I'm In My Room Excersizing And Eating A Bag Of Marshmallows And I Feel Like That Just Really Sums Up

I'm in my room excersizing and eating a bag of marshmallows and I feel like that just really sums up my entire life....

Jr still looks angry on the way to school the next day. He's got his arms crossed and is glaring at the ground. You walk over to him, "Hey..." His brother slips out from behind you, but retreats quickly when Jr lays his seering gaze on him. "Could you not bother me for one day?", Jr says shortly. You frown, "Why are you upset? Did it almost get you last night? That woul-" "HE." "What?" You frown. "He," Jr repeats, "It was a he, not an it." You blink, guilt creeping up your spine, "O-oh... Yeah, sorry, I know. I- did he almost get you?" Jr runs his hands through his hair, "NO. God damn it can you just LEAVE ME ALONE?" You take a step back, "What's your problem?" Jr snorts, "Nothing. You wouldn't care. Just go to school. You're gonna be late." You open your mouth and he snarls, "Get!" You jump and scurry off, his brother hot on your heels. You wait until you're a safe distance, then turn to his brother, "What's his problem?" He looks down, "He just.... Doesnt appreciate how werewolves are treated..." You raise an eyebrow, "JR, the snobby, full of himself, I'm better than you boy, is a free animal advocate?" Jr's brother shrugs, "Yeah, so?" You frown, "Does he not realize they could WIPE OUT THE CITY?" He looks down, uncomfortable, "Not ALL werewolves are bad..." You stare, "Maybe they're not bad PEOPLE, but they can't control themselves! Come the full moon they become killers!" He glares, "I KNOW! Why dont you argue with my brother about it?!" You flinch, "Sorry... You're right. I shouldn't be taking my frustration at him out on you." He nods and you go to your seat. You'll have to talk to him sometime about it.

You're on your way home with Jr’s brother when a ruckus breaks out in the crowd. You stop and Jr's brother cranes his head. You freeze when you see the wolf. Its massive and pure white. Brown eyes flash angrily as a group of officers fight it to the ground. It snarls and fights, thrashing violently and snapping at them. Its claws flash in the afternoon light. It's no use. The officers are wearing protective gear. The crowd scrambles back. Jrs brother goes sheet white and rushes forward, then, seeing Jr in the crowd unharmed, relaxes. A sense of relief rushes over you as they cage the wolf and fight a collar on it. Other cities have been wiped out by werewolves before. Especially ones that change so early. No one expects it, and so are left defenceless. This city stays alert and rounds as many up as they can. They're taken to a seperate community, where they can live their lives without accidentally harming others. The collar snaps closed and the wolf jerks, snarling and thrashing, then goes limp, turning into a man. He looks about in his thirties or forties and is naked. You look away, then find yourself being rounded up along with the entire crowd. One by one they're checked for bites. You don't have any, but you still feel nervous. Jr goes up. Hes stiff, jaw ticking, fists clenched. They check him over and he hisses, "I’m clean..." You watch as they give him the go ahead and he storms off. You frown. It's not THAT bad that he had to get checked over... You shake your head. You'll never understand his flaring temper. But his brother is tense too, watching him leave. He goes before you, letting them check him over and then hurrying off after his brother. They check you and give you the go ahead. You look around for Jr and his brother, but they had disappeared before you were announced "clean". You sigh and walk home, jumping at every noise, imagining wolf eyes staring out at you from the allies, wet noses bumping your ankles. You shiver and slip inside.

Me, reading most of a piece: Outstanding! I love! Fabulous!

Me, reading said piece’s dialogue: That’s not- that’s not how people… talk. 

Few tips for anyone writing something very difficult: dialogue.

1. Awkward people do not confidently proclaim heavy statements.

       If your character is awkward, anxious, or easily gets nervous, they will not smoothly declare “I love you with all my heart, and I have family issues”. If they’re uncomfortable in social situations, they won’t magically turn confident. Now don’t get me wrong, I love love love a well-portrayed outspoken, confident character. And those characters can probably state emotions easier. But an awkward character cannot.

2. Nervous stuttering (unrelated to a speech impediment) d-does not s-s-sound like t-this.

Try talking to yourself (I’m not crazy) and seeing how this would really sound. A good way to do an aggressive stutter is to fall back and repeat a couple of words. Ex. “What if- what if we- what if we just…” Another trick is to remember that there are varying level to a nervous stutter. If you’re hardly nervous you won’t have an aggressive stutter like that.

3: It’s okay to say “said” every once in a while.

Good god, please don’t avoid it like the plague. It shouldn’t be common, but it shouldn’t be your worst fear. We don’t want another case of “Slughorn ejaculated,”

Feel free to reblog with any corrections, or your own tips!

Edit: Dear god please check the notes. They’re SO helpful.

You sit at the cafe and sip your coffee awkwardly. Jr watches judgementaly. His brother sits quietly, pushing a crumb around his plate with his finger. You clear your throat, "so..." Jr raises an eyebrow. His brother looks up. You smile, "what do you guys do together?" Jr shrugs, "brother stuff I guess..." His little brother goes back to his crumb. You sigh, "you know it'd be nice if you would help me break the ice." Jr shrugs again, "Wasn't my idea to come here.", putting his hands in his lap. You sigh again and get up, going to get a refill. You feel juniors eyes burning into your back as you walk off.

When you get back Jr and his brother are talking quietly. Jr looks up and his brother looks down. You resist the urge to shake your head. He's so shy... You sit down and sip your drink. Jr smiles a fake smile, "do you have a sibling?" His arm moves and he glances down in his lap. You flare up. Stupid boy is playing on his phone under the table. You bite your cheek so as not to snap at him, then say, "No I don't. Its just me and my mom." He nods, looking back up at you, "Wheres your dad?" You glare, "You know, MOST people try to be gentle on the subject of parents being gone, or just avoid it completely." He shrugs, going back to his phone, "I have never once tried to fool you into thinking I was most people. Nor did I try to convince you I was nice..." You glare, "I dont know where he is. He left when I was, like, two." He nods, "That sucks." His brother sighs softly. You glare, "Yeah, well, we make it work. What about you? Wheres your mom?" He smirks, "cooking supper. Preparing to beat my ass cuz I'm not home." You burst out an unwilling laugh. The thought of him being chased by his mom is just hilarious. It's so different than the tough persona he puts on. His brother pushes his plat away, crosses his arms on the table, and buries his face in them. You frown, "What's wrong?" He shakes his head, "Just tired..." Its muffled and quiet. You keep frowning, but don't say anything. Jr, however, grins, "Dont fall asleep. We're probably gonna be here awhile." You scowl at him, "What's that supposed to mean?" Jr shrugs, "We're trying to get to know eachother right? That could take a while." You shrug and sip your drink. You sit in awkward silence, broken occasionally by short bursts of conversation. It's dark by the time you finally get up, ready to go, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow..." Jr nods, "ready to go?", looking at his brother, who stirs a little and nods into his arms. You wave, "Bye..." And leave. This is gonna be so hard. But he really needs a friend…

You walk to school with Jr's brother, glancing at Jr as you pass him. He's watching his brother intently. You look at his brother, "How do you manage to get along with Jr? I'm trying, really, but I feel like I'm getting no where..." He shrugs, smiling a small smile, "I guess it's different when you're together all the time... Just be persistent is the only advice I can give you..." You nod and keep walking. Persistence. You can do that. You press your lips together. After school you'll figure out something else to do with him. You can do this…