This Shit Is Gonna Keep Me Up At Night Istg - Tumblr Posts
▸▸ now playing: we're the only ones that know, peryodiko.
▸▸ dedicated to: park sunghoon
genre/warning(s): postbreakup au + its too late :D angst, pure angst. um, swearing, shit is unfair, fiancé!jay, unproofread. let me know if i missed something <3
note: number 60 for anon !! uhh the song is so filo so i just translated the title. anywayzzzz,,, this shit is just pure angst. jay's love confession is fluff but behind all that is just angst so,, anyway hope u like this anon !! aaaa tysm for requesting <3
wc: 1.1k
heeracha's spotify wrapped 2022 — [ open ]
the love of your life, the light in the dark, your favorite everything. after years of not seeing him, he was finally here, standing right in front of you. so fucking real. you want to jump in his arms, hug him tight and never let go.
he wanted the same, so much. but he knew he had to get a hold of himself.
he wanted the same, so much. but he knew he had to get a hold of himself.
“sunghoon,” his name fell off your lips which caused a soft chuckle fall off his lips, smiling. he hasn’t heard you say his name in awhile, and he fucking missed it. he liked his name, but he loved it even more when you said it.
“hey, you two met!”
then, just like that. you remembered.
you and sunghoon broke up years ago because he had to go away. you were together until you drove him to the airport, watch him leave as he reluctantly leaves you behind. then just like that, you two didn’t reach out, knowing it would be difficult for you two. years later, you met jay who swept you off your feet and patiently waited for you until you two got together.
jay. your fiancé for more than ten minutes already.
you can’t believe you forgot it when you saw sunghoon.
fuck. did he watch you say yes?
he did. jay wanted to pop the question with your close friends and his. sunghoon went home for jay because he wanted him there. what sunghoon didn’t expect was the person jay wanted to spend the rest of his life with was the same as sunghoon wanted with.
“you two know each other?” jay asks as he kisses your cheek, wrapping his arm around your waist with a big smile on his face.
“uh, yeah,” you say with a chuckle. “we met in college, we’re in the same batch. so, yeah.”
“small world.” sunghoon says, forcing a smile as he looks at how jay clings to you. it used to be him, but of course, it’s not him anymore.
“really is.” jay agrees and you hum, clearing your throat.
“i’m gonna go to sunoo.” you say and jay looks at you. “i haven’t seen her yet.” you added and jay nodded, kissing your forehead. “nice to see you again, sunghoon.” you mumble and sunghoon nods, feeling his heart clench at the name. you pull away from jay, giving him a squeeze on his hip as you feel awkward giving him a kiss in front of him.
“i guess i don’t have to worry anymore if you like them or not, then?” jay says with a soft chuckle and sunghoon hum.
“i like them a lot, don’t worry.” sunghoon says.
he loved you. so much.
even now, still.
the party went on, everyone was eating, others were chatting with their friends and others were dancing in the middle where jay proposed to you. you and jay, of course, were in the middle dancing slowly to the song that was playing. jay’s arms were around your waist, his cheek against the side of your head as your arms were around his neck, nose on your arm.
“i love you so much.” jay mumbles. “i loved you, i love you now, and i will keep loving you.” he whispers into your hair as he softly presses a kiss on your hair, closing his eyes as he sways you both into the music.
“i love you, too.” you softly answer, eyes tearing.
eyes on sunghoon.
sunghoon on the other end, staying with jake and heeseung who were in their own world talking. sunghoon’s eyes were on you. he didn’t know what to do. this was not what he had on mind when he imagined seeing you again after so long.
jay softly pulls away when you unconsciously sniffle, cupping your cheeks. “something wrong?” he softly asks, eyes staring into yours. you pull your eyes away from sunghoon right away, looking at your fiancé. god, your fiancé… who isn’t sunghoon.
“no.” lie. “nothing.” another lie.
“are you sure?” jay asks and you nod.
“i just…” you softly trail off, sniffling. “thank you for loving me so much.”
jay smiles, pressing his lips against your forehead. you close your eyes, tears were squeezed out of your eyes. “thank you for letting me.” jay answers, wrapping his arms around you again. “and for loving just as much.”
from afar, sunghoon knew that wasn’t the case. yes, you were thankful for jay. but sunghoon truly knows the true meaning behind your tears. you thought it was going to be him in jay’s spot and so did sunghoon. it was unfair. life is so fucking unfair.
but it was more unfair for jay.
so, sunghoon put his drink down, walking up to you and jay. “hey,” he says and jay pulls one arm off you, turning around as his other arm that was still around you pulls you closer against him. you look at sunghoon with sad eyes, but sunghoon forces a smile.
“i have to go.” he says.
“already?” jay says with a frown. “it’s not even 11 yet, are you sure?”
“yeah.” sunghoon says with a chuckle. “my boss just texted. he needed some files for tomorrow and… yeah.” he lies, smiling. you were the only one who could tell that he was lying. that the smile was so fake. “just enjoy your night. congratulations. i hope nothing but the very best for you.”
sunghoon looks at you with a smile and you force one, nodding as you mumble a thank you. even if it wasn’t him, he wanted you to be happy.
“okay, then.” jay frowns, pulling away from you as he pulls sunghoon into a hug. “it was great seeing you.”
sunghoon looks at you as more tears stream down your cheeks. sunghoon fights the urge to wipe your tears and tell you everything will be okay. that he’s okay, and you will be, too.
“it was great seeing you, too.” sunghoon says, not taking his eyes off you.
he pulls away, smiling at jay and turns to you, holding his hand out. “congratulations. you’re very lucky.” sunghoon chuckles and you put your hand in his as he softly squeezes your hand. something he used to do to comfort you when you were feeling down.
“i really am.” you mumble.
“nah,” jay disagrees, laughing. “i’m the lucky one.”
sunghoon hums, smiling. he couldn’t agree more.
he pulls his hand away and you feel like he took your heart along. “i’ll be going.” he says and you hum.
“take care.” you softly say.
“text me, okay?” jay says and sunghoon nods, smiling. he walks away, waving as his eyes linger on you. jay looks at you with a smile and you smile back at him. sunghoon knew he had to get out of there. for his sake, your sake and jay’s sake.
everyone knew you were in jay’s arms, but only sunghoon knew your eyes were on him.
you and sunghoon were the only ones that knew.
that you still love each other.
— likes, rbs, comments/feedbacks are highly appreciated <3