This Is Cooler Than I Thought It Would Be

This Is Cooler Than I Thought It Would Be

The Darkness Of Today

The ink from my pen reminds me of the abyss. It reminds me of all the thing forgotten and left behind. It reminds of the darkness of today, tomorrow, and next week.

The broken tip of my pencil reminds me of things unsaid, And things I wish I could erase. It reminds me of all the words to come out my mouth, wishing they could crawl back.

My red pen reminds me of all my mistakes. All the 60%s, the failures. It reminds me of every little red speck of blood against my skin when I wish I could be out of it.

The dog-eared pages of my borrowed book remind me of everything wrong I've ever done. They remind me of when I stole cookies from the animal shaped jar, They remind me of my vandalism, my rudeness, and my fear.

The person next to me peeking up over their computer reminds me of everything I'll never have. The things I won't taste, touch, or smell. The experiences I'll miss, the people I'll never meet, the apologies I'll never get to say.

This next to empty room reminds me of all the people I pushed away. All the friends I used to have but said goodbye to. All the people I have yet to meet, and all the relationships I have yet to ruin.

Everything here reminds me of myself. Reminds me how little I am, truly. How big, and important, every move I make seems to be.

It reminds me of every day I've had to say sorry, Every day I've cried, And every day I've suffered to stay alive.

Sometimes, It Feels Like I’m Drowning

Sometimes, it feels like I'm drowning.

And on this particular sunny day, I actually was.

I was drowning in the noise from the endless cascades of voices, Being pulled out further into the sea by the currents of flesh and bone, Being smothered by scents and colors.

I was drowning in an ocean of teardrops and shame, Bodies being pushed and pulled, Wanted to touch something, but never each other. Wanting to hold on, but always having to let go.

This morning, I was thrown overboard. No life vest, no arm floaties. I was left on my own, Sharks surrounding me As sorrow choked me and filled my lungs.

This afternoon, I found some driftwood I could cling to. But two hours of endless floating, Salt souring in my mouth, Birds biting my fingers and fish nipping at my toes, I let go.

And tonight, When the only thing around me was inky, unending blackness, I surfaced to the see the stars. I saw the Big and Little Dippers, I spotted Orion's Belt I admired the bright North Star, And it all reminded me of home.

Fat Boy

Probably The Coolest Sword I’ll Ever Draw

What is this need for gratification I feel? Shouldn’t I feel happy just being able to share my stuff? 

Whaaaat? Just because only porn blogs like my stuff doesn’t mean there’s no point in continuing, right?? Crazy talk.  Crazy talk.