Of course, they’re trying to catch Billy so they can stop and/or house him, likely shunting him off to the younger teams, and all-around taking control of his life. Billy, wanting nothing to do with this, goes to the one man he knows would help him with no hesitation.
“Mr. Luthor”
“…Small child”
“How would you like to make Superman’s life harder?”
“Go on…”
Justice League: we need someone to break into this Juvenile Prison for this mission, but none of our kid heroes can do it because we don’t want them to get a criminal record in their civilian identities! Is there anyone who could go undercover as a kid and get arrested so we can get the intel from the prison?
Billy, was actively running away from the cops when he was called into this meeting, already has a criminal record, DEFINITELY knows the layout of this juvie: uh hey guys did you know I have UH shapeshifting powers?
Jason Todd has always been the most cryptic Wayne/batfamily member.
Even as a kid, Jason was still a bit of a cryptid. Sure, the others were strange, but not like him.
Dick was a weird circus kid who liked swinging on chandeliers. He seemed really cheerful and adventurous (he never showed guests his anger, despite wanting to kill Tony Zucco). Tim was already an established rich kid, and he was too smart for his own good.
You see, the others were a strange outsiders knew. They thought they understood the oddities. Jason, though?
Guests had no idea what to think of him. He was nervous to be around so many people, to have so many eyes focused on him, but he was bright and cheery all the same. When uncomfortable, the boy could disappear so quickly. He was tiny from years of malnutrition, but he was fast. Nobody really knew his story. Obviously, he was found on the streets, but nobody knew much else about him. Then one day he disappeared and the next news of him was that he was dead.
Months after his death, there were people who would swear they'd seen his ghost while they were walking. One day the sightings stopped and the young ghost was never seen again. Years later, someone who looked like Jason Todd if he'd been given the chance to grow would be seen walking around Gotham.
After crawling from his grave, Jason was a mysterious John Doe at a hospital for a while. Nobody knew where he'd come from or how he'd gotten such terrible injuries. One day, he just disappeared, after being unresponsive for his entire stay. On the streets, there was some weird kid who nobody really knew. He didn't react to their attempts at communication and pretty much just walked around as a zombie, but he fought like a demon if provoked. Then one day some people from out of town started asking about the kid and he just disappeared forever. Nobody saw him again.
As a civilian after he comes back, he's some young guy who's super muscular (seriously, what's his workout routine?) and nobody really knows where he came from. He doesn't seem to have a job, but he has plenty of money. They don't even know his real name, and every time he uses one it changes (aliases to keep anonymity. He doesn't really have much of an identity outside of red hood or Jason Todd, a kid who died years ago).
As the Red Hood, he rarely even takes off his helmet (unless it was broken off, like when Bruce fought him, or he was purposely showing someone who he is). They don't know his age; he just showed up one day in full body armor ready to become a crime boss. He's got a rule against hurting children and is incredibly skilled in combat. He's too smart and calculating. His move with the duffel bag made him infamous, and he was able to evade Batman by himself for months.
Even to other members of the family, Jason is a mystery. Not much is known about the years in between his death and his return as the Red Hood. His confrontation with Bruce isn't discussed much by either of them, and Jason just sort of does his own thing most of the time. He's had several odd team-ups, and they never really get context as to how or why they meet and decide to start working together.
Not to overanalyze the comedy/horror zombie comic, but I really love the thematic choice of having Jason in his underwear for basically the whole final issue (and not just for thigh reasons, I swear)
Like, I don't know if DC actually will commit to developing Jason a new identity, and I don't know if it'd be done well even if they did permanently discard the Red Hood persona, but I appreciate Rosenberg asking the question "Who is Jason Todd is underneath the armour and the fronts and the trauma?” and answering with;
1) Resourceful
2) Compassionate
3) Convicted to his beliefs
And 4) A HERO
Reds n Reds Jason sketch page that came about some of my personal hcs and wanting to draw him in diff outfits - the notes: -Nails naturally look pale and bruised. - Normally paints over them (or just always like having his gloves on) - Blood looks more black than red - Coagulates faster than normal - Tints of green
wildly unpopular opinion maybe, but every time i see something about jason "moving on" or "getting better," it just pushes me further in the opposite direction & i want him to go even more off the deep end. going back to being a weird little anti-hero isn't enough anymore. we have to balance the scales. he needs to start burning down buildings for fun. start framing heroes for his crimes for literally no reason. start eating people again. brothers in blood 2
I think we should just write Jason as being straight up liminal. I don't think he should be alive or dead, Somedays when the veil is thin I think he should look like a corpse, somedays he should look fine. One moment he's freezing to the touch another he's warm. Heart monitor? He's flatlining for 5 minutes and suddenly he sits up.
