Vesemir - Tumblr Posts

Little Ciri: I'm a mistake from god

Vesemir: *CHOKES* W h a t

Ciri: and I'm from the h world

Vesemir: W H A T. Where is your dad

Ok so we know Ciri and Yen share a bday (May 1st) and Geralt's is supposedly May 5th (according to the fandom wiki but I'd have to do some digging or if someone would like to correct me pls and thank you) (happy birthday you dolt) but no confirmed for the others so I am assigning them zodiacs.

Geralt, Ciri and Yen are all canonically Taurus

Jaskier/Dandelion, whichever version you decide, either way is a Scorpio

Lambert is an Aries because well. Look at him.

Eskel is a Libra

Vesemir gives Capricorn vibes

Coën is a Sagittarius

Triss is a Pisces

These r just the vibes they give off to me and I think it makes for some pretty funny dynamics. if any of you have any to add feel free to reblog and add to the list!!!!

Training Eskel and Geralt was a fun time for all of the instructors at Kaer Morhen!

I was scrolling through Pinterest for some poses and came across some funny images that reminded me of the wolves!

Little Geralt: *points to one of Vesemir's scars* how'd you get that?

Vesemir: oh... I was shaving my arm with a knife while I was shitfaced and I gored it open down to the bone.

Little Geralt: oh.. why would you shave with a knife WHILE drunk?

Vesemir: ...well you see when you're drunk-

Sometimes I just like to think about what it could've been if Geralt had gotten Ciri right after Pavetta and Duny died. If Calanthe was so weighed down by grief she realizes she can't take care of Ciri. So she orders Moussack to go find Geralt to collect Ciri. Imagining Geralt in a random tavern somewhere in Temeria, slowly making his way up to Kaer Morhen for the winter as autumn is approaching. Him having a gut feeling he should head up early, he thinks it's because something is wrong with Vesemir so he's anxious to make it through. But Roach needs to rest and well, it wouldn't hurt to get some extra supplies for the winter. Certainly wouldn't hurt to get some extra booze so he has relief from Lambert's grating voice on his ears. Besides, he and Eskel can stay up late and drink to their hearts content up in his room like they used to sneak around when they were teens.

Then out of the blue he sees Moussack, and dread fills his entire body. He doesn't keep up with news outside of what Dandelion tells him. So when Moussack is telling him Calanthe is summoning him he's thinking "oh fuck, she's changed her mind and is going to execute me."

But Moussack reassures him he's not going to be harmed. Calanthe is asking for him because of his child surprise. And now Geralt is really worried. What happened to them? Are they okay? Are they hurt? Did they die? They're only a few months old, there's so much that could've gone wrong. So he agrees to go with Moussack.

Calanthe looks a mess when Geralt sees her. Eist is by her side as always, trying to comfort her. Pavetta and Duny are nowhere in sight and it's making Geralt extremely antsy. Calanthe tells him the news, her voice is hoarse from all the crying she's been doing. Geralt sympathizes with them, gives them his condolences. And then that's when he realizes "oh. OH. OH NO". Sure enough Calanthe tells him she can't take care of herself, how could she care for a baby. Geralt refutes telling her "they're your grandchild, I don't want to rip them away-" and Calanthe tells him then it's a girl. And for a split second his brain gives the helpful thought of "oh I have a daughter" and Geralt is having an internal meltdown right there in the throne room. But he can't refuse. His entire basis for not coming back and claiming her is because she has a family who cares about her. But now that family is saying that they can't care for her, not because they don't love her, but because they do. So Geralt agrees to take her.

The first time he meets her he is entirely captivated by how small and precious she is. The moment he holds her he feels overwhelmed with such a fierce protectiveness and he can't help but absolutely adore her. He is trying so hard to stay stoic and unemotional but the moment he's alone with Ciri back in that old tavern he'd been at he just holds her and smiles. If he'd been a normal man, he probably would've burst into tears by how happy he was. (he did later once she got settled into Kaer Morhen, when he and Eskel did end up drinking up in his room. They're talking about the usual things, and then he looked over to her in her makeshift crib and just started bawling. Eskel freaks out and asks him what's wrong and he replies "I just love her so much."... Yes Eskel teared up.)

Then he has to go through the lovely moments of "how the fuck do you raise a baby" which Vesemir watches with so much amusement. Geralt raided most of Kaer Morhen's library and Nenneke's office for books about parenting. (Kaer Morhen has none, unsurprisingly.) He eventually asks Eskel to go to Oxenfurt and grab Dandelion and any books about parenting, childhood development, psychology and women's health he can find. (He is DREADING eventually having The Talk with Ciri but he won't be unprepared.) Dandelion is completely awestruck with Kaer Morhen of course however, nothing shocks him more than seeing Geralt looking bone tired with a 5 month old baby wailing in his arms, trying to soothe her.

"uh... What ya got there, Geralt?"

"H e l p."

