Speedo Boy - Tumblr Posts
Brad and Chris were like soap opera stars. You could switch them out of a scene, put in new peeps to play the same characters, and for whatever reason, people are ok with that.
"Easy?” No. That wasn't correct. “Difficult?”Nope. That didn't feel right.
Brad kept guessing.
"Shoot! What was that word?” Brad could not get it past the tip of his tounge.
“It’s what happens to my boyfriends hee-haw when he wears silk underwear. It gets… blank.”
It was then his neighbor Becky chimed in with the option for Brad and Chis to adopt but not before clarifying the term “hee haw” referred to the Peter of his Mary.
It did.
With that resolved, the conversation then moved on to the newest color, electric gray. Becky couldn’t remember which of the two made it up. There was no way that was real.
Brad’s ‘gay uncle’ Rod Harden cast him in his first film role as Beverly the Beverage Boy in the NC-17 flick Palm Springs Resort Ruckus.
To decompress from Sebastian’s crab infested fashion shoot, Brad slipped into his Y2K Baywatch cosplay per Becky’s suggestion. It always put Brad in a good mood and Becky had a thing for time pieces.
What Brad couldn’t get past was why he was hired to model the ill designed lobster jacket and not his boyfriend Chris. One would think a photographer named Sebastian would hire a model under the ‘C’.
Catching a healthy dose of A-tude in the sails, Becky pointed out that Brad was being a ‘B.’ It took one to know one so…
That’s when Chris shouted, “And scene”from the half bath adding the three should really consider dumping seafood altogether. He couldn’t make it past the front hall half bath after grabbing Captain D’s.
Brad and Becky agreed things didn’t need to progress down the line any further. The use of E was dropped somewhere after the millennium and before the drop of Madonna's MDNA album. Chris then added Molly seemed to be holding on as the go to term diving into this whole rave culture redo.
Brad and Becky found Chris' comment about as insightful as those of a field reporter on the local news.
Chris made bath time SOOOOO much fun.
It was at that moment Chris fell into a blissful state of wonder. What was he thinking? Was he thinking? What was thinking anyway?
Chris would snap out of it once the tide rolled in enough to cover his bulge. It was nature's way of saying 'the show's over folks!'
It was undoubtedly one up from a fat lady singing. That saying never made sense to Chris. His boyfriend Brad explained how it came to be to Chris umpteen times, and even with his boyfriend's use of AI infused flow charts and digital puppetry, the concept was never fully grasped.
Did most operas really end with a fat lady singing? #1 Boring #2 It would be ridiculous if not patronizing. Chris knew there was no way, every series on Netflx would just happen to end with the same character. How then did it happen for opera? It read more than coincidental and was just plain fishy.
The entire notion finally came together for Chris when he read on operasense.com only 3.3% of Americans actually attend opera. His sanity was further underscored when he learned almost four times as many Americans watched Netflix using someone else's password.
All was good with the world.
Brad would pass on OperaSense stock options the following day.
Chris’ honeycomb was big. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Ok now.... Inhale!
Chris spent a lot of time perfecting a hands-free mind-nipple connection.
Brad knew there was no more clear or better place to be free to express yourself, to be who you are without judgement, and to promote positive self image of men who like men, than a fiercely competitive nationally televised drag competition that culminated in a paraded showdown of its self-proclaimed losers deemed so via unquestioned, ambiguous, and unwritten rules.
Did you get all of that? Read it again if you need to. The library will be open for a minute.
It was true. Just in the last ten minutes of that show viewers were forced to jump through more flossy hoops than in Fergie’s earring collection just to justify their own sanity and get hooked for another episode. It was hardly surprising straight women could relate. When it came to meeting the many sets of expectations and double standards put forth by society, were we not all consumed in various orders of intricate dance?
Brad knew he could make anything WERK in part because as a gay man he had to from the get go. He could make whatever was thrown at him WERK in the very same sense slapping the word irony on anything instantly made it ironic. The difference of course being irony didn’t actually take any work. What presented itself on the show was WERK, a hole different level (yes, hole is spelled correctly), and according to gay legend that made drag OK.
Anyone could make something ironic, and it’s usually by accident. Where it gets tricky is doing it with any thread of intention. You sure better make like Madonna and make it an art or you are that person wearing the printed t-shirt and the embroidered hat that does speak truth as proclaimed but don’t realize it’s actually about them.
Eeek. That’s always painful to come across for many reasons. For one, it’s a good guess the poorly threaded failed to friend any gay men or black women because neither have the time for something like that. Each would save the other a step at the register and likely ask for the money since they’re just throwing it away anyway.