Not moving for long periods of time? I think he should just flatline and be dead for a little before he just a alive again. Make him creepy and unsettling to be around at the witching hour, eyes glowing and have an ethereal glow to his entire body. Pale or dark skinned doesn't matter why the fuck he glowin'.
Make him see powerful Spirits, sense lesser ones, give him access to magic from the all-caste that drain his soul like the All-Blades do that makes him appear more like the walking corpse he is. Let him bend the shadows around him but not by his doing. I want him creepy and weird but I also think he should be mildly unaware of it all and or uncaring.
say it with me: khoa is a narrative foil for bruce because at the end of the day, they both believe that justice should be served, that the people deserve to live in a world that isn’t cruel, one that doesn’t punish people for just existing.
the root of their disagreement is the sphere in which to realize the vision. bruce thinks in order to help one has to have a deep inherent understanding of the community they’re serving, and khoa thinks with their level of training they have the capacity to bring down international structures that are exploitative and unjust, that bruce deciding after training together all these years that he still couldn’t put that grim promise he made when he was extremely emotionally compromised is selfish.
khoa is NOT a narrative foil because “hehe what if batman killed people” or that his end goal is recognition, power, or a legacy. it is explicitly stated in canon multiple times that even though khoa had erased his public persona off all databases (only three people alive knowing his name, potentially two of them being his parents), he also keeps ghostmaker almost entirely out of the public eye, to the point that ghostmaker is regarded as an urban legend.
khoa is bruce’s foil to answer the question “what is batman left with if his guiding principle was just utilitarian justice, and not his philosophy of love and care”.
Khoa! You can't just burn a man alive like that!
Sorta interesting thing I noticed while reading Kavetham / haiveh fanfiction is that the most popular fanon seems to be that Kaveh is into make-up and has a whole beauty/skincare routine, but -
If you look at their faces, Al Haitham is the one obviously wearing make up? Like he has his peachy eye shadow situation and the same liner Kaveh has. Kaveh does have more pronounced eyelashes (mascara maybe?) but Al Haitham is definitely also wearing some make up, if not more make up.
I sorta like the idea that Kaveh, distractible architect extraordinaire, has the same insomnia I do and so doesn't get out of bed until the last minute before leaving. So he actually never plans time to do complex make up, if any at all, and his hair is stuck with a million clips and no sense of cohesion. His shirt is half unbuttoned cos he literally walked out of the door still pulling it on.
In contrast, Al Haitham has his life (and morning routine) in order, so he has time for a splash of eye shadow in the morning. He's very efficient and bare-bones about it, just a couple of products to look a little more presentable, but it's there. And ofc looking good is important when you're so recognisable.
They bounce around in my brain like the dvd waiting screen
Favorite thing about Kaveh and Alhaitham’s canon interactions at this point in time is that Alhaitham straight up refuses to tell Kaveh anything that happened at the Akademiya or why, despite being arguably the most involved person in the whole affair (since he came up with the plan, tweaked the Akasha terminals, etc.)
and meanwhile from Kaveh’s perspective, his misanthropic conspiracy theorist roommate overthrew the government, is being considered as a candidate for the new head of government, and he also straight up tells Alhaitham that he suspects him of leading a coup d’etat to seize power. Absolute insane energy. They had two long conversations and there was no communication involved whatsoever.
Cytham / Haino HCs and Thoughts: Language edition
A lot of this came about bcs I was thinking about speculations that Cyno is also Haravatat (which is seeming unlikely), but even if he was from another Darshan and is just, like, a language hobbyist, they might work with a little tweaking. ANYWAY
- Languages as another thing they bicker and sass each other about. Alhaitham mocking Cyno for confusing tones when speaking in Liyue language. Cyno calling out Alhaitham for messing up conjugations in Mond language. They’d get so, so gloriously petty with it. Cyno: How unprofessional of the Scribe, to use first-person language in an official report. Alhaitham: You counted three words, and it’s practice in the style of official reports. Shut it. Cyno: Five. Wait… Six. Two of the same mistakes repeated. Alhaitham: I’m not taking this from someone who asked for soup instead of sugar in his tea. Cyno: That was one time–!