Where's Yennefer? What about Yennefer?? Geralt is hesitant at first to even tell Yennefer he has a kid. But she sends him a letter one day, asking him where he is now that it's coming up on spring. (Ciri's first bday!!! Yay!!!! Also oh gods planning a birthday?!?!?!?? That's a thing??????) So he does tell her, and she understandably to her character demands to see this child surprise. So again, sends Eskel on out (pls Geralt, he's your childhood best friend, not your errand boy.) to go get Yennefer. Yennefer storms through the main hall, not even acknowledging Lambert and Vesemir, and right up to Geralt. How did she manage to find her way through the halls without ever being there before? Geralt doesn't know and he's scared by it. Yennefer spots Ciri, who's doing her tummy time. To which she's very fussy about and gives the nastiest glares an almost 1 year old can to her father. Yennefer is absolutely gobsmacked that Geralt was being genuine. She points to Ciri, then to Geralt, then back to Ciri, to Geralt.

"YOU?????? HOW????"

"I'm really bad at making jokes."

Yennefer adores Ciri, but Ciri is a little skeptical of her. Who is this strange woman????? Where is her dad?????? Where's her other dad (Dandelion)???? How dare she smell nice and be warm???? Ugh as if she'd let her feed her!!! No way! Yennefer is always completely drenched with baby food whenever she attempts to feed Ciri. Geralt tries so hard not to laugh at her. Ciri is absolutely seething by the end of it and is only contained when Geralt picks her up and holds her securely. Then it's like little devil Ciri never existed, she's all smiles and babbling happily to her dad. Yennefer gets really disheartened over it. Late at night she ends up crying over it, thinking it wouldn't matter if she was able to have kids or not; Ciri proves she'd be a horrible mother anyway. Geralt doesn't know what to say at first, but he knows it's not true. Yennefer is trying her best, it's just that Ciri is really fussy. She even fusses sometimes when Dandelion holds her. He tries to comfort Yen, and ends up deciding the best thing to do is hold her and tell her that she's doing amazing. He doesn't think she believes him because she's still got a very somber look on her face the next day. She becomes reluctant to take up care of Ciri because of the incident. Well about after the third day of this Ciri gets fussy again. Geralt is taking a well deserved nap day. He's back in his room snoozing away. Yennefer and Dandelion are with Ciri in the library, one of the warmest places in the keep. Dandelion wipes his hands of the ink that stains them and picks her up and checks if she's soiled. She isn't, so he asks if she's hungry. She thrashes around in his hold and turns in search of Yennefer and starts grabbing towards her. So Dandelion hands her over to Yen. The moment Ciri's resting against Yennefer she settles down.

"huh, guess she just wanted her mommy." Dandelion comments and Yennefer starts crying. (Dandelion's face morphed from aww to OH FUCK)

The bigger Ciri gets the more rambunctious and energetic. Geralt couldn't be prouder that they're all raising her to be genuine to herself and that they've broken the generational trauma. Vesemir pats Geralt on the shoulder one day and tells him "I'm proud of you, Wolf" and damn, if that doesn't make him want to cry. He doesn't of course, only meeting Ciri made him cry from joy. And oh how she gives Lambert a run for his money. It's hilarious to see a 60-something year old argue with a 4 year old. They get into the most stupid arguments too. "blue is better than red!" Or "I'm taller than you" which is the most absurd because it's always Ciri who starts it. Geralt thinks it's because Lambert is the shortest besides Vesemir. But Vesemir has only become short due to his old age, and Ciri already gives him a hard time for that. ("Why are you so fat and old? Aren't you a Witcher like Daddy?" She said once and Vesemir just paused and looked at her like "why would you say that to me". She burst into a giggle fit at his crushed expression.)

The argument will always, without fail, go:

C: I'm taller than you.

L: no you're not? I'm 5'11!

C: well I'm 8 feet tall!!!!

L: more like 2 feet tall!

C: NO! SEE

Then she'll stand on the chair so she towers over Lambert.

L: fine well I'm older.

C: no??? My birthday is first

L: NO ITS NOT?

C: YEAH IT IS

L: NO APRIL IS BEFORE MAY. AND IM 67, YOU'RE 4

C: uhhhhh I hate to break it to you, but no you're not. You've been lied to your whole life.

L: W H AT WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE????

C: uhmmmmm god.

Then when Coën finally meets one of the Wolves and comes up to Kaer Morhen he's shocked to see someone so young. At the time Ciri was around 7. She calls him ugly and walks away to the stables. Coën is just left flabbergasted while Lambert and Eskel are laughing their asses off. Geralt apologizes to him, while trying to hold in his laughter. Coën becomes like an older brother to Ciri, and he gets on her good side by helping her prank Lambert.

When Ciri hits 12 she does get her period, and Geralt is like "OH GOD OH FUCK HOW DO I TALK TO HER ABOUT THIS I DONT WANT TO MAKE IT-" and Yennefer walks into the room and goes "I told her, we're good."

Then comes the "boy talk" Where Ciri brought up that a character in a romance book was attractive and Geralt went into "No one is good enough for my baby girl" dad mode and brashly announced "you're not allowed to date boys until you're 21."

Yennefer slaps him on the arm and Ciri looks at him almost offended.

"jokes on you I don't even know if I LIKE boys. Maybe I just like this character's personality." She replies sassily. Geralt cannot argue with that logic. (And yes 2 months later, she goes on a day trip with Yen and talks to a girl her age. She comes back and Geralt asks her how it went and she says "I definitely like girls." And walks up to her room to take a nap. Geralt celebrates as soon as she leaves "YES!!! I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT SOME BRUTE MESSING WITH MY DAUGHTER FUCK YEAH" Yennefer reminds him that some women are just as bad and he crumples to the floor in agony. Now he has to worry about brutish women hurting his daughter.)

