The More Comfortable She Gets The More Open She Feels To Rambling Ksjdfh - Tumblr Posts

a soft laugh leaves the faerie and she shakes her head. " no, i don't. if they feel regret or remorse for what they did, then that's fine. if they don't, then... " she shrugs, " it's also fine. i don't really believe in exacting revenge myself or letting someone do that for me. it just... feels pointless to dredge up the past when i've moved on, and they probably have, too. " still, she does find it a bit sweet he'd defend her like that. whether he would or not if they'd met when they were kids was probably a different story, but that time didn't matter to her anymore.

" yeah, i never really understood why people say your school years are your best years. they certainly weren't for me. i also think it teaches kids to not hope for their adult years, that when they're a kid, that's the happiest they'll ever be. " but maybe that's just what agatha thinks. sure, adult life comes with a lot of hardships and responsibility, but it doesn't mean it has to be devoid of passion and joy and hope. and for those like her, who had a terrible time, it doesn't mean adulthood will be just as dark. though for agatha, it had certainly been that way for some time. she does wish someone could've told her it wouldn't always be that way, that she would find hope again.

when nnoitra talks of happiness, her smile grows and she nods. " i understand that. i hope... i can contribute to your happiness. because i do want to make you happy, nnoitra, and i hope that's something you look forward to. " she wants to be one of the reasons behind his smile, one of the reasons he gets excited to see a notification on his phone. agatha knows only time will really tell if they'll be happy together, but... she does believe they will be.

If she'd told him: I don't wanna talk about it, he wouldn't have held it against her. He could hardly imagine himself sit there and vent about his insecurities. Then again, he wasn't a girl. Girls LIKED talking about their feelings. It was different for guys. He preferred this type of setting, where he wasn't the one doing most of the talking. That made him sound like a good listener, which he wasn't. He was just even worse at talking.

It seemed like Agatha was REALLY opening up to him here. She told him about being the shy kid ( yeah, Nnoitra could see how that could get you bullied ), and - about being chubby as a kid. Again, definitely something you'd get bullied for. Especially if you were a girl. Nnoitra hated how he could relate to this. Not because he'd been fat - but because he'd been ( and still was ) the opposite. His build was what people had tried to bully him about. Nnoitra would've hated his build even without people commenting on it, but yeah the comments... They hadn't exactly helped.

So Agatha had kinda had an eating disorder then? Nnoitra knew more about that sort of thing than he wanted to. Because he'd been accused of having an eating disorder about a million times.

Agatha had gone through a lot. To Nnoitra, it seemed unfair. She just wasn't the sort of girl HE would've bullied. Or, maybe he would've, if he'd seen her back then. She wasn't overweight now. She didn't stutter. She was kinda shy but not overly so. Her eyes? They were really pretty. Nothing to make fun of there. And glasses? Who the fuck cared if you wore glasses? If anything, they just made you look smart.

Nnoitra was relieved to notice that her telling her story actually made him sympathize more with her. His I-don't-give-a-shit-about-other-people's-problems-attitude faded a little. He'd thought it was pathetic that she got traumatized by bullying, but - when she described it? He could KIND OF understand it. She'd felt weak and afraid. Two of the worst feelings in the world. Feelings Nnoitra had had only a select few times, and yeah - those had been some of his worst moments. Imagine feeling like that for years.

He hadn't interrupted her while she spoke. Just listened while he watched her fidget, like she was uncomfortable. She'd soldiered on though, and told him the whole thing. He wondered what it had cost her. He had no words of comfort. What was he supposed to say? He'd just say what he wanted to, regardless. That was just who he was.

❝ 'N ya still don't wanna get revenge? I bet ya'd feel better if a couple 'a yer bullies ended up in 'da hospital. ❞ Yeah, of course he'd jump right to what he'd wanna do. But also -

❝ Even 'ta me, it sounds depressin' as fuck, thinkin' that High School 's supposed 'ta be 'da best time 'a yer life. ❞ High School hadn't been too bad for him, actually ( until he got stabbed in the eye, that is ). But it wasn't the best time of his life. ❝ If I could choose when my happiest time would be, I'd want it 'ta be later down 'da road, yanno? So I got somethin' 'ta look forward 'ta. ❞ A reason to keep going. If he KNEW he'd be happy again, then maybe he wouldn't feel so fucking down all the fucking time. He wondered if he'd just made Agatha feel worse. Or better. Probably neither.