The Truth Undelivered - Tumblr Posts

The truth undelivered

Have you ever had a secret that you have kept that you can not say. Like you know if you say it, it will change things. I mean a truth that can bring awareness to the people around you that hero worships someone that doesn't deserve it.

Well i have kept a big secret like that for longer than necessary. There is an elder in my family who is deemed to be righteous. He has been the exemplary son in law to my grandparents and has even helped out with my father's sickness and even until he died. He is someone who is well respected and loved by many. He is even an elder at church and a well respected head teacher for so many years but behind closed doors he is a pedophile.

So when i was 12 my aunt asked me to run some hot water for him to bath, because we had no geyser, i had to get hot water from the kitchen and bring it to the bathroom which was at the end of the corridor of a very big house. It was at night and everyone was in the other end of the house.

So he actually heard me going to the bathroom and came after me and waited in a dark corner so that he can grab me. He grabbed me and closed my mouth so that i can't scream and then started molesting me, kissing my neck. I was scared and terrified out of my skin, i was shocked that a man who was a father figure to me, a man i trusted so much could do something like this, and to top it all my father was sick and bedridden in the room close by. So i was afraid if i tell him he would die of stress and so i kept quiet also I was afraid people were going to blame me.

People used to say my eyes were always a problem so i started blaming myself. I mean my mother was not even alive to defend me. She was not even present for me to run to her and tell what hac happened to me so i just went outside in the dark and cried by myself. And i asked myself so many questions that still to this day i have no answers to. Did i do something to suggest that i liked it? Did he think i was old enough to want it? Am i that kind kind of person who deserve that kind of treatment?

Years later i reflected maybe should i have said something? Could i have saved at least one more person? Did someone fall victim to this evil uncle as well or even more than i did?

My cousin told me that when she was 15 he wanted to sleep with her. Im not sure what kind of advances he made towards her but she reported him to our aunt who did nothing to help my cousin out. Im sure she has been bullied her whole life and she was scared too. Aren't we all cowards? Or are we strong but stupid? Im confused.

When i was 25 i had been travelling and my aunt and uncle were meant to pick me up from the city to drive me home to our home town. I was delayed so we ended leaving the city towards the end of the day and my aunt haf made other plans already. That left me and my uncle alone. He then made an excuse and said that he had made prior arrangements with his friends to watch soccer together at a nearby hotel halfway point along the way home from the city.

Since i was the one who had caused delays i could not complain so we went together to the hotel and then i sat by the bar waiting for them to finish the game which ended around midnight and then we went on our way home. Tbh i had suppressed what had happened to me when i was 12 so i had no fear of him at all and i did not suspect anything. I trusted him completely.

So when he took the opposite road home i was like whaaat and wheeere are we going? And he was like oh yeah i need to pee. But we just left the hotel with very clean and nice toilets i mean. Okayyyy So i started praying inwardly because i started panicking inside my head. Ot was so dark and no person in sight. The area was like a forest and there was mist so many trees. He sped for like 30 minutes and then he stopped the car all of a sudden and then he kept quiet. You could tell the internal conflict was, the battle he was fighting was big. So i kept praying.

Then he just opened the door and went outside came back made a u-turn and we were on our way home. Then he said ah dear, why are you so calm were you not scared that i could rape you? I mean look outside its so dark and nobody is around, you could scream and shout and no one would ever hear you. I just had a nervous laugh and then went quiet and kept praying all the way back home.

Have you ever looked at someone and wondered what people see in them? Or have you ever wondered if you have not kept quiet how many people you could have saved? I think he did this to so many people being an influential person and respected man who is a teacher. I think so many kids' lives have been destroyed by this man but i do not jave any proof and maybe i will never have any proof. He is almost retired now.

Will we ever be able to deliver these teuths someday? Will these truths hurt me and my loved ones? Or will these truths save us?

My therapist said i will heal from this, I said I hope so...

May God help us 😪😪