Essentially, I just love that Geralt has a daughter, and that he's so proud of her and loves her so much. Their relationship is just so 🥹❤️ I adore them.

Do y'all think the witchers would have huskies? I wanna say they'd be more likely to have Malamutes or even Norwegian Elkhounds or a mixture of all three. But I cannot get the image of Lambert riling up the huskies into a howling frenzy. Little shit 16 year old Lambert directly after Kaer Morhen falls and Vesemir is like "yeah sure let's get dogs to make sure the boys don't become emotionally detached from themselves too much", carousing the little pack of 2 huskies and a malamute into screaming their heads off in the middle of the woods. Geralt is laying with his head in Eskel's lap glaring at Lambert because 1) yes it's funny but 2) he's trying to sleep for once dammit. Eskel is thinking "man we should get Great Pyrenees like my family used to have" (he does for the safety of the goats and chickens they eventually get). Vesemir is regretting all of his choices as his headache gets worse. But if it makes Lambert happy the three of them are willing to suffer.

I have been thinking about this so much!!!

The fact that he's learnt the recipes entails that Vesemir trusts a human enough to teach him about Witcher elixirs/potions (whichever you'd like to call them), which is huge considering how humans treat witchers. I'm sure Vesemir has heard all about Jaskier though. I mean, he's Geralt's adoptive father, obviously Geralt has confided in Vesemir for advice about Jaskier in terms of their budding friendship and also the whole mountain incident (divorce era). Vesemir is a natural teacher, he's taught generations of witchers. So once he's met Jaskier for himself you better BET those two became as thick as thieves. Vesemir knows how much Jaskier means to Geralt, and he also knows that his son is about as thick in the head as he is in the ass (astronomically). But he's also realized that after over 20 years and Jaskier hasn't left, that Jaskier is also as stubborn as a mule. He's more than likely seen the burn scars on Jaskier's hands and knows the story of them too. Hell, he got burnt by Reince too. It's something they would bond over, Jaskier would probably ask him how he's remained so strong over the decades after everything. Vesemir would probably say something like "you know that when you love someone you will go beyond your limits to protect them." I think that'd really resonate with Jaskier, and when you see it in S3 especially, S3.2, that he has really started to form a new sense of confidence in the fact that he is Geralt, Yen, and Ciri's family. In a family of extraordinary people he would be seen as the weakest, but truly, he's their anchor.

Back to my point, Vesemir knows that Jaskier won't abandon Geralt- (which is one of Geralt's biggest fears, even if he won't admit it. Which I think has been paralleled beautifully with Ciri's character this season.) -and is willing to sacrifice himself for Geralt, and also push him around if need be. He'll gladly teach Jaskier it because if Geralt is going to get gravelly injured who is it that he trusts? Jaskier. And in the S3 finale, that's shown very blatantly.

And I think, a little bit too, that Jaskier came to Vesemir with the insecurity he feels when he is alone. Yes he's a renown bard, master of the seven liberal arts, the Sandpiper, a spy. But next to Geralt, next to Yennefer and even Ciri, what does a bard do against a war? Jaskier isn't trained to be a warrior, nor would he be. In fact he blatantly states he's a pacifist in the books. So how is he going to be useful to Geralt? (not that he already isn't, but again post mountain insecurities) His solution is learning all that he can in order to keep Geralt safe, and to a degree, Ciri as well.

I could go on and on and on about them all.

There is a line in episode seven that could have been a throw away line.

But it imply that Vesemir had taught Jaskier about making elixir.

Please someone give me that fic.

Vesemir's first day ☀

Previous

Geralt was nervous to bring Jaskier to his home. He was sure the bard would get along with Eskel—their shared love of poetry and talking about emotions should smooth the way. Lambert would just be thrilled to have a new way to tease Geralt, and Jaskier being a bit of an asshole himself would help them bond.

But what of Vesemir? His mentor was not one to tolerate fools. What if he didn’t see past Jaskier’s foppish ways to his golden soul? What if he wasn’t understanding about the bard’s human limits? What if he scared Jaskier away for good?

All of these thoughts passed through Geralt’s mind outside the gates of Kaer Morhen. The gates opened for them, Geralt’s mentor was waiting for them on the other side, and as he came into view—

“PAPAMIR?!?”

Geralt winced at Jaskier’s loud shriek from beside him, and then the horror dawned because what did Jaskier just call Vesemir?!?

However, Vesemir didn’t look angry. He looked just as flabbergasted. “Julian?”

It turns out that Vesemir had once fallen for a widower Count, and he continued visiting the family even after the Count died 100 years ago. That Count was Jaskier’s great grandfather.

Geralt watched, dazed, as Vesemir doted on Jaskier while gently scolding him for not visiting his mother more often.

This is so funny, I love this WPGHWAPGHPAWGHPAW

Well, who would've thought that I would ever upload something? I didn't. Yet here we are. I present to you (and me) a small writing blurb for "The Witcher".

HOME AGAIN | Vesemir x reader

Likes and Reblogs are appreciated

Disclaimer: Englisch is NOT my first language and I didn't have anyone to proofread this, so it is still in it's purest form.

Warnings: None.