Slap a WERK on instead, and what you already knew to be nothing is suddenly something because the gays navigate more than a google of hoops just to walk out that front door. Yes. That was worth repeating.
That’s right. No need to ask ladies, the ‘Amens!’ are are all up in here already. It is just how it is right now. At least that’s what it felt like to Brad.
As many in the erotic dancer and male model industries, Brad held no doubt that show went mainstream via the same well mirrored thread as the flick Pretty Woman just with the reverse set of players. Not everyone was on board, but it was enough sassy razzle dazzle in the right place at the right time with just enough tattered frames of attention to get through.
Both earned enough money to let ruffled feathers go, and it remain tolerated by the others as it’s understood as a one time deal. Once deemed ironic something can’t be made more ironic. The same notion apparently applied here.
Brad also knew if you make the impossible WERK the first time, you’re not going to go through it again. It’s far too exhausting and who wants to live by the skin of their teeth where they already do? You’ve been there. You are there. You made it happen, and any decent queen knows how to make her peace…
‘Did everyone not see the mf rain just now?!? Sky. Water. Fell. You’re welcome. Ok then. I gots to go!’
The door slams and that’s what happened.
WERK!
The show goes on because it must.
It was here Brad heard the snap of his own finger.
Pulled out of his own thoughts and still leaning against the palm tree in his shiny new speedo, Brad realized he was really gay. Like really really REALLY gay.
Brad let out a sigh and took note of his bulge.
Well, that certainly explained having a boyfriend.
It explained quite a bit actually.
Looking at things a little closer, Brad could say this much as to his newly realized gayness…
As long as he put out, Brad felt confident his boyfriend Chris would be ok with everything.
And that he was.
Well felt like a deep subject to Chris. Could his boyfriend Brad circle back to Barbiecore bulge’s? It was much more interesting and felt quiet relevant. Maybe Brad could feel it too.
Hocus POTUS!
Make Presidents Day Gay Again!!!
XOXO Brad and Chris
Deep down, Brad and Chris’ neighbor Luke knew there was an “I” “aye” or “eye” in team. He just didn’t know which one.
ARRR!
Chris felt the need to clarify. It wasn’t being green that was easy. He would never assume to know what being green felt like. The thought was preposterous.
What Chris was saying was that he was easy and it was sometimes difficult wearing green. The tone needs to be correct or it may look sick in the way where you lose weight. Chris was happy with his muscle mass.
This shade of green seemed to work. Did his boyfriend Brad see the difference in what he said vs what was heard? Did Brad appreciate the shade of green of his Speedo? He tried on ten pairs for their neighbor Luke to land on this.
Chris raised his arms to showcase the minimal fabric. Brad saw the difference as well as their neighbor Luke’s naughty nature. It matched his own.
As his boyfriend, Brad always stood behind Chris when things got hard. Seeing the the degree of difficulty mastered in Chris’ showcase pose, Brad offered to get his boyfriends back right then and there. Was that ok?
Chris failed to answer and continued to look for that invisible pencil he dropped while posing for Brad. It was a good thing they took a lot of time to find in the sand. That bend and snap was nothing short of a tease.
Chris’ was getting upset. He just bought those swimmers too.
UGH! They weren’t easy to find the first time. If it weren’t for the sale sign, Chris never would have never seen them at the Speedo Plant Print Plant Factory Store.
The weirdest part was his unit was also missing. How the hell did that fall off? And, how did he not feel something like that?!?
Mystery abounded.
Chris tried to remain calm. What he needed to do was come up with a plan.
After taking two deep breaths Chris decided to give himself two more minutes of searching. If his suit or his balls didn’t show up then he’d call in his boyfriend Brad for help.
Chris then looked up at the sky, crossed his fingers, and hoped to Cher. Sure enough, Chris’ swimmers showed up less than a minute later when he stood up in the shallows and put his hands on his hips.
Ta-da!!!
Screw organic! These up and down horizontal stripes really made Brad feel skinny.
Brad and Chris were in love… with the Speedo Plant Print Plant Factory Store just off the 405 in Orange County. Full coverage practically half off!
In case you’re wondering. Yes. It can never be too gay.
Chris was one juicy fruit
Just the Fashion Tip #482: It’s gay to be gay.
That’s funny.
Chris didn’t remember putting on a yellow Speedo this morning…
Chris was cool with it just so long as there was one red flag. Things got messy when that became plural.
That’s when Chris asked his boyfriend Brad if he was speaking in tongues. He was pretty sure he still had one. Maybe Brad could count for him.