- But also languages as a thing they could agree about. Cyno squints over a letter from Lisa written in Mond and complains about the grammatical gender being so different from Sumeru’s. Instead of roasting him, Alhaitham makes a remark on how at least Sumeru’s gendered nouns are easier to identify and the articles don’t change around like theirs. Cyno: Tch. Articles. Don’t even get me started on how they change with the cases. Alhaitham: if you won’t get started, then allow me– (insert 2 hour rant here that they end up laughing about)
- They’re both fond of ancient languages, Cyno a bit moreso. So whenever Cyno borrows a Decarabian-era poetry collection from Lisa after accompanying Collei to Mondstadt or wins some Ishine script stone slates from his Genius Invokation game with Yae, he makes sure to wait for Alhaitham so they could nerd about it analyse it together.
- Cyno adores (and is jealous of) Alhaitham’s handwriting in all languages. Like how does this man write so neatly and robotically in line, yet not lack the flowiness and artistry characteristic to Sumeru and Inazuma scripts??
- Whenever the Traveler comes by to visit, the two keep track of how their accent and phrases slightly changes and then guess where they had been recently, before the Traveler even says it. It’s a game and they’re keeping score of who can guess first, and Alhaitham is just slightly ahead because he’s a Rude Bastard who will just say, “Oh, you’ve been in Liyue this past month?” while the Traveler is still mid-sentence.
- Alhaitham is terrorized by Cyno’s attempts at language-related jokes on top of his other jokes. Cyno: If I were to describe my latest mission in grammatical terms, it would be simple past tense. Alhaitham: …what? Cyno: It was easy, and it happened in the past. Alhaitham: …I’m going to maul you. Cyno: No, that’s simple future tense. Alhaitham: Your life will be simple past tense if you don’t stop soon–
- Also multilingual puns. Cyno: An Inazuman cat is lazing about. You could say he’s doing…nyathing. Alhaitham: (snorts because Cyno said nya) Cyno: (makes mental note thinking that Alhaitham likes cat puns)
- Sometimes Alhaitham replaces words with shorter words in another language in his personal notes, chaotically using one script to write a word from an entirely different language. One time, since he left it open anyway, Cyno takes a peek to make sure he’s not up to some shit like with the Divine Knowledge Capsule. He feels like he had a seizure. Cyno: Why the fuck did you spell 地脉 with Sumeru script. Just say Ley Line, you lunatic. Alhaitham: It’s shorter. Efficient. Cyno: Not by much. Alhaitham: Considering how much I need to write anyway, every little bit helps.
If you have more please please share with me with the tags or replies, I’m brainrotting over these two and I love languages.
"Alhaitham doesn't care about the people around him"
(Not that Kaveh, who makes this claim, is the most impartial source of information about Alhaitham...)
I'd say it's a stretch to claim that he unilaterally doesn't care about anyone else.
That said, I don't believe it's inaccurate to say Alhaitham is selfish, either.
Alhaitham possesses an intriguing brand of selfishness that's calculated, realistic, and almost paradoxically self-aware. He knows his capabilities and limitations, and doesn't overextend or commit himself to something he knows is outside those capabilities. It's not as much of a stretch to say he possesses "an extraordinary sense of individualism" (again, Kaveh's words). He's certainly very strategic and logical, and, by some social conventions, can come off as callous or even cold.
He must pay attention to or care about others to some degree, or else he wouldn't bother correcting their errors when he encounters them. At the same time, forging genuine, trusting relationships (rather than purely transactional ones) with others when the opportunity arises is undeniably beneficial to him in many cases, regardless of the motivation behind doing so--hence the courtesies he extends to the Traveler in Port Ormos and afterwards, and his collaboration with the other major characters in the Sumeru Archon Quest storyline. He can't afford to not care about or pay attention to other people at all, because he can't ensure his own safety and comfort purely through his own accomplishments--not all the time, anyway.
While it's clear that his own well-being is a high priority for him, I don't believe he's so foolish as to presume that it's his only priority.
You go through the Sumeru Archon quests thinking Alhaitham is a huge nerd because he brings a book to read in his spare time everywhere he goes...
...then you finish the Sumeru Archon quests and that one NPC outside the library tells you that physical books haven't even been in regular use in Sumeru because everyone has been using their Akasha Terminal instead.
This man is bringing books to read when books aren't even really a thing in Sumeru to begin with.
Nerd. (Affectionately, of course.)