Genre: fluff (I guess?)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You pushed the hood of your cloak back and let it fall over your shoulders. Yellow eyes fixate themselves on huge Oakwood doors. Kaer Morhen. You sigh and nudge your horse gently to keep going. It has been two years since you last saw the stone walls that you call home for the winter. The sun is slowly setting behind the Mountains and casts a beautiful goldish shade on the castle. You wonder when you last saw the fire pits of the bridge burning to illuminate the way to the people that you called family for nearly a century. After the fall of Kaer Morhen in 1165 you ran into Vesemir and his students while you were on your way to help an old family friend of yours. As one of the few female witchers ever created it was a surprise for you that this family friend asked for your help, especially since her family doesn’t appreciate the existenz of witchers in the first place. It was no surprise to you that many people didn’t like witchers, simply because they could not explain to themselves how it was possible to create and shape a human being the way that witchers were created. So to see a woman with yellow eyes, a silver sword and the goal to kill monsters for gold which calls herself a witchress from the school of cats often brought hardships with it. Your school was one of the few that even accepted women as recruits and even amongst your own kind you were welcomed with mixed reactions. After you heard from Vesemir about the events in Kaer Morhen you decided to help him rebuild the school of the wolf and train fellow witchers and over time you and him eventually became close friends. You have been with him through all ups and downs while helping to slowly rebuild the witcher population, which was fairly hard without magicians to help with the trial of grass. But the golden age of witchers ended with the fall of Kaer Morhen. In retrospect it was inevitable but it still stung somewhere deep inside you. Another heavy sigh leaves your lips as you finally pass the entrance. The sun is fully set by the time you climb from the back of your horse and take it to the stable. After it is tucked in for the night and has everything it needs for the next few days aou make your way over to the doors that lead to the main hall. It got colder now that the sun set and you wished for nothing more than a lit fireplace and a catch up with Vesemir. Even before you round the corner that leads to the hall you hear male laughter. A smile creeps up on your face and you quickly round the corner just to be met with a scenery that makes your heart flutter. In front of the fireplace is a table with beer on it and chairs around it on which all to familiar witchers are sitting. Vesemir is happily chatting with Gerald, while Lambert and Eskel are watching and sometimes throw in their own experiences of the past year. Even though you know that they are already aware of your presence you still clear your throat.

“Hello my friends”

Vesemir's eyes leave Geralt and lay now on you. A small smile from your side before you are promptly pulled into a hug by Eskel.

“It’s been some time, where have you been?”, he asks after he lets go of you.

“Ah, you know, always on the hunt for Monsters and Gold.” You shrug your shoulders before you set your bag on the ground and take off your cloak.

A long hug with Lambert and a short one with Geralt later you stand in front of the man you missed the most. You open your arms and silently ask if he would be okay with a hug from you. After a few seconds of silence he pulls you into his chest and holds you as if his life depends on it. You happily close your eyes and rest your head on his shoulder. After what feels like an eternity he finally eases his arms around your back.

“I’m happy that you are here Kitty.” He whispers into your ear.

“Yeah, me too. Feels good to finally be back home.” You answer with a smile and snuggle closer to him. You won’t leave anytime soon, at least until spring brings the monsters back to the continent.

Imagining Geralt and Jaskier playing that egg game going around is really fucking funny to me. Not only does it get on both of their nerves, but I think they’d also be extremely competitive.

Jaskier is a little drunk, having a few bottles with Geralt will do that to you, and calls over the Witcher for a game, showing him a simple brown egg in his right hand, and a mug he took a while ago from some shitty inn. What he got was a slowly interested Witcher who sat down silently, as if to say ‘go on.’

Jaskier tells him the rules, how you lay the egg down, put the mug over it, and then slap your hand on top of the cup. Geralt thought it was strange, maybe some rich boy game Jaskier did when he was but a wee lad, and decided to give in. Once they started, it was just them tapping the top of the mug. It was stupid, Geralt was about ready to stop, until Jaskier picked up the cup.

Listen, Geralt likes planning. He’d say he’s considerably “neat”, he just didn’t like last minute things, it makes him feel rushed, and unprepared. So when he came down on that poor little innocent egg with his bear (no it’s not misspelled) fucking palm, he pauses there. Blank. Frozen where he sat. Jaskier cackling is not helping his situation.

Betrayed by the very bard who was brave enough to sidekick a Witcher, Geralt nodded, bringing his hand up and flinging yolk at Jaskier, who was still laughing. Geralt learned the game pretty fast after that, and it ended with Geralt 15, Jaskier 11.

I would also like to think that they bring that game back to Kaer Morhen, Eskel caught on quicker than Geralt, Lambert always got pissy about it, and Vesemir was just as determined as his pups.

Along with the other au’s and headcanons I talk about on here, Wolf Geralt is pretty up there, or really animal transformations but that’s for another day. What I’m kinda gonna go off is this series which is about Geralt getting cursed and when his medallion comes off he becomes a wolf, very lovely series please go check it out and hand out kudos to the writer.

Anyways, my headcanons tonight are about wolf Geralt and how hilarious it would be. I always see funny dog videos uhhh everywhere, and I love to think like “that’s him. That’s Geralt as a wolf” because it’s hilarious and only him as a brooding man would do that in a wolf form.

