Please Do Not Steal - Tumblr Posts
Recent painting!
NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO BE SAVED
How do you save someone who doesn’t want to be saved? How do you save someone who is so far gone down the rabbit hole they can longer see the light? How do you save someone who is drowning but breathes the water as if it is oxygen? How do you save someone who doesn’t want a hero?
Every day I watch as she becomes more unreachable and unhinged. I don’t know what I should do anymore. It hurts watching her descend further and further from reality. For her reality is too painful to accept. It hurts that I can’t help her. It hurts even more that she doesn’t want my help.
Not even while sleeping is she at peace. I watch her twist and turn. I watch as the moon light hits her face, before it made her look more beautiful, peaceful and elegant, now it is a painful reminder of what was. I watch her face contort in pain. She starts whimpering, no later her soft whimpers turn to screams so horrid they would put the proudest of banshees to shame. Through all of this, as always, I remain by her side whispering sweet nothings until the early hours of the morning.
I do all of this for her…
The mornings after these episodes, she refuses to call them nightmares, are the worst. She becomes angrier, more violent and hateful “because the world is at fault not me”. She recoils further down that hole. I want to take it all in stride, be stoic or impassive but I cannot.
I do all of this for her…
On a rare occasion she told me she loves me. My heart could not take it. It hurts to know she loves someone who cannot even save her.
I am tempted to ask her why she loves, when she can do better. I am close to telling her that she could have better because she deserves that and much more.
But I am selfish…
I want and need her. I am afraid if I do tell her she will realise I am right and find better, but I also want her with me.
I am conflicted…
She is my everything. That is why I want to save her, be her hero even if she doesn’t want. But it hurts. Yes, she is my everything but she causes me so much pain. It is no longer me wanting to save her. I need to save her for my own sanity.
I want us to be happy again. To go back to how things were, before she started drowning, before she went down that hole, before she needed to be saved.
But I am willing to stay by her side forever or for as long as she will have me…
???
Sitting on the roof, crying yet again. Used to come up here to enjoy the beautiful scenery, just taking a moment to see and feel. Now I come here to hide and weep. This is the only place I feel safe. It protects me. Here I can’t see their judgemental stares. Here I can’t hear their venomous words. Here I am secure.
They have worn me down. I am tired and at my limit. I can no longer enjoy the scenery, for it no longer seems real. Through my clouded vision it looks blurry as if it were a mirage. This is one of the many things they have taken from me.
I no longer belong in a world where I am an outcast. A world where I am not loved. A world where I am labelled as defective. A world where I will never be loved.
I will forever be alone and surely, I will never be missed.
“Wait! Don’t jump.” I open my eyes and see I am about a foot away from going over the edge. I don’t even know when I closed my eyes. “Wait! Don’t…”
“And why shouldn’t I?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, still hoarse from all the crying. “Why do you care anyway, no one else seems to.” I don’t look back as I feel a new wave of tears flow freely down my face.
Before I understand what is happening, I feel arms wrap protectively around me. “I’m not gonna lie and say I understand your pain fully but I do understand how much it hurts. I know yours is different but I also know what it feels like to be in that place. That is why I can be kind to you and care.”
I stand there on the roof in the arms of a stranger crying my eyes out. I don’t know how long we stand there, but eventually I calm down enough to be able to form coherent sentences. “I still don’t understand. Why comfort me. Someone who has been deemed strange, defective, unusual and unworthy of something as basic as love.”
“Because like I said I know what it’s likes to reach this point. What it’s like to be where you are now. What it’s like to be hurting. Someone once said, “Knowing what it feels to be in pain, is exactly why we try to be kind to others.” That is why I’m comforting you. Why I am helping you.”
“Sorry but you are kind of too late. This one act of random kindness is not enough to combat the countless acts of cruelty.”
“NO!”…..
Outdoor photography
A little do da sketch I did of my OC Ethan. Ethan is a pastel goth selkie who enjoys nothing more than cute things and Sweet treats 🍭
Reblogging because I just really like how Ridge turned out:)
My reaper man Ridge!
This was just a quick sketch I did last night. Maybe one day I’ll make it into a bigger piece but I just really liked how he turned out.:)
So this cool story has sat for years and I just got around to editing it. Remember this good little sketch of a guy? Love him. That's Ridge:) He's in this fic. Give it a read if you like. Or are a board. Whichever:) Thank YOU in advance if you do! Much love and Best regards.
Did a little doodle doo of my reaper Ridge🥀❤️
Ignore the bad hand, and the OC ask thing(that’s for a story I’m working on), and ignore the bad scenery lol. It’s supposed to be the sea but you know.
I was semi proud of this little pen doodle lol. It was part of a sketch dump that I don’t want to share, sorry:/
But hey! You can read some short stories involving him on my ao3 here if you want:)
Just rewrite this fic of mine! It’s my OC’s Ladon and Ridge. Who I adore with all my being. If you want a short, sweet, and cheeky read have a go!