Here, picture Jaskier and Geralt walking, both on either side of roach when they pass a field that’s open, and Geralt stops roach and Jaskier stops a few steps ahead because uhh, why would Geralt stop? He looks back to see the Witcher staring at the field with determination before whipping around and staring him dead in the eye. Jaskier questions before being handed a medallion and soon seeing this giant white wolf zoom into the field. The field is long enough so the wolf has to hop, and Jaskier is laughing and watching as Geralt has his fun.

Or like Wolf Geralt getting the zoomies? It takes place mostly at Kaer Morhen, where Geralt can relax and his brothers actually play with him in this wolf form. Him and Lambert are playing around, rolling around on each other before Geralt hops up and shoots off. Lambert is laughing hard he’s breathless, Eskel and Jaskier just walked in and in question before they see the White Wolf barreling his way through the hallway only to snap back around and race off. Jaskier starts to laugh and Eskel totally cheers him on which only makes him last longer. (Don’t even get me started on the poop zoomies)

Now I have a dog of my own, he’s adorable but he can be sassy as hell, idk if other dogs do this, but mine will give me serious side eye action and when laying out, will kick his back legs on whoever they land on, and it’s funny to think of Geralt doing that too. Him stretching out in the giant pile they all made by a fire one night, and his back legs end up on Jaskier and while stretching out he just kicks the shit out of Jaskier who’s trying to sleep and when Jaskier tries to stop, he earns a groan from the wolf and serious side eye business. Jaskier says he totally stinks of attitude and puppy breath but gets kicked again.

One last one for the road, but the dogs (mainly huskeys) who yell and don’t really bark? Geralt. Totally. When Jaskier is trying to get onto Geralt for spilling something zooming around, Geralt starts to yell, and doesn’t stop. Everyone hates it, because he’s loud and knows it. But they totally get him back for it. See, when it first started, Eskel had enough and let out one of the fake howls you do to get a puppy to do that cute “awoooo” sound, and it gets Geralt to stop and do the head tilt before immediately joining in. Eskel, Lambert, Jaskier and Vesemir find it funny as hell, but Geralt says he hates it because he can’t really control it.

more on my lab rat au:

so geralt was the first success for his specific testing ability. and that was to be a bio-weapon. he's mutated, he was forced into experiments without consent, and all geralt knows is that he hurts and that he can't feel and that his brothers and father figure is right outside this isolated room that he cannot escape from.

geralt uses swords and magick just like the other witchers, but geralt is... better for lack of better words. he's stronger and he has more energy, and he's the Best out of all of them.

which is why the creator sent him into further testing, pumping him with even more chemicals and making him suffer every damn day. soon, his hair turns snowy white and scars remain permanent on his face and chest. his teeth become sharper and more inhumane.

so they have to put a... mask - a muzzle of sorts (think of those techy masks that cover basically half of your face including your nose) since he began to lash out and become more wolf-like.

they tried to take it off of him to let him breathe, but two caretakers suffered immensely from burns and deep cuts. they didn't survive. so geralt has to wear that mask permanently, only having it open for him to eat.

once a month.

they starve him, never having him eat too much, never letting him get strong enough to break his encloser.

lambert, eskel, and vesemir all try to talk to him, but it's no use since the walls are too thick. it soon becomes common to hear the wails and howls of the wolves because of their lost brother.

geralt and lambert were very close, like an older brother with a younger one. they stuck close, comforted each other when there were night terrors, etc. eskel was geralt's best friend and brother as well. vesemir was a father figure and always took care of his pups.

they were all angry when geralt got taken, but lambert was fucking furious.

because how dare they take away his best friend? his brother? his family?

they had to muzzle lambert for a while as well.

then jaskier comes along, one of the best scientists around yet a dorky one filled with personality. most hated him. the creator found him intriguing. so he let him roam.

this man loves music (something uncommon in the apocalyptic world) and plays it whenever he can. he plays an old instrument, a lute, and he sings constantly. even when he's working.

the other scientists despise it, but they don't bring it up since he's, well, the best.

then, jaskier meets vesemir, lambert, and eskel. they immediately see something different in this adult man, something brighter. a light in the darkness, if you must. eskel asks questions, vesemir comments and tells him stories, lambert watches and stays quiet.

he had another outburst. the muzzle is back on, restricting his speaking ability but not restricting his breathing or snarling.

but he doesn't snarl as jaskier's eyes widen in horror, and he doesn't back up when his hands hesitantly come up. he doesn't trust him, but there's something different about him.

the mask clicks off.

silence as it drops.

then

"thank you"

and jaskier gives him a sympathetic smile, weaves his hand through his hair and lets his head drop against lambert's.

soon after, jaskier discovers the room where they keep geralt. he discovers how he's the only other person who can open it without permission. he discovers the wolfish man curled up in a corner, whimpering at the sound of his approach before jumping up with a snarl behind that mask.

the snarl falls when geralt sees jaskier.

they stare.

one thought flits through their minds

who are you

I saw this post this morning and I can’t stop thinking about it so I do hope you don’t mind me adding to this.

Okay, let’s start with Triss, because yes. Her obliterating threats like that with plants and trees is fucking awesome to think about (sorry not sorry but hot too). Not only can she do that but maybe if her anger is starting to really show and simmer into a boil, the plants around her start to grow rapidly. Not too fast, but it’s pretty noticeable. Let’s say her and yen are sparking up conversation with some young mages, who are just a load of pricks. Triss, being ticked off by something they do/say, starts to quiet down and a mean frown makes home on her face, but also the plants around them start to grow, and Yen being mindful and not really paying attention to the youth, decides that maybe it’s time for these ass bags to get the hell out of there before Triss does something about it. It’s just lovely to think of Triss getting mad and she’s standing in a field or a brick road with weeds and plants growing in between and they just grow slowly as her magic is slowly overtaken by anger.

Eskel, my sweet man, is probably one hell of a fighter. Sure I love to think of him as smart and well thought out, but when I say “one hell of a fighter” I mean he just doesn’t really think and starts acting without the thought process. He’s very in the moment with his anger. If this man is pissed off, he’s probably grab the thing closes to him and wham the shit out of whatever is pissing him off. Chair? Yep. Scorpions saddle? Most likely. You name it, he probably used it to knock a man out. A bonus is since I like to think that him and Jaskier are cool and close friends do to the love of poetry, I wouldn’t doubt he once or twice grabbed the bards lute to beat a man. I think that shows how in the moment he is with his anger, don’t think just get rid of the problem. Another side note is maybe he doesn’t get to angry easily and really feeds off other people’s annoyance and anger? Some clown going off in the square and people hate it? Eskel to the rescue, let him just grab something real close.

For Vesemir, I think this man (being the oldest Witcher left) would be fucking dangerous if he was angered. It would be very hard for someone or something to get onto his nerves, let alone made him feel angry towards it. He’s got a lot of years under his belt, he’s made peace with himself, and I think that’s scary about him. Unlike Eskel who’s in the moment, Lambert and Geralt always being in the mood to fight, Vesemir is a calm man who’s already planned out how to take you out the moment he sees you. He does not loose character, and he’ll tell you how you’ve made him angry, tell you how he’s going to take care of the problem. The boys haven’t seen him truly angry, but I feel they all have a secret promise to not fuck with Vesemir if he seems or smells the slightest of upset.

I see your feral Jaskiers, Geralt’s, Yennfers, and Lamberts (that’s just his personality...). And I completely support them.

But might I ask,

WHERE ARE MY FERAL TRISSES, ESKELS, AND VESEMIRS?!

I WANT TRISS TO KILL A MAN BY GROWING A FUCKING TREE INSIDE HIM UNTIL HE FUCKING B U R S T S!!! GIVE THIS GIRL A S WO R D. LET HER SWING IT AROUND AND FIGHT SOMEONE!!! CRUSH SOMEONES BONES INTO DUST!!!

I WANT MORE ALZUR’S LEGACY ESKEL FUCKING KILLING A MAN WITH A CHAIR!!! I WANT THIS MAN TO STOP BEING NICE AND GO FUCKING APE SHIT!!! BREAK SOMEONES ARM WITH JUST HIS GRIP. DESTROY SOME ASSHOLES FACE WITH HIS FISTS!!!

I WANT VESEMIR SNAPPING AND DESTROYING AN ENTIRE TROOP THATS AFTER HIS SON AND GRANDDAUGHTER!!! I WANT THIS MAN TO GO G O D MODE!!

I see your feral Jaskiers, Geralts, Yennfers, and Lamberts. And I love them. But now I raise you, “I am tired of being nice. I do just wanna go ape shit.” Squad, Triss, Eskel, and Vesemir.

real talk: the reason geralt takes so long to invite jaskier to kaer morhen? he doesn’t want a witness to the stupid shit he and his brothers get up to

namely, the Witcher Winter Olympics

each winter, all good little witchers flock home to rest, relax, catch up, yadda yadda

but holed up in one place for months, when they’re used to traveling wherever the Path takes them?

they get bored

it happens easily and very quickly

and then they get stupid creative

and thus the Winter Games

each day, someone will propose a challenge or competition to be completed or won. anything is fair game, as long as it can be vaguely shoehorned into one of these categories: strength, endurance, agility/dexterity, mental acuity, and why not?

some past examples of events include:

strength - greased up arm wrestling; chicken fights; can i knock you out with one pillow hit; who can resist trying to pet this cute cat we found the longest (this one’s more emotional strength but it counts); horse deadlifting; how many boulders is too many boulders; how many tears can we put in this shirt by flexing hard enough; toss a witcher

endurance - who can slav squat the longest; playing strip gwent, outside, in the snow, in the middle of the coldest night of winter; who can eat the most spicy peppers; obligatory drinking contests; who can hang upside down like a bat the longest; most days staying awake; stop hitting yourself

agility/dexterity - steal stuff off of/put stuff on vesemir without him noticing; drunken obstacle course; who can fold laundry the fastest and neatest (a vesemir suggestion); who can sneak up and startle the bejeezus out of the others the most in a day; drunk hide and seek; the most delicate needlepoint; fastest potato peeler; the floor is lava

mental acuity - limerick writing contest; who can craft the pun that induces the most rage; arts and crafts; psychological warfare; stupid debate club; name 5 things you like about yourself (another vesemir suggestion); jeopardy game night (topics include: which witcher?, potion making for dummies, did you even read the bestiary?, swords and scab”bards”, pop culture, etc); chopped-style cooking competition; best prank

why not? - truth or dare; diving competition in a lake of drowners; most creative bong; who can stay on this wyvern we stumbled across the longest; crazy hairstyle competition; can only speak in questions the entire day; which things mixed together will make the biggest explosion; how many of these weird berries can we eat before we die; shadow puppet theatre; trust falls at the most inopportune times; weirdest hookup story

yes, there are opening/closing ceremonies

yes, medals are awarded at the end of the season

yes, vesemir is the judge and only he knows the complicated points algorithm

(yes, he actually just gives out random points, which can be influenced by how much you have annoyed/bribed him that day)

just the boys being boys

I wanna talk more about wolf Geralt because honestly? He’s been on my mind lately. These are just more random things I’ve been thinking about so I hope you guys like.

Geralt has a favourite blanket. This blanket isn’t his own furs he has in his nice comfortable room, nuh uh, this blanket is from Lambert’s room. When Geralt is in his wolf form, this man trots his way to Lambert’s room and if the young Witcher isn’t in his room, Geralt takes the pleasure of rubbing and rolling on the blanket. If Lambert is in his room, Gearlt hops onto the bed, and with lightening speed, grabs the blanket between his teeth and fucking guns it. Gearlt will and has played tug of war with Lambert because it’s his fuckin blanket, Geralt give it back— if Lambert let’s Gearlt win, maybe after a day of intense training or running the walls of the keep, Gearlt sets it in the large living area and by the fire, and will rub and roll on it with his smug wolf face.

Another thing is Geralt doesn’t mind goats while human, because he isn’t ground level with them, but as a wolf he cannot stand them for more than a few minutes. Eskel doesn’t let him near most of his goats he’s collected because a) he still doesn’t know if Geralt has more wolf like instincts when it comes to prey animals and b) his goats would be scared of Geralt anyways. But, Lil’ Bleater isn’t scared of Gearlt, either the goat knows it’s him or the goat thinks it owns Kaer Morhen. Lil’ Bleater will hop around Geralt, hop on him only to bounce off of him, bleep at him and just do everything around Geralt and he hates it. The goat doesn’t back off from the growls too much, so Geralt has given to barking at the goat, who will freeze up, fall over, and then run off and hide normally wherever Eskel is. Idk, I just thought this was kind of a funny idea, like if Geralt was being annoying, Eskel would bust out Lil’ Bleater and he’d get a taste of his own medicine.

Another bit, is when Lambert or Vesemir are in the kitchen preparing food, wolf Geralt comes into the kitchen area and instead of begging, he’ll just watch. He doesn’t sit in the walk way though, too many times hashis poor tail been stepped on, so he’ll sit behind the counter top they use to cut the meat on. Geralt is just big and tall enough for just his eyes to peek over the top of the counter, and watch. Jaskier once walked in on the scene and still teased him about it to this day, Eskel likes to give him small strips of meat if he catches him, but he doesn’t bag around Vesemir or Lambert, he knows better. Geralt admits sometime later he just likes to watch them work, it’s very hypnotizing.

Okay okay, last one. I won’t go too much into this one, but have you seen those dogs who hold things in their mouths and do the little happy skipping with their feet? Look me in the eyes and tell me that’s not Geralt. I do understand that he’s not always like that, but maybe if Jaskier is sad or someone gives him how own steak, he totally does his little happy dance. Lambert calls it tapping toes, Eskel can’t stop laughing, and Jaskier will dance with him. Vesemir is just amused he’s so expressive when in this form.

Not to be dramatic but I would die for Eskel and Lambert

Would the wolf Witchers have different areas they get sensory overloads? Like, does that make sense? Their senses are enhance to be more powerful so certain things would be more intense for the others, let me explain how I’m thinking this.

I want to start with Geralt, because he’s the first I can think of. Honestly? I think his sense of smell is incredibly strong. Even though he has extra mutations and stuff and it is probably different, I think his sense of smell is overpowering even for him. It could be used for hunting and tracking down missing pets or people, but I also think he just smells so much when stepping into a village or town, and it’s kind of too much? First meeting Jaskier, I think he recoiled from him because it was just so intense and made his nose burn, but after few words and many reactions, I think Jaskier settles down the fragrance and goes for something that is so settle to him it’s not even there but Geralt kinda really enjoys it? Sure he still doesn’t like to enter town most of the time because of the disgusting smells, but maybe Jaskier gives him a small cloth with the nice smell.

I don’t think much on Lambert just because I kinda don’t relate to his humour or personality but I’m learning to open up about him, and I like the headcanon people have of him cooking, and being excellent at it. I think his sensitive sense is taste. A lot of things just don’t sit with him, it tastes disgusting. Watching mothers lick a cloth to wipe dirt from their child’s face makes him feel creepy’s and crawly’s, he hates it. Maybe he doesn’t eat much of other peoples cooking because of it, but when he makes it, he knows what to do with it and it doesn’t effect him as bad. Maybe it’s more of a texture thing the longer I think of it. I’d also like to think that he’s the only one who cooks in Kaer Morhen because the other wolfs understand it, and his cooking is the best.

I thought hard and long on Eskel but I think I wanna go with hearing. I wouldn’t say it’s worse or better than the other Witchers, it’s just the first to really really get to him. Towns and villages are hard for him at times because the blacksmith working can be too much, town folk talking can be too much, farm animals and so on. Maybe around Kaer Morhen, if a loud creature is out around the property of the Keep, he’ll hunch his shoulders up and cover his ears, but outside the Keep I think maybe he has some wax plugs he puts in. If those don’t work well, which I’m thinking they don’t most of the time, he probably sits with his hands overs his ears for a while, gather himself. I think maybe Geralt, Jaskier and Vesemir give him books from time to time just to settle in silence, focus on the words and fuzz everything out.

Finally, I wanna get to Vesemir himself. Not gonna lie, touch. I don’t think this man likes any kind of touch he doesn’t allow or hasn’t done it first. As in like, if he doesn’t hold his hand out for a handshake, don’t grab his hand for him and shake it. He hates it. Don’t pat him on the shoulder, don’t touch his elbow, no hugs unless he goes for it first. I think the pups know this, but when he firsts meets Jaskier, I think he would get stressed out completely cause this man is all talk and touch. With the pups instructions not to, Jaskier wouldn’t do it anymore of course, but Vesemir was very put off with Jaskier at first. I’d also like to bring up the idea that maybe Vesemir just always wears gloves, could be his armour gauntlets or just a tight pair of leather gloves, makes him feel like he’s not touching anything, only the glove is. As a person who is sensitive to touching most times, I get the stress of it and I think the gloves would be, not only interesting, but a weight lifting. You aren’t touching it, the glove is.

The Witcher but it’s Chris Fleming

Geralt: (giving dating advice) Sit on a grassy hill near their apartment and just…pet a crow. That way your lucky so-and-so will wake up and see you there, sharing secrets with night fowl.

Jaskier: Why even bother with demolition vehicles anymore when we could just grab a freshman theatre major auditioning for a cabaret troupes? The SWAT team should hire them to blow doors open.

Eskel: I don’t know if you’ve ever seen those oil paintings of goat demons screaming in the 1400′s, they’re horrific, but they look tame compared to a field hockey player roaring: “MY ANACONDA DON’T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS, HON!”

Yennefer: This will show him that you’re not a Victorian piece of string cheese holding in her period until she’s whisked off her size four glass slippers by her prince, who in this case is a business major who can only get it up when he sees his own reflection in the TV during a Bond marathon.

Renfri:  Witnessing an Adventure Family in the throes of an outdoor activity makes me want to put myself in a pelican’s mouth and say, “Just drive.”

Lambert: What kind of a prude enjoys a Crunch bar? You might as well just eat toast.

Triss: Panera is just McDonald’s that studied abroad and came back wearing a beret and cigarette jeans, thinkin’ it’s the shit because it got fingered by a mime!

Vesemir: Quit your day job and help me throw chicken nuggets at my neighbor’s fruity son.

Ciri: Nothing makes you feel more like a bed-wetter than your loved ones conspiring together behind your back. 

dumb among us headcanons for the witcher:

lambert always acts sus; during emergency meetings, he’s always too dry and sarcastic for people to take him seriously, or he’s angry and cagey, so he always gets voted outta the ship. surprisingly good impostor, even better if he’s teaming up with kiera or geralt. typically gets killed off.

eskel is the best impostor, don’t even. dude can charm and lie outta any situation and will almost always throw geralt and/or lambert under the bus. one time, he and lambert were both the impostor, but cause lambert killed him first in an earlier round, eskel killed kiera and then managed to convince everyone that lambert did the deed. dude can be hella petty.

jaskier lies about everything. will lie that he isn’t the impostor. will lie that he is the impostor. will lie that he saw geralt murder yennefer despite not being in the room. will lie that he’s done all of his tasks. never gets killed off, never gets voted out. how?????

geralt is still trying to understand the controls, ciri help, ciri stop laughing, ciri how to do i call an emergency meeting, ciri why am i a ghost now, ciri how do ghosts carry out tasks, theY DON’T HAVE HANDS, CIRI

yennefer is a human lie detector and can almost always sniff out the imposter. she chooses not to expose jaskier, ‘cause they enjoy fucking with geralt. when she’s impostor, she always wins.

vesemir just wants to complete his tasks, leave him and his little blob spaceman alone, he just wants to stop this ship from malfunctioning, everyone leave him alone, he didn’t even want to play this stupid game

ciri finishes her tasks first, every time. she should’ve even be playing the game, it’s past her bedtime, but if kiera is babysitting her, then it’s fair game. also, she can’t sleep when she knows her dad is sulking at the computer cause he sucks with technology so, so, so bad.

kiera plays just to irritate lambert. she always hunts him down before everyone else. if lambert dies first, chances are, kiera is the impostor. always cheats by venting, ffs, kiera, stop using the fucking vents!

triss gets angry whenever people are too quick to vote, like fucking hell, at least wait for the evidence to build up, you’re ruining the game! also cheats by calling yennefer up midway through the game to plot nefarious deeds of subterfuge and sabotage.

leto plays without anyone knowing it’s really him. he changes his name every time, pretending to be iorweth, roche, zoltan and even priscilla. he dutifully carries out his tasks, but he always cheats. his one mistake was playing as valdo marx one time. no one’s ever heard such a roar emit from jaskier before and for the first time, in a long time, leto feels a flicker